Dreamer's Sanctuary

Happy New Year! It’s officially 2025, which means Dreamer’s Sanctuary will celebrate its twenty-fifth anniversary in April! To commemorate this milestone, I’m writing a series of twenty-five retrospective blogs about my favorite characters and moments from my fics. And, in honor of the birthday boy, my first blog is all about AJ!

While I’ve written a handful of AJ fics over the years, AJ usually plays more of a supporting role than a starring role in my stories. He often serves as the comic relief, cracking jokes to lighten the mood during otherwise dark, dramatic moments. I love writing the relationship he has with each of his Backstreet brothers and exploring the good person behind his “bad boy” persona. With that being said, here are my top five favorite portrayals of AJ!

5. The Backstreet Boy Who Lived

AJ plays one of the title characters in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Backstreet Boy, my unfinished BSB/Harry Potter crossover fic. I’ve been a big fan of Harry Potter for almost as long as I’ve been writing fanfiction, although, for whatever reason, I never really got into reading or writing Harry Potter fanfic. But writing a BSB/HP crossover sounded like a fun way to dabble in it, so I gave it a shot back in 2012. Rather than enrolling the Backstreet Boys in Hogwarts or having Harry and Ron join a boyband, I chose to stick as closely to canon as possible, with the exception of making AJ a wizard who’s been hiding his magical abilities from his Muggle bandmates. While I admittedly ran out of steam with this story, I did enjoy writing AJ with secret powers. I had a lot more planned for him, too, so hopefully I’ll go back and finish it someday!

4. Agent Jay

In the alternate universe of 00Carter, AJ goes by the alias Agent Jay, a secret agent who is second in command to Kevin’s Agent K within the fictional agency Himitsu Takana. Just like canon AJ, Jay is a colorful character with a lot of layers. He’s a boss with a rebellious streak, a wisecracking smartass with a serious side, a tough guy who’s in touch with his feelings, and a master of disguise. My favorite Jay moments in 00Carter include him dressing up like Captain Jack Sparrow Daniels in Episode 7: “Here Ye Be Pirates,” geeking out over Harry Potter in Episode 10: “Catch Her If You Can,” and channeling his inner Ms. Frizzle in Episode 12: “Mr. Body Beautiful.”

3. If You Want It To Be Good, Girl, Get Yourself a Bad Boy AJ

At the start of my AU Secrets of the Heart, AJ is just an average guy – a former tattoo artist turned record store owner who’s just trying to make ends meet to support his pregnant girlfriend, Jori, and their baby on the way. Spoiler alert: By the end of the story, both Jori and the baby are dead, and AJ is in prison for murder. But how he got there is only half the story. (The other half involves Brian, which I’ll write more about in my Brian blog in February.) I love this portrayal of AJ because it captures both his light and dark sides and makes the reader question whether he’s really a good guy or a bad guy.

2. AJ the Zombie Slayer

AJ’s character in Song for the Undead is also a complex blend of light and dark, only he goes the opposite way of his counterpart in Secrets of the Heart. I didn’t actually write many of the AJ chapters in Undead, which was a collaboration between me and my friend Rose. Still, I love the journey his character takes over the course of this very long story, evolving from a drug-addicted, clinically-depressed artist into an adept survivor who has finally found his place and purpose in the post-apocalyptic world. Of all the characters Rose and I developed for this story, AJ is probably the closest to Daryl from The Walking Dead, the kind of guy who just seems to fit into a world in which the dead rise to feast on the living better than he fit into the world before. One of my favorite AJ chapters is Chapter 62, in which he acts as zombie bait in a plan that goes horribly wrong. I’m also partial to Chapter 82, one of the few AJ chapters I did write, in which he talks a grieving young Gabby off the ledge in an unconventional way that is fitting for his character.

1. Tough Love AJ

Tough Love AJ makes an appearance in the aforementioned Chapter 82 of Song for the Undead, as well as Chapter 9 of Heroic Measures, but my favorite version of him is from My Brother’s Keeper. He may not be the main character in this Kevin and Nick novel, but AJ is the glue that holds the whole premise together. After a horrific accident leaves Kevin widowed and disabled, AJ is the one who originally offers to move in with him and help take care of Kevin and baby Mason. I really wanted Nick to take on the caregiver role, but it seemed more realistic for AJ to volunteer for it first because he has a heart of gold and a close relationship with Kevin, whom he credits with saving his life by staging the intervention that sent him to rehab the first time. In the story, AJ feels he owes Kevin and sees this as a way of returning the favor. He then guilt-trips Hot Mess Nick into joining him, hoping it will help to straighten him out. AJ is hard on Nick in this novel because, in this version of history, he is sober while Nick is still struggling with his addictions – and ruining his health in the process. Rather than stand by and watch his little brother drink himself to death, AJ regularly calls Nick out on his bullshit and tries to give him a reality check, albeit in a somewhat unconventional manner. This is a departure from my previous portrayals of AJ as the comic relief in my angsty Nick stories, although he does have some funny, light-hearted moments in this story, too. As it turns out, I really enjoy this version of him!

What are your favorite AJ characters or moments? Leave a comment and let me know! I’ll be back with the next blog in a couple of weeks, just in time for the next Backstreet Boy’s birthday!

As promised, I’m back with one last story update to close out 2024!  Chapter 66 of The World Will Be Waiting is up!  This was a fun one to write.  You may be able to tell I’ve been teaching for a couple of decades now by my – I mean, Kevin’s – little name rant in the middle of this chapter.  I hope I don’t offend anyone, but if I do, I apologize. 🙃

I would be remiss if I didn’t take this opportunity to reflect a little on the past year in its last few hours.  Fandom-wise, 2024 was a bit quiet on the Backstreet front, but I did get to go to the big 30th 31st anniversary celebration in Cancun back in April.  I also saw Nick three more times on his Who I Am tour, once in Chicago in September and twice in Vegas in November.  Finally, it was fun watching the Boys perform at the Rockefeller tree-lighting special and finally getting to celebrate A Very Backstreet Christmas two years after the fact.  They’ve been teasing big things to come in the new year, but we all know how Backstreet Time works, so I’ll believe it when I see it.  Still, I feel blessed to be a part of this fandom and to know that my favorite group is still together, making music and performing after all these years.

On the writing front, this year was less productive than last year, but for the second year in a row, I kept my resolution to write every day!  366 days in a row, thanks to Leap Day, and 1,075 days straight since my current streak began… and I’m still writing this story!  I’m still enjoying it, though, so that’s all that really matters to me.  Here are my stats this year from NaNoWriMo, which I use to keep track of my daily progress.

As you can see, I fell a couple thousand words short of my word count goal for the year, but that’s okay, too.  And, hey, the night is not yet over!  I’m trying to finish the chapter I’m currently writing before the clock strikes midnight, so my final word count will likely be a little higher.

Regardless, I’m grateful for everyone who has read my work and given feedback this year.  I appreciate every click, kudo, and kind word more than you can ever know.  Thanks for helping me stay inspired!  I wish you nothing but the best in 2025.  Happy New Year! 🍾🥂

It has been a busy start to my winter break with the usual Christmas preparations, so I’m not posting a new chapter today.  But, between the holidays and planning for 2025, I’ve been feeling a bit nostalgic and wanted to write a quick blog post before Christmas.  It’s been a few years since I’ve written a story for the holidays, but if you find yourself with some downtime in the next few days, here are a handful of festive fics you can read right here on Dreamer’s Sanctuary!

The Pandaskunk Saga

This trilogy of novellas started out as a silly little story that I wrote right after the release of “It’s Christmas Time Again” in an attempt to explain the strange music video for that song.  If the first part reads like a fever dream, it’s because I wrote it while I was literally home sick with the flu for two days.  Apparently, cold medicine makes me more creative!  It began as a simple Rudolph parody that became so much more, spawning two 35,000+ word sequels that spoof all sorts of things.  I’ve always specialized in writing drama and don’t do a lot of comedy, but this series is seriously one of my favorite things I’ve ever written.  Be warned that the third story, written in 2019, does feature a pretty unflattering portrayal of Aaron Carter that was based on his real-life antics at the time.  That probably hasn’t aged well, given everything that has happened since, but Melissa’s character will always make me laugh.

How That Bitch Stole Backstreet Christmas

Speaking of That Bitch…  This is a Grinch parody I rage-wrote in 2022, when we were all reeling from the cancellation of the Backstreet Christmas special and most of their other promotional appearances and endorsements.  Two years later, I’m still salty about it.  This poem may be more mean-spirited than kind-hearted, but, much like the story it was based on, it does have a happy ending.  Hopefully, Nick’s ongoing legal drama will, too.

A 00Carter Christmas

This one will make more sense if you’ve read the rest of 00Carter, but it was originally intended to be a standalone, special episode within the 00Carter universe.  It spoofs several different Christmas movies and specials, but I’m most proud of the Home Alone and Grinch parodies I wrote for it.  Howie’s character, the supervillain Dr. Rough, will always be one of my all-time favorite characters to write!

If…

Moving away from the funny fics, this one-shot is more serious.  It was written as a companion piece to my novel Curtain Call and came out of the desire for Cary, one of the main characters of that story, to hear Nick’s new (at the time) solo album, All American, which included two tracks that reminded me of her and that I knew she would absolutely love.  It’s a poignant “What if?” kind of story that takes place at Christmas time and explores an alternate version of events from the original novel, which I would highly recommend that you read first if you aren’t familiar with it.

The Road to Bethlehem

The only novel on this list (albeit a short one by my usual standards), The Road to Bethlehem actually takes place in June.  But, since the premise revolves around the Boys retreating to a remote cabin to record a Christmas album during the pandemic (before they actually did), it still has a lot of Christmas references.  Plus, it also has an entertaining blend of bromance, humor, action, suspense, and drama.  So much drama!  This was my big quarantine project back in 2020, and I’m quite proud of how it turned out.

Nick’s Zombie Nightmare Before Christmas

This is just a random little “Night Before Christmas” parody poem that I co-wrote with my friend Rose late one night at the height of our zombie obsession during the Song for the Undead era.  As the title suggests, it’s about Nick battling zombies on Christmas Eve!

Home for Christmas

And, finally, for a fun little throwback from the Dreamer’s Sanctuary archive, here is the first Christmas fanfic I ever wrote back in 2000, when I was 15.  It’s a Brian one-shot, but, for some reason, I wrote it from Leighanne’s perspective.  In hindsight, it would have been better with Brian’s perspective, too, but I was clearly still figuring out the whole “show, not tell” thing back then.  I’m only posting a link to it because it’s kind of fun to look back on the writing I did at the beginning of my fanfiction journey and see how my writing style has evolved since then.

Dreamer’s Sanctuary will celebrate its twenty-fifth anniversary in April, so I want to do more retrospective blogs in the new year, sort of like I did back in 2020.  I’m also planning to update once more before the end of 2024 to post the next chapter of The World Will Be Waiting.  In the meantime, I wish all who celebrate a very merry Christmas!

As my friend Dee texted me this morning, it’s been a very Backstreet week!  It was so fun seeing all five guys together again at the Rockefeller tree lighting special this past Wednesday.  I’m glad Kevin came out of hibernation for the occasion!  Hopefully, he didn’t see his shadow and go back into hiding for the next six weeks.  But even if he did, you can still enjoy reading about his fictional counterpart in The World Will Be Waiting, which has been updated with Chapter 65!  Fittingly, this one features all five Boys and has a nice Kevin and Nick scene at the end that is reminiscent of My Brother’s Keeper.  I hope you enjoy it!

I’m back! Sorry it’s been more than a month since my last update. November has been a month of highs and lows. The results of the recent election had me wanting to retreat into a cave and hide out there for the next four years… but, instead, I took a trip to Vegas last weekend to see two of my Backstreet besties and two of our beloved Backstreet Boys. I’ve been trying to surround myself with people and things that make me happy, and Nick Carter concerts are definitely one of my happy places (especially when AJ makes a surprise appearance at one of them!). But, then, so is my house. It’s been nice having this weekend to just stay cozy at home and write.

Chapter 64 of The World Will Be Waiting is up, and it’s an absolute beast of a chapter! It took me over a month to finish because it’s over 9,000 words long – easily the length of two or three of my typical chapters. I didn’t want to break it up into multiple chapters because this story is already so long and still has a ways to go. I hope you’ll enjoy reading two or three weeks’ worth of updates all rolled up into one!

Finally, as this will be my last update before Thanksgiving, I just want to say how thankful I am for the readers who follow my fics, the friends I’ve made through the BSB fandom, and the Boys themselves. I’m fortunate to have found a hobby that has brought me so much joy and helped me connect with people around the world whom I never would have met otherwise. Thanks for everything! 🥰

On Thursday, I made it to Day 1000 of my writing streak! 🍾 This streak dates back to January 22, 2022, when I was still writing My Brother’s Keeper.   I have continued writing Kevin’s story every day since and am proud of my consistency.  There were definitely days when it wasn’t easy to maintain, but most days, I’ve enjoyed the process.  It has been slow-going lately due to regular old real life getting in the way, but I’m still plugging along on the sequel.  Chapter 63 of The World Will Be Waiting is up!  This is the last chapter I’ve finished, but the next one is well underway, so you hopefully won’t have to wait too long for it.  Thanks for reading!

But they can’t touch me ’cause I got you. 😊

It was so nice seeing Nick and a few of my Backstreet besties last Saturday!  It was just what my fangirl heart needed after a stressful start to the school year.  And after a fun-but-busy weekend and a long week of work, I’ve been looking forward to doing as little as possible this weekend.  Writing doesn’t count, of course.  I’ve been craving a good, long, productive writing session for the past few weeks, so I enjoyed sleeping in and then spending a few hours writing in bed today.  My favorite way to spend a Saturday morning!

I have to say, it’s interesting going to Nick events now that I’m not writing a Nick story.  For years, whenever I would go to a Nick or BSB concert, I was writing some tragic fanfic wherein Nick went through some sort of trauma or turmoil.  The first time I saw Nick solo was in July 2003, when I was about halfway through Broken.  The second time was in February 2012, a few months after I finished Curtain Call.  I was writing Sick as My Secrets when I went to the Nick & Knight tour in 2014 and the All American tour in 2016.  And I saw two DNA shows in the midst of writing the most disturbing section of A Heart That Isn’t Mine.

As much as I try to separate the fictional versions of the Boys in my stories from the real life versions, there are times when my mind can’t help but connect the two.  Music makes it harder because I’ve come to associate certain songs with stories.  When Nick sang “I Got You” as the music video played on the big screen in the background, I thought of Broken because I watched that video so many times during the writing of that story.  “It’s funny how life can take new meaning… You came and changed what I believe in.”  When he sang his cover of “Lovesong” by The Cure at soundcheck, I thought of By My Side because that was one of the songs on the Nick and Claire playlist I made and listened to for inspiration while I was writing that story.  “Whenever I’m alone with you… you make me feel like I am whole again.”  When he sang “Just Want You to Know,” I thought of Curtain Call and how I used Cary’s performance of that song in the first and last chapter to bookend everything that came in between.  “I just want you to know… that I’ve been fighting to let you go.  Some days I make it through… and then there’s nights that never end.  I wish that I could believe… that there’s a day you’ll come back to me.  But still I have to say… I would do it all again… Just want you to know.”   And when he sang “Quit Playing Games With My Heart,” I thought of A Heart That Isn’t Mine because of how that song is referenced in that story.  “Even in my heart… I see that you’re not being true to me.”  (If you know, you know.)

Since I write so much angst and whump, these moments usually make me feel guilty.  But watching Nick shine on stage this past Saturday, I just felt grateful.  Grateful because my stories are fictional.  Grateful because Nick is happy, healthy, and whole.  Grateful because he continues to fight and triumph over the demons he’s faced in the past and the trolls who are still trying to take him down.  Grateful because he’s still making music, touring, and performing.  Grateful because he and the Boys are still such a big part of my life over a quarter of a century after I became a BSB fan.  Many musicians are not so successful, and many fans are not so lucky.  We are truly blessed!

Seeing BSB live usually makes it harder to write about them because of the whole guilt complex I mentioned in the previous paragraph, but since I’m not currently writing a Nick story, that was not the case this week.  Chapter 62 of The World Will Be Waiting is up!  I enjoyed writing this chapter because it has some good hurt/comfort content, which you know I can never get enough of.  I was even able to work in another one of the songs from my old Nick and Claire playlist.  I hope you’ll enjoy reading it!

And, finally, I want to wish Kevin a happy belated birthday!  I’m beyond grateful for you, too! 💙

It’s been a busy few weeks, but I’m finally back with an update on The World Will Be Waiting!  Chapter 61 is up.  I’ll be at Nick’s show next Saturday (yay!), so don’t expect an update then, but I’ll have more where one came from soon enough.  Hope you enjoy!

Nothing like waiting until the last day of the month to update again! 🙃  I apologize again for the delay.  August is always a busy month for me, and besides the usual back-to-school shenanigans, I’ve been hanging on to the next chapter of The World Will Be Waiting, waiting until I got a little further into the next arc of the story and felt comfortable with it to start posting it.  My drama-loving writer brain has a tendency to plan plot elements early on, get excited about them, and then take so long to actually get to the point of writing them that by the time I do, I’ve lost some of my enthusiasm for the ideas and start second-guessing myself.  Some writers write scenes out of order to eliminate this problem, but I’ve never been able to do that.  So I’ve been sitting on Chapter 60 for almost two months, making sure I felt committed to this particular arc before I put it out into the world.  But in the meantime, I’ve still been writing every day, keeping my streak alive.  953 days as of today!

Anyway, thanks, as always, for being patient with me!  Chapter 60 of The World Will Be Waiting is up!

Yikes, I can’t believe it’s already been a month since my last update!  Sorry my updates have been so spread out this summer.  I got back from a family vacation a week ago and have spent the past week trying to get back on track with my writing, which has been very successful! In fact, the reason I’m updating at midnight is because I couldn’t stop writing long enough to do it earlier. I hit Day 900 of my streak earlier this month and have written over a thousand words almost every day this week.  I’m three chapters ahead of the one I’m posting today, which will give me a bit of a buffer to get through back-to-school season.

The Olympic Games may have captured the world’s attention in real life, but it’s Super Bowl Sunday in Chapter 59 of The World Will Be Waiting!  Kevin’s heading to Georgia to spend it with Brian in this chapter, which is meant to bridge the gap between the previous two chapters and the next few.  I know there haven’t been nearly enough Backstreet Boys in the story lately, so hopefully this will help with that, too.  I’ll get back to the other Boys soon, but I must admit, I’ve been having fun with my original characters in the meantime.  I hope you don’t mind.  This story’s about to turn into BMS 2.0 with how long it’s becoming.  I haven’t decided if that’s a good thing or a bad thing… I guess it depends on how much you guys like it!  I’m still enjoying writing it, and that’s what really matters most to me.  It’s no fun trying to finish a story you’ve lost interest in.  Your comments help keep that interest alive at times when real life gets in the way, so thanks to those of you who take the time to let me know you’re still reading!  I really appreciate it!