{"id":321,"date":"2013-07-22T14:25:04","date_gmt":"2013-07-22T14:25:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/undead\/?page_id=321"},"modified":"2013-07-22T14:25:04","modified_gmt":"2013-07-22T14:25:04","slug":"chapter-84","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/undead\/story\/chapter-84\/","title":{"rendered":"Chapter 84"},"content":{"rendered":"<p align=\"center\"><b><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Chapter 84<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n<p><i>As part of my clerical work, I remember counseling widows and widowers who were concerned about remarrying, or even dating again.\u00a0 It\u2019s an inevitable part of the grief process, to feel guilt over \u201creplacing\u201d your spouse with a new relationship.\u00a0 But the ones who got over that hurdle were the ones who ended up the happiest, at least in my experience.<\/i><\/p>\n<p><i>I know I tried to put myself in their shoes and wondered what I would do in their situation, but in all honesty, I don\u2019t remember ever talking to Leighanne about it.\u00a0 Stupid as it sounds, coming from a guy who\u2019s officiated funeral services for people of all ages, I guess I just never expected to find myself in that situation, at least not for a long, long time.\u00a0 Leighanne and I were the kind of couple that was going to grow old together; I was just sure of that. \u00a0Even if she went first, I assumed I wouldn\u2019t be far behind her.<\/i><\/p>\n<p><i>But here I am, a widower at the age of thirty-three.\u00a0 Who knows how much longer I\u2019ll be able to survive in this world, but I do know one thing:\u00a0 I\u2019m not ready to throw in the towel just yet.\u00a0 Even if I was, I never would; it wouldn\u2019t be fair to the others.\u00a0 As far as we know, we may be the only ones, the only eight survivors of the zombie apocalypse \u2013 assuming Kevin, Nick, and Riley are still alive out there somewhere.\u00a0 If they aren\u2019t, then there\u2019s just five of us left.\u00a0 We have to do all we can to guarantee our survival.<\/i><\/p>\n<p><i>I know Leighanne would want me to go on with my life, to make the most of this precious gift I\u2019ve been given and the time I have left.\u00a0 I just feel so torn over the thought of moving on without her\u2026<\/i><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><b>Friday, November 2, 2012<\/b><i><\/i><br \/>\n<i>Week Twenty-Eight<\/i><\/p>\n<p>It was after midnight and raining hard in Florida.\u00a0 From his vantage point on the back porch, Brian looked out into the storm and wondered if it would ever stop.<\/p>\n<p>He thought the rainy season was supposed to be over, even if the hurricane season wasn\u2019t, but it had been damp and dreary for days.\u00a0 Work on the wall had been delayed, and instead, he and the others been cooped up inside their houses, restless and bored.\u00a0 It was actually a relief to be sitting outside, under the roof of the porch, keeping watch.\u00a0 The rain had a way of making the air smell fresh again, as if it had washed away the stink of the undead.\u00a0 It was only once it stopped that they would smell the stench of rotting flesh coming off the bloated bodies that roamed outside their walls.\u00a0 In the long run, the rain made it worse \u2013 wet corpses stunk even more than dry ones did.<\/p>\n<p><i>Maybe it won\u2019t stop this time,<\/i> thought Brian.\u00a0 Maybe the rain would fall for forty days and forty nights, as it had in Noah\u2019s time, when the Lord had flooded the earth to rid it of the wickedness of humankind.\u00a0 Maybe, this time, God intended it to wash away all that was unclean and undead, to rid the world of its walking corpses.\u00a0 Unless, of course, the plague of zombies had been sent as a warning, a punishment, like the ten plagues of Egypt.\u00a0 Brian swallowed hard; the mere thought left a bad taste in his mouth.<\/p>\n<p>This must have been what Noah felt like on the ark, waiting for the flood waters to recede, putting his faith in the Lord who had chosen him that everything would turn out all right in the end.\u00a0 Brian wished he had Noah\u2019s faith, but his had been shaken.\u00a0 He felt anxious, alternating between the belief that Kevin, Nick, and Riley were still alive, and the knowledge that they were probably never coming back.\u00a0 The tug of emotions made him feel trapped.\u00a0 How long was he supposed to wait there, praying for their return, before he gave up hope?<\/p>\n<p><i>I wish you\u2019d give me a sign, Father,<\/i> he spoke silently, directing his thoughts toward Heaven.\u00a0 He clasped his hands and bowed his head, pleading for guidance.\u00a0 <i>I don\u2019t know what to do or how to feel.\u00a0 If they\u2019re gone, I just want to know for sure, so I don\u2019t have to keep on wondering.<\/i><\/p>\n<p>Then a light appeared over his head.\u00a0 He felt its warmth as he was cast into its golden aura, and he gazed up in surprise.<\/p>\n<p>It was only the porch light.<\/p>\n<p>The screen door opened, and Gretchen stepped out onto the porch.\u00a0 \u201cStill awake out here?\u201d she asked softly.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cStill awake,\u201d he responded, smiling at her.\u00a0 He scooted over to one side of the porch swing and patted the spot next to him.\u00a0 She came over and sat down.\u00a0 \u201cStill raining,\u201d he added, opening up the blanket he\u2019d wrapped himself in and throwing one side over her shoulders.<\/p>\n<p>She snuggled up closer to him, drawing the blanket tighter around herself.\u00a0 \u201cI don\u2019t mind it, though,\u201d she replied.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve always loved rain.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat is it with you women and rain?\u201d he asked, smiling over at her again.\u00a0 He remembered Riley saying the same thing.\u00a0 He wondered if it was raining where they were.\u00a0 He could just imagine her playing outside in the rain, twirling around with Nick while Kevin yelled at the two of them to get back inside before the zombies smelled them.\u00a0 Then the vision changed, and instead, he saw her lying in a puddle, lifeless and cold, her face half buried in mud.\u00a0 He felt a sick, sinking feeling, and the smile faded from his lips.<\/p>\n<p>Gretchen laughed, unaware of his mental torment.\u00a0 \u201cI dunno.\u00a0 There\u2019s just something sort of peaceful and romantic about a nice, light rain like this.\u00a0 It makes me want to curl up in bed with a good book\u2026 or a good man.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Caught off-guard by this last comment, Brian looked over at her in surprise.\u00a0 A little smile was playing on her lips.\u00a0 Was she just thinking of her husband, he wondered, or hinting at something different?\u00a0 He was tempted to find out, to lean over and kiss those lips and see how she responded, but when she turned her face toward him, he lost his nerve.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd you\u2019re volunteering to sit out here in the cold instead,\u201d he said, chuckling to cover up the momentary awkwardness.\u00a0 \u201cYou don\u2019t have to, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He saw the smile slip from her face, but in an instant, it was back, tighter-looking this time.\u00a0 \u201cI told you, I don\u2019t mind.\u00a0 I like being a night owl.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>With so few of them left on the base, they had given up on guarding the main gate.\u00a0 Instead, they\u2019d started sleeping in shifts again, leaving someone to sit outside at all hours of the night, just in case.\u00a0 Since Jo\u2019s death, they had been more cautious than ever about protecting each other.\u00a0 They kept watch in three-hour blocks, giving everyone a chance to get some sleep.\u00a0 Brian took the first watch, from nine o\u2019clock at night until midnight.\u00a0 Gretchen relieved him, staying up until three.\u00a0 Then AJ, who insisted he was used to sleeping during the day anyway, rolled his wheelchair out onto the porch of the house he shared with Howie and now Gabby to keep a look out until six a.m., at which point Howie, the early bird, got up to stand guard while the others slept in.\u00a0 It was a solid arrangement that made them all feel safer and sleep more soundly.\u00a0 Still, Brian always hated to leave Gretchen in the middle of the night.\u00a0 He had a hard time falling asleep, knowing she was sitting outside alone.<\/p>\n<p>Over the past six months, he had come to care deeply for Gretchen, maybe more than he wanted to admit.\u00a0 He felt closer to her than anyone else on the base, closer than he\u2019d expected to feel, so soon after losing Leighanne.\u00a0 The pain was no longer raw, but it was still there, beneath the surface, and it felt like a betrayal to even consider feeling more than friendship towards Gretchen.\u00a0 But she reminded him of Leighanne, in a way.<\/p>\n<p>On the surface, they were completely different.\u00a0 Leighanne had been blonde and beautiful, with a warm, bubbly personality to match her cheerleader physique.\u00a0 Gretchen was pretty, but plain, with a quiet, more reserved disposition that seemed to fit her mousy brown hair and soft features.\u00a0 She resembled his late wife in other ways, though, through her sweet and caring nature.\u00a0 Leighanne had been the perfect Southern housewife and mother, putting her family first above all else.\u00a0 Gretchen was the same way.\u00a0 She was a nurturer, a natural fit for the matriarch role Jo had left behind.\u00a0 Brian was sure she had been a wonderful wife to Shawn and would make an excellent mother someday, if she ever got the chance.\u00a0 He admired these qualities about her, the same way he had loved them in Leighanne.<\/p>\n<p>Lately, he\u2019d found himself fantasizing about a future with Gretchen, but he was afraid to make a move on a woman who was just beginning to regard herself as a widow, and he mentally scolded himself for even considering it.\u00a0 He couldn\u2019t imagine Gretchen was anywhere near ready for another relationship.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t sure he was, either.\u00a0 It was just that he had a lot of time to think on the base, about what had been, and what could be.\u00a0 He got lonely, too\u2026 especially at night.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou should get some sleep.\u00a0 Don\u2019t worry about me.\u201d\u00a0 Gretchen was still smiling at him, but he caught the hint.\u00a0 He wasn\u2019t ready to go inside yet, but he knew she was right.\u00a0 He got up slowly, his bones cracking as he stretched out his arms and legs, stiff from sitting still so long.\u00a0 His body wasn\u2019t as young as he liked to think; it needed a good night\u2019s sleep.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWake me up if you need anything,\u201d he told Gretchen.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI will.\u00a0 Goodnight, Brian.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201c\u2019Night, Gretch,\u201d Brian replied and reluctantly went inside.\u00a0 He wandered upstairs to his bedroom, across the hall from the one Gretchen shared with Riley, where he undressed and crawled into bed.<\/p>\n<p>Lying in the dark, he spoke to God for longer then usual, praying for guidance with the issues weighing on his mind \u2013 issues of faith and doubt, of life and death, of loss and love.\u00a0 Gretchen\u2019s shift was half over before the rain outside finally lulled Brian to sleep.<\/p>\n<p align=\"center\">***<\/p>\n<p>By the time he woke up, the rain had stopped.\u00a0 The sun was shining.\u00a0 The house was quiet, though Brian could hear the steady sound of hammering coming from outside.\u00a0 He frowned and checked the time on the clock by his bed.\u00a0 It was just after nine.\u00a0 Had they started working on the wall already?<\/p>\n<p>Brian got out of bed and poked his head into the hall.\u00a0 Gretchen\u2019s door was closed, which meant she was still asleep.\u00a0 He threw on some clothes and tiptoed past her room, down the stairs, and into the kitchen.\u00a0 There, he started a pot of coffee and helped himself to a stale breakfast bar from their stash of food.\u00a0 Gnawing absently on it, he left the coffee to brew and wandered outside.<\/p>\n<p>The ground was damp from all the rain; it squished under his shoes as he tramped across the grass to the house next door.\u00a0 Howie and Gabby were out on their back porch, bent over some sort of project.\u00a0 Howie was hammering some boards, while Gabby sat on the steps nearby, hunched over something in her lap.\u00a0 \u201cGood morning!\u201d Brian called as he approached, not wanting to startle them.\u00a0 \u201cWhat are y\u2019all workin\u2019 on?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Gabby glanced up just briefly, then returned her attention to the greenery in her lap \u2013 palm fronds, Brian realized.\u00a0 She was braiding them.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s Day of the Dead,\u201d she said matter-of-factly.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m making an altar, and Howie\u2019s making a cross.\u00a0 You know, to honor my mom.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOh.\u201d\u00a0 Brian didn\u2019t know much about Day of the Dead, except that it was a Mexican holiday to honor the deceased, similar to the Catholic All Souls\u2019 Day.\u00a0 As a Baptist, Brian had never celebrated either, but it was refreshing to see the two of them so interested in something.\u00a0 \u201cThat\u2019s a real nice idea.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He watched Howie pound nails into a pair of two-by-fours, fashioning them into a simple cross, and marveled over how far he had come since they\u2019d first met.\u00a0 The old Howard never would have rolled up his shirtsleeves and dug into a hands-on project like this, especially one that required manual labor.<\/p>\n<p>And Gabby\u2026 She had been so distant and withdrawn lately that it was a relief to find her doing something creative.\u00a0 Like everyone, Brian been concerned about her, but in the last week, she had started to come around.\u00a0 Gretchen had invited her to move into their house, but Gabby had refused, insisting she would rather stay with AJ.\u00a0 She had never seemed particularly close to him before, at least not when Brian and Gretchen had left for Atlanta, but all of a sudden, she hung around him constantly.\u00a0 Brian supposed it was a good thing for AJ to have some company while his leg healed, but he worried a little about the effect the former addict would have on the grieving young girl.\u00a0 AJ was harmless, but he still cursed like a sailor and had an awfully warped view of the world.\u00a0 Poor Gabby was already jaded enough, without his influence.\u00a0 But at least she was talking to someone.\u00a0 She sure didn\u2019t say much to Gretchen or him these days.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCan I do anything to help?\u201d he asked, wanting to show his support.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou can make a second cross,\u201d Howie suggested.\u00a0 \u201cI thought Kayleigh should have one, too.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThat\u2019s a great idea,\u201d Brian agreed, the wheels in his head starting to spin.\u00a0 \u201cYou know, if it\u2019s okay with y\u2019all, I\u2019d like to make a few more, for my wife and daughters.\u00a0 Maybe we could make them for all our loved ones and start a little memorial garden.\u201d\u00a0 He and Gretchen had been talking about planting a vegetable garden, but why not a flower garden, too?\u00a0 He could picture it already:\u00a0 a small cemetery, with colorful flowers growing among the rows of crosses honoring their families and friends.<\/p>\n<p>Howie nodded, a smile spreading across his face.\u00a0 \u201cI like that.\u00a0 I\u2019ll make one for my son.\u00a0 Maybe my ex-wife, too.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m sure Gretchen will want one for Shawn.\u00a0 And\u2026\u201d\u00a0 He trailed off without saying it, but in his head, he finished, <i>if Kevin, Nick, and Riley don\u2019t come back, we can make crosses for them, too.<\/i><\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd my dad,\u201d Gabby added, jumping in where he\u2019d left off.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cOf course,\u201d Brian said.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ll get started.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He squatted down next to Howie, retrieving a second hammer from the large toolbox Howie had brought out and setting the box of nails between them.\u00a0 Then he pulled two more boards toward him and assembled a cross identical to the one Howie had made.\u00a0 For almost an hour, they pounded away, until they had laid twelve crosses out on the lawn.\u00a0 By then, Gabby had formed her braided palms into an arch.\u00a0 \u201cFor the top of the altar,\u201d she said, nodding at it in grim-faced satisfaction.\u00a0 \u201cIt\u2019s supposed to have flowers on it, though.\u00a0 Marigolds.\u00a0 We got any of those around here?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Brian thought over the landscaping he\u2019d seen around the base.\u00a0 Most of it had wilted away in the hot summer; with the undead as their main priority, they hadn\u2019t been able to keep up with its maintenance. \u00a0\u201cI don\u2019t think so,\u201d he told Gabby regretfully.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI can show you how to make them out of tissue paper,\u201d said a new voice.\u00a0 Brian turned, smiling, to see Gretchen striding across the lawn.\u00a0 \u201cWhat\u2019s all this?\u201d she asked, smiling back as she looked over their handiwork.\u00a0 When Gabby explained, she nodded knowingly.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019ve done Day of the Dead with my students before.\u00a0 I\u2019m a pro at paper marigolds.\u00a0 Let\u2019s walk up to the Arts and Crafts Center and see if they have orange and yellow tissue.\u00a0 And yarn; we\u2019ll need yarn.\u00a0 Whaddya say?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Brian had seen Gabby reject Gretchen\u2019s attempts at being motherly \u2013 or teacherly \u2013 before and braced himself for her reaction, but he was surprised when Gabby just nodded and replied, \u201cOkay.\u201d\u00a0 She set her arch aside and stood up, brushing off the seat of her pants.<\/p>\n<p>Gretchen turned to Brian and smiled.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019ll be back,\u201d she said simply, and off she and Gabby went.\u00a0 Brian was impressed with how well she had handled that and found himself thinking again of what a good mother she would make.<\/p>\n<p>With the girls gone, he and Howie decided to carve the names into the crosses, rather than paint them.\u00a0 \u201cThey\u2019ll last longer that way,\u201d Brian claimed.\u00a0 They would also take a lot longer, but that was okay.\u00a0 The hard work would make them more meaningful, worthier of their namesakes.\u00a0 He found a pair of knives suitable for the job, and he and Howie set to work carving.\u00a0 When AJ got up, he joined them, using his artistic touch to add little flourishes and flowery designs around the crudely carved names.<\/p>\n<p>Gretchen and Gabby were gone a long time.\u00a0 Just when Brian was starting to worry that more zombies had found their way onto the base, they turned up, their arms laden with bags.\u00a0 \u201cHow many arts and crafts projects are you planning on doing?\u201d joked Brian, eyeing the bulging bags.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWe\u2019re going to be baking, too,\u201d Gabby announced, showing him the contents of one of the bags.\u00a0 It contained baking ingredients \u2013 sugar, butter, evaporated milk, egg substitute, and things like that.\u00a0 \u201cWe\u2019re making <i>pan de muerto<\/i> \u2013 bread of the dead.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAttempting to, anyway,\u201d Gretchen added with a shrug.\u00a0 \u201cI have no idea how it will turn out, with no fresh ingredients, but we\u2019ll try and see.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>They went into the house to start baking the bread.\u00a0 Once they were inside, Howie said, \u201cIt\u2019s nice to see Gabby in a good mood for once.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>AJ nodded.\u00a0 \u201cShe was in a pretty dark place last week,\u201d he said, cryptically.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m glad she\u2019s coming out of it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Brian agreed.<\/p>\n<p>They continued carving while the girls worked in the kitchen.\u00a0 Once the bread was baking, Gretchen and Gabby joined them on the porch again, where Gretchen gave everyone a lesson on making tissue paper flowers.\u00a0 Before long, they had turned pieces of sunny-colored tissue into big, blooming marigolds, which they tied to Gabby\u2019s palm arch with yarn.\u00a0 \u201cIt looks good,\u201d Gabby said proudly, smiling for the first time in days.<\/p>\n<p>She brought the arch into the house, and they watched her set it up on a small table, which she decorated with candles and some of her mother\u2019s things.\u00a0 \u201cThis is the only picture I have of her here,\u201d she murmured, clipping her mother\u2019s hospital photo ID to the bottom of the arch, so that it hung in the center of the makeshift altar.\u00a0 Brian saw the tears in her dark eyes, so like Jo\u2019s, and swallowed the lump that had risen in his throat.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI know your mom would appreciate this,\u201d he told Gabby.<\/p>\n<p>She nodded.\u00a0 \u201cWe made an altar like this last year, for my dad,\u201d she explained.\u00a0 \u201cHe was Mexican-American.\u00a0 It was tradition on his side of the family.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s a nice tradition,\u201d Gretchen said.<\/p>\n<p>And it was.\u00a0 Even though there was no good picture of Jo, even though the marigolds weren\u2019t real, and even though the bread of the dead turned out to be a dense and doughy mess, it was a valiant effort, and it seemed to cheer Gabby up immensely.<\/p>\n<p>That evening, with just an hour or so of daylight left, they carried the crosses to a large, grassy area near the chapel, which they had decided would be the perfect place to put their memorial garden, not only because of the spiritual connotation of the chapel, but because it was where they had spent so much time together in those first few weeks on the base.\u00a0 They dug holes in the ground to anchor the crosses in three neat rows of four.\u00a0 Jo\u2019s cross was placed next to one for Luis, and included beside them were crosses for Gabby\u2019s best friend, Makayla, and a boy named Colton whom she must have cared about.\u00a0 Kayleigh\u2019s was put in a place of honor next to the cross that said, simply, <i>Spunky<\/i>.\u00a0 Next to it were two crosses Howie had carved with the names <i>Bartholomew Dorough<\/i> and <i>Breanna Collins-Dorough<\/i>.\u00a0 Gretchen planted Shawn\u2019s cross at the end of the last row, where the wooden monuments for Brian\u2019s family stood three across \u2013<i> Brooke Lynn, Bonnie Leigh, <\/i>and<i> Leighanne Reena Littrell.<\/i><\/p>\n<p>After all the crosses were in place, they stood together, heads bowed in silent prayer for the loved ones they were remembering.\u00a0 Brian glanced up once and saw his wife\u2019s name next to Gretchen\u2019s husband\u2019s.\u00a0 He looked from Shawn\u2019s name to the grieving widow he had left behind. \u00a0Gretchen was staring down at the grass, but he could see the teardrops clinging to her lashes.\u00a0 One of them had slid down her cheek and hung from her chin.\u00a0 He watched it fall to the ground and knew he had been right to hold back the night before.\u00a0 They both needed more time, time to grieve and time to heal.\u00a0 But one day, he thought, his eyes shifting back to the pair of crosses, they might be ready to move forward, together.<\/p>\n<p>Having never met him, Brian couldn\u2019t speak for Shawn Elliott, but he knew in his heart that Leighanne would want that for him.\u00a0 She would want him to move on, to be happy in this otherwise hellish new world.\u00a0 Brian wasn\u2019t sure he could ever be truly happy without his family, but if there was anyone left on earth who could help fill the hole in his heart, he had a feeling it was the woman standing beside him.<\/p>\n<p>Without a word, he reached out and offered her his hand.\u00a0 Gretchen took it, gave it a gentle squeeze, and together, they grieved, side by side and hand in hand.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">***<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Chapter 84 As part of my clerical work, I remember counseling widows and widowers who were concerned about remarrying, or even dating again.\u00a0 It\u2019s an inevitable part of the grief process, to feel guilt over \u201creplacing\u201d your spouse with a &hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/undead\/story\/chapter-84\/\">Continue reading <span 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