{"id":264,"date":"2013-07-21T22:47:33","date_gmt":"2013-07-21T22:47:33","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/undead\/?page_id=264"},"modified":"2013-07-21T22:47:33","modified_gmt":"2013-07-21T22:47:33","slug":"chapter-60","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/undead\/story\/chapter-60\/","title":{"rendered":"Chapter 60"},"content":{"rendered":"

Chapter 60<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

I knew my place in the old world.\u00a0 I knew who I was and where I was going.\u00a0 I had a home and a family, and I\u2019d dedicated my life to my calling.\u00a0 Everything was the way it should be.\u00a0 And then I lost it all, lost everything \u2013 and lost myself at the same time.<\/i><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know who I am anymore.\u00a0 I don\u2019t like the person I\u2019ve become.\u00a0 I am a hypocrite who has gone against everything I once believed and preached to others.\u00a0 I\u2019ve lied to the people I\u2019m close to, my only companions in this undead world.\u00a0 I\u2019ve looted and stolen supplies from the base.\u00a0 I\u2019ve killed those which were once human beings.\u00a0 And I\u2019ve forsaken the god to whom I was once faithful.<\/i><\/p>\n

I feel guilty, not only for doing these things which are so unlike me, but even for doing the things which used to be normal for me \u2013 goofing off, joking around, laughing, even smiling.\u00a0 Even the smallest pleasures here make me feel more guilty than happy.\u00a0 How can I laugh in a world overrun with zombies, a world in which my family is dead?\u00a0 How can I smile as I pull the trigger to blow out another undead brain?\u00a0 How can any joy exist in a world gone mad?<\/i><\/p>\n

Somehow, it does.\u00a0 Somehow, life goes on.\u00a0 Somehow, it has for us.<\/i><\/p>\n

Life has evolved.\u00a0 The world is new and different and strange.\u00a0 Nothing is the way it should be.<\/i><\/p>\n

I am lost.<\/i><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

Sunday, May 20, 2012<\/b>
\nWeek Five<\/i><\/p>\n

It was a faint scratching noise that woke Brian.\u00a0 One moment, he was sound asleep, and the next, wide awake.\u00a0 He had just scrambled into a sitting position, his heart beating fast, when he heard a raspy chuckle.<\/p>\n

\u201cChill, dude, it\u2019s just me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Brian looked over and saw AJ kneeling close to the wall he\u2019d made his bed against, a small knife in his hand.\u00a0 He relaxed, though his heart took longer to calm down.\u00a0 Forcing a weak smile, he joked, \u201cYou know, before the world was overrun with zombies, I wouldn\u2019t have been so relieved to wake up to a guy with tattoos and a knife sitting by my bed.\u201d<\/p>\n

AJ grinned back.\u00a0 \u201cWell, before the world was overrun with zombies, they didn\u2019t let me have sharp objects, so\u2026 guess things have changed for both of us.\u201d\u00a0 He waved the knife around carelessly, its silver blade gleaming in the weak rays of morning sunlight that filtered through the boarded windows.<\/p>\n

Brian watched as he turned back to the wall and finished carving another notch on the crude calendar he had been keeping there ever since Brian and Gretchen had arrived.\u00a0 A month ago<\/i>, Brian realized with a jolt, as he calculated the date.\u00a0 It had been the twentieth of April when he and Gretchen had finally made it to the base, the last of the survivors to arrive, and it was now the twentieth of May.\u00a0 That the ten of them had survived a whole month living in the chapel together seemed incredible.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t believe we\u2019ve been here a month,\u201d he said aloud.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe should celebrate,\u201d chimed in a voice over his shoulder.\u00a0 He turned and saw Gretchen standing in the doorway, still in the oversized t-shirt she wore for pajamas.\u00a0 \u201cI mean, a month has passed, and we\u2019re all still alive.\u00a0 In this situation, that\u2019s a pretty big accomplishment.\u00a0 Plus, we\u2019ve about got the base cleared out, right?\u201d she added.<\/p>\n

\u201cFuck yeah,\u201d AJ replied with another shit-eating grin.\u00a0 \u201cOne more day in the cage should do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Brian and Gretchen exchanged amused smirks.\u00a0 AJ had found a new favorite pastime around the base.\u00a0 Instead of zombie-sniping from the roof of the church, he now preferred zombie-baiting from a cage hung in a tree.\u00a0 For the last two days, ever since Kevin had suggested it, he had sat behind the bars of a dog kennel they\u2019d brought back from the base\u2019s veterinary clinic and rigged to the strongest branch of a tall tree with a pulley system, gleefully taunting the zombies who prowled beneath him.<\/p>\n

The plan had proven to be an effective one:\u00a0 AJ used his rough, booming voice to call the undead, who came from all corners of the base, like housecats to the sound of a can opener, to circle around under the cage, reaching and moaning desperately.\u00a0 From their vantage points in the surrounding trees, Kevin, Brian, Nick, and Riley waited until a significant crowd of zombies had arrived to start sniping, their bullets picking the zombies off one by one.\u00a0 After each massacre, they let AJ down for a break and hauled the corpses off to a large burn pile.\u00a0 As the bodies burned, they raised AJ into the tree again to repeat the whole process.<\/p>\n

It was highly successful.\u00a0 Brian estimated they had killed more zombies in the last two days than they had in all of their hunting expeditions around the base combined.\u00a0 The undead seemed oblivious of each other, yet tended to shamble along in hordes, and though their thought process was nonexistent, their senses were still intact.\u00a0 They were drawn to noises that signaled potential prey, yet failed to shy away from the sound of gunfire or the sight of their own kind falling at their feet. \u00a0This made them incredibly easy to take down in large numbers.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, in that case,\u201d said Gretchen, \u201cwe should definitely celebrate.\u00a0 How about a nice, big, group dinner tonight?\u00a0 I\u2019m sure Jo will help me get things together.\u201d<\/p>\n

Brian nodded.\u00a0 \u201cThat sounds good.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHell, we can just roast hot dogs and marshmallows over the cremation pit,\u201d AJ added, a devilish gleam in his eyes.<\/p>\n

Gretchen made a nauseated-looking face, and Brian just shook his head.\u00a0 AJ\u2019s warped sense of humor was often too dark and crude for his taste, but he had grown accustomed to it.\u00a0 What he hadn\u2019t gotten used to was AJ\u2019s carefree enthusiasm over killing the undead, the way he shot down zombies without hesitation and without remorse.\u00a0 Yes, Brian went out on hunting trips and sniped from the trees, as well, but every time he pulled the trigger of his gun, he felt a little tug of his stomach, too.\u00a0 Every time he shot a woman, he remembered jamming the towel bar through Leighanne\u2019s head.\u00a0 Every time he killed a child, he thought of Brooke and Bonnie.\u00a0 He did it out of necessity, but he would never get used to it, and he would certainly never relish in it the way AJ did.\u00a0 To Brian, it was only a means of self-preservation.<\/p>\n

He and the others got up, dressed, and ate a bowl of dry cereal each. \u00a0\u201cWe\u2019ll go for more supplies and have better food for dinner,\u201d Gretchen promised, as AJ led the team of snipers outside to prepare for another round of zombie-baiting.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust watch your back,\u201d Brian warned her on his way out.\u00a0 \u201cThere may still be zombies trapped inside some of the buildings.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know.\u201d\u00a0 Gretchen smiled.\u00a0 \u201cGood luck.\u201d<\/p>\n

Brian followed the others to the ambulance he\u2019d brought back from the medical complex, which they were now using to transport the cage around the base.\u00a0 \u201cShotgun!\u201d Nick called, racing AJ to the passenger seat, as Riley slid behind the wheel.<\/p>\n

\u201cFine, but we\u2019re leaving the back doors open,\u201d growled AJ, forced to climb into the back of the ambulance with Brian and Kevin.\u00a0 \u201cI wanna shoot \u2018em as they chase us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know just the thing to bring \u2018em crawling out of the woodwork!\u201d Nick called back from the cab.\u00a0 Through the window that separated them, Brian could see him fumbling with the dashboard controls.\u00a0 As Riley turned on the ignition and pulled the ambulance away from the chapel, the siren \u2013 and, presumably, the lights \u2013 began to wail.\u00a0 It was joined by a creak\u2026 a set of footsteps\u2026 a clap of thunder\u2026 an eerie howl\u2026 a drumbeat\u2026 a swelling synthesizer\u2026 a familiar bassline\u2026<\/p>\n

Brian started to laugh.\u00a0 \u201cI shoulda known…\u201d<\/p>\n

Nick rolled down all the windows and cranked the music up on full blast.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s close to midnight, and something evil\u2019s lurking in the dark\u2026 Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart\u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

AJ joined in, his raspy voice surprisingly smooth.\u00a0 \u201cYou try to scream, but terror takes the sound before you make it\u2026 You start to freeze, as horror looks you right between the eyes\u2026 You\u2019re paralyzed\u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201c\u2019Cause this is Thriller!\u201d<\/i> they all sang at the top of their lungs.\u00a0 \u201cThriller night\u2026 and no one\u2019s gonna save you from the beast about to strike.\u00a0 You know it\u2019s Thriller\u2026\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 The remaining zombies were starting to emerge from nearby buildings.\u00a0 \u201cThriller night\u2026 You\u2019re fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller toniiiiight\u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

Lights flaring, sirens airing, music blaring, the ambulance rolled down the street, and the undead dragged themselves behind it.\u00a0 Sitting in the open doorway, his legs swinging jauntily, AJ raised his gun and aimed at the front of the pack.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou hear the door slam\u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

BANG!<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026and realize that there\u2019s nowhere left to run\u2026\u201d<\/i> he sang without missing a beat, as the lead zombie dropped, the others stumbling over it.<\/p>\n

Brian followed suit.\u00a0 \u201cYou feel the cold hand and wonder if you\u2019ll ever see the sun\u2026\u201d<\/i>\u00a0\u00a0 He squeezed the trigger of his rifle, and another zombie fell.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou close your eyes\u2026\u201d<\/i> Nick\u2019s voice rang out enthusiastically from the front seat, as he poked the barrel of his gun through the open window.\u00a0 \u201c\u2026and hope that this is just imagination<\/i>.\u201d\u00a0 His shot took down an incoming ghoul on the sidewalk.\u00a0 \u201cGirl, but all the while\u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cYou hear the creature creeping up behind\u2026\u201d<\/i> crooned Kevin, and he turned and tapped the glass partition to get Riley\u2019s attention.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re outta time\u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201c\u2019Cause this is Thriller!\u201d<\/i> they chorused, and Brian, Kevin, and AJ were suddenly thrown sideways as Riley whipped the ambulance around in a U-turn.\u00a0 \u201cThriller night\u2026\u201d\u00a0 <\/i>(\u201cOw!\u201d)\u00a0 \u201cThere ain\u2019t no second chance against the thing with forty eyes, girl.\u00a0 Thriller\u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cWhoo-hoo!\u201d<\/i> Nick howled out his window.<\/p>\n

\u201cThriller night…\u201d<\/i> \u00a0The engine revved as Riley slammed the accelerator to the floor, and the ambulance rocketed towards the flock of zombies.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re fighting for your life inside a-\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 Brian winced at the impact of a zombie\u2019s body hitting the front fender.\u00a0 \u201c-killer-\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 Another undead body bounced off the ambulance. \u00a0\u201c-thriller-\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 A third zombie was thrown up onto the windshield.\u00a0 \u201c-toniiiiight\u2026\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 With a sickening creak, the zombie slid down the windshield and off the hood.\u00a0 Brian cringed again as he felt the crunch of its body beneath the front tire.<\/p>\n

\u201cNight creatures calling, the dead start to walk in their masquerade\u2026\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 The ambulance plowed into the walking dead, rolling over their flailing bodies.\u00a0 \u201cThere\u2019s no escaping the jaws of the alien this time\u2026\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 Brian stared down in disgust at the flattened zombies that emerged from beneath the ambulance, their bodies crushed, bones mangled, yet in some cases, teeth still gnashing.\u00a0 \u201cThis is the end of your life\u2026\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 He pointed his gun and put one out of its misery.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re out to get you\u2026 There\u2019s demons closing in from every side\u2026\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 Even as Riley turned around again and drove past the carnage, more zombies appeared, swarming after them like children chasing an ice cream truck.\u00a0 \u201cThey will possess you\u2026 unless you change that number on your dial\u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cNow is the time\u2026\u201d<\/i> Nick sang, slinging an arm around Riley\u2019s shoulders while he fired casually out his window with one hand.\u00a0 \u201cFor you and I to cuddle close together\u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d Riley said, peeling his arm off of her, \u201cthis is not the time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAll through the night\u2026\u201d<\/i> Nick went on, grinning at her, \u201cI\u2019ll save you from the terror on the screen.\u00a0 I\u2019ll make you see\u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cThat this is Thriller\u2026\u201d\u00a0 <\/i>A volley of gunfire took out zombies in all directions.\u00a0 \u201cThriller night\u2026 Girl, I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try.\u00a0 Thriller\u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cWhoo-hoo!\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 AJ crowed, as his shot took out yet another zombie.<\/p>\n

\u201cThriller night\u2026 So let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller\u2026\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cOw!\u201d<\/i> they squealed in unison, as the last zombie dropped.<\/p>\n

Nick turned the music down.\u00a0 \u201cOkay, if we were in a zombie musical, that would have to be our closing number.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNah\u2026 it\u2019d be the one before the intermission,\u201d AJ argued, as Riley pulled the ambulance to a stop on the side of the road.\u00a0 \u201cCause we ain\u2019t done here yet. \u00a0Cage me!\u201d\u00a0 He jumped out of the back of the ambulance, dragging the dog kennel out behind him.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d said Nick, hopping out of the cab, \u201cbut what other zombie song is more epic than \u2018Thriller\u2019?\u00a0 You gotta save the best for last, dawg.\u201d<\/p>\n

AJ considered this for a moment, as Brian helped Kevin get the kennel ready to hoist into a nearby tree.\u00a0 \u201cI dunno\u2026 I think you win there, dude.\u00a0 But combine an equally epic, un-zombie-related song with zombie fighting, and you\u2019d still have a pretty sweet finale.\u201d\u00a0 He ducked into the open kennel and sat down, gripping the bars with his fists.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve been caged!\u201d<\/p>\n

Brian and the other three grabbed the ropes on the other end of the pulley and heaved, raising AJ high into the air.\u00a0 \u201cWhat equally epic, un-zombie-related song did you have in mind?\u201d Nick asked, as they secured the ropes to hold AJ in place.<\/p>\n

AJ grinned and waved them off to take their places in the surrounding trees with a cryptic, \u201cYou\u2019ll see.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was good to have some entertainment in the post-apocalyptic world, thought Brian, as he scaled the trunk of a tall maple, straddling one of its thicker branches.\u00a0 Sometimes he felt guilty for laughing or even smiling in this world, a world in which the dead walked, a world in which beautiful women and little girls died and came back to life and died again at the hands of their father.\u00a0 But just as he\u2019d told the countless congregation members he\u2019d counseled before funerals, acceptance was a part of the grief process.\u00a0 At some point, life went on and returned to normal. \u00a0This life was far from normal, but even so, it was impossible not to laugh at Nick and AJ\u2019s antics.<\/p>\n

\u201cY\u2019all ready?\u201d AJ shouted from the cage.\u00a0 \u201cBring it on, bitches!\u00a0 Come and get me, you undead motherfuckers!\u201d<\/p>\n

They had cleared the area of zombies in the ambulance, but before long, his shouting brought new ones shuffling up to investigate.\u00a0 Just as they had every time before, the living dead clumped together beneath the cage, reaching and moaning, stepping over each other in their mindless attempts to get to their prey.<\/p>\n

From his perch, Brian heard AJ\u2019s singing rise above the moans.\u00a0 \u201cZombies are walkin\u2019 under me, reachin\u2019 way down low\u2026 Ain\u2019t no sound but the sound of their feet, machine gun\u2019s ready to go… Are you ready?\u00a0 Hey!\u00a0 Are you ready for this?\u00a0 Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?\u00a0 Out of the trees, the bullets rip\u2026 to the sound of the beat.\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n

\u201cEPIC!\u201d Brian heard Nick yell from somewhere across the circle of zombies.<\/p>\n

Then the hailstorm of gunfire began, as bullets rained down on the undead. \u00a0\u201cBum bum bum\u2026 another one bites the dust!\u201d <\/i>sang AJ, as the zombies started to fall.\u00a0 \u201cBum bum bum\u2026 another ones bites the dust!\u00a0 And another one gone, and another one gone\u2026 another one bites the dust!\u201d<\/i>\u00a0 He cocked his own rifle, poking its barrel through the bars of the cage.\u00a0 \u201cHey!\u00a0 I\u2019m gonna get you too!\u00a0 Another one bites the dust!\u201d<\/i> he belted, as he blew another zombie away.<\/p>\n

When the dust had settled on the heap of corpses, they let AJ down.\u00a0 His dark eyes were bright and almost crazed, his smile twisted and maniacal.\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019d you think of my song for the undead, eh?\u201d he asked, quite pleased with himself, as Nick opened the door to his cage.<\/p>\n

\u201cLike I said, dude\u2026 epic,\u201d Nick replied, slapping him a high five.<\/p>\n

Brian watched their interaction with a sad smile, wishing he could be so carefree, wishing he could dismiss the creatures he killed as mindless, soulless monsters.\u00a0 To an extent, of course, he could.\u00a0 It was the only way he could sleep at night, though that was often a struggle, too.\u00a0 But not completely.\u00a0 Because although they were monsters now, he could never forget that they had once been people \u2013 husbands and wives, mothers and fathers, sons and daughters.\u00a0 They\u2019d once had souls.<\/p>\n

He respected that and remembered it, even when the others seemed to forget.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

They ate at the club that night.\u00a0 Gretchen and Jo had worked on dinner all afternoon, gathering ingredients and cooking with the electricity supplied by the generators.\u00a0 They had provided quite a feast, spread across a large, round table in the middle of the club\u2019s dining room.\u00a0 It was the first time the ten of them had sat down to a formal meal all together, with no one taking guard duty, hunting zombies, or sleeping off the night shift.<\/p>\n

As Brian looked around the table \u2013 Gretchen beside him, Riley next to her, then Nick and AJ, Kayleigh and Howie, Jo and Gabby, and Kevin on his other side \u2013 it occurred to him again how lucky they were to be alive five weeks after the dead had risen.\u00a0 In another age, he might have used the word \u201cblessed,\u201d but not anymore.\u00a0 There were no blessings, no miracles, only luck.\u00a0 They\u2019d gotten lucky, in surviving the initial zombie outbreak, in finding each other, and in coming together in this fortress.\u00a0 That luck, aided by survival skills and sheer determination, had kept them alive.<\/p>\n

Still, he wasn\u2019t surprised when someone suggested they say grace before their meal.\u00a0 It was Jo who proposed it.\u00a0 \u201cI think Kevin should say the grace \u2013 if you don\u2019t mind, of course,\u201d she added, looking directly at Kevin.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re our leader.\u00a0 You\u2019re the reason we\u2019re all gathered here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kevin shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and Brian saw his cousin\u2019s eyes flicker towards him.\u00a0 He quickly looked away.\u00a0 He was relieved when he heard Kevin say, \u201cSure.\u00a0 Let\u2019s bow our heads.\u201d<\/p>\n

Around the circle, they joined hands and lowered their chins to their chests.\u00a0 Brian slipped his hands into Kevin\u2019s and Gretchen\u2019s, but he kept his eyes open, staring down at his lap.\u00a0 Beside him, Kevin cleared his throat.\u00a0 \u201cHeavenly Father\u2026 we thank You for providing us this meal \u2013 and Jo and Gretchen, who prepared it for us.\u00a0 We thank You for shining Your light through the darkness of the past few weeks, in order to guide us through it\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Brian glanced up.\u00a0 Nearly everyone else had their heads down, their eyes closed in prayer, but across the circle, AJ was staring back at him.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026We thank You for our survival, and we pray for the souls of those who succumbed to the virus.\u00a0 We ask Your forgiveness for the violence we\u2019ve been forced to commit against the undead, and we also ask that You watch over the loved ones we have lost\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

Their eyes met, and as Kevin finished his solemn prayer, an understanding passed between them.<\/p>\n

\u201c\u2026In Your name, we pray.\u00a0 Amen.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAmen,\u201d the others murmured.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet\u2019s eat,\u201d said AJ.\u00a0 Brian shot him a smirk across the table.\u00a0 Out of everyone there, he\u2019d never expected to feel camaraderie with the tattooed atheist who had broken out of drug rehab to join them.\u00a0 On the exterior, they seemed as different as could be.\u00a0 Yet, the saying was true:\u00a0 opposites attract.\u00a0 For the third time that day, Brian was grateful for AJ\u2019s presence.<\/p>\n

He picked up the nearest dish to pass, and the others followed suit, filling their plates.\u00a0 Spunky trotted laps around the table, eagerly awaiting table scraps.\u00a0 The somber mood set by the prayer lifted as they started to eat, conversation flowing easily in between bites.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe all still need to stay alert and be cautious.\u00a0 There may still be a few stragglers hanging out in some of the buildings,\u201d Kevin said, \u201cbut after today, I think we\u2019ve gotten most of them.\u00a0 We\u2019ll need to finish disposing of the bodies tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cEw.\u201d\u00a0 Kayleigh made a disgusted face.\u00a0 \u201cCan we please not talk about burning dead bodies while we\u2019re eating?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhere do you think that meat you\u2019re eating came from, Kayleigh?\u201d asked AJ.\u00a0 He snickered when Kayleigh dropped her fork with a look of horror.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s not chicken\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, stop,\u201d Jo chided, trying not to smile.\u00a0 \u201cIt is too chicken.\u00a0 It came from the restaurant\u2019s freezer.\u00a0 The generators kept it frozen.\u201d<\/p>\n

But Kayleigh ate around the rest of her chicken breast.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s real good,\u201d Brian told Gretchen pointedly.\u00a0 In truth, the chicken was tough and dry from being frozen so long, but he knew she and Jo had worked hard to pull off a homecooked meal.<\/p>\n

\u201cReally?\u00a0 Thank you,\u201d Gretchen replied, beaming at his compliment.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo what now?\u201d Riley asked.\u00a0 \u201cThe base is clear, we have plenty of supplies\u2026\u00a0 What\u2019s our plan from here?\u201d\u00a0 Brian could tell she was the type of person who always needed an assignment, a goal to work towards.\u00a0 The way she talked, she\u2019d been a workaholic in her former life as a journalist; downtime probably wasn\u2019t something she was used to.<\/p>\n

He wasn\u2019t surprised when Kevin had an answer for her.\u00a0 Kevin, the man with the plan.\u00a0 He was like Riley in that respect, always looking ahead, aiming for some target.\u00a0 \u201cI think our next step needs to be broadening our search for other survivors,\u201d he said slowly, toying with the fork in his hand.\u00a0 \u201cI know we\u2019ve broadcasted on the radio, and we\u2019ve been outside the base perimeter looking, but we need to do more of that.\u00a0 We need to extend our parameters and make sure we\u2019ve checked everywhere.\u00a0 Now that the base is secure, we\u2019ll be able to devote more time and manpower to the search.\u201d<\/p>\n

The others nodded in agreement.\u00a0 Though their group of ten had grown close in the month they\u2019d been together, none of them liked to think they were the only ones left alive.\u00a0 They all held on to the hope that, somewhere, there were others like them.\u00a0 Kevin seemed confident that such survivors existed, but others were more skeptical.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know I\u2019m down for going outside the base, but do you really think we\u2019re gonna find anyone else, Kevin?\u201d AJ spoke up.\u00a0 \u201cI mean, I know I\u2019m the cynic here, but seriously \u2013 it\u2019s been a month, and we\u2019ve heard from nobody since Brian and Gretchen showed up.\u00a0 And did anyone see any signs of life on their way here?\u201d<\/p>\n

They exchanged grim looks across the table.\u00a0 Finally, Jo said, \u201cWe may not have seen any signs, but we have to believe in what we can\u2019t see.\u00a0 That\u2019s what faith is all about.\u00a0 We have to have faith that God wouldn\u2019t leave us alone in this undead world.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat about Noah, Mom?\u201d Gabby countered.\u00a0 \u201cGod left him and his family alone.\u00a0 They built their ark, and He flooded the world and killed everyone else, except for them, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

Jo paused, thoughtfully rubbing the wooden beads of the rosary she wore around her neck and looking as if she didn\u2019t know quite what to say to that.\u00a0 In his preaching days, Brian would have explained that God was both testing and rewarding Noah\u2019s faith.\u00a0 Noah, because he was righteous and followed the Lord\u2019s instructions, survived the flood with his family, who went on to repopulate the earth.\u00a0 Now he knew it was just a fable, designed to promote the sort of blind faith Jo was talking about.\u00a0 Be good Christian, and the Lord will save you in the end.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s just a story, Gabby,\u201d he said dully.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s all the Bible is, a bunch of stories people wrote a long time ago to tell you what to believe and how to live your life.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBrian\u2026\u201d Kevin started with a warning tone, but Brian ignored him.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere may have been a man named Noah,\u201d he continued in a monotone, not caring who he was offending, \u201cbut there was no ark and no flood that wiped out the rest of the world.\u00a0 It didn\u2019t happen.\u201d<\/p>\n

Gabby recoiled, her dark eyes narrowing as she frowned.\u00a0 \u201cHow do you know?\u201d she challenged him.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s ancient history.\u00a0 What if a hundred thousand years from now, people read our diaries and say the world was never taken over by zombies either, that our writing is \u2018just a story\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n

Brian offered a patient smile, but before he could reply, Kayleigh jumped in.\u00a0 \u201cThey\u2019ve looked for the ark, Gabby, in the mountains in Turkey.\u00a0 They\u2019ve never found it or any proof that it existed.\u00a0 I\u2019m a Christian too, but Brian\u2019s right \u2013 you can\u2019t take everything in the Bible literally.\u201d<\/p>\n

Everyone looked at Kayleigh, surprised, as always, to hear something insightful come out of her mouth.<\/p>\n

Before Gabby could retort again, Jo said, \u201cKayleigh\u2019s right, Gabby.\u00a0 It goes along with what I was saying, though.\u00a0 Just because you can\u2019t prove something doesn\u2019t mean you shouldn\u2019t believe in it.\u00a0 Whether it really happened or not, the message you should believe is that the Lord shows mercy to those who are faithful.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy believe in something that\u2019s not true?\u201d said Brian abruptly, and the heads of those who had been looking at Kayleigh whipped around to stare at him instead.<\/p>\n

\u201cBrian, please,\u201d Kevin pleaded again.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, really,\u201d Brian said, pushing back his chair.\u00a0 He stood up, his heart pumping fast and his face heating up, as he looked down at the table of nine.\u00a0 \u201cThe Lord shows mercy to those who are faithful?\u00a0 You really think that?\u00a0 All those zombies we killed today\u2026 you think none of them had faith when they were still human?\u00a0 God didn\u2019t show them much mercy, did he?\u201d\u00a0 His eyes came to rest on Jo, and though he knew he should stop talking, he let the words continue to spill out of his mouth, releasing the feelings that had been brewing inside of him for over a month.\u00a0 \u201cWhat about your husband?\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t a good Christian?\u00a0 God didn\u2019t save him.\u201d<\/p>\n

Jo\u2019s face had gone white.\u00a0 Beside her, Gabby\u2019s eyes were filling with tears.<\/p>\n

There was a loud crash, as Kevin\u2019s chair toppled backwards.\u00a0 He had jumped up, his eyes flashing dangerously.\u00a0 \u201cShut up, Brian.\u00a0 Shut up now,\u201d his deep voice demanded.<\/p>\n

But Brian could not stop the rush of emotion that was carrying his words.\u00a0 \u201cMy wife and daughters were good Christians, the same as I was!\u00a0 You knew them, Kev; you knew they were!\u201d he cried.\u00a0 \u201cIf there was a merciful God, he would have saved them, or he would have killed us all!\u00a0 The Lord I believed in wouldn\u2019t have let me live and then turned my family into crazed, flesh-eating zombies that I had to kill with my bare hands!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBrian!\u201d<\/p>\n

The room blurred before him, distorted by the angry tears that stung his eyes.\u00a0 \u201cI was a father!\u201d he sobbed.\u00a0 \u201cNo Father would make His children do that!\u201d\u00a0 He looked down at Jo again and bitterly shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cHow can you still believe in a merciful God?\u00a0 How can you still have faith in something that doesn\u2019t exist?!\u201d<\/p>\n

Jo just stared at him, clutching her rosary, tears streaming silently down her cheeks.\u00a0 She looked deflated.<\/p>\n

The devastation in her eyes was enough to break Brian.\u00a0 Heart thundering in his ears, he turned and bolted for the door.\u00a0 He flung it open and stormed through it, escaping into the night air.<\/p>\n

He took off down the sidewalk, walking without any sense of direction.\u00a0 It was dark and quiet outside.\u00a0 A breeze ruffled the leaves of the nearby palm trees, and the effect was calming.\u00a0 He began to slow down, his pounding footsteps softening to tired shuffles.\u00a0 There was a lone car parked in a parking lot up ahead, and he drifted toward it.\u00a0 The driver\u2019s side door was unlocked, so he slid in, slumped over the wheel, and buried his face in his arms.<\/p>\n

With loud, racking sobs that shook his entire body, he started to weep.\u00a0 He wept for Leighanne and the twins, whose memory tortured him so.\u00a0 He wept for Jo and Gabby, whom his words had hurt so deeply.\u00a0 He wept for himself, though he knew he wasn\u2019t worthy of self-pity.<\/p>\n

Crumpled over the steering wheel, he didn\u2019t notice the figure that crept out of the shadows, and he jumped when he heard a tap on the window.\u00a0 His head jerked up, his heart leaping into his throat.\u00a0 It slid back down in relief when he saw that it was just Gretchen.<\/p>\n

Wordlessly, he reached across to the passenger side door and opened it for her.\u00a0 She slipped inside and shut it softly.\u00a0 \u201cHey,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n

His voice was a hoarse croak.\u00a0 \u201cHey.\u201d<\/p>\n

She reached out and put her hand on his shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cI told them I was gonna go and see if you were okay\u2026 but I know you\u2019re not.\u00a0 Of course you\u2019re not.\u201d<\/p>\n

He shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI shouldn\u2019t have lost control like that.\u00a0 I should never have said all those things.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s how you feel, though, isn\u2019t it?\u201d\u00a0 Her tone was understanding.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019d been building up for a long time.\u201d<\/p>\n

Straightening up, he turned to her and nodded miserably.\u00a0 \u201cStill\u2026 I\u2019m better than that.\u00a0 Or at least I thought I was.\u201d<\/p>\n

She offered a sympathetic smile. \u00a0\u201cEveryone says things they regret.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know.\u00a0 But I don\u2019t, usually.\u00a0 I don\u2019t know what came over me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo one\u2019s perfect.\u00a0 Grief affects people in different ways.\u201d<\/p>\n

Brian sniffled and shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s not just grief,\u201d he said, wiping his nose with the back of his hand.\u00a0 \u201cI feel\u2026 lost.\u00a0 Like I don\u2019t know who I am anymore.\u00a0 I know I lost a part of myself when I lost my family, but there\u2019s more to it than that.\u00a0 I can\u2019t explain\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can try,\u201d Gretchen encouraged.\u00a0 \u201cI mean, I\u2019m here to listen, if you want to.\u201d<\/p>\n

He looked away, staring out the windshield in silence.\u00a0 For a long pause, neither of them spoke.\u00a0 Then, without looking at her, he confessed, \u201cI lied when I told you I was a music teacher.\u00a0 I\u2019m not.\u201dHiHis hear\u00a0 He could feel his heart thudding against his ribs again, but this time, it was from anticipation and apprehension, rather than anger.\u00a0 He had spewed forth so much verbal diarrhea that night, he had to come clean.\u00a0 He had to explain himself, to make her understand why<\/i>.\u00a0 \u201cWhen all of this happened, I was a Baptist minister.\u201d<\/p>\n

He heard her soft intake of breath and could tell he\u2019d surprised her.\u00a0 \u201cReally?\u00a0 Wow\u2026 I had no idea\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t want anyone to know.\u00a0 I disassociated myself from the church, from God, from all of it.\u00a0 I don\u2019t believe it anymore.\u201d\u00a0 He raked a hand through his hair, tugging at the ends of his disheveled curls.\u00a0 \u201cAll my ministry, I found myself trying explain how a god that\u2019s supposedly so loving and merciful and all-powerful lets calamities happen to good people.\u00a0 Bad things have happened in my life, too, but I thought I was blessed.\u00a0 The Lord had always given me the strength to overcome.\u00a0 I was a good person, a faithful servant, and he never gave me more than I could handle.\u00a0 But this is too much\u2026 too much for anyone.\u00a0 No god would let this happen to the world he created.\u201d<\/p>\n

She nodded.\u00a0 \u201cI understand how you feel.\u201d<\/p>\n

But he could tell she didn\u2019t agree with his new beliefs.\u00a0 \u201cYou think I\u2019m a bad person?\u201d he asked.\u00a0 \u201cFor saying all those things\u2026 for forsaking my religion\u2026 for going against everything I\u2019ve ever believed and preached?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, of course not,\u201d she said, so firmly that he was forced to look back at her.\u00a0 Her eyes locked with his.\u00a0 \u201cYou\u2019re a good person, Brian.\u00a0 I\u2019ve known it since the day I met you.\u00a0 I think\u2026 I think this all just affected you so much more because\u2026 well, you had the rug swept under you.\u00a0 Like you said, you lived a good life, had a perfect little family, and then it was all just taken away from you.\u00a0 And not in a way that would be easy for anyone to deal with.\u00a0 But especially someone who had always defended God, in a way, and justified His will.\u00a0 To have to figure out how He could let something like this happen\u2026 well, I don\u2019t know how I\u2019d explain it either.\u00a0 It still makes no sense to me.\u201d\u00a0 She paused.\u00a0 \u201cI think the difference between us is, you were so close to God before, you\u2019ve taken it like a personal insult.\u00a0 Me, I\u2019ve always believed\u2026 but I\u2019ve never been all that religious.\u00a0 Maybe that\u2019s why I don\u2019t blame God.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t blame him,\u201d Brian said bitterly, clenching his jaw.\u00a0 \u201cI blame whoever started this\u2026 the terrorists, or whoever they are.\u00a0 They\u2019re to blame.\u00a0 Not God.\u00a0 Because the way I see it, there is no God.\u201d<\/p>\n

She touched his arm, rubbing it lightly.\u00a0 \u201cI won\u2019t argue with you.\u00a0 Thanks for coming clean with me.\u00a0 That had to have made you feel a little better, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

Reluctantly, he nodded.\u00a0 And it was true.\u00a0 His heartbeat was slowing again, and his chest felt a little lighter, as if a weight had been lifted.\u00a0 \u201cThanks for listening,\u201d he whispered. \u00a0\u201cAnd for understanding.\u201d<\/p>\n

She smiled.\u00a0 \u201cAnytime.\u201d<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

They walked together back to the club, where the others had finished dinner and were cleaning up.\u00a0 They all stopped and looked at Brian as he walked in.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he said at once, fixing his eyes on Jo and Gabby, in turn.\u00a0 \u201cI lost my temper.\u00a0 What I said was completely uncalled for, and I\u2019m sorry.\u201d\u00a0 When no one spoke, he added, \u201cI used to be religious.\u00a0 When I lost my family, I sort of lost my religion too.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t mean to take it out on any of you, and I\u2019m sorry for offending or upsetting you.\u201d<\/p>\n

He\u2019d rehearsed what he was going to say the whole way back and decided to keep his explanation brief and vague.\u00a0 It had been hard enough telling Gretchen the whole story.\u00a0 He didn\u2019t want to go through it again with the rest of the group, not that night.\u00a0 His meltdown had left him emotionally drained and mentally exhausted.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re forgiven,\u201d Jo said, but her voice was clipped, her body language stiff.\u00a0 He could tell she hadn\u2019t recovered from the way he\u2019d talked about her dead husband.\u00a0 Gabby, too, was still shooting him daggers.\u00a0 He ignored it, knowing she would need time to heal.\u00a0 He\u2019d struck a raw nerve in both of them to prove his point, and he hated himself for it.<\/p>\n

He was relieved when they finally finished cleaning up the club and headed back to the chapel.\u00a0 It was as hot and stuffy as ever inside, but at least he could seclude himself from the others, curl up on his makeshift bed and feign sleep until the real thing claimed him.<\/p>\n

And that was what he did, lying awake until the sounds of the night faded away, one by one, leaving him with only his thoughts to fill the silence.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

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