{"id":407,"date":"2014-12-30T08:15:52","date_gmt":"2014-12-30T08:15:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.dreamers-sanctuary.com\/00carter\/?page_id=407"},"modified":"2022-01-31T22:21:41","modified_gmt":"2022-02-01T04:21:41","slug":"fanspoem","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/00carter\/episodes\/episode11\/fanspoem\/","title":{"rendered":"How Dr. Rough Stole Christmas"},"content":{"rendered":"

How Dr. Rough Stole Christmas<\/strong><\/h3>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Every agent down at HimTak<\/em><\/span>
\n Liked Christmas a lot,<\/em><\/span>
\n But DR. ROUGH,<\/em><\/span>
\n The nemesis of HimTak, did NOT!<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Dr. Rough hated Christmas!\u00a0 The whole Christmas season!<\/em><\/span>
\n You wanna know why?\u00a0 I’ll tell you the reason:<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

It wasn’t that his head wasn’t screwed on quite right;<\/em><\/span>
\n Dr. Rough hated Christmas because of his height!<\/em><\/span>
\n Though twisted and evil, he had pity for all<\/em><\/span>
\n The creatures mistreated because they are small,<\/em><\/span>
\n And Santa, you see, works his elves like they’re slaves,<\/em><\/span>
\n Forcing them to make toys without makin\u2019 bank.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Plotting deep in his lair, with his trademark eye twitch,<\/em><\/span>
\n Dr. Rough forged a plan to fix this injustice,<\/em><\/span>
\n For he knew the whole world, which would soon be his,<\/em><\/span>
\n Was supporting slave labor by asking for gifts.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

“I’ll start a revolution!” he snarled with a sneer.<\/em><\/span>
\n “A crusade, a boycott of Christmas this year!”<\/em><\/span>
\n Then he growled, with his left eye nervously twitching,<\/em><\/span>
\n And thought, “This will never work how I’m wishing!”<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

For tomorrow, he knew, all the mamas and pops<\/em><\/span>
\n Would wake up bright and early.\u00a0 They’d rush to the shops!<\/em><\/span>
\n They’d buy all the toys made in sweatshops by elves.<\/em><\/span>
\n With those Black Friday deals, why, they’d clear the shelves!<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

And the elves, young and old, wouldn’t earn a dime<\/em><\/span>
\n For all their hard work and all of their time.<\/em><\/span>
\n Santa, the Big Man, would make a gold mine<\/em><\/span>
\n Off the little guys’ work on the assembly line,<\/em><\/span>
\n Which was something Dr. Rough thought just didn’t seem right!<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

And the more he thought of this elf injustice,<\/em><\/span>
\n The more Rough thought, “I must stop this whole mess!<\/em><\/span>
\n But change doesn’t come without shit going down.<\/em><\/span>
\n I MUST start a jihad on Christmas!<\/em><\/span>
\n …But HOW?”<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Then he got an idea!<\/em><\/span>
\n An awful idea!<\/em><\/span>
\n DR. ROUGH<\/span>
\n GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

“I know just what to do!” Dr. Rough told his crew,<\/em><\/span>
\n And he rented a Santa suit and some elf costumes,<\/em><\/span>
\n And he cackled and crowed, “What a genius I am!<\/em><\/span>
\n With these festive costumes, we’ll stick it to The Man!”<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

All we need is a reindeer…” Dr. Rough started to say,<\/em><\/span>
\n But, see, reindeer don’t live in the Everglades.<\/em><\/span>
\n Did that stop Dr. Rough? Oh hells no, no way!<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

“If I can’t find a reindeer, then Drums will guide my sleigh!”<\/em><\/span>
\n “Aw, hells no, dat’s whack!” I cried in dismay.<\/em><\/span>
\n “But Drums, you’ve got the red eye to light my way!”<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

SO\u2026 He dressed me in fur, stuck some antlers on my head.<\/em><\/span>
\n I didn’t feel like no pimp; I’da rather been dead,<\/em><\/span>
\n But Dr. Rough said, “Too bad!” and made us start packin’<\/em><\/span>
\n And flew us to New York to put his plan into action.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

All the windows were dark.\u00a0 All the doors were locked.<\/em><\/span>
\n All the New Yorkers were dreaming sweet dreams and nice thoughts,<\/em><\/span>
\n When the FANS agents came to the new house on the block.<\/em><\/span>
\n “This is stop number one,” the evil Dr. Rough hissed,<\/em><\/span>
\n And he sent Donnie to the roof, empty bags in his fist.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

The minion slid down the chimney, a rather tight squeeze,<\/em><\/span>
\n But if fat Santa could do it, so could little Donnie.<\/em><\/span>
\n He got stuck only once, for a moment or two,<\/em><\/span>
\n Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue,<\/em><\/span>
\n He brushed himself off, then scurried to the door<\/em><\/span>
\n To let in the others, tracking soot on the floor.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Then we slithered and slunk, with smiles most unpleasant,<\/em><\/span>
\n Around the whole room, and we took every present!<\/em><\/span>
\n Barbies and Furbies and flat-screen TVs!<\/em><\/span>
\n Legos and iPads and Nintendo Wiis!<\/em><\/span>
\n And we stuffed them in bags, till they’d hold no more.<\/em><\/span>
\n Then we hauled all our loot, bag by bag, out the door!<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

In his tricked-out red sleigh, Rough packed it with glee.<\/em><\/span>
\n “And NOW!” grinned the Doc, “We will go steal the tree!”<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Dr. Rough grabbed the tree, and he started to push,<\/em><\/span>
\n ‘Til he felt a small hand poke him hard in the tush.<\/em><\/span>
\n He turned around fast, and he saw a small ni\u00f1a,<\/em><\/span>
\n Little Dora the Explorer, who cried, “Papa Noel!\u00a0 Nice to meet ya!”<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Dr. Rough had been caught by this cute Latina daughter,<\/em><\/span>
\n Who’d gotten out of bed for a cup of cold water.<\/em><\/span>
\n She stared at Dr. Rough and said, “Papa Noel, why?<\/em><\/span>
\n Why are you taking our Christmas tree?\u00a0 Why?”<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

But, you know, Dr. Rough is so smart and so slick,<\/em><\/span>
\n He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!<\/em><\/span>
\n “Why, mi dulce ni\u00f1a,” the fake Santa Claus lied,<\/em><\/span>
\n “There’s a light on this tree that won’t light on one side.<\/em><\/span>
\n So I’m taking it home to my workshop, my dear.<\/em><\/span>
\n I’ll whip my elf slaves till they fix it and bring it back here.”<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Dora stared up at him and said, “That’s a lie!<\/em><\/span>
\n If there’s a bulb that’s burnt out, just get a new string of lights!<\/em><\/span>
\n You’re not the real Santa; you don’t have a white beard!<\/em><\/span>
\n Your skin is too dark, and your eye twitches weird!<\/em><\/span>
\n Santa’s s’posed to be fat, with cheeks like a cherry torte,<\/em><\/span>
\n But you’re much too skinny, small, and SHORT!”<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Ohh bitches, it was on!\u00a0 Rough drew back with a scowl.<\/em><\/span>
\n “You insolent brat!” he hissed. “Watch your mouth!<\/em><\/span>
\n When I rule the world, those who mock me shall suffer!<\/em><\/span>
\n Starting with you and that meddling Carter!<\/em><\/span>
\n You’ll pay for all your tormenting and sniping!”<\/em><\/span>
\n But Dora just screamed, “SANTA, NO SWIPING!”<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

“NO SWIPING, SANTA!” she continued to shriek.<\/em><\/span>
\n Doors opened, and lights flipped on across the street.<\/em><\/span>
\n “Bail!” Dr. Rough cried as he fled to his sleigh.<\/em><\/span>
\n In piled the minions, and we raced away,<\/em><\/span>
\n Leaving Dora’s family in their empty house,<\/em><\/span>
\n With nothing but a crumb too small for a mouse.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

In eleven days, FANS robbed near a dozen more houses<\/em><\/span>
\n Leaving crumbs much too small for a dozen more mouses<\/em><\/span>
\n And on the twelfth day, the twenty-fourth of December,<\/em><\/span>
\n Passing skaters in the Plaza, enjoying the weather,<\/em><\/span>
\n Dr. Rough sent his minions on the ultimate scheme:<\/em><\/span>
\n Rob FAO Schwartz and blow up the big tree!<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Ninety feet tall, in the center of Rockefeller,<\/em><\/span>
\n Rigged to explode in a blast quite stellar!<\/em><\/span>
\n “Despair to the world!” he was wickedly humming.<\/em><\/span>
\n “This catastrophe should keep Christmas from coming!\u201d<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhen the tree goes up in flames, I know just what they’ll do!<\/em><\/span>
\n Their mouths will hang open for a minute or two,<\/em><\/span>
\n Then all the New Yorkers in the City will cry, BOO-HOO!<\/em><\/span>
\n That’s a noise,” grinned Dr. Rough, “That I simply must hear!”<\/em><\/span>
\n So he paused. And Dr. Rough put a hand to his ear.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

And he did hear a sound echoing through the skyscrapers.<\/em><\/span>
\n It started out soft and began to taper…<\/em><\/span>
\n But then it was back!\u00a0 This wail was not crying!<\/em><\/span>
\n He couldn’t be merry, for it was a police siren!<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

He stared as the NYPD car raced by.<\/em><\/span>
\n The sight inside made Dr. Rough pop his eyes!<\/em><\/span>
\n Then he shook; what he saw was a shocking surprise!<\/em><\/span>
\n The minions from the toy store were handcuffed inside!<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

“Dr. Rough, come in!” my voice crackled in his ear.<\/em><\/span>
\n “Jon and Danny been caught; we gotsta flee here!”<\/em><\/span>
\n Every minion in FANS, the tall and the small,<\/em><\/span>
\n Were running, without any stolen toys at all!<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

He HADN’T stopped Christmas from coming!\u00a0 IT CAME!<\/em><\/span>
\n Somehow or other, it came just the same!<\/em><\/span>
\n And Dr. Rough, with his dainty feet cold in the snow,<\/em><\/span>
\n Stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

“It be HimTak again, yo,” I said in his ear.<\/em><\/span>
\n “That Carter and his posse, they found out, and they here!<\/em><\/span>
\n They onto us – caught the New Kids in the sto-<\/em><\/span>
\n Set up booby traps and then called the po-po!”<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

And what happened then? Well, in FANS, we say<\/em><\/span>
\n That Dr. Rough’s rage grew three sizes that day!<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

As we fled to the rooftop and got on our sleigh,<\/em><\/span>
\n Dr. Rough looked out the window, and then he done say,<\/em><\/span>
\n “I’LL GET YOU, NICK CARTER!\u00a0 I’LL GET YOU SOMEDAY!”<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How Dr. Rough Stole Christmas     Every agent down at HimTak Liked Christmas a lot, But DR. ROUGH, The nemesis of HimTak, did NOT! Dr. Rough hated Christmas!\u00a0 The whole Christmas season! You wanna know why?\u00a0 I’ll tell you the reason: It wasn’t that his head wasn’t screwed on\u2026<\/p>\n

Read more<\/span><\/i><\/a> <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"parent":147,"menu_order":12,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","template":"templates\/template-onecolumn.php","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-407","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/P5xaHX-6z","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/00carter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/407","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/00carter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/00carter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/00carter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/00carter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=407"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/00carter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/407\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":959,"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/00carter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/407\/revisions\/959"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/00carter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/147"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/00carter\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=407"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}