Chapter
2
“Yes, I’m on way home now
Mama,” Howie spoke into his cell phone. He had insisted on driving himself
to the home he shared with his parents. He carefully guided his car into
the crowded driveway of his home. As usual Howie’s parents had arranged a
home coming party for their youngest son. Howie usually enjoyed these,
but this time he just wasn’t in the mood. It simply reminded him of the
fact that in a few months he would be leaving again to rejoin his dysfunctional
family (his band mates.) Maybe if he went in the back way he could avoid
the entourage of… Too late.
“Howie!!” A large flock of
people, casually referred to as Howie’s family members, came towards Howie,
hands outstretched. Howie was forced to put a happy smile on his face as
he was hugged, kissed, pinched, and squeezed by relatives. He frowned
inwardly as he realized that he had expected for Caroline to be there.
Then even if she couldn’t show up, she would call.
“Howie,” Howie felt his mother’s arms
around him. She kissed his cheeks and took his face between her palms.
He knew she knew what he was thinking.
“She’s still here Howie, in spirit,”
Paula Dorough told her son gently. She then pulled his arm to take
him inside the house.
Within hours Howie was up to date with
everyone’s lives, and stories, and up to his elbows in food. He
couldn’t help but think he should have brought Nick home with him. He
would have loved this. Howie saddened thinking of him, then the others.
He looked up to suddenly catch his mother’s eyes on him. He knew
that meant they would be talking later. For months talkative Howie
Dorough hadn’t wanted to talk about anything, but now… Now Howie actually felt
talking might be good. Maybe his mother could give him advice on the
things he couldn’t quite understand, or come to grip.
He was caught in the middle of one of
those father-uncle arguments that never went anywhere but on… and on, and on.
He glanced up and caught his mother’s beckoning eyes. His out! He
wasted no time in seizing his opportunity, “Mamma needs me for a bit Dad.
I’ll…I’ll…uh…be back later.” Phew! Howie slipped out of the kitchen and through
his aunts who were gossiping, nothing new there.
“Lets go to your room,” Paula directed
Howie towards the back hallway. Howie followed her, dragging his feet.
Though he felt talking might help to ease his problem, he felt reluctant to do
it. He hated admitting his problems out loud, and this time he was
not only admitting to his problems, but the problems of his friends as well.
“Are you alright Howie?” Paula asked
him immediately. Howie didn’t know the correct answer to that question.
He sat down in front of his mother on the king-sized bed. “Mama…
I…I …” He didn’t know where to begin. So many things in his life were
going downhill, so many words were blowing though his mind. He stared at
his mother as he felt warm tears coursing down his face. They snaked
their way from his eyes down his cheeks and onto his mother’s hand as she held
his face between her palms.
“I know things have been hard for you
Howie. You still blame yourself for Carrie, and Howie she would not want
you to be doing this to yourself. Howie, Carrie would never blame you for
anything, she loved you. She didn’t pass on thinking that you didn’t
care. She knew you loved her, she knew you were on your way. She
would have loved to have seen you, but she felt you instead. She passed
knowing that she was very loved Howard,” Paula said taking his hand, “I know
you have heard this before, but now it is time that you listen hijo. You cannot
go on living your life this way. I have seen you, and I have seen you
with your group. You look sad and distant, you are not looking toward
your own future anymore, but lost in a past you cannot change. “
“But Mama,” Howie tried to speak
through his tears, “it’s so hard to forget…”
“I never said forget baby, I said
forgive,” Paula brushed away a stray curl from Howie’s forehead.
“Grieving time is over honey, now it is time for recovery. Carrie would
want it to be this way. She would not want to know that her family was depressed
and sad years after her passing, wasting their lives in mourning. You remember
how she was? She hated laziness, and if she were here now she would hate to see
you sitting here like this!” Paula smiled watching a smile grow on her youngest
child’s tear stained face. She hated seeing her children in so
much pain.
He laughed, he laughed genuinely,
“You’re right Mama. She would probably be yelling at me right now…
And she probably is, up in heaven yelling at me right now and probably has been
yelling at me for a while, but I just haven’t been listening.”
Paula smiled encouragingly, “Now I’m
sure you will.” She and her youngest son sat in a pleasant silence for a few
moments.
“Mama, Caroline isn’t all that’s
bothering me now,” Howie began slowly.
Paula raised an eyebrow she had been
waiting for this conversation too, “Oh?”
“No, Mama, it’s the guys and me.
We… well it’s not that we don’t like each other anymore, it’s more like
we’ve grown apart. Everybody is going through their own problems, and not
really leaving much time for the group. And the worst part about it is…
we don’t even care enough anymore to try to help each other with our problems.
It’s like we don’t care anymore. Everyone has just shut
themselves off. Well except Nick, he’s been like a model member since
everyone started acting, ya know, distant. I think the real reason we
still have a group is that kid, “Howie looked past his mother at a family
photograph from the 70’s hanging on the wall.
Paula nodded, “As I said before, I’ve
seen you boys together. Do you know what has happened to everyone that
makes them all act so strangely?”
Howie shook his head sadly.
“Then that is what you need to find
out Howie. If you want this problem solved, you all have to help each
other. Call them Howie, call them and talk. Get them to talk about
what is going on in their lives that brings them so much pain, and you talk
about yourself. It’ll bring you this much closer,” Paula made a hand
gesture that resembled a pinch to show Howie how close she was talking
about.
Howie smiled lightly, “But Mama, it’s
been so long. What if they don’t wanna talk?”
“Howie, lets talk about you for a
moment, ok?”
“Ok.”
“You love to sing, and perform right?”
“Yes,” Howie nodded.
“Do you want to stop now?” she pursued
him.
“No,” Howie looked shocked.
“Do you want to keep your group
together to keep doing what you love?”
Now Howie knew where this was going,
“Yes Mama.”
“Then you must talk to them,” Paula
said, “Only then will you start to reestablish those bonds you used to share.
Invite AJ over for lunch or dinner, or drive over to see Nick. Call Brian
and Kevin up and see how they are doing. Let them know you care.
And once that fact is established, then the real healing can begin.”
Howie was nodding all the while his
mother spoke. He knew she spoke the truth, and also knew that this wasn’t
going to be easy. He had to do it though, if he wanted to save the group,
and most importantly, his friendships.
***
