Hey, look at that – a happy ending for both Brian and Nick! Are you surprised? I’ve developed a bad habit of killing Backstreet Boys at the end of my novels, but I finally broke the streak!
There are few things in life I get more pleasure from than writing an end-of-novel author’s note because it means I ACTUALLY FINISHED A NOVEL! Since my stories are so long and I write them so slowly, this happens pretty infrequently, so it always feels really good when it does.
Writing has always been cathartic for me. Over the years, fanfic has helped me deal with grief, distracted me from real life problems, and been a bright spot in my life during times of darkness. This story was no different. Although I started it in July of 2018, I got busy when I went back to work that August and didn’t really write much on it until after my grandpa passed away last November. I opened the story a week after his memorial service, hoping it would help me take my mind off my grief, and started writing – and lo and behold, it worked! I got on a roll and have been working on it pretty consistently ever since then, which is how I was able to update it so regularly and finish it in about a year. It’s weird how a story as twisted and depressing as this one could lift me up like that, but then, I am also weird. I think I like drama in fiction so much because it makes me feel better about the relatively minor problems in my mundane real life, LOL.
With that being said, I want to thank everyone who stayed on this rollercoaster of a story and read/rode it all the way through to the end! I was nervous to post this one because it deals with so many topics that seemed taboo to me. First I was worried about exploiting Nick’s cardiomyopathy, which I had once said I “wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole” in a fanfic because it felt too close to reality. As much as I enjoy medical drama, this one was so intense that it kind of felt like crossing a line to me. Then I was worried about killing the baby, especially after Nick and Lauren had the miscarriage and even more so when they announced they were expecting Saoirse. The whole Arya storyline really only came about because I needed a way to separate Nick and Lauren so Nick would be alone; losing a child can be devastating to a marriage, but I have a “no killing real BSB kids” policy, so there was no way I was going to have Odin die. That’s one line I haven’t crossed. And then, finally, there was all the weird fetish stuff, which is what gave me the idea for this story in the first place – look up “911 Bio Med” on YouTube if you’re curious about where that came from. I didn’t want people to get the wrong idea about me; I have always loved medical stuff, but not in a sexual way. I had fun researching for and writing this story because it was so extreme, but I wasn’t sure how readers would react to it. So thank you for embracing it and blessing me with so much positive feedback! I really appreciate your support.
Finally, I want to give credit where credit is due. I did a great deal of research for this story, not only on the medical aspects, but on the psychology of my four villains. I read, watched, and listened to countless articles, documentaries, shows, and podcasts on healthcare serial killers, Munchausen Syndrome by proxy, and necrophilia as I developed the characters of Dani, Elizabeth, Rob, and Patrick, but one of the best and most helpful sources was the book The Good Nurse by Charles Graeber, which tells the true story of a nurse named Charles Cullen, who murdered a number of patients over many years. Digoxin was Cullen’s drug of choice, so that’s where I got the idea to use it. If you’re interested in serial killers, I would highly recommend the book. I don’t read a lot of nonfiction for fun, but I read this one cover to cover, and it was fascinating!
Thank you again for reading!
~Julie
11/16/19