{"id":294,"date":"2013-07-22T13:03:12","date_gmt":"2013-07-22T13:03:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/undead\/?page_id=294"},"modified":"2014-07-25T04:27:19","modified_gmt":"2014-07-25T04:27:19","slug":"chapter-73","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/undead\/story\/chapter-73\/","title":{"rendered":"Chapter 73"},"content":{"rendered":"

Chapter 73<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n

I felt so sorry for Brian, Howie, Jo, and Kayleigh, the ones who had lost their wives, their husbands, their boyfriends.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t consider myself one of them.\u00a0 I was no widow; Shawn was still alive, still looking for me, and one day, he would find me here.\u00a0 It was that thought that kept me going.<\/i><\/p>\n

July 30th<\/sup> was our first wedding anniversary.\u00a0 I had myself a good cry, thinking of how, if the world were normal, Shawn and I would have gone out to a nice dinner, then come back to the house for some year-old, freezer-burned wedding cake while we watched our wedding video and drank champagne.\u00a0 Instead, the day passed with no cake, no champagne, no video, and no Shawn.\u00a0 But I wasn\u2019t alone.\u00a0 That night, I sat out on the front porch and stared up at the moon.\u00a0 It was a clear night, and the moon was big and beautiful, almost full.\u00a0 I comforted myself with the idea that, somewhere, Shawn might be gazing up at the same moon and thinking of me.\u00a0 It was very Fievel from An American Tail<\/span>, minus the singing, but cheesy as it sounds, it made me feel better.\u00a0 It made me feel like Shawn was with me, somehow.<\/i><\/p>\n

It\u2019s been almost two months since then \u2013 more than five months since I last saw my husband.\u00a0 I\u2019m not sure how much longer I can go on like this.\u00a0 It sounds sick, but I look at Brian, Howie, and Jo now, and in a way, I envy them.\u00a0 Their spouses are dead, but at least they know they\u2019re dead.\u00a0 They\u2019ve grieved and accepted it, whereas I feel like I\u2019m stuck in some kind of limbo.\u00a0 I miss Shawn.\u00a0 I worry for Shawn.\u00a0 But I can\u2019t grieve for Shawn when I haven\u2019t accepted that I\u2019ll never see him again, and I can\u2019t accept that when there\u2019s still a chance he\u2019s alive.\u00a0 At this point, I just want to know.\u00a0 It\u2019s killing me not to know.<\/i><\/p>\n

I just wish someone would give me a sign.<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tuesday, September 25, 2012<\/b><\/b>
\nWeek Twenty-Three<\/i><\/p>\n

The moon was almost full again.\u00a0 It shone brightly in the sky, sparkling off the water of Tampa Bay and casting shadows on the ground below.\u00a0 Gretchen was grateful for the extra light, but the shadows did make it seem even eerier out by the gates.<\/p>\n

Guard duty was more nerve-wracking than ever, after what had happened to Kayleigh.\u00a0 She hated when her turn came around, but she hated the idea of going to sleep with no one keeping watch over the base even more, so she continued to take her turn without complaint.\u00a0 At least Brian was with her tonight.<\/p>\n

He was on edge that night, too.\u00a0 She knew he felt at least partly to blame for Kayleigh\u2019s death, even though there was nothing he could have done to prevent it.\u00a0 \u201cYou could have died, too,\u201d she\u2019d told him, shuddering at the thought.\u00a0 Brian was one of her closest friends here; she didn\u2019t think she could take it if something bad happened to him.\u00a0 It had been horrible enough losing Kayleigh \u2013 and almost losing Howie before that.\u00a0 And now Kevin, Nick, and Riley were gone, and she had to worry about them, too.\u00a0 The house seemed empty without Nick and Riley; in a way, she was glad it was her turn at guard duty, because there was no way she could have slept there alone that night.\u00a0 At least she was with Brian.\u00a0 He made her feel safe \u2013 as safe as she possibly could feel, under the circumstances.<\/p>\n

They sat side by side on the curb outside the tiny guard\u2019s kiosk, their guns in their lap.\u00a0 As a breeze from off the bay rustled the nearby palms, Gretchen shivered a little, goosebumps rising on her skin from the sudden chill.\u00a0 Even as they entered fall, the daily temperatures were still in the upper eighties and nineties, but the temperatures at night had started to drop.<\/p>\n

\u201cChilly?\u201d Brian asked, looking over at her.<\/p>\n

\u201cA little.\u00a0 Guess I should have brought a sweatshirt.\u201d\u00a0 She laughed.\u00a0 After months of suffering without air conditioning, it seemed ridiculous to complain about being cold.\u00a0 She was glad summer was over.<\/p>\n

Brian put his arm around her and rubbed her upper arm vigorously to warm her up.\u00a0 It helped a little.\u00a0 \u201cThanks,\u201d she said, smiling in his direction.<\/p>\n

\u201cWanna go inside?\u201d he asked, tipping his head toward the guard\u2019s kiosk.\u00a0 They usually avoided sitting inside it; it was cramped and stuffy, and unless they left the lights off, it was hard to see outside in the dark.<\/p>\n

Gretchen shrugged.\u00a0 \u201cOkay.\u201d<\/p>\n

He let go of her and stood up, then extended his arm down to her to help her up, too.\u00a0 She thought it was cute the way he did things like that, not just for her, but all the ladies on the base.\u00a0 He was just chivalrous that way, a true Southern gentleman.\u00a0 She accepted his hand and let him pull her to her feet.\u00a0 She started to follow him into the kiosk, when a glimmer of movement out of the corner of her eye caught her attention.\u00a0 Turning her head, she gasped, instinctively clutching Brian\u2019s arm.<\/p>\n

\u201cSomething\u2019s coming,\u201d she whispered, pointing through the gate, to the main road that extended north into the city.\u00a0 A lone figure was wandering down the road toward them.\u00a0 In the silvery light, it was a mere shadow, a dark silhouette, but it was human in shape.\u00a0 She had said \u201csomething\u201d and not \u201csomeone\u201d only because it had been so long since they\u2019d encountered a \u201csomeone,\u201d she assumed it had to be one of the undead \u2013 no longer a person, but a thing.<\/p>\n

Brian moved in front of her, raising his rifle.\u00a0 The creature was still too far away, out of shooting range, but it was getting nearer with every step.\u00a0 Gretchen held her breath, watching it.\u00a0 Brian kept his eyes trained on it, as well, adjusting his aim as it slowly came into range.\u00a0 He inched closer to the gate, slipping the gun barrel between its metal bars, as his target approached it on the other side.<\/p>\n

As the moonlight fell upon it, Gretchen suddenly cried, \u201cWait!\u00a0 Don\u2019t shoot!\u201d<\/p>\n

Brian turned to look at her in surprise, but she ran past him and grabbed the bars of the gate.\u00a0 She yanked on them, trying to open it, but it was operated electronically and was too heavy to move manually.\u00a0 \u201cOpen the gate!\u00a0 Open the gate!\u201d she begged Brian.<\/p>\n

He didn\u2019t question her, but went obediently into the guard\u2019s kiosk to work the controls.\u00a0 Within a few seconds, the gate was sliding slowly but steadily open.\u00a0 Gretchen waited just until a gap wide enough to slide through appeared; then she slipped through it and took off running toward the figure, screaming, \u201cShawn!\u00a0 Shawn!\u201d<\/p>\n

She had recognized his lanky shape, his old military fatigues, and the glint of his glasses in the moonlight.\u00a0 Now she ran to him, her arms open wide.\u00a0 He came steadily toward her, calm and collected as always, and she thought in exasperation, The least you could do is meet me halfway!<\/i>\u00a0 But she didn\u2019t care; she would run a marathon just to fall into his arms at the finish line.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, Shawn!\u201d she sobbed, and she hurled herself at him, throwing her arms around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder.\u00a0 \u201cYou found us!\u00a0 I always knew you\u2019d find us!\u201d<\/p>\n

She felt his arms come around her, heavy and hard, and their weight comforted her; it had been so long since she\u2019d had someone to hold her.\u00a0 His fingers scrabbled up her back and into her hair; it had grown long since the spring.\u00a0 He had lost weight; he felt bonier than ever, as if he might break if she squeezed him too hard.\u00a0 He stunk, as if he hadn\u2019t showered in days, maybe even weeks.\u00a0 Clearly, he\u2019d been on the road for a long time.\u00a0 He had been through hell.\u00a0 She could smell the pungent stench of the undead on his clothes.\u00a0 \u201cYou need a shower,\u201d she laughed, reaching up to stroke his face.<\/p>\n

A chunk of flesh from his cheek fell off in her hand.<\/p>\n

She gasped, as the sickening realization hit her, and tried to pull away, but his hands were wound in her hair and held her tight.\u00a0 She felt them clawing at her scalp, and as she looked up into the milky, dead eyes sunken into the hollows of his decaying face, the bony fingers clenched around two hanks of her hair and tugged her head toward his gaping mouth.\u00a0 She caught a whiff of his rotting breath as she sucked in a lungful of air and released it in a high-pitched scream.\u00a0 \u201cBRIAAAN!!!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGRETCHEN!\u201d\u00a0 She heard his voice and the pounding of his footsteps, but there was no way he could make it to her in time, no way he could get a good shot at Shawn\u2019s brain.<\/p>\n

As she felt the jaws brush her forehead, she screamed and screamed.<\/p>\n

\u201cGretchen!\u00a0 Gretch!\u00a0 GRETCHEN!\u00a0 Wake up!\u201d<\/p>\n

Gretchen sat up, her covers falling off her.\u00a0 Her hair was in tangles from writhing on her pillow, and her skin was slick with cold sweat.\u00a0 She was breathing hard, her heart racing.\u00a0 The bedroom was dark, but she could just make out his silhouette perched on the edge of the bed.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s alright,\u201d he whispered, and she felt the warm weight of his hand on her leg through the covers.\u00a0 \u201cYou were just havin\u2019 a nightmare.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI dreamed you were dead,\u201d she whispered back, and she started to cry then.\u00a0 \u201cOh Shawn\u2026\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 She reached out and drew him into her arms, holding tight to him as she had in her dream, clinging to his bare chest.<\/p>\n

She felt his arms come around her and pat her on the back, but then she heard his voice saying, \u201cIt\u2019s Brian, Gretchen\u2026 wake up\u2026 it\u2019s just Brian\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

The light came on, and she woke up then, really woke up, and found herself in Brian\u2019s arms \u2013 or, rather, him in hers.\u00a0 She released him at once and recoiled, still disoriented but quickly becoming aware that she had done something embarrassing in her sleep.\u00a0 He offered her a crooked smile, looking awkward, and she realized he was wearing only a pair of boxers.\u00a0 Looking down at herself, she remembered that she had on just a thin t-shirt, and she quickly pulled the sheet up around herself, feeling self-conscious.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d she mumbled, shaking her head.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m a real deep sleeper\u2026 I had a bad dream\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know.\u201d\u00a0 He smiled sympathetically.\u00a0 \u201cYou were screaming.\u00a0 You shouted my name, but then you called me\u2026 well\u2026 your husband\u2019s name.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d she apologized again, feeling her whole body flush with embarrassment.\u00a0 She lowered the covers again, desperate for air.\u00a0 \u201cI dreamed he came here, to the base, only\u2026 only he was\u2026 one of them<\/i>.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat sounds awful,\u201d said Brian, and she realized he knew just how awful it was because he\u2019d been through something similar, but for real.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d she said a third time, at a loss for anything else to say.\u00a0 \u201cThanks for waking me up.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo problem,\u201d he replied, getting up from her bed.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t have to apologize either.\u00a0 It happens.\u00a0 You gonna be alright?\u201d<\/p>\n

She nodded, anxious for him to leave, but after he was gone, she left the light on.\u00a0 She was afraid to go back to sleep, afraid to see what she\u2019d seen in her nightmare again.\u00a0 She scooted back against her headboard and brought her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them, and there she sat, until the darkness faded to dawn, thinking of Shawn.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t keep doing this, <\/i>she thought, her head pounding as she fought off sleep.\u00a0 I can\u2019t keep torturing myself, wondering.\u00a0 I need to know.\u00a0 I need to find him.<\/i><\/p>\n

It was that thought, that resolve, that finally lulled her back to sleep.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

Later that morning, Gretchen called for a meeting.\u00a0 When the remaining six of them gathered around her kitchen table, she announced, \u201cI want to go back to Atlanta.\u201d<\/p>\n

The protests came quickly, as she\u2019d known they would.\u00a0 \u201cNo, don\u2019t go!\u201d Gabby cried.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s too dangerous,\u201d Howie added.<\/p>\n

\u201cEspecially with the others gone.\u00a0 Wait until they get back and let us know what the rest of the country looks like; maybe then you can go.\u201d\u00a0 That was Jo.<\/p>\n

\u201cKevin already told you no.\u201d\u00a0 That was Brian.\u00a0 Gretchen couldn\u2019t help but glare at him, feeling betrayed that he would side with his cousin over her.\u00a0 It was true that she had brought up the idea of going back north to look for Shawn before, and it was also true that the plan had been shot down by Kevin.\u00a0 That was exactly why she was bringing it up again now.<\/p>\n

\u201cKevin\u2019s not her dad.\u00a0 Besides, Kevin\u2019s not even here.\u00a0 If Gretchen wants to go, she\u2019s free to go.\u201d\u00a0 That was AJ, and Gretchen looked over at him with surprise and gratitude.<\/p>\n

\u201cThank you, AJ,\u201d she said.\u00a0 To the others, she explained, \u201cI have to find my husband.\u00a0 I know it\u2019s a long shot, but I have to try.\u00a0 I can\u2019t go on like this.\u00a0 I won\u2019t rest until I at least look.\u201d\u00a0 She paused, seeing the way they exchanged glances, and then she added, \u201cI know you think it\u2019s stupid and dangerous and na\u00efve of me; I don\u2019t expect you to understand.\u00a0 But I do expect you to let me go.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI understand,\u201d Howie said quietly.\u00a0 When she looked over at him, he continued, \u201cI only had to drive a few miles, but I would have gone to the ends of the earth to find my son.\u201d<\/p>\n

Gretchen felt her throat tighten.\u00a0 It was easy to forget Howie had once been a father.\u00a0 He rarely spoke of his son, but the way he did now, she could tell he did understand how she felt and why she had to go.\u00a0 \u201cThank you,\u201d she whispered.<\/p>\n

Brian looked from Howie to Gretchen, frowning.\u00a0 Finally, he said, \u201cWell, you can\u2019t go alone.\u201d<\/p>\n

She raised her eyebrows, her heart doing a little staccato step.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll go with you.\u201d<\/p>\n

She could tell he wasn\u2019t thrilled about the prospect, and she couldn\u2019t blame him.\u00a0 She and Brian had both been through hell in Georgia, but while Atlanta still held hope for her, it held only horrors for Brian.\u00a0 Where she might still find her family, he had lost his forever.\u00a0 She couldn\u2019t make him face his demons just for her sake.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t have to,\u201d she said quickly.<\/p>\n

He shook his head.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m not gonna let you go by yourself.\u00a0 We came down together; we can go back up together.\u201d<\/p>\n

She bit her lip, wanting to smile, but fighting back the impulse.\u00a0 \u201cAre you sure?\u201d<\/p>\n

Looking a lot like his cousin, he gave a single, stoic nod.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ll leave tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy not today?\u201d she blurted, before she could stop herself.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause.\u00a0 We need to get some supplies together and make a plan, look at a map, figure out the best route to take.\u00a0 By the time we do all that, it\u2019ll be well into the afternoon, and we want to give ourselves as much daylight as possible to travel in.\u201d<\/p>\n

Of course, all this was perfectly logical, so she forced herself to nod.\u00a0 \u201cOkay.\u00a0 So we\u2019ll spend today getting ready, and we\u2019ll leave tomorrow.\u00a0 First thing in the morning.\u201d<\/p>\n

Brian smiled tightly.\u00a0 \u201cFirst thing in the morning,\u201d he agreed.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The moon was nearly full again that night.\u00a0 Maybe it was the extra light streaming into her bedroom, or maybe (probably) it was just anxiety over the dangerous journey she was about to embark on, but Gretchen slept badly.\u00a0 She tossed and turned for hours before gradually falling into an uneasy sleep.\u00a0 But when Brian woke her at dawn, she jumped out of bed, wide awake and ready to go.<\/p>\n

She had slept maybe two hours, at most, but adrenaline was coursing through her, more potent than caffeine, and she worried if they didn\u2019t leave then, she\u2019d lose her nerve.\u00a0 She brewed a pot of coffee for the road, while Brian added the last of their bags to the back of the same pick-up truck they\u2019d arrived in, which was already loaded with guns, gas cans, and boxes of food and ammo.<\/p>\n

Jo and Gabby were still asleep when they left, but AJ and Howie, who had been up all night on guard duty, opened the front gate for them and wished them well.<\/p>\n

\u201cTake care of yourselves,\u201d said Howie, giving them each a rare hug.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou two just better make it back before the other group does, or Kevin\u2019ll skin me alive for letting you go,\u201d growled AJ, before surprising Gretchen by pulling her into a rough hug, too.\u00a0 He clapped Brian on the back.\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t become zombie meat.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll try not to,\u201d Brian chuckled weakly, as he climbed behind the wheel.\u00a0 Gretchen went around to the passenger side and clambered on up into the cab.\u00a0 She had always loved a road trip, but this one felt like anything but.<\/p>\n

As Brian eased the truck on through the gate, her stomach twisted into knots.\u00a0 She heard the gate rattle closed again behind them and shuddered, as she realized she was outside the protection of the base for the first time since they had arrived.\u00a0 Now she wondered if they were making a deadly mistake by leaving again.<\/p>\n

She turned in her seat and watched out the back window, as AJ and Howie waved from behind the gate.\u00a0 As much as she prayed she would find Shawn alive at their home in Atlanta, she also prayed they would make it back alive to their new home, at the base in Tampa.<\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

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Chapter 73 I felt so sorry for Brian, Howie, Jo, and Kayleigh, the ones who had lost their wives, their husbands, their boyfriends.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t consider myself one of them.\u00a0 I was no widow; Shawn was still alive, still looking … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"parent":8,"menu_order":73,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"onecolumn-page.php","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/undead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/294"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/undead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/undead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/undead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/undead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=294"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/undead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/294\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":462,"href":"http:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/undead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/294\/revisions\/462"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/undead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/8"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/undead\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=294"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}