Chapter
4
“Hey, this is AJ, you know the drill,” Howie
rolled his eyes and licked his lips impatiently. This had been the 5th
time he had called, and he had an inkling feeling that AJ was home.
“Alex, listen man, I know you’re there, and I’m not gonna stop callin’
till ya pick up. Please, bro, just call me back whenever you’re
ready, Ok? I need to talk to you, it’s important.” Howie
disconnected feeling a bit depressed. How was he gonna arrange a group
meeting without the whole group? He suddenly felt impulsive. Time
to see if AJ had gone on a vacation, or was dodging phone calls. He
grabbed his car keys off the kitchen counter. He was going over to AJ’s.
He decided not to park in the
driveway. He didn’t want to take any chance of AJ spotting him early
and trying to pretend like he wasn’t there. Howie took the back approach
to AJ’s home and parked on the other side of the street behind the neighbor’s
bushes. He casually made his way to the front door, and rung the bell.
It was maybe 10 minutes before Howie sighed, thinking that AJ really
wasn’t home. Maybe he was on vacation and not just ignoring Howie.
Howie leaned on the front door in defeat. Damn it. Then the
door swung open. Howie, losing his support, fell forward inside the
doorway. He used his hands to break his fall on the tic-tack tile work of
AJ’s floor. He looked down to see a pair of striped socks, he glanced up
to meet AJ’s unhappy expression, “Um… hi Alex.” Howie stood with no help
from AJ and invited himself inside. AJ stood behind him, staring at his
back, “What do you want Howie?”
“Well, haven’t you received any of my
messages Aje?” Howie turned to face his friend… his friend who looked horrible.
He had let his mustache and goatee go… He looked like a wooly
mammoth. Howie controlled his urge to laugh.
“Oh yeah. Those. Yeah, I got
them, all 5 of them,” AJ said with a shrug, “Why do you wanna talk now Howie?
After all this time?”
Howie felt his need to laugh
disappearing as he watched his friend proceed to run his hands over his face
roughly, and remove a nearly empty pack of cigarettes. He shook the second to
last cigarette out of the carton and lit it up. The house smelled like an
ashtray.
“AJ? How many cigarettes a day have
you been smoking?” Howie asked kindly removing the cigarette from AJ’s mouth.
“Damn it Howie! I only got one
more left! What do you care anyway?” AJ turned away from Howie and lit his
final cigarette. He walked into his living room. Howie cringed at
the clashing fabrics decorating AJ’s abode, then straightened his shoulders
out, “AJ, that’s why I came. To let you know that I do care, and that I’m sorry
for not doing a very good job of showing it to you before.”
AJ snorted and flicked ashes in the
overflowing ashtray.
“AJ, I’ve been so caught up in my own
world that forgot about my friends. We all have been, and now the time
has come to make it right.”
“And how are you going to go about
that Howie?” AJ asked sprawling the loveseat and blowing out smoke rings.
He chuckled as Howie choked on the smoke and fanned it away.
“I’m wanna talk AJ,” Howie said
simply, folding his arms over his chest and sitting back in the armchair
he was now sitting in. He tossed the cigarette he had confiscated from
AJ’s mouth into the ashtray. Well, almost did, he missed. AJ
chuckled again, “Ok Howie. One problem. What if I don’t wanna talk?
Then what?”
“Then I’ll talk, AJ,” Howie shrugged
and leaned forward in his chair, “Communication is a two way thing. I
want to apologize to you for letting you down, and tell you why I did it.
You only have to listen, and if you still feel the same way when I’m
done… I can show myself the way out.”
Robert McLean was a man who had it
all. He had a wonderful new job that he loved, a loving fiancé who would
soon be his loving wife, and a beautiful new house. The only thing he was
lacking was a child, a son… But wait a minute, he did! After 18 years
Daddy decides it’s time to come home. AJ received the phone call a few
months ago. Did Howie know how much it hurt to answer the phone for your own
father the same way you would answer to a perfect stranger? No, he
didn’t. But now he did. AJ’s voice shook as recanted the phone
call. His father called and began speaking to him as if he had just
called yesterday, as if he had never left. AJ had been stunned into
silence as he listened to his father’s voice drone on about how happy he was to
speaking with AJ, and how wonderful it was that AJ had become successful.
AJ kind of nodded along through the whole conversation, too nervous to
speak to the parent he thought he had driven away forever. He thought his
father might hang up and never call back again if he said something wrong.
He was famous for that.
As a small child AJ had always
wondered what he had done to make his father so angry that he left and never
came to see him. Other kids’ parents got divorces, but they still saw
their daddies. Why was AJ different? Why didn’t his Daddy love him like
everyone else’s daddies loved them? What was wrong with him? As he
grew older he tried to drive out that insecurity by launching himself in
acting and performing. Being in the Backstreet Boys was the best thing
that ever happened to him. In his Backstreet world he could forget about
not being accepted by his father, because he was basically being accepted
everywhere else. His mother told him over and over again that it wasn’t
his fault. He knew that, he knew that, Howie… but deep inside, he still
blamed himself.
Then out of the blue his dad calls. AJ
was stunned, then angered. His father had walked out on him and thought
he could just walk back in? It’s not that easy! AJ wouldn’t make it easy.
Then he found out the reason his father was calling. The next day AJ
wanted to apologize to his father, he felt so bad for being so cold. He
found out where he lived and drove right over. Instead of meeting
with his father he met with his soon-to-be stepmother, whom he had heard nothing
about. She was a spiteful woman, and gave AJ an earful. She made
sure he knew that she would never be able to give his father kids. AJ was
the only child he had, and his father felt left out at all the father-son
outings his friends would go on. He wanted to join in on the fun, but
then found out his soon-to-be-wife couldn’t have children… That’s when he
called AJ. AJ was his father’s back up plan, his second prize. AJ
left soon after he arrived. He didn’t drive straight home. He instead
went to where his father worked. After waiting for a few hours he finally
got a glimpse of the man that he hadn’t seen in 18 years. He hardly recognized
him. His father was quick to recognize him though. He saw him and
smiled, started walking towards him… AJ jumped in his Prowler and drove away as
fast as he could go. After that the phone calls from his father
would never cease. AJ had to take the phone off the hook at one point.
The only peace he got was on tour, but even then the letters would come.
He couldn’t get away from it, and it was driving him insane. He took it
out on everyone…. He realized this all at once as his shoulders sagged
and he began to cry.
He almost jumped when arms
encircled him and held him close. He had forgotten his brother Howie was there.
But he would never forget that again.
***
