<\/p>\n
Risha drove down the street, yawning as she turned left into the employee parking lot at the hospital. She was still puzzled about the phone call from Chris earlier. Did Lance say something? Did he move his arm?<\/p>\n
As she parked the car, Risha looked up at the sky. It was still dark. She rushed inside, knowing that it must have been really important if she was called before sunrise.<\/p>\n
When Risha walked into Lance\u2019s room, she wasn\u2019t shocked to see Chris, Holli, and a few staff members and Lance\u2019s parents there. What shocked her was that instead of happy, smiling faces, she saw tears in their eyes. In that moment, Risha knew why she was called.<\/p>\n
Lance was dying.<\/p>\n
She looked at Lance and felt tears in her eyes as well. Why had he chosen that path? He had so much to live for.<\/p>\n
Before she could dwell on that thought, she heard it. The one sound that had caused her nightmares for the past ten years. The one sound that she could never forget, no matter how hard she tried.<\/p>\n
It was the manic sound of a person flatlining.<\/p>\n
She distantly saw people running to Lance with defibrillators, trying to revive the fallen ER nurse. She also saw Mr. and Mrs. Bass being whisked away from their dying son, most likely to a special waiting room.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry, but there wasn\u2019t much we could do…\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cToo much damage to the brain…\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cCode Blue! We have a Code Blue!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe helmet didn\u2019t do much to help. Even if the car had hit him at a slower speed, he wouldn\u2019t have survived…\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cLost his pressure!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt was a head-on collision. The driver didn\u2019t see your fianc\u00e9e or his motorcycle, and even admitted to not stopping at the stop sign…\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cWe\u2019re losing him!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m terribly sorry, Ms. Veers…\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cJust hang on, Lance!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m afraid we lost him, Risha…\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cRisha… Risha?\u201d<\/p>\n Risha looked up at Holli. When had she zoned out? Holli was staring at her and had put her hand on Risha\u2019s shoulder.<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s over,\u201d she said. \u201cWe have to go now.\u201d<\/p>\n Risha gave one final look at Lance. The attending doctor and one nurse were draping a white sheet over Lance\u2019s body, while another nurse was unhooking Lance from the machines that were keeping him alive. All the monitors were blank, just like him.<\/p>\n \u201cGoodbye, Lance,\u201d Risha said as she walked out of the room.<\/p>\n Ivory tried to focus on the chart in front of her and forced herself to write down what needed to be done for the patient with the broken rib. She hadn\u2019t been able to focus since she\u2019d arrived at work and heard that Lance Bass had passed away. True, she hadn\u2019t known him that well, but he was one of the nurses, one of the team. And now, he was gone.<\/p>\n Before she could think about Lance\u2019s death any further, the doors at the end of the hall burst open and a flurry of movement caught her attention.<\/p>\n \u201cWe need a doctor! Assault victim, female, mid-thirties!\u201d Kylie called out as the paramedics wheeled a woman on a stretcher into the ER.<\/p>\n Ivory hurried over and helped guide the profusely bleeding woman on the stretcher into one of the trauma rooms, where she was hooked up to machines that would monitor her vitals.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat happened?\u201d she asked Kylie as she began to examine the wounds.<\/p>\n The woman was unconscious, but her blood was staining everything. Kylie rattled off the injuries, including possible broken ribs, which could have punctured a lung. One of the ribs had broken skin and looked dangerously fatal from its position. From the amount of blood pouring out of the woman, Ivory knew they\u2019d have to work fast if they wanted her to live.<\/p>\n \u201cMy car\u2026\u201d Ivory looked down into her patient\u2019s gray eyes, open now and clouded with pain and shock.<\/p>\n \u201cHold on, ma\u2019am. We\u2019re going to help you,\u201d Ivory assured her as they began hooking her up to different monitors and X-rays were taken.<\/p>\n As she called out orders for one of the nurses to call radiology to schedule an MRI, then call surgery, a police officer entered the trauma room and greeted her.<\/p>\n \u201cIs she awake?\u201d he asked Ivory, gesturing to the woman.<\/p>\n Ivory looked over at him and nodded. \u201cWe\u2019re trying to stabilize her right now, so if you\u2019d like to wait a bit\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I can talk to you now,\u201d the woman spoke in a scratchy, breathless voice. \u201cPlease.\u201d<\/p>\n Ivory shrugged, and the officer stepped up and took out a pen and pad of paper.<\/p>\n \u201cMrs. Lowell, I\u2019d like to ask you a few questions about what happened earlier today,\u201d Officer Henry spoke to Ivory\u2019s patient while Ivory stood by, keeping an eye on the woman\u2019s sats.<\/p>\n Though she was currently more stable than critical, there was a strong possibility that there was blood leaking into the woman\u2019s lungs, which could internally suffocate her. Ivory needed to get an MRI done to see the full extent of the damage, but she knew from the woman\u2019s low blood pressure that there was bleeding somewhere. And the rib looked disturbingly dangerous and in immediate need of treatment. Being an ER doctor, Ivory had been able to pop it back under the skin, but Abie Lowell needed a proper surgeon to ensure everything was going to be okay. Unfortunately, the police needed Abie\u2019s account of the car-jacking she had been a victim of earlier before anything could be done.<\/p>\n \u201cI was\u2026 waiting at the\u2026 traffic light,\u201d Abie spoke, gasping a little. \u201cAll of a sudden\u2026 a man broke open the window. He had dark blonde hair to his chin, kind of curly\u2026 brown eyes\u2026 He was wearing a brown shirt\u2026 with the word Fubu on it\u2026 um\u2026 I think he was wearing jeans.\u201d She paused to try to breathe easier, and Ivory adjusted the tube for her. \u201cThanks, doctor\u2026 Could you call my husband please? His number\u2019s in my cell phone. It says Dan.\u201d When Ivory nodded, the woman turned back to the officer. \u201cHe told me to get out, but I refused. I just remember pain\u2026 lots of pain\u2026 and being thrown out of the car\u2026 then I woke up here.\u201d<\/p>\n Henry jotted everything down then smiled at Abie. \u201cWe\u2019re going to do everything we can do to find the man who did this, ma\u2019am. Thank you for helping.\u201d<\/p>\n Abie nodded. Then her hands flew to her throat as she began to gasp. Ivory looked up at the monitors. Her heart rate was tachy, and she realized a rib really must have punctured a lung. \u201cWe need to get her stabilized, now! She needs to get up to surgery! Let\u2019s intubate her; she can\u2019t breathe!\u201d<\/p>\n After five minutes of frantic intubation and yelling at the morons in radiology who were putting her patient in line to be examined, Ivory managed to stabilize Abie and get her a priority slot for the MRI.<\/p>\n \u201cOkay, people!\u201d Ivory turned to those in the trauma room with her. \u201cShe\u2019s next in line up in radiology, and then she\u2019ll be examined by a surgeon. I\u2019m calling surgery so they can send a doctor to meet you after the MRI.\u201d She looked down into Abie\u2019s pain-filled eyes. \u201cMrs. Lowell, you\u2019re going to be treated and prepped for surgery. We\u2019re going to do everything it takes to get you back on your feet, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n Abie began to nod, but her eyes rolled back in her head. At the same time, the heart rate monitor began beeping wildly.<\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019s coding! Get me the crash cart,\u201d Ivory called to one of the nurses, who hurried off to get one. \u201cCome on, Abie, don\u2019t die on me,\u201d Ivory muttered as she pressed on the woman\u2019s chest.<\/p>\n The heart monitor continued to beep while her blood pressure bottomed out, and Ivory glanced over as the nurse wheeled in the crash cart.<\/p>\n \u201cCharge it,\u201d Ivory ordered and grabbed the paddles. As she pressed them to Abie\u2019s chest and watched it rise, she noted that nothing changed on the monitor. \u201cAgain!\u201d and then, \u201cAgain!\u201d<\/p>\n After nearly thirty minutes with no heart rate, Ivory sighed and looked over at the clock. \u201cTime of death, 12:23.\u201d<\/p>\n As she left the trauma room, leaving a dead woman behind her, Ivory couldn\u2019t help but think that death was filling the hospital today. First Lance, now her own patient. When she spotted Brian, she pasted a smile on her face.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat happened?\u201d he asked immediately.<\/p>\n She shrugged. \u201cI lost a patient. A woman, assaulted during a car-jacking.\u201d She looked over at one of the nurses that had worked with her on Abie. \u201cSusan? Did you get through to Mrs. Lowell\u2019s husband?\u201d<\/p>\n Susan nodded. \u201cYeah. He\u2019s on his way in, but he doesn\u2019t know what happened.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGuess I\u2019m the lucky one who gets to tell him, huh?\u201d Ivory murmured.<\/p>\n Brian rubbed her arm comfortingly. \u201cYou can do it. I\u2019m sorry that you couldn\u2019t save her, though. After Lance\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I know. I was just thinking about how death, doom, and gloom-filled today has been,\u201d she told him.<\/p>\n He gave her a small smile. \u201cWe must be crazy to want to work here, then, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMust be,\u201d she responded dryly.<\/p>\n \u201cDr. Harnett?\u201d one of the nurses called out to her. \u201cMr. Lowell is here. He\u2019s in the waiting room around the corner.\u201d The nurse gestured in the direction of the room.<\/p>\n Ivory nodded. \u201cThanks.\u201d She turned to Brian. \u201cI hate this part.\u201d<\/p>\n He pressed a kiss to her forehead, sensing she needed comfort, too. \u201cI have faith in you,\u201d he murmured. \u201cWe\u2019ll go see some comedy tonight, after work. You know, to forget all about today.\u201d<\/p>\n She smiled. \u201cI\u2019d rather just stay in. With you.\u201d When he nodded, she sighed and squared her shoulders. \u201cWell, here I go.\u201d<\/p>\n Brian watched her go and mentally wished her luck. Telling a patient\u2019s family that they had just lost a loved one was one of the only parts of his job he could do without. Remembering his dream, he frowned and rubbed a hand over his heart. Don\u2019t think about it<\/em>, he reminded himself and headed off to find his own patient.<\/p>\n Ivory entered the waiting room and spotted a man pacing the length of the room nervously. She pegged him to be around forty and watched as he ran his hand through his dark brown hair.<\/p>\n \u201cMr. Lowell?\u201d<\/p>\n He turned and hurried over. \u201cMy wife. They said my wife was brought here. Is she okay? Are you her doctor? What happened?\u201d<\/p>\n Ivory gestured to a chair. \u201cMr. Lowell, why don\u2019t you have a seat and I\u2019ll explain why your wife was brought here today?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDan, call me Dan,\u201d he told her and sat. When Ivory took the seat next to him, he looked at her expectantly. \u201cWhat\u2019s going on? Where\u2019s Abie?\u201d<\/p>\n Ivory took a deep breath and steeled herself. \u201cMr. Low\u2014Dan. When Abie was brought here, she had broken ribs and a punctured lung.\u201d She heard his breath suck in sharply and continued, knowing she couldn\u2019t stop. \u201cShe was a victim of an armed carjacking this morning, and, when they brought her here, we had stabilized her respiration and were getting ready to send her up to be scanned for internal injuries. She was to head to surgery afterwards, to repair her lung. Unfortunately, there was probably internal bleeding that we were unable to be certain of before she coded. I\u2019m so sorry, Dan.\u201d<\/p>\n Dan Lowell was trembling, his eyes full of tears, pain, and shock. \u201cShe\u2019s\u2026 gone<\/em>? Oh, God. Abie\u2026 my Abie\u2019s gone?\u201d<\/p>\n As the newly-widowed man broke down and sobbed, Ivory sat by his side, unable to prevent his grief from affecting her. After several moments, he lifted a tear-stained face to hers.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do I tell our kids? How do I tell them that their mother is gone?\u201d<\/p>\n He turned away to stare blindly at a wall. Ivory could tell he wasn\u2019t really seeing anything, except maybe his once-intact family. She knew he didn\u2019t really want an answer to his questions, just someone to sit with him.<\/p>\n \u201cKatie\u2019s only three, and Jamie\u2019s a year-and-a-half. We waited to have kids, you know,\u201d he told her, his voice wavering. \u201cWe\u2019ve been married for thirteen years, but we wanted to wait until she was established in the courts. So we had Katie and then Jamie, but now\u2026\u201d He began to sob again and buried his face in his hands. \u201cHow am I supposed to make it through without her? How are Katie and Jamie going to handle not having Abie around? How do you raise your kids without a mom?\u201d<\/p>\n Ivory didn\u2019t know and couldn\u2019t tell him, so she continued to sit with him. In her head, she tried not to think that, if she ever got a hold of that bastard who\u2019d hurt Abie Lowell, he was a dead man. Of course, that wasn\u2019t the type of comfort Dan Lowell needed at the moment.<\/p>\n \u201cDan, if you have any more questions or simply need someone to talk to, I can give you the number for a very good grief counselor here at the hospital,\u201d she told him when he seemed a bit more calm.<\/p>\n He wiped his face and nodded. \u201cYeah, thanks. Thank you, Doctor. You tried to save her, so I have to thank you for that.\u201d<\/p>\n Ivory stood. \u201cI\u2019m sorry I couldn\u2019t do more.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBut you tried. That\u2019s all that counts.\u201d Dan turned to stare at the wall across from him again, and Ivory left the grief counselor\u2019s card on the table next to him and hurried out.<\/p>\n As Risha sat down at her desk, the shocking event of that morning still played in her mind. She couldn\u2019t believe that Lance had died. He had seemed so much better the night before.<\/p>\n Risha opened the bottom drawer of her desk and took out a small picture frame. She twirled her ring as she set the picture on her desk and looked at it. It was of John and her, a few days before John\u2019s accident. They looked so happy then… why couldn\u2019t it have stayed the way it had been?<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry, John… I couldn\u2019t save him… just like I couldn\u2019t save you…\u201d Risha muttered to the picture. She continued to look at the photograph. They were so young back then. The past ten years had been rough, and she had changed so much.<\/p>\n \u201cRisha?\u201d she heard a voice say. She instantly threw the picture in the bottom drawer and closed it. When the drawer was closed, she looked up toward the voice. It was Kevin.<\/p>\n \u201cIs everything all right?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n Risha nodded. She hated lying, but she would have felt uncomfortable if she said everything she felt to someone she barely knew.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you sure?\u201d<\/p>\n By looking at his eyes, Risha knew that Kevin wasn\u2019t buying her act. Risha brushed the excess hair from her eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah… I\u2019ll be fine. No need to worry,\u201d she said, forcing a smile. She knew that it wasn\u2019t working and could tell that Kevin felt the same way.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, okay. But if you ever need to talk to someone, I\u2019ll be here to listen. Okay?\u201d Kevin gave her a comforting smile and walked out of the door, leaving Risha to the emptiness that she wasn\u2019t sure she needed.<\/p>\n When the coast was clear, Risha opened the bottom drawer up again, and checked the picture frame for cracks. There weren\u2019t any. With a sigh of relief, Risha looked at the picture again.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m sorry, John, but I\u2019m not ready to open up yet…\u201d<\/p>\n Nick sighed as he went to check a little girl\u2019s vitals. She was a little Hispanic girl with curly black hair and big brown eyes, a bit of what he figured Isabel had to have looked like when she was younger. She was calm for now. Her parents, however, were yelling frantically in Spanish.<\/p>\n Brian looked at Nick. \u201cI\u2019ll take care of the little girl. See if you can get from them specifically what\u2019s wrong.\u201d<\/p>\n Nick nodded. \u201cDo you understand English?\u201d He watched the parents, who were frantic and arguing amongst themselves. Arguing – that was something he knew better than he ever wanted to, no matter what language it was in.<\/p>\n \u201cAyude a mi hija tom\u00f3 tambi\u00e9n muchas p\u00edldoras durmientes porque ella pens\u00f3 eran caramelo que ella tom\u00f3 tambi\u00e9n muchos y har\u00e1 que su enfermo por favor ayuda a mi hija!\u201d<\/em> the mother yelled frantically. (\u201cHelp, my daughter took too many sleeping pills because she thought they were candy! She took too many, and it will make her sick! Please help my daughter!\u201d)<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cCan you say that in English?\u201d<\/p>\n The mother and father stared at him in confusion, and the young blonde medical student looked to Dr. Littrell for help. \u201cYou know Spanish?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNot since high school.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShit, all I know is some German.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNick, go get Isabel! Maybe she can translate. From the mother\u2019s tone, the child swallowed something serious. I need to run a few tests, but I can\u2019t if I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m looking for.\u201d<\/p>\n Nick nodded and ran off down the hall.<\/p>\n Isabel sat at a table in the caf\u00e9, enjoying her lunch break. She wished Nick could enjoy it with her, but she\u2019d heard he had a patient with Brian to take care of. She yawned tiredly; she had pulled an all-nighter and was definitely feeling the results. She looked like she felt – worn out and exhausted. She had heard the news that Lance had died as well, and although she did not know him terribly well, it had hit her hard. He had shot himself because he felt he couldn\u2019t handle it all. She knew all too well how overwhelming that could become, the only difference being that she hadn\u2019t let it consume her like he had.<\/p>\n \u201cIzzy!\u201d<\/p>\n She looked up and raised a brow at Nick with a small grin as she saw her boyfriend run up to her. She definitely needed to talk to him about working on that nickname.<\/p>\n \u201cHey,\u201d she smiled, brightening a bit at his appearance. \u201cYour patient taken care of?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, Iz, how fluent are you in Spanish?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPretty well, growing up with it-\u201d<\/p>\n He grabbed her and pulled her along behind him. It would almost have been comical if she hadn\u2019t sensed it was important. Still, Nick was such a dork sometimes that it was endearing. \u201cGood, I need you to translate for us.\u201d<\/p>\n They headed for Trauma 1, where Brian and the family were waiting. As Isabel went to talk to the parents, Mariah came up and pulled Nick aside. \u201cYou have a call on line one, Nick.\u201d<\/p>\n Nick stared at her. \u201cI have a child to-\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s your mother; she sounds frantic.\u201d<\/p>\n He sighed, \u201cAll right, I\u2019ll take it.\u201d He could hear Isabel translate to Brian that the little girl had taken too many NyQuil capsules as candy. Her parents had found her as she was finishing them and rushed her here. Nick went to the phone as Brian nodded at him in understanding as he took care of the little girl, Gina. Nick felt himself become tense and unconsciously started humming Nirvana\u2019s \u201cAll Apologies,\u201d a habit he had picked up to calm himself a long time ago.<\/p>\n Isabel smiled at Brian as he thanked her, and she waited for Nick, also staying in case she needed to translate anything else for them. Her eyes gazed upon the young blond man before her.<\/p>\n \u201cHi, Mom\u2026\u201d She watched his demeanor shift into one of hurt and frustration in seconds. \u201cNo, I don\u2019t know where Aaron is\u2026 or where your glasses are\u2026. Why would I know? Mom, I don\u2019t even live in Florida with you guys now, how would I know? I can\u2019t talk right now..\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019s coding!\u201d they both heard Brian cry.<\/p>\n \u201cMom\u2026 Mom! I can\u2019t talk right now; I have a trauma!\u201d The look of sadness in those ocean eyes was heartbreaking. \u201cMom, of course I still love you\u2026 I\u2019m not abandoning you! Mom, remember I\u2019m interning at a hospital\u2026 yes\u2026 yes, I have to go now\u2026 bye!\u201d He hung up, but before she could say anything, he just sighed and said, \u201cI\u2019ll call you tonight, Izzy; thanks for the help,\u201d before rushing to help Brian pump the stomach of the little girl.<\/p>\n But anyone with eyes could see there was something darker seeded within the seemingly happy and content young man before her, something that caused him a pain he chose to hide from everyone. Including her.<\/p>\n When Joey Fatone walked into the ER that afternoon, he could tell instantly that something was wrong. The waiting room was its usual mass of chaos, the seats full of people waiting to be triaged and taken to rooms. But the main desk area was unusually quiet.<\/p>\n Joey ran that desk; he knew better than anyone what went on there. It was the heart of the ER; all of the doctors and nurses stopped there or passed by constantly, and therefore, it was as much a gossip post as a place of administration. It was where the staff stopped to chat as they handled patient charts, ordered tests, or waited for lab results. Usually it was teaming with action, people in scrubs milling around it like ants, ten different conversations flowing at the same time.<\/p>\n Today, the desk looked lifeless.<\/p>\n There was life there, of course; Joey\u2019s stomach performed its now familiar somersault when he saw the top of Mariah\u2019s head behind her computer screen. She had worked the desk this morning and would be getting off now that he was there to take over. There were a few other staff members around, filling out paperwork or erasing newly-discharged patients from the large marker board they used to keep track of them all. But no one was talking.<\/p>\n Melissa was among them, and she spotted Joey right away. Setting down her pen, she walked briskly over to meet him.<\/p>\n A wave of guilt swept through him as he watched her; last night still haunted him. The phone call from Mariah. The late night visit to Mariah\u2019s apartment. The lies he had told Mel. The dream.<\/p>\n It had taken him a long time to get back to sleep after he\u2019d woken up from that dream \u2013 long enough to think things through and come to a decision. He had to break up with Melissa. For her sake, not his. She was looking for a serious relationship, someone she could settle down with. That someone was not him. The affair with Mariah made him sure he wasn\u2019t ready to commit to one person, and Melissa deserved better than him. He didn\u2019t want to hurt her, but he knew that\u2019s exactly what he would end up doing if they stayed together. Even if he ended things with Mariah, Melissa was destined to find out \u2013 he had watched enough movies to know that the scorned woman always did \u2013 and then she would be devastated. He would just tell her the half-truth \u2013 that a long-term commitment wasn\u2019t going to work for him. And that it was his fault, not hers.<\/p>\n He\u2019d been all set to do that today, but when he saw the look on Melissa\u2019s face, every word he had planned to say to her erased from his brain. She looked serious. Too serious. He felt his heart start to race as she walked toward him.<\/p>\n She knew.<\/p>\n His mind joined his heart, racing with worried thoughts and questions. How could she have found out? Had Mariah<\/em> said something? Was she coming over to dump him on the spot?<\/p>\n \u201cH-hey,\u201d he greeted her weakly, not knowing what else to say. He braced himself, waiting for her hurt tirade to begin.<\/p>\n She looked up at him, her eyes filled with sadness, and he felt his stomach turn again. But the words that came out of her mouth next would make him forget everything he had been thinking about on the drive in.<\/p>\n \u201cLance Bass died this morning.\u201d<\/p>\n It took a few seconds for the words to sink in. When they did, Joey was shocked. \u201cWhat?!\u201d he asked in disbelief, sure he must have heard her wrong. That was about the last thing he\u2019d expected to hear from her right then. But when she just nodded, slowly, he knew he\u2019d heard right. \u201cOh my-\u201c He raised his hand to his head, his fingers brushing the gelled tips of his hair. He couldn\u2019t believe what he was hearing.<\/p>\n Joey had known Lance quite well. As a desk clerk, he interacted with the nurses often, and he had always gotten along especially well with the two male nurses, Lance and Chris. In the good old days, the three of them could always be found crowded around the desk, going over the highlights of the last Carolina Panthers football game, rating the female nurses on how well their asses looked in scrubs, or debating whether or not Dr. O\u2019Brien needed a Midol for her perpetual state of PMS.<\/p>\n Things hadn\u2019t been quite the same around the ER since Lance\u2019s attempted suicide that October. But ever since Thanksgiving, things had been looking up. Joey had heard that Lance was starting to show some improvement. He shook his head at Melissa now, trying to understand. \u201cWhat happened??\u201d<\/p>\n She mirrored his movements, shaking her head as well. \u201cI don\u2019t know too many details,\u201d she said, her voice a grave hush. \u201cFrom what I heard, he just coded early this morning, and\u2026 they couldn\u2019t get him back.\u201d<\/p>\n Joey swallowed hard and reached out to her, resting his hands on her upper arms. \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d he whispered. The ER nurses were a tight group, and Melissa had been working with Lance just as long as he had. In fact, she and Lance had started at Memorial the same year, when they were both fresh out of nursing school. She had to be taking this hard. \u201cCan I get you anything?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n She shook her head. \u201cNo, I\u2019m all right, thanks. I need to get back to work anyway.\u201d She shrugged, her shoulders falling limply, and heaved a sigh. \u201cLife goes on, you know?\u201d<\/p>\n Joey watched her walk away, his stomach somersaulting again. He knew he wasn\u2019t going to get around to that important talk with Mel today. She needed time to recover from this; he wasn\u2019t going to add a break-up to the grief already on her plate.<\/p>\n Forcing himself to turn, he headed towards the desk, dreading having to come face to face with Mariah. Ever since they\u2019d started sleeping together, he hated being around her at work. He was constantly on edge, paranoid, afraid that the rest of his co-workers would be able to tell something was going on. They know\u2026 they know<\/em>, the voices in his head threatened. Mariah liked to play on his fears; whenever she thought no one else was looking, she\u2019d catch his eye and wink or waggle her eyebrows, lick her lips, do anything to make him blush and send his stomach rolling all over the place.<\/p>\n But today, when he came up to the receptionist\u2019s station\u2026 nothing. Even Mariah was subdued by the tragedy the ER family had suffered. She glanced up from her computer, and when she saw him, all she said was, \u201cHi. I guess you heard?\u201d<\/p>\n Joey nodded solemnly, swallowing again.<\/p>\n Mariah pursed her full, red lips. \u201cWell, I\u2019m off. Have a good shift.\u201d Then she slid out of her chair, grabbed her purse from beneath the desk, and only brushed against him slightly as she walked off, her narrow heels clicking against the tile. Joey watched her leave, astonished by her lack of flirtation.<\/p>\n Then again, the death of a co-worker had that effect on people.<\/p>\n Ivory made her way back to the emergency room area after a late lunch and hoped that not too many more people would manage to get injured and show up at the hospital. There were only four hours left before she could clock out, and, after seeing Chris Kirkpatrick and Dan Lowell\u2019s devastated faces, she needed to be away from the hospital. Spending time with Brian would be a great way to not think about work and life – or, rather, death, she mused – and she was looking forward to it.<\/p>\n \u201cJust four hours, God. That\u2019s all I\u2019m asking for,\u201d she muttered as she made her way to the nurses\u2019 station, hoping that they wouldn\u2019t give her a complicated patient.<\/p>\n As she reached the desk, the emergency room doors snapped open, and she had a moment of d\u00e9j\u00e0 vu before she hurried towards Howie and the man he was wheeling in on a stretcher.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m fine! Let me off of this damn gurney!\u201d The man appeared to be in his late twenties with dark blonde curls and angry brown eyes. He was also covered in blood and raging.<\/p>\n \u201cHe was trying to rob a jewelry store when the cops caught him,\u201d Howie explained to Ivory as he and AJ wrestled the man\u2019s hands and legs down to stop his thrashing.<\/p>\n \u201cHe pulled a gun on them and probably would have shot someone, but the cops shot him down,\u201d AJ spoke through gritted teeth, trying to keep the man down. \u201cI think they said he jacked someone\u2019s car earlier today.\u201d<\/p>\n Ivory stopped just inside the doors to the trauma room and stared while two nurses began to attach wires to monitor the man\u2019s vitals. She saw the brown shirt, the blonde curls, and brown eyes and remembered Dan and Abie Lowell. This was the bastard who\u2019d killed a mother and taken her from her family. Katie and Jamie Lowell were out there without a mother to care for them, and Dan Lowell was without the woman he loved. And it was all this man\u2019s fault.<\/p>\n \u201cDr. Harnett!\u201d Susan, one of the nurses who was helping with the patient, snapped Ivory out of her thoughts. \u201cHe\u2019s not conscious, and his heart rate is dropping. What do you want us to do?\u201d<\/p>\n Ivory knew she was supposed to save the man, even if he was a carjacking, mother-killing bastard. She\u2019d taken an oath to care for human life, but sometimes it really bothered her. If she did nothing, she\u2019d give Brunson a heart attack and probably lose her job. On the other hand, it would be justice, wouldn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n As she stood mentally debating the issue, she missed the way Susan narrowed her eyes when she noted Ivory making no move to help the man lying on the table, his life in her hands.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere\u2019s the bullet lodged?\u201d Ivory finally asked, making her decision.<\/p>\n An intern had been sent in to help her, and he turned from the X-ray. \u201cLeft side of the chest. It looks like it\u2019s inside the pericardium. If we don\u2019t stabilize him and get him up to surgery fast, he\u2019ll die.\u201d<\/p>\n Ivory nodded and instructed the nurse to inject saline and medication to try to stabilize the heart. She noted the copious amounts of blood that were covering her hands and asked Susan to add actual blood to the fluids being inserted into the patient\u2019s bloodstream. Between the bullet and all the blood lost, she didn\u2019t think they\u2019d be able to get him up to surgery. Maybe she had better get Brunson in here to cart him up to surgery.<\/p>\n \u201cHis name\u2019s Carl,\u201d Susan murmured, as she watched Ivory work.<\/p>\n Ivory turned away from the X-rays and barely glanced at the other woman as she moved to call Brunson. \u201cExcuse me?\u201d<\/p>\n Susan gestured to the man lying on the table between them. \u201cHis name\u2019s Carl. He\u2019s a living, breathing human being. I became a nurse so I could help people survive their accidents. What\u2019s your excuse?\u201d<\/p>\n Ivory stared at the nurse, not sure what the hell she was talking about. Before she could formulate a response, every monitor in the room began beeping crazily.<\/p>\n \u201cHe\u2019s tachy,\u201d the intern called out.<\/p>\n \u201cBlood pressure\u2019s dropping\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOxygen sats\u2019 falling\u2026 ninety one\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Ivory added more meds to the dosage, but, when the sats continued dropping, she knew there was something else going on.<\/p>\n \u201cIs there another wound we\u2019re missing?\u201d she wondered, running her hands over Carl\u2019s chest. There was too much blood, making a wound impossible to see.<\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s another one!\u201d the intern called out, as he searched the X-rays.<\/p>\n \u201cWhere?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIn the third intercostal space\u2026 Shit.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d Ivory was seriously going to kill this intern if he didn\u2019t stop beating around the bush.<\/p>\n He looked at her then at the heart rate monitor. \u201cThe bullet looks like it\u2019s lodged between the ventricles of his heart. Heart rate\u2019s at forty three.\u201d<\/p>\n Ivory stared down at the blood-covered chest and spotted the small hole where the second bullet must have entered. She was going to have to do a lot of fancywork to save this man, especially since she\u2019d decided she\u2019d rather let the courts punish him.<\/p>\n \u201cAll right. There\u2019s no time to move him up to surgery, so we\u2019re going to have to do this here and very carefully,\u201d Ivory began. \u201cSomebody call Brunson\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n Still dressed in his EMT uniform, Howie Dorough sat behind the wheel of his SUV, waiting for his daughter outside of her school. He was glad he\u2019d made it there on time, for the last paramedic\u2019s call he\u2019d been out on had been particularly messy. A carjacker, shot by the police while trying to flee. AJ was still at the hospital, giving his statement, which was really irrelevant since the ambulance had gotten there long after the action had taken place. But in a situation like this, the police wanted to interview everyone involved. Howie had been lucky to get away before Danielle\u2019s school let out.<\/p>\n He\u2019d wanted to pick Danielle up himself that day so that he\u2019d have a chance to talk to her. But now that he was here, he was a nervous wreck, to put it lightly. He didn\u2019t know how he was going to explain to Dani his feelings for Rita and the fact that he wanted to marry her. He didn\u2019t want Dani to think that Rita was trying to take the place of her mother, and even though Dani and Rita got along great, he worried that she would be jealous of Rita\u2019s place in his life. For the longest time, Dani had been the only \u201cwoman\u201d in his life.<\/p>\n Seeing Dani exit the school at last, Howie leaned over and unlocked her door. \u201cHi princess,\u201d he greeted her<\/p>\n \u201cHi Daddy,\u201d Dani greeted him cheerfully.<\/p>\n \u201cHow was school?\u201d he asked her.<\/p>\n Howie let the six-year-old ramble on about the events of her day; all the while, he tried to gather up his courage to bring up the marriage subject.<\/p>\n \u201cSweetie, there\u2019s something I need to talk to you about,\u201d Howie said, catching a lull in the conversation.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is it, Daddy?\u201d the little girl asked curiously.<\/p>\n \u201cYou like Rita, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, she\u2019s nice,\u201d Dani said.<\/p>\n \u201cI like her, too. I\u2019ve decided I want to ask her to marry me. Are you okay with that?\u201d<\/p>\n Howie wasn\u2019t prepared for the reaction he got. However, he was thrilled.<\/p>\n Dani\u2019s eyes lit up. \u201cYay!\u201d she exclaimed excitedly. \u201cDoes that mean she\u2019ll come to stay with us?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell yes, honey, provided she says yes, she would move in with us. She\u2019ll be your stepmother. But you\u2019ll still have your Mommy, too. You\u2019ll just have two mommies.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhen are you going to ask her?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI was thinking Christmas.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cCan I help you pick out the ring?\u201d<\/p>\n That caught Howie off-guard. He hadn\u2019t even thought about the engagement ring because he was worried about how Dani would react to the news. But since she was fine with it, he saw no harm in letting her help choose the ring.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t think of anyone else I would want to help me,\u201d Howie told her with a smile.<\/p>\n \u201cTime of death\u2026 16:22.\u201d<\/p>\n Ivory yanked the gloves off her hands and removed the bloody gown. Two deaths in one day lay on her hands. She knew it was a personal record for her and hated that death seemed to be on the agenda for the day. She avoided looking into Holli Brunson\u2019s eyes, knowing the chief would probably berate her on something. In Brunson\u2019s eyes, Ivory could do no right, and here she had been unable to save a man right in front of the chief.<\/p>\n She turned to her team. \u201cGood work, guys. I\u2019m sorry we couldn\u2019t save him. You save some, you lose some,\u201d she added, watching the nurses clean up around the body and cover him.<\/p>\n \u201cYou lose some if you want to,\u201d Susan muttered, hoping Ivory hadn\u2019t heard her. She was convinced Dr. Harnett had wanted the man to die. Sure, the guy had shot the poor woman who\u2019d come in earlier, but that was no excuse to hesitate long enough for a man to die.<\/p>\n Brunson looked at the nurse sharply. \u201cWhat makes you say that?\u201d<\/p>\n Ivory hadn\u2019t heard Susan\u2019s comment as she\u2019d already left the trauma room, so she didn\u2019t hear Brunson\u2019s question. She was tired of the death and was even more desperate for her shift to end. If it wasn\u2019t too much to ask, she hoped God was listening because she didn\u2019t want another patient to die on her watch – for at least a week.<\/p>\n That Saturday, Howie awoke Dani early and took her out to breakfast before dropping by his favorite jeweler.<\/p>\n \u201cWhich one do you like, Dani?\u201d Howie asked.<\/p>\n \u201cThat one,\u201d Dani said immediately, pointing to a ring on the left side of the case.<\/p>\n Howie directed the jeweler to Dani\u2019s choice, and he removed it from the case for Howie to inspect.<\/p>\n He turned it, admiring how the diamonds sparkled as they caught the light.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you think, Daddy? Do you like it?\u201d<\/p>\n Howie smiled. \u201cI think it\u2019s perfect,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n \u201cBeautiful choice, sir,\u201d the jeweler commented. \u201cWhat color box would you like?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBlack,\u201d Howie replied.<\/p>\n The jeweler finished packaging up the ring while Howie finished writing the check for the payment. Finally, he presented Howie with the ring.<\/p>\n \u201cDo you think Rita will like it, Daddy?\u201d Dani asked him.<\/p>\n \u201cI hope so, sweetheart,\u201d Howie said.<\/p>\n He then lost himself in thought at where his life was going. If Rita said yes, he would be the happiest man on the face of the earth. He would have everything he ever wanted. He sometimes wondered how he\u2019d deserved for his life to work out so well. But, he thanked God everyday for it.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m being what<\/em>?!\u201d Ivory stared at Siara, trying to comprehend what the other woman had just said to her.<\/p>\n She was being investigated<\/em> for doing her job? What the heck was going on? Ivory couldn\u2019t understand it at all.<\/p>\n \u201cApparently, someone told Brunson that your patient, the carjacker, could have lived, but you didn\u2019t do your job to the best of your ability,\u201d Siara elaborated. \u201cI just heard Brunson talking about it to one of the members on the board. They\u2019re going back through all of your notes.\u201d When Ivory\u2019s face turned red enough that Siara was convinced she would start steaming visibly, she held up her hands in defense. \u201cHey, don\u2019t kill the messenger. I just thought I\u2019d let you know what\u2019s going on.\u201d<\/p>\n Ivory nodded, unable to speak for fear that she would regret her words. \u201cThanks,\u201d she managed through gritted teeth.<\/p>\n As she watched Siara walk away, Ivory stewed. Who had told Brunson that she hadn\u2019t done her job properly? She\u2019d done everything she could to save the man\u2019s life, but it wasn\u2019t her fault the heart wasn\u2019t good at handling a foreign object lodged in it. No one on her team had realized there was another bullet in the heart until it was too late. They couldn\u2019t fault her for that, could they? Besides, hadn\u2019t Brunson been there to ascertain what had happened? Hadn\u2019t she been the one who told Ivory to call the death?<\/p>\n She knew she was already on Brunson\u2019s shit list because of her \u201caltercation\u201d with a patient\u2019s father weeks ago. This was sure to move her up to the top of that list. She had to know who had ratted her out if for no other reason than to set them straight. She\u2019d done everything possible, and that hesitation? It wouldn\u2019t have saved Carl\u2019s life if she\u2019d jumped right into the situation because that second bullet would have killed him no matter what the doctors\u2014ER or surgery\u2014would and could have done.<\/p>\n Deciding to keep her eyes and ears open, Ivory headed towards the exam room where her current patient was waiting for her. As she passed another exam room, she heard voices. Pausing to note that there was no patient in that room, she was about to move on when she heard her name.<\/p>\n \u201cI had to tell the chief that she didn\u2019t do her job properly,\u201d a woman\u2019s voice explained.<\/p>\n There was a sigh. \u201cSusan, you\u2019re new here, so I don\u2019t think you know exactly who it is you just put under investigation. Dr. Harnett\u2019s a great doctor with a stellar temper. If she ever finds out you are the reason she might lose her job, she\u2019s going to make your life hell. Besides, you don\u2019t know for sure that she meant for the patient to die.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI watched her stop and stare at the guy. She didn\u2019t move for over a minute<\/em>! She could\u2019ve saved the guy if we\u2019d made use of that minute,\u201d Susan defended her decision.<\/p>\n Ivory decided she\u2019d heard enough. Whoever the other woman Susan was talking to was, she was right about the temper. It was all she could do to stop herself from running into the room and clocking the interfering nurse.<\/p>\n \u201cSave it, Harnett,\u201d she told herself. \u201cYou\u2019ve got a patient to deal with. Confrontation is for later.\u201d<\/p>\n Her opportunity came as she was speaking to another nurse about the medication that one of her patients needed. Susan returned to the nurses\u2019 station and was flipping through a chart, so Ivory quickly finished up and thanked the other nurse. She counted to ten in her head and managed a smile.<\/p>\n \u201cSusan?\u201d She waited until the nurse looked up and acknowledged her. \u201cHi. I was wondering if I could speak to you for a few minutes? Do you have time?\u201d<\/p>\n Susan was starting to look nervous, but nodded. \u201cSure. How about right now?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAbsolutely. Let\u2019s go get some fresh air,\u201d Ivory suggested.<\/p>\n When the two women were standing outside the hospital, away from the ER ambulance bay, Ivory turned to the nurse.<\/p>\n \u201cI wanted to thank you for being so professional when we worked on the carjacker,\u201d she began. \u201cI know you understood that we did everything we could to save him, and I\u2019m glad that you took it in stride. You\u2019re new here, and the first few deaths you witness can really get to you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHis death didn\u2019t get to me because we took all the necessary measures to save him,\u201d Susan replied. \u201cIt\u2019s because you didn\u2019t do your job the best you could and let a man die. That\u2019s what\u2019s bothering me so much, Doctor<\/em> Harnett.\u201d<\/p>\n Ivory narrowed her eyes. \u201cYou haven\u2019t been here long enough, Nurse<\/em> Walker, to tell me how to do my job. I did everything in my power to save that man. Maybe I didn\u2019t want to because he\u2019d killed an innocent wife and mother earlier that day, but I knew I still had to do my job. And I did.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou hesitated! That\u2019s not doing your job!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd your job is not to snitch out every doctor that does something you may not agree with!\u201d Ivory countered. She could feel herself turning red and knew her temper was close to snapping.<\/p>\n \u201cIt is if a patient could have lived!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe died because there was a bullet in his damn heart, and we didn\u2019t see it until it was too late!\u201d Ivory failed to keep her voice low.<\/p>\n Susan shook her head, her eyes flashing angrily. \u201cIf you hadn\u2019t waited to begin working on him, we could\u2019ve found that bullet soon enough to save him. Admit it, Doctor. You wanted him to die because it was your own little form of justice.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s not true! That\u2019s-that\u2019s bullshit!\u201d Ivory sputtered.<\/p>\n Susan raised a brow. \u201cWe\u2019re not supposed to pass judgment on patients, we\u2019re supposed to save their lives. You didn\u2019t do that when you stopped before helping him. I had to tell the chief because I think she should know what really happened.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWho the hell do you think you are?\u201d Ivory wondered. \u201cSince when do nurses have self-righteous attitudes? Especially ones fresh out of the nursing program. I\u2019ve been here longer than you, and you can bet your ass they won\u2019t believe your word over mine.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh yeah? Then why are you sweating over this?\u201d Susan asked with a smirk. Shaking her head, she turned to walk back into the hospital. \u201cGood luck, Dr. Harnett. I hope justice works both ways,\u201d she called over her shoulder before disappearing inside the building.<\/p>\n Ivory saw red and turned to kick the wall. \u201cWhat a bitch. We\u2019ll see who comes out on top with justice,\u201d she muttered.<\/p>\n Knowing she was useless to patients when she was this angry, she set off to walk around the building, hoping the cold air would cool her temper.<\/p>\n Chris read the Departmental memo one more time, still unwilling to process the words.<\/p>\n To All Staff members, All Departments:<\/em> A brief memorial service… for a brief life, ended far too soon. The words on the paper blurred for a moment, and he wiped his eyes clear of wetness. He could still hear the words announcing his best friend\u2019s death, still feel the overwhelming sense of loss. The look on Lance\u2019s parents\u2019 faces as they, in turn, were told the news. The empty feeling deep in his gut as he realized he\u2019d never see or speak to Lance again.<\/p>\n He\u2019d been asked to do the eulogy at the memorial service. He\u2019d protested at first, but then realized that no one knew Lance better. It was the last, final favor he could do for his friend. It was also the toughest thing he\u2019d ever had to face.<\/p>\n Glancing at the time, he realized there was no more delaying. With a heavy heart, he headed towards the tiny chapel, wondering how on Earth he was going to keep it together in front of his peers.<\/p>\n His journey ended quicker than he\u2019d wanted; no one else had arrived yet. The floral displays at the front of the chapel were tasteful and simple; a framed photograph of Lance rested on an easel on the opposite side of the podium. Chris couldn\u2019t bring himself to look at the smiling image.<\/p>\n Luckily, people began to filter in soon thereafter. Chris was a bit surprised, and gratified, to see the large number of faces before him. Suddenly, it was time. After wiping his hands on his shirt and clearing his throat several times, he stepped up to the podium.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks for coming,\u201d he began awkwardly. \u201cWe\u2019re here to say goodbye to one of Atlantic\u2019s own, Lance Bass. He was a familiar sight in the ER; he was always quick to do any task asked of him, without complaint. He thought nothing of giving his all, whether it was reassuring a worried family or working an extra shift to help out when things got crazy. He was also a very private person, who never troubled others with his own difficulties. I think that-\u201d Chris stopped, the words stuck in his throat. Emotions threatened to overwhelm, but he gripped the edges of the podium and pushed them back. After several seconds, he forced himself to continue.<\/p>\n \u201cI think that if he shared his life a little more, maybe he wouldn\u2019t have felt as desperate and alone as he did in the end. Maybe that\u2019s something for all of us to think about. I was his friend; I should have seen how troubled he was. But I didn\u2019t. I took things for granted, things I\u2019ll never know again. Maybe that\u2019s a reminder for everyone here. To not take each other for granted, and to be brave enough to open up to others when we feel there\u2019s no hope. Maybe we should take a look at those around us… really look. Reach out a hand. Life\u2019s too short to make the journey alone.\u201d He drew a shaky breath. \u201cIf we remember that, then Lance\u2019s death won\u2019t be in vain.\u201d<\/p>\n He stepped down, signaling the end of the eulogy. He heard the sounds of movement and subdued voices as the attendees rose from their seats. He looked up a minute later, seeing a few people lingering.<\/p>\n Jaela Miller and Addie Burke, fellow ER nurses, were talking quietly off to the side, while Doctors O\u2019Brien, Parker and Littrell were at the condolences box, preparing to write notes to the family. Dr. Richardson was waiting by the door, no doubt for Dr. O\u2019Brien to finish.<\/p>\n Richardson caught his glance and gave him a small nod; Chris tried to return a smile but it didn\u2019t quite manifest. But he knew the surgeon understood.<\/p>\n It was then that he noticed the quiet figure in the last row. Even in the dim light of the chapel she looked pale; he wondered at her stricken look.<\/p>\n Risha Veers had surprised him with her reaction to Lance\u2019s death. He\u2019d figured that, to her, Lance was just another case. After all, they hadn\u2019t known one another.<\/p>\n Still, he knew she had fought extremely hard for Lance when he\u2019d first been brought in; she\u2019d literally saved his life. It had been a miracle he\u2019d survived; everyone said so. In the end it had been in vain, but at least she\u2019d tried.<\/p>\n She had been in the room when Lance had been pronounced. He\u2019d seen her reaction, and wanted to ask if she was okay, but she\u2019d fled before he could say a word. The few times he\u2019d seen her since, she had been even more withdrawn and somber than usual. It was a puzzle.<\/p>\n \u201cThat was a nice eulogy,\u201d Jaela said, startling him.<\/p>\n \u201cIt was,\u201d Addie agreed. \u201cSimple but thought-provoking.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThanks,\u201d he said uncertainly.<\/p>\n \u201cI know I\u2019ll miss him around the ER,\u201d Addie continued. \u201cYou could always count on him to lend a hand, like you said.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTake care, Chris. See you next shift,\u201d Jaela said, touching him on the arm briefly.<\/p>\n He managed a nod as the two women left.<\/p>\n \u201cAre you okay?\u201d came a soft voice behind him.<\/p>\n He turned, surprised to see Risha.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I\u2019m good,\u201d he replied.<\/p>\n She waited a moment. \u201cI don\u2019t think that\u2019s really true,\u201d she said. \u201cNo one can do a eulogy for someone close and be \u2018good\u2019 with it.\u201d<\/p>\n He shifted uncomfortably. No one had really asked how he had been holding up, and he wasn\u2019t sure of the truth. \u201cI guess I\u2019m as good as can be expected,\u201d he answered.<\/p>\n She accepted his reply, then gazed at him with sorrow-filled eyes. \u201cI\u2019m really sorry for your loss,\u201d she said. \u201cI know that this is all like a whirlwind to you… but if you want to talk or anything, afterwards, well… I\u2019m here. It\u2019s just a shame that this ended up like it did.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah,\u201d he said, his voice tight with emotion. They stood in an awkward silence for a bit.<\/p>\n \u201cWell, I should probably get home,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n \u201cHome? Not back to work?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, I\u2019m off today.\u201d<\/p>\n Chris blinked. \u201cYou came in, just for the memorial service?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes.\u201d<\/p>\n It touched Chris in a way he hadn\u2019t expected. \u201cBut… you hardly knew him.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHe still mattered to me,\u201d she said quietly. \u201cI… I really thought he had a chance.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMe too,\u201d came the saddened reply.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll see you later, then,\u201d she said as she turned to leave.<\/p>\n \u201cRisha, wait,\u201d Chris said suddenly.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWill you… could you come to the funeral? It\u2019s going to be really small, just his parents and me. I\u2019d appreciate your company.\u201d<\/p>\n Her eyes widened; clearly he had surprised her. He watched emotions wash across her face, and knew that her answer would be no. His heart sank just a little more.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t know… I don\u2019t do well at funerals, and-\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cPlease,\u201d he said, a bit more desperately than he wanted. \u201cI don\u2019t think I can face this by myself.\u201d<\/p>\n She searched his eyes. For a long moment, she didn\u2019t reply.<\/p>\n \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t be alone,\u201d she finally said. \u201cIf it will help, then… yes, I\u2019ll come.\u201d<\/p>\n He felt a surprising amount of relief at her words.<\/p>\n \u201cThanks, this means a lot. Do you know the cemetery on Adler street?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, I think so.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThe funeral is there at four this afternoon. Should I come pick you up, or…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll meet you there,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n \u201cWell I really appreciate this,\u201d he said again. \u201cAnd thanks for coming today.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt was the least I could do,\u201d came her quiet reply. He watched her leave the chapel and sighed. Even with her support, the funeral would be nearly impossible to make it through.<\/p>\n The small group watched as the casket was lowered into the ground. Diane Bass broke into another bout of pain-filled sobs, and her husband wrapped his arms around her. With the final words spoken, it was over.<\/p>\n They walked silently back to the single building on the grounds which served as a gathering place for the bereaved. Jim steered his wife to a chair and sat beside her, a devastated look on his face.<\/p>\n Chris couldn\u2019t think of a thing to say. They had lost their only remaining child; their hopes and prayers for Lance\u2019s recovery had been for nothing. He couldn\u2019t imagine the depth of their pain.<\/p>\n It was Risha that broke the silence.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ve been thinking a lot about your son,\u201d she said, sitting across from the grieving parents. \u201cI\u2019m a neurosurgeon, and I see a lot of trauma in my line of work. When he was first brought in, I was told he\u2019d tried to commit suicide. But I have to wonder about how serious he was.\u201d<\/p>\n Diane looked up, confused.<\/p>\n \u201cIf he truly meant to kill himself,\u201d Risha continued, \u201che would have aimed better. But from the angle of the wound, I wonder if at the last moment he moved his hand. If he realized that he didn\u2019t want to die.\u201d She looked from Diane to Jim. \u201cThe reason I even bring this up is because of how hard he fought to survive afterwards. A surgeon can only do so much. A patient\u2019s will can mean the difference between survival and demise… I\u2019ve seen it hundreds of times. And one thing I\u2019m sure of is that Lance was a fighter the entire time he was under my care.\u201d<\/p>\n Chris raised his eyebrows at her statement but didn\u2019t interrupt.<\/p>\n \u201cI believe that Lance didn\u2019t die by his own hand,\u201d she said. \u201cThat, he survived. His wounds were healing nicely, and he was fairly stable. It goes against medical reason… by all rights, he should have died on my table. But he hung in there for a long time.\u201d She studied her hands for a moment. \u201cIn the end, I think it was too much for him to overcome. I think he tried. I think he wanted to survive, but it wasn\u2019t meant to be.\u201d<\/p>\n Diane Bass stared at the floor for several long minutes. At last, she raised her eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cThank you,\u201d she said in a shaky voice. \u201cThank you for that, Dr. Veers.\u201d<\/p>\n Jim remained silent, but there was a tiny light that rose in his eyes at the doctor\u2019s words.<\/p>\n Chris didn\u2019t know what to say.<\/p>\n Everyone stood, and Diane embraced him tightly, murmuring her thanks into his shoulder. Then, she turned and gave a quick embrace to a surprised Risha. Jim shook Chris\u2019 hand, did the same to Risha, then escorted his wife out of the building.<\/p>\n Chris sank back down in a chair. \u201cDamn.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cChris?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDamn, that was hard,\u201d he said, feeling tears starting to well. He felt a delicate touch on his arm.<\/p>\n \u201cI know,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat you said… to them…\u201d He sniffed. \u201cDid you really mean that?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes, I did,\u201d she said. \u201cI don\u2019t know if it\u2019s true, but that\u2019s what I believe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI wish… I wish I just knew if he\u2019s… happy now. If he\u2019s at peace, or…\u201d He stopped.<\/p>\n \u201cI can\u2019t tell you that,\u201d she whispered. \u201cI wish I knew, too.\u201d<\/p>\n Silent tears began rolling down his face, despite his resolve not to cry in front of her. He turned slightly, pretending to look at the white floral display that decorated the small table to the left.<\/p>\n Suddenly, his eye caught movement. His head snapped up as a petal broke off and began to rise.<\/p>\n What in the hell?<\/em><\/p>\n It took a moment for him to realize it wasn\u2019t a petal. He heard a small gasp from his side and knew that Risha saw it, too.<\/p>\n A butterfly.<\/p>\n A tiny, pure white, inexplicable butterfly had launched itself from the flowers and now fluttered around the room.<\/p>\n A butterfly<\/em>, in December.<\/p>\n Chris stood, amazed.<\/p>\n \u201cBut that\u2019s…\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cImpossible,\u201d he finished.<\/p>\n Then he realized what had happened. He had wanted to know if Lance was all right, if he was happy. And there, fluttering above their heads, was his answer.<\/p>\n For the first time in four days, Chris smiled.<\/p>\n Episode 18: Time of Death Risha drove down the street, yawning as she turned left into the employee parking lot at the hospital. She was still puzzled about the phone call from Chris earlier. Did Lance say something? Did he move his arm? As she parked the car, Risha …<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":66,"menu_order":18,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-240","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/codeblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/240","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/codeblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/codeblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/codeblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/codeblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=240"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/codeblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/240\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":246,"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/codeblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/240\/revisions\/246"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/codeblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/66"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dreamers-sanctuary.com\/codeblue\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=240"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}+++<\/h4>\n
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\nToday at 1:30 pm a brief memorial service will be held for Lance Bass, ER Nurse, in the hospital chapel. Any members who wish to attend will be allowed to do so as long as their duties are not neglected. Condolence messages may be left for the family at the service.<\/em>
\n– Holli Brunson<\/em><\/p>\n+++<\/h4>\n
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Episode 19<\/a><\/h4>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"