Chapter
32
Bob followed Jane’s trail nicely.
He had easily pinpointed her location and drove his rental car to the
hotel. Getting her room number wasn’t very hard either. She was
registered under her maiden name. Bob walked to the door and knocked on
the door swiftly. He heard someone walk to the door, he stood patiently
waiting to be let in, or yelled at whichever came first. Slowly the door came
open. Leslie stood behind the door staring at him.
“Hi Leslie,” Bob smiled at her, he
hadn’t seen his middle daughter in months, “How have you been?”
Leslie narrowed her eyes at him and
stepped back to let him into the room. Bob continued to smile at her,
hoping to break her down, but winning himself no points. Jane was on the
phone, “So he is there?”
“Who are you talking to Jane?” Bob
came behind Jane smoothly, causing her to jump. She glared at him, “How did you
find me?”
“It wasn’t very hard Janie. Who is
that you’re talking to? Is it Aaron, or one of Nick’s friends?”
Jane gave him a blank expression,
“Send him here.”
Bob stood watching his ex-wife for a
second, then he grabbed the phone. Jane yelled and reached for it back.
“Who is this? Where is Aaron?”
“Who the hell is this? What happened
to Jane?”
“Alexander McLean?” Bob questioned,
“Do you have my son? Did he call you to come kidnap him?”
“You don’t call people to kidnap you
Bob,” AJ’s voice snarled, “What do you keep doing that drives your kids away
from you Bob?”
“Where are you?”
“Ask your wifey.. Er- I mean ex-wifey.
By the way, how’s the mistress?”
Bob growled, “You insubordinate
disrespectful...”
“Disrespectful?” AJ laughed
humorlessly, “Bob, don’t be a hypocrite.”
“Where is my son?”
“Ask...your...wife,” AJ said curtly
before hanging up.
“What happened?” Howie stared at AJ
who had slammed down the receiver angrily.
“Bob Carter.”
“Oh,” Howie said flatly, “I suppose he
wants Aaron back, huh?”
“Yeah,” AJ nodded, “I guess we’d
better prepare for a visit from Bob tonight too.”
Howie groaned, “Maybe we should just
take Aaron back and avoid a confrontation. We don’t need Nick to get all upset
again.”
AJ frowned, “Yeah... but Howie have
you seen him and Aaron together? Aaron is like some sort of wonderful
medicine for him.”
Howie nodded, “I’ve seen them. But
I’ve also seen Nick when one of his parents shows up... and Bob is the one he
resents the most.”
“Bob is the one I resent the most,” AJ
growled, “I swear if I see him I’ll kick his ass.”
Howie snickered, “That’s what Kevin
said he would do to your Dad if he had the nerve to show his face.”
AJ grinned, “Really? He said that?”
“Oh yeah, he said he wanted to break
your dad over his knee like a stick,” Howie said.
“I’d love to see it,” AJ said with a
smile, “I wonder if he can do a two-for-one and break Nick’s dad too.”
Howie smiled back, “Yeah, that’d be
great. I’ll have to buy more popcorn though.”
“You’re crazy D,” AJ laughed. He
turned to go up the stairs to warn everyone about the Bob Carter Threat.
“So’s he getting better?” Aaron was
asking Brian. He sat on the bed beside his brother’s sleeping form.
Every now and again Nick’s hand would squeeze Aaron’s and Aaron would
smile and rub his brother’s back to let him know he was still there.
“He was trying to eat earlier, but
Jane ruined all chances of that happening tonight,” Brian sighed, “He hadn’t
thrown up in a few days. He just started again after your mother left.
Aaron’s eyes blazed, “Damn them both.”
Brian’s eyes widened, he’d never heard
Aaron use such harsh language, but after spending an hour with him, he’d
realized there was much he hadn’t heard. Aaron was a different person
than the last time Brian had spent time with him. He had grown up so much
Brian barely knew what to say to him anymore. He wasn’t bubbly and
carefree, but serious and cautious. His concern for his older siblings
was touching. He worried not only for Nick, but for BJ, and Leslie.
He worried about his twin still in California staying with friends. He
had watched his whole family fall apart before his very eyes, and for a while
he felt he was the only person in the world who cared enough to want to fix it.
“They just don’t understand how much
damage they’ve done,” Aaron was saying, “Dad says he’s sorry, and he’s cries
and complains that Nick won’t talk to him... But then if you really think
about how hard he has actually tried to talk to him you can’t feel sorry for
the guy. If he really wanted to talk to Nick, he could have. He
just didn’t feel like being bothered. He knew Nick was going through a rough
time, and he didn’t want to be tangled up in that. He figured Nick could get
over it himself, and once he started acting and looking like himself again, he
would try to weasel his way back in. I mean that’s not what he said, but
you know that’s what he would have done!”
Brian nodded, “And how do you feel
about me Aaron, about us? We weren’t very good friends...”
“I hated you guys for awhile too. Nick
spent more time you with than me, so I thought I could count on you guys to see
something was wrong, to help him. But you were like Mom, you didn’t see him.
But I couldn’t hate you like I hated Mom, because I knew you guys didn’t
see him because maybe you were preoccupied, you had your own problems. None of
you seemed too happy during the tour. I know you fell on hard times...
Mom, just didn’t want to see any faults in her kids. And then any she did see,
she saw them as an axe to hack at Dad with, not an actual problem for her to
deal with. My brother and sisters transformed into different beings Brian.
It felt like I stayed the same, but they all changed. But now
as I sit here and talk to you, or look in BJ or Nick’s eyes...I feel like I’ve
changed too. Have I changed Brian, am I different?”
Brian blinked and sized the twelve
year old up. Yes, Aaron, you’re different Brian wanted to yell. You’ve
turned into a little old man. But he didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
Aaron was incredible. Instead of rebelling like his siblings he instead
grew older. He seemed to be the primary caretaker in the family now. Sure, he’d
cried when he first arrived and saw Nick and BJ, but immediately afterward he
took charge. He questioned BJ about her eating habits, had she been
eating properly. Sometimes when she worried, she didn’t. He’d sat down
and talked with Nick. Nothing too deep, he seemed to know just what to say to
put Nick at ease and get him to sleep soundly.
“You’ve grown up Aaron,” Brian said
finally, “You’re not the little boy that I remember from last year.”
Aaron smiled, “Everyone says that I’ll
have an ulcer by the time I’m 16. These guys will kill me.” He
nodded towards Nick, but it was also apparent on his face that he included all
his siblings in “these guys.” He gave Nick another pat, “But I love em’
all, and they’re what holds me together. I could easily fall apart like all of
them have, but what would happen to them? Who’s gonna help BJ up the stairs
when she comes in too sloshed to think straight late at night... Who’s gonna convince
Mom to let her stay? Who’s gonna cover Leslie up at night when she
collapses on the couch, at her desk, on a chair so tired from working herself
so hard she couldn’t even make it to bed or get undressed. Who’s gonna
nag Angel to eat decent meals. She’s trying to make herself into a Barbie doll
Brian. A Barbie! She thinks she needs to lose 10 pounds. She’s
starting to take after Nick, and it scares me. I mean, she’s not doing
drugs, but I think she’s heading down the fast lane into getting an eating
disorder.” Aaron ran his hands through his blond hair, “Bri, I’ve got
gray hair.”
Brian snickered but quickly stifled it
as he saw Aaron’s solemn expression, “You have gray hair?”
“Yeah,” Aaron said sadly, “A 12 year
old is not supposed to have gray hair, is he Brian?”
Brian shook his head.
“Well Dad’s the first one that noticed
it and made the same comment. Well Dad, how the HELL do you think they got
there huh? I’m doing your damn job! Yours! And I’m failing at it... if you
would only try, if you would only act like you cared for a split second...
things wouldn’t be this bad. Nick and BJ wouldn’t be so screwed up.
Leslie would smile... Angel would... Angel would be my twin sister again!”
Aaron slapped the side of the bed, and quickly grimaced as Nick made a noise
and rolled away from him, “Damn...” He said softly as he watched Nick’s
peaceful expression fade in his sleep.
“Aaron, you don’t have to take the
reigns of your family. You are too young. You’ve done a wonderful job, and
everyone respects you for it. But you can relax now, you’ve got help.”
“Help?” Aaron laughed humorlessly,
“Help is what I could have used about a year ago... Help is what I wanted a few
months ago... Now I finally figured out if you want something done, you can’t
count on others. It’s good that you’re here now, but I know I can never
relax. As much as you feel like you are, you’re not family. You
have your own family... and they are your number one priority, am I right?
Your Mom or somebody needs you, and off you go. I’m not bitter
about that. I’m glad to know that’s a fact about you. You stick to your family.
I wish that was a fact about everyone...”
“What are you saying Aaron? That
you think I’ll eventually abandon Nick?”
“Again? Yes. But it won’t be your
fault Brian, something will happen in your life. You just can’t shut off
your whole entire existence because Nick’s going through a rough patch in his
life... you can’t worry about another family of kids that aren’t yours just because
their parents won’t, all the time. Eventually you’re going to move away.
It’ll take too long, Nick will need too much, and you’ll realize you can’t
do it. Well Brian, I may realize one day that I can’t do it... but I’ll
never quit trying. I’ll always be there for my family, so you don’t have
to worry about it. I’m relieving you of ever having to feel like Nick Carter is
a drag in your life. You will never have to feel obligated to doing this
or that for Nick when you’d rather be out with Leighanne planning a wedding, or
your mother wants to have a family outing. Brian that’s your life and
this is mine.”
Brian’s mouth was scraping the carpet,
“Now you wait just one damn minute Aaron...” He paused as he thought
about how he had just cursed at a twelve year old. He didn’t really curse at
all... But Aaron had pressed so many buttons in his system it wasn’t even
funny, “Nick is my little brother Aaron. Blood does not have anything to
do with it. If Nick needed it, and I was a match, I’d give him my
kidneys, both of them. That’s how much he means to me. Maybe you’re
mad about what happened on tour...”
“I’m not. Everyone has life problems,
you had yours... And what happens when you have more Brian? Nick goes back on
the shelf. I don’t want to get used to your help, start relying on your
help, and then one day when I really need it it’s not there anymore cause
you’re busy elsewhere. I need to be strong on my own, and I am. I’m
grateful for what you’re doing for my brother now... but when push comes to
shove... if he doesn’t snap out of this stage for years... I know I’ll be the
one still standing beside him, or in a grave. The grave is the only thing that
can stop me from standing by my brother, and my sisters. I’ll fight that
too.”
“Aaron, you are 12 years old...”
“Well nobody has seemed to care about
that until now. Do you really think I’m too young Brian?” Aaron’s eyes
blazed with anger and shined with tears of pent up frustration and anger, “ Was
I too young to hold my sister by the knots of her hair to keep her from
drowning herself in the toilet as she puked her guts up after having one
drink too many? Was I too young to call a doctor when Angel had an
allergic reaction to a laxative she was forcing into her body?”
“My God Aaron, my God...” Brian
whispered softly with tears in his eyes, he held out his arms to the young
blond who simply stared at him.
“I’m beyond hugs Brian,” Aaron said
flatly.
Brian dropped his arms to his sides
automatically, “Aaron, you’re a hero in your own right. You’ve done so much for
your family this past year. I am sorry I was not there to know
something was wrong with Nick, and to see what was going on in your lives.
I hate myself, because I know that if I had been there this past year, things
may not have been so bad. I know, because me and the guys would have
straightened Nick out, and Nick would be there to help you do those things.
Shield you from the things you shouldn’t have seen or done... or called one of
us to help when he shouldn’t see or do those things either.”
“You really think you are the reason
our family got this screwed up. You really think you’re that important to where
if you turn your back once our lives would fall apart?! I mean sure there’s no
doubt in my mind that you could have helped Nick... but you guys are not the
Superfriends, ok? Don’t blame yourselves!”
“Hey, hey,” AJ entered the room
abruptly, “I think Bob’s on his way.”
“Shit!” Aaron cursed, “That dumb ass
will ruin everything. Why can’t they both just butt out. They’ve done
enough.. Or rather not done enough. Is it just me he wants? I’ll get my
stuff back together and wait downstairs. We can just leave, he’ll never even
have to come in.” Aaron rose from the bed only to be held back by Nick’s hand
that was still clutching his. Aaron’s eyes misted over, “After months of
ignoring me, he’s finally letting me know that he needs me. And now I
gotta leave.”
“You don’t have to go anywhere Aaron,”
Kevin entered the room, “This is my house and Bob Carter has no right to just
burst in here. If I don’t want him to come in, then he stays outside.”
“For some reason I don’t think my
Dad’s gonna let it be that easy for you Kev, I’m gonna get my stuff.”
Aaron carefully detangled his fingers from Nick’s. Nick’s empty
hand curled and fell onto the sheets. He clutched the sheets and moaned softly.
His eyes opened slightly and turned to gaze at his younger brother, “I didn’t
mean to wake you up Nicky.”
Nick shook his head letting him know
it was okay.
“I have to go for a little while,”
Aaron told him softly, “I have to take care of some business.”
“Don’t go,” Nick said softly, “I... I
want you here.”
Aaron blinked back a tear, “You know
how long I wanted to hear you or BJ, or anyone in the family say that to me?”
Nick’s eyes watered, “I’m sorry.
I wasn’t a very good older brother, was I? I let you down...Please don’t
go into that speech that I’ve heard a million times telling me that I didn’t
let you down, cause I know I did. I did.”
“Well you’re trying to make up for it
now,” Aaron said ruffling his brother’s limp hair, “by trying to get
better. Nicky you gotta eat, that’s the only way you will get better, and the
only way you can make it up to me.” Aaron sat back down on the bed taking
Nick’s hand again, “Will you do it for me, for us?”
“I’ll...I’ll throw up. I don’t wanna
do it again...” Nick turned his face away.
“Nicky, you gotta try. Maybe the next
time you won’t,” Aaron said, “You have to try. You wanna try now?”
Nick kept his face turned and buried
it in his pillow. “Nick,” Aaron shook Nick by the shoulders, “Are you
listening to me? You’re gonna die you idiot. You’re going to kill yourself, and
I freakin’ need you. What am I gonna do if you die? Huh? You can’t
do this to me, or to BJ, or Leslie, or Angel! You gotta snap outta this
bro.”
“What if I were to tell you I no
longer really care what happens to me Aaron?” Nick said suddenly, “What if I
were to say that I’ve had enough. I tried and it was too much...”
“How can you say that to me?” Aaron
said with tears rolling down his face, “How the hell can you lie there and say
that to me?! I can’t freaking take care of this family by myself. I thought you
would help me... Everything’s falling apart!”
“Including me Aaron! Who said I wanted
to take care of the family.. The family pretty much took care of itself!
It’s dead... and that’s how I feel inside now. I love you Aaron, and I
love Beej and Leslie, and Angel... but I can’t help you. I can’t help
anyone, not even myself. What good am I?”
“Damn you! You’re so damn selfish!
You, you, you.... That’s all you think about. Who cares what you don’t want.
Think about what I want, what BJ wants...”
“THAT’S WHAT GOT ME INTO THIS WHOLE
DAMN MESS!! WORRYING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE!” Nick screamed sitting straight up. He
rocked back and forth holding his knees tears streaming down his cheeks, “I’m
sick of thinking of others... They never thought about me when I needed it.
It’s too damn late to think about courtesy.”
“You were getting better Nicky, you
were!” Brian jumped into the argument, “Why are you giving up now?”
“I’m not giving up now, I gave up a
long time ago. But you guys... you care so much... that I feel bad for not
trying to be what you want... But then I remember how I got here, and it’s all
because of what I’m trying to do now! I can’t do it again! I can’t! I
don’t know what to do anymore.”
“Well Nick, what do you want? Who do
you want to be?” Kevin asked calmly.
Nick was silent as Howie and BJ
filed into the room making the group complete, “I want nothing. I don’t
want to be anyone... Not anymore. I just want... I don’t know. But I don’t want
this. I don’t want it!” He shook with fatigue and sadness, he gagged and
Howie went for the trashcan. He dry heaved for a few minutes before
falling back onto the pillows. His complexion was terribly pale, the dark circles
under his eyes looked painted on they were so dark. He trembled and would not
make eye contact with anyone.
“Nick, ok...” AJ began calmly, “This
is good. You’re talking to us. It was good that you said all that, ok.
Now we can...” the doorbell rang from downstairs.
“Now who could that be?” BJ looked at
the others who stared back at her with dread in their eyes.
“Please don’t let it be Bob,” Brian
crossed his fingers, “Who’s gonna go check?”
“I will,” Kevin said flatly, “after
all it’s my house.” He turned to go out the door and motioned for Aaron to sit
back down, ‘I told you earlier you weren’t going anywhere and I meant it AC.
Sit down by your brother.” Kevin left the room followed closely by
Howie and Brian.
“I can’t wait to get my hands on that
filth,” Kevin was muttering as he took the stairs two by two, “I’m gonna beat
his ass.”
“Careful Kev, you gotta save some for
the rest of us,” Brian was saying trying to keep up with his cousin.
Kevin reached the door and looked through the peak hole. His face of
total confidence, anger, and some arrogance faded. He paled considerably
and stepped back from the door to open it.
“Kev? What’s wrong? Who’s out there?”
Howie questioned him.
But instead of answering Kevin opened
the door. Sure enough Bob Carter was outside, but he wasn’t alone.
Standing with him were two uniformed officers, and one of them held a warrant.
***
