Chapter
24
Cancelled.... The word rang out like a
school bell in Aaron Carters mind as he stared at the television ahead of him.
MTV news had announced the cancellation of the rest of the Into The
Millennium Tour. They were supposed to meet in Canada... was all Aaron
could think about.
He hadn’t seen his brother in months,
this double scheduling where Aaron was going to perform in Canada at the same
time Nick and the guys were performing too was going to be their reunion.
Though Aaron had never really spoken this over with Nick... but Nick was
just too hard to get a hold of these days. Especially since he moved out!
Aaron found himself playing a never-ending battle of phone tag with his
older brother... and now his older sisters. BJ and Leslie had
disappeared mysteriously close to the night the Backstreet Boys announced they
weren’t going to continue on with the tour. Aaron just knew it had
something to do with Nick, he could feel it.
Nick had been having problems... and
Aaron couldn’t say that he wasn’t worried, or scared. Nick had been a
walking mess a few months ago. He had stopped eating, stop seeing people,
just stopped...everything. It was as if Nick had went on vacation but
forgot to take his body along for the trip. It had all really started after the
final day in court...
“...you’re not my son anymore! You
have disgraced me and made me look like a fool and a... a bad parent in front
of a lot of people! Aaron, Angel, Leslie, and BJ will look at me with
different eyes now.... Are you happy with yourself Nickolas... at the man
you’ve become? A man who can stab his own father in the back. Have
you become so proud so arrogant that you are no longer human? That you can no
longer look out for family. Sometimes I think that you were just a big
mistake! I married your mother because she was pregnant...and the whole
marriage has been a mistake! Nothing good has come from any of it except for
brother and sisters... who know when to look out for family...”
The argument went on for a few minutes
longer, the only sounds from Nick were quiet protests that were quickly
stifled by more hate-filled words. Aaron wanted to cry for his brother.
How could his father say those things? He heard the double doors of
the courtroom slam. After a short pause, the noise of soft weeping could
be detected. Aaron slowly crept into the courtroom to see Nick seated on
the witness stand, much like he had been earlier that evening, with his head in
his hands.
“Nick?” Aaron asked, his voice
sounding timid and shy, “Are you ok?”
Slowly Nick’s bowed head raised and
his tear-stained face gazed back at Aaron. He looked about Aaron’s age
when he wore that lost expression on his face. He shook his head
negatively and lowered his head back into his hands, his shoulders continued to
shudder as he wept. Aaron stared at his brother. Nick had always been
the strong one who protected and comforted him. Nick had always been the one to
say everything was going to be ok.... and now he couldn’t possibly say it.
Aaron felt a tear slide down his face as he realized that his older
brother, the one who could do no wrong, was in reality only a child, like him.
He couldn’t recall how long he sat in the courtroom, in the judges chair,
waiting for his brother’s tears to end. After what seemed like hours,
Aaron was roused from his light sleep by Nick’s gentle shaking, “You ready to
go home, bro?” His voice was shaky and rather hoarse.
Aaron’s brown eyes fixed themselves to
Nick’s blue ones, or tried to. Nick quickly averted his eyes away
and let his hand fall from Aaron’s shoulder, “Yeah... Nick,” Aaron said.
He stood slowly watching Nick as he made his way down the stairs from the
witness stand. He never glanced back to see if Aaron was following him.
Aaron frowned and jogged down the stairs to join Nick on the tiled floor,
without hesitation he threw his arms around his brother’s shaking frame.
He held on tight squeezing, waiting for Nick’s reassuring pat on the back
or tease or comment, but nothing came. It was like hugging a doll, a
life-size doll. Aaron pulled away, “Nick?”
“Lets go home Aar,” Nick said in a
voice barely above a whisper. He walked on ahead of Aaron leaving Aaron
to stare after him.
Aaron remembered that day as clear as
he remembered yesterday. He remembered Nick dropping him off in front of
the house questioning if he had a house key to let him in the house. Nick
wanted to go off for a drive, alone. No matter how much Aaron protested,
Nick remained adamant. He left alone, and returned alone late the next
morning, still in his suit covered with sand from the beach. No answers
were given for the questions thrown in his direction, he’d simply gone to his
room and locked the door. A week later he was gone, again. He was on tour
with the guys... his other brothers. Sometimes Aaron was jealous over the
amount of time Nick’s other “brothers” got to spend with him. But Aaron
relaxed this time, hoping some time on tour away from Mom and Dad would
help him some. He recollected the day Nick had returned from tour, much
thinner, and a shade paler than he had left. Mom kissed him and told him
about how wonderful he looked, when Aaron was thinking to himself how
horrible his brother looked. He was so quiet, so different... not Nick.
Everyone noticed... well everyone but BJ...
BJ was on the verge of being thrown
out of the house. She was always out, and when she did come home it
was at obscene hours... one time she came in just as the family was finishing
breakfast. She reeked of alcohol and cheap cologne. Mom/BJ yelling
matches were constant around the house. Aaron’s mother had been so happy
on her way to the airport to pick up Nick. Once Nick came home he would
straighten BJ out... or so she thought, and so Aaron had thought too. He
really thought Nick could solve the problems they had been having, but Nick had
problems of his own. Jane and Aaron had gone alone to the airport since
Leslie and Angel were spending time with Dad and BJ was out... again.
Nick’s plane was late and they had waited for a hour and a half.
Finally Nick’s flight was announced and Jane and Aaron began scanning the
masses for Nick... Who they saw they almost didn’t recognize.
“Nick?” Aaron questioned the tall
lanky gentlemen in front of him.
Nick’s smile looked painted on, “Hey
AC!”
Aaron hugged Nick uncertainly feeling
his arms close around his bones. Aaron pulled back and looked up into his
brother’s pale drawn face. Hollow blue shadows appeared under his
eyes, “What happened?”
Jane quickly shoved Aaron aside giving
Nick a hug and kiss and then appraising him as well, “You look tired dear.
I bet you are glad you’re on break. I’m glad too.... we’ve really needed
you at home Nick...”
Aaron sighed as his mother steered
Nick towards his luggage and further away from Aaron rambling on about his
father, about BJ, about the mortgage, and so on... Did his mother really
see how tired Nick looked? Or did she see and not care, because she was sure
talking to him like she didn’t. Even from behind Aaron could tell how weary
Nick was.
The house was dark when they got home.
“Where is everyone?” Nick asked looking around the empty house. His
reaction to the redecorating was shock. He actually took a step back, “Mom?”
“What?” she looked at him and followed
his gaze around the room. She smiled, “I thought it would be a great idea to
redecorate. Get rid of all those nasty memories of you father living here.
All the things he forbade me to buy, I have now.”
Nick blinked as he surveyed all the
changes. Aaron wondered if he liked any of it. Aaron knew for a fact that
he didn’t like it. The room was too artsy, Leslie and Angel had called it
tacky. “How did you pay for it?”
Jane turned to face him, her face
hurt, “I took a little money out of the account. I didn’t think you’d mind. I
mean, I just wanted to...”
“No, I don’t care Mom, it’s just...
wow,” Nick shrugged. He lifted his bags again, “My room still in the same
place?”
Jane laughed, taking Nick’s comment as
a joke. Aaron didn’t take it as one. Nick didn’t look too
happy, but then he hadn’t looked happy since he got off the plane. Maybe he
dreaded coming home and wanted to live on tour. “Yes Nicky, go on up.
Freshen up and be down in an hour though, I’m going to take my boys out
to eat.”
Aaron smiled that might be fun, maybe
Nick would lighten up when he got some food into his system.
“Mom, I’m tired... and I’m not very
hungry,” Nick said, “I think I just wanna turn in for the night.”
Both Jane and Aaron stared at him.
Aaron was more stunned with his mother’s reaction than Nick’s words.
His mother’s eyes actually opened and she was really paying attention to
Nick now. That veil that covered her eyes and made her over look her children
after the divorce lifted for a minute, “Are you alright, honey?”
Nick nodded, “I’m fine. I just need
some extra sleep.”
Jane frowned and bit her lower lip,
“Ok. Get some rest then, see you in the morning.”
How easily his mother could let things
go now. Aaron followed Nick up the stairs. The door to Nick’s room
closed as Aaron reached the top of the stairs. Should he knock, or let
him be? Aaron neared the door and saw the light go out from underneath the
cracks. Nick was really going to bed... and something was really wrong he
knew it.
He had tried to talk to his mother
about it, but he was dismissed.
“Aaron, Nick has been touring for 3
months. He needs his rest.”
“But Mom, did you see him at all?”
Aaron tried to argue, “He’s never looked that run down coming from tour. Did
you see how much weight he’s lost? That can’t be healthy.”
“Aaron, Nick put on a few extra pounds
at home and I think it’s perfectly healthy that he has lost that weight,” Jane
said, “Now if you excuse me I have a phone call to make.”
“To Kyle again?” Aaron rolled his
eyes. His mother had been on various dates since the divorce. It seemed like
she was always on call.
“Yes Aaron, to Kyle,” Jane rolled her
eyes, “and I wish you kids would give Kyle a chance. You might actually like
him. I bet Nick will give him a chance.”
Aaron rolled her eyes. She always used
Nick as some sort of roll model for him. He was perfect in her eyes, so
perfect that she couldn’t see his flaws. Because seeing his flaws would make
her have to acknowledge that maybe Nick needed help. Maybe he wasn’t so
perfect.
“Nick, please let me in,” Aaron
pleaded, he knocked on the bathroom door for the 7th time. To his
surprise the door opened and Nick stood in the doorway. Before Aaron could speak
Nick breezed by him straight to his room and locked the door.
Aaron stared after him. He felt
worry shifting around in the pit of his nervous stomach. “Mom....BJ!”
Aaron had smacked into his sister. BJ’s face was flushed with anger,
“Mom’s a stupid bitch. She can’t tell me what to do anymore! I’m moving out...”
“BJ no!” Aaron yelled wrapping his
arms around her waist. She shrugged him off. She walked past
Aaron, past Nicks’ room to her own. Her door slammed shut and locked
behind her.
Aaron stood alone in the hallway.
What was he going to do? Had everyone in his family gone crazy
but him?
“Aaron, you have rehearsal in 20
minutes, why aren’t you getting ready?” Bob Carter shook his son lightly from
his reverie.
Aaron shrugged off Bob’s hands and
stood away from him, as he had for the whole tour, “The Backstreet Boys aren’t
on tour anymore Dad.”
“What?” Bob looked surprised, “Why
not?” He actually looked a little concerned.
“Rumor has it, it has something to do
with Nick,” Aaron said flatly, “And right now Mom doesn’t know where he is.”
Bob frowned, “Well Nick’s a grown man
now, he can take care of himself.”
“Yeah, but it must be serious for them
to call off the tour,” Aaron said staring at his Dad intently.
Bob sighed and nodded, “Yeah...”
He looked down at his feet, “Aaron...” he wouldn’t make eye contact with
his son, “How... How has Nick been? I.. I saw him make a television
appearance a few months ago and...”
“He looked like shit,” Aaron said, Bob
flinched at Aaron’s harsh choice of words, “Yeah, I’m glad someone besides me
finally noticed that!”
Bob sighed, “Maybe I should try
to call him...”
“And how long has it been since you’ve
called him Dad?” Aaron demanded, “I heard the things you said to him after
the divorce. I saw what it did to him. You killed him Dad, and did you
even care? Did you even try to call him and smooth over your words.
He’s sensitive Dad, you know that! Every nasty word you said to him he
took to heart, I know he did!”
Aaron wanted to smile with pleasure at
every time he saw his father flinch from his truthful words. It was like
pouring salt in an open wound.
“Aaron, I’m sorry...” Bob began.
“Don’t apologize to me! I’m not the
one you should be apologizing to! You told Nick he was a mistake, Dad.”
Bob gasped and paled, “Aaron, how much
of that conversation did you overhear? Why would you sit and listen to the
whole thing. That’s eavesdropping!”
“You made him cry Dad... he cried in
front of me. And after that... he changed!” Aaron said glaring at his
father, “If something’s wrong with Nick then it’s your fault!”
“My fault...my fault? What about your
mother? It takes two people to get a divorce...”
“You cheated on her! You cheated and
wanted Nick to lie for you!” Aaron spat, “Well Dad I wouldn’t lie for you
either, so am I a mistake too?”
Tears fell from his father’s eyes,
“I’m sorry Aaron, and I would love to tell him I’m sorry too... but he
hasn’t... he never answers the phone when I call.”
Aaron blinked and stared at his
father, “You called him?”
Bob nodded, “I tried to reach him a
few times a month ago. Some girl answered the phone the last time... said
Nick was busy.”
“Nick’s always busy,” Aaron muttered,
“and he’s weird now.”
“Quiet, withdrawn?” Bob asked sounding
guilty.
Aaron sighed, “He was... but now he’s
not. He was so depressed Mom made him see a psychiatrist. Then
after that he changed... he got better.”
“A psychiatrist?”
Aaron narrowed his eyes, “You wouldn’t
know anything about it, Dad. You weren’t there, were you?”
“Mom was scared to death, she thought
he wanted to kill himself... and maybe he did want to, because he
certainly did stop caring. He shut himself off,” Aaron relayed to his
stunned father, “Well how the hell did you think he was gonna react Dad? Your
own Dad disowns you... He’s not indestructible! You really hurt him.”
“What else happened Aaron?” Bob said
taking Aaron’s arm and trying to pull him closer, but Aaron pulled away, “If
you wanna know you’ll have to ask someone else because I’m not telling you
anything else. This is all stuff that you could have and should have
known! I shouldn’t have been the only one trying to hold things together
between the family. Nick and BJ went crazy, Dad. Leslie threw herself
into her career, and Angel’s a different person now that I don’t even know
anymore. And you did this to us, you. Were we not good enough for you?
Were we so horrible, and such a MISTAKE that you felt you could just up and
leave, and ruin our lives like it was nothing... in fact we were such nothings
to you, you believed that if you left we wouldn’t be affected! I swear... I
hate you! I really do. The only reason why you’re here and not Mom is because
of that joint custody crap!”
Bob reared back like he had been
slapped, “Aaron you don’t mean that...”
“Don’t mean what? That I hate you? Oh
Dad, I meant that alright, and I’ll mean it tomorrow and the day after that
too! I’ve hated you since the night you told my brother he wasn’t human... when
you told him he was worth nothing to you. I hated you when you would call
and ask to speak to everyone but him.. And he knew. How could you? How
could it be that easy for you? Did you get some kind of sick pleasure out
of knowing he was miserable?” Aaron moved further away from his father, “I
think you did. I think you liked it.”
“Aaron I...”
“I want off tour Dad, I want off tour
today, I want to go home. I need to see Mom, and find out about Nick, and BJ,
and Leslie.”
“BJ and Leslie?” Bob looked surprised,
“What about them?”
Aaron simply gave Bob a cold look,
“Yeah Dad... I bet that’s just what you asked when you climbed in bed with my
ex-vocal coach.... What about your family , Bob, she probably asked... and your
response Dad... Well your response was ‘What about them?’”
With those final words echoing through
the room Aaron left the room leaving his father alone in the room with his
guilty conscious spewing horrible thoughts and feelings into his mind, and
Aaron hoped each one of them cut like the knife he had used to stab his family
in the back with.
***
