Chapter
5
“…Howie. Brian and I had a talk… a serious
one. He told me about how you helped him. Howie, I cannot…”
“Hello?” Howie grabbed the phone off
the hook. His “hello” was ragged, as he was short of breath from just
running in through the door. The answering service had been taking the
call. Why hadn’t anyone answered the phone? Howie wondered, then
his eyes fell upon the note on the refrigerator. Oh, gone shopping.
“Hello? Howie?”
“Kev?” Howie said, “How are ya?”
“I’m…I’m good Howie. Real good,
now,” Kevin said, “I uh, just called to tell you that I talked to Bri, and
he gave me your message.”
“Message?”
“Yeah,” Kevin said, Howie could hear
the smile in his voice, “He told me that you said to stop and smell the roses.”
“I don’t recall saying that,” Howie
said in a light tone.
“Well you basically said something
like it,” Kevin said with a sigh, “Howie, I let you down, I’ve let everyone
down.”
“Huh?” Howie hadn’t been expecting to
hear that, “How?”
Kevin was silent on his end for a
moment, then began, “I know you guys all looked up to me as the big brother…and
well, for awhile I couldn’t live up to that. I should have been the one
trying to hold everything together, making these calls, Howie, not you.”
“Kevin, this has nothing to do with
diffusion of responsibility. Everyone has problems and no one expected
you to solve yours and ours at the same time. No one expected you to do
anything, but be you… That’s where we all let ourselves down. Nobody was
themselves…”
“Yeah … except Nicky,” Kevin said
sounding miffed, “The baby out of all of us, is the one we have the most to
learn from. He was excellent. Sometimes I really felt he was…”
“…The only reason why you bothered to
go on with another night of touring?” Howie filled in the blank for Kevin.
“Yeah,” Kevin said sadly, “I’m so
sorry about that. Howie, Brian told me about what a hard time you were
having getting over your sister’s death. He told me about him and
Leighanne, and the more I heard the sadder I felt. How come I never
troubled myself with talking to you guys? I always talked to you before
when you seemed upset. Why is it so different now?”
“I don’t know Kev, I guess this was
just the first time we’ve all had problems we’ve had to deal with at once.
We overloaded ourselves,” Howie said untangling the phone cord.
“Yeah,” Kevin agreed,” but it’s good
that we are talking now. I don’t want to lose the group over this, or you
guys.”
Howie nodded, knowing Kevin
couldn’t see him, but he couldn’t speak. Everything was falling back together
finally. They could work it out; he had already proved that they could.
His throat clogged up with the suppressed emotions of love, joy, and most
importantly, relief.
“Did you get a hold of AJ yet?” Kevin
asked sounding curious, and nervous.
“Yeah,” Howie said smoothly, clearing
his throat,” It went good. He was really having a rough time Kev.
It scared me as I realized just how out of touch with AJ’s life I really
was… Kev, his dad’s trying to worm his way back into his life.”
Howie could feel Kevin flinch through
the phone, “And is he gonna let him?”
“Well he was at first, but then he
found out his dad’s real intention, the deadbeat. He’s
getting remarried, and since his new wife can’t have kids…”
“Let me guess, he wants his old one
back,” Kevin growled, “That no good son of a b…”
“But that’s not all… The woman
he’s marrying is terrible, and basically let AJ know right then and there what
her and his father clearly wanted. And that was the only reason why they
had even thought to contact AJ. The man calls and molests AJ constantly
about trying to be the father he wasn’t when AJ was a kid,” Howie explained,
“He doesn’t even want to take responsibility for his leaving. He doesn’t
realize that ever since AJ was young he always assumed it was his fault.
He never… he just wasn’t a father, Kev.”
“I’d like to take that sorry SOB and
break him over my knee! What does Denise say?”
“She really doesn’t know most of
what’s going on with him Kev,” Howie said, “He’s been keeping it all bottled up
inside.”
“Like me,” Kevin sighed.
“Kev?”
“Yeah?”
“I know my story, and Brian’s story,
and now AJ’s story…but what about yours? What was plaguing you?”
Kevin Richardson was almost 28 years
old… Twenty-eight, a millionaire, big house, luxury vehicle, great family… but
no one to share it all with. He was almost thirty and still hadn’t found
“The One.” His parents got married in their twenties, as did everyone else’s
parents that he knew. If you made it into the thirties still unmarried,
it would probably stay that way. What woman would want him at thirty?
A thirty- year old man, who sings and dances in a group
called Backstreet Boys. What woman would stand the ridicule?
He was trying to get used to living his life as a lonely bachelor.
But he would see Brian with Leighanne, AJ with Amanda, even Nick with
Mandy, and feel so envious. Sure he dated frequently, but no one had
showed any interest about becoming something long-term. He cried at night
about it, he talked to his mother and his brothers about it. Instead of
trying to console him, they set him up with daughters of friend’s
and things. It upset him to find out that his family was also
worried about him not settling down properly. There had even been a
little pressure put on about quitting the group to try and settle down, then
the right woman might come along. Kevin abandoned that thought. The
group was his life. But eventually he began to dwell on what his family
had said. Maybe he should quit. Maybe he was getting too old. He often
had nightmares about being old and dry, sitting alone in a big lonely house.
No kids, no wife, no family… He couldn’t let that happen to him. He
began to live through each tour dreaming about the nights he would go out and
search for his dream woman. He spent so much time thinking about “The
One” and his loneliness, that he slowly begin to forget about what had mattered
most to him… the group, and his brothers….
“…and I’m sorry,” Kevin finished in a
low voice. He was ashamed.
Howie was actually chuckling by the
end of his story, “Well gee Kev, if you had filled me in earlier I could have
hooked you up with some hot girls. But not because I thought you would be
a lonely old man, cause Kev… What about us? In your vision about you
sitting alone in a big house, didn’t you know that I would be sitting right
there with you? That Brian would be there, and AJ, and hell Nick could even
bring a few dogs. You wouldn’t be lonely at all. In fact you would
wish we would all leave just so that you could be alone!”
Howie’s laughs softened Kevin, and his words
made him laugh as well.
“Yeah, I can see it now. We’d be old
and wrinkly, AJ would be bald, you’d still have your hair, and Nick and Brian
would look the same as they do now, playing pranks on us poor old men.”
They laughed a few minutes more
thinking about that scenario, “Yeah, I can see it. Nicky putting itching
powder in our dentures and Brian putting super glue in our rocking chairs.”
“Us beating them with our canes,”
Kevin snickered. He sighed, and turned serious, “You guys will always be there
for me, huh?”
“I’m sorry, Kev, but I’m afraid you’re
stuck with us,” Howie said firmly, “No returns, and no refunds.”
“I hate waiting at that customer
service desk anyway,” Kevin joked, he laughed lightly, then softly he added,
“Thanks Howie.”
“No prob, bro,” Howie nodded into the
phone.
***
