Chapter
2
He wasn’t ready to tell Kevin, but the knock still came. Brian
sighed and dragged himself to the door, not bothering to hide his tears this
time. He needed somebody to hold him and tell him everything would be okay.
That his world wasn’t coming to an end by just one person finding out his
secret. And by the sympathy on Kevin’s face when he pulled open the door, he
knew he’d get just that.
“Oh God Brian.” He gasped. “What’s wrong? You look like you just
lost your best friend.”
Normally Brian would have laughed at the pun, but this time it
just caused more tears to flow. He crumpled into Kevin’s arms, sobbing like a
child. He didn’t care if anyone else saw. He needed all the support he could
get now. To his luck AJ and Howie had seen him crumble and came running over.
The three of them managed to carry his shivering body back into the room. They
laid him on the bed, and Kevin scooped him into his arms.
“Shh, calm down Brian.” He soothed. “Calm down and tell me what’s
wrong.”
Brian managed to compose himself enough to look around the room
and see that it was no longer just him and Kevin. His heart froze with
momentary fear, until he noticed that Nick was no where to be seen. Glancing at
his friends with a tear streaked face he asked the question that he most feared
the answer to.
“Will you love me no matter what you find out about me?”
His friends seemed taken aback by the question. He was asking it
as if he had committed some horrible crime. Howie glanced at Kevin and then AJ,
and decided he was the only one composed enough to answer first.
“Brian, we’d love you even if you killed a man.” He answered in
all seriousness. “What have you done that is so bad you fear losing our love?”
Brian sniffed and wiped at the tears that wouldn’t stop coming. He
watched as Kevin and AJ nodded in agreement to Howie’s answer. He figured now
was as good a time as any to let them know the truth.
“Where’s Nick?” He found himself asking instead. He couldn’t let
go of the fact that Nick may be in the bathroom or somewhere just out of his
vision.
“Kid got drunk.” AJ chuckled in his raspy voice. “He was out cold
as soon as his head hit the pillow. Why? Do you want me to go get him?”
“NO!” Brian shouted a little to quickly. “I-I just wanted to know.
If he’s drunk let him sleep off a worse hang-over than he already have.”
AJ laughed, and nodded in agreement. An awkward silence fell over
the room as Brian prepared what he was going to tell them. He couldn’t come
right out and say he loved men. That would be true crude. Besides, he didn’t
love all men. Only the ones that captured his heart. He would just have to tell
them that he was gay. Simple, but straight to the point.
“I-I have something very important to tell you.” He forced the
words out of his sand paper mouth. “Don’t interrupt me until I am done or I’ll
never be able to say this. I’m not the man you thought I was. I do have a deep
dark secret I kept form you guys. It has something to do with why Leigh left
me. But she never knew. Only a few do, and they don’t include my parents.
They’d be so disappointed if they ever found out.” He paused briefly after
realizing that all he was doing as rambling.
“What I mean is…” He sucked in a deep breath before he could find
the courage to speak the words he dreaded ever saying. “I’m gay.”
After he got the words out he broke down into tears. Sobs racked
his body and the fear of losing his friends darkened his heart. None of them
had made a sound since his confession. They hadn’t moved, blinked, hell it was
almost as if they hadn’t breathed. He could tell what was running through their
minds. Disgust, betrayal, and just plain anger. They probably wanted to get up
and walk out of the room, turn their backs on him and leave forever. Leave him
to cry his sickening tears to himself. These thoughts just caused him to cry
harder.
Suddenly, and much to his surprise, a pair of arms wrapped around
him in a tight hug. Brian wormed around enough to see who held him tightly. It
was Kevin, and Howie and AJ stood right over his shoulders. They all had huge
smiles on, and tears glistening in their eyes.
“Brian,” Kevin whispered in his ear. “We could never hate you for
that. Your still our brother, and your still my little cousin. Never forget that,
please.”
Brian nodded shakily, still to surprised to find words. They had
accepted him. They didn’t hate him, they weren’t disgusted by him. Infact it
seemed they loved him more for being honest.
“And all those days of heartache were because you thought we’d
hate you?” Howie asked softly. “Brian, how long have you been hiding this? Ever
since you and Leigh divorced?”
Brian shook his head and croaked out his answer. “Since I was
sixteen.”
He heard AJ gasp in response. “Sixteen years?!” He rasped. “Damn
Rok, you did a damn fine job of hiding it. Maybe we should call up Nick and
just let him know. He doesn’t have to even get of bed. He’d probably be
relieved to know too.”
“NO!” Brian screamed, pulling away from Kevin. “Nick can never
find out. He’ll hate me! Even more if he ever found out the rest.”
“More?” Kevin questioned. “What do you mean
more? And didn’t you learn we are your brothers? He won’t hate you just like we
don’t.”
Brian chocked on a sob and wiped at his damp face. Know that he
had opened his big mouth he’d have to tell them the whole thing. Even the part
he had wanted to keep secret.
“I-I-I,” He stammered. “I’m in love with…Nick.”
His voice was tiny when he spoke the name, that it took them a
while to understand what he said. But when they did, their eyes grew large.
“Oh shit.” AJ whispered. “This is serious.”
“I never meant to!” Brian cried. “And I hoped that if I married
Leigh, I’d be able to forget that notion. But it never went away. It only got
stronger.”
The guys stayed silent for a moment. Finally Kevin spoke.
“I think you should tell him.” He spoke calmly. “You owe him that
much.”
“I can’t!” Brian’s voice was know desperate. “I’ve seen how he
feels about gay people. I’ve heard how he makes fun of them, calls them nothing
but ‘no good fags’. It hurt to hear the person I love say things about people
like that. But what hurt more was no matter how cruel he was to people like me,
I could never stop loving him. And I know if he finds out, he’ll treat me like
all those people he had before. I can live with out his love, but I can’t live
without his friendship. So please don’t take him away from me. Please don’t
tell him, please!!”
The boys caved and nodded at Brian’s heart felt plea. The relief was
instantly on his face as he settled back against his pillow, suddenly tired.
“Stay with me till I fall asleep.” He asked, half-asleep as it
was. “Don’t leave me alone.”
Kevin stroked his hair until Brian was dreaming blissfully. He
turned to the others, his face set in grim lines.
“This is one hell of a secret.” He whispered so not to wake Brian.
“And we must promise to keep it until Brian decides it time to tell Nick.”
AJ and Howie nodded. And so began their hell of keeping a secret
that could destroy Brian physically and mentally if any one ever found out.
Especially Nick.
***
