Chapter 57

Returning home from Jamaica was like waking up from a really good dream.

Back to reality, I thought with a sigh the first morning I woke up in my own bed alone. After spending an entire week together, it felt strange not to find Natalie sleeping next to me. It was the first night of uninterrupted sleep I’d had since leaving the resort, where I had relied on her to wake up and reposition me in the night. Rather than feeling well-rested and rejuvenated, however, I felt tired and groggy. Although the trip had been relaxing, traveling had obviously taken its toll on me. But, as good as it felt to get back to my family and the familiar comforts of home, I missed the beach and the sun. Kentucky was cold and gray in January, a far cry from the beauty and warmth of Jamaica. It felt even drearier without Natalie.

“I dunno how much longer I can keep doing the whole long-distance thing,” I confided in AJ a few days later. I had called to wish him a happy birthday, but as we caught up on the latest in each other’s lives, our conversation turned from his adventures as a new dad to baby Ava to my relationship with Natalie. “I love her so much, and I miss her when we’re apart… which is more often than we’re actually together. How did you and Rochelle make it work before you moved in together?”

“Well, luckily for me, Ro has always liked her alone time,” AJ replied. “It never bothers her to have the house to herself when I’m gone. Most of the time, she’d rather stay home alone than travel with me. But when we were dating, we saw each other whenever we could… and when we couldn’t physically be together, we would talk on the phone for hours.”

I nodded, looking down at the phone lying on top of the thick, sherpa blanket Dawn had draped over my lap as I listened to his voice projecting from its speaker. “Nat and I already do that.”

“That’s all you can do, man. Just keep making time for each other.” AJ paused. “Have you two talked any more about moving in together full-time?” he asked me. “I mean, you’ve been seeing each other for almost a year now, right?”

“Nine months next week – not that I’m counting,” I replied with a grin. Tilting my chair back onto its anti-tip bars, I turned my face toward the western sky, wanting to feel the weak rays of sunlight filtering through the clouds. I tried to get outside for fresh air and Vitamin D as often as the weather would allow. On cold winter days, I could only sit on the front porch for a few minutes before I began to shiver uncontrollably beneath my layers of clothing, but on warmer afternoons like this one, I would wheel myself all the way down to the bottom of the driveway to wait with Dawn for the school bus to drop off Mason.

AJ chuckled. “Close enough. Nine months is a long time, man. It felt like forever when Ro was pregnant with Ava.”

“I remember that feeling… but, for me, it seems like the time has flown by.” I gazed across the brown grass of my front lawn to the barren fields beyond. In a few months, everything would be green and growing again. “And, to answer your first question, we have talked… but Natalie doesn’t wanna move to Lexington, and I don’t wanna move to Atlanta, so staying together when we’re both in L.A. is still our best solution for now. It’s just not a long-term solution,” I added, feeling my smile fade.

“Well, maybe you should just move back out here then. I mean, you already bought a place. Why not make it your main residence?”

“Believe me, I’ve thought about it…” I glanced up at the gray clouds, picturing palm trees set against a backdrop of bright, blue sky and wishing I was in Southern California. “…but I would hate to do that to my mom. She’s been so happy, having me here these last few years… and, you know, she’s not getting any younger. I want Mason to be able to spend time with her now, while she’s still active and in good health. Plus, I doubt Dawn would wanna live with us in L.A. full-time, and I would hate to lose her… or have to find more help for when Nat’s working. You remember how hard it was for me to find a reliable caregiver the first time around.”

“Oh yeah.” AJ let out a short, humorless laugh. “I remember. Look, I get it, bro. Those are good reasons to stay in Kentucky. But that doesn’t solve your Natalie problem.”

“I know,” I said with a sigh. “I guess I’m just hoping she’ll miss me enough to change her mind. But, sometimes, I get the feeling that I miss her more than she misses me.”

“What makes you think that?” he wanted to know.

I took my time answering; it was difficult to put my thoughts into words. “I dunno… I guess I look at it like this: My life is better when she’s around. I get out and do more than I did before we started dating. She takes me on adventures and inspires me to travel more and try things I haven’t done since I got hurt. I have fun with her. And she makes me feel… desirable… again in a way I didn’t think was possible,” I tried to explain without going into too much detail. “But having me around makes her life harder. When I’m with her, she doesn’t have the freedom she has without me. As a flight attendant, she can hop on a plane and fly anywhere in the world on a whim, but I can’t be spontaneous like that.” I looked down at myself, bundled up like a little old man in my heavy parka, lap blanket, hat, and gloves. It was fifty degrees outside, but from the way Dawn had dressed me, you would have thought I was braving the frigid Arctic circle instead of my own front porch. “For me, everything requires planning; I have to figure out how I’m gonna get from place to place, where I’m gonna cath, where I’m gonna sleep, when I’m gonna wake up, how I’m gonna bathe and do my bowel program, and who’s gonna help me. It’s a lot, and it makes me feel like such a burden to her, like this dead weight that she has to drag around all day.”

“Okay, that may be how you feel, but is that how she feels?” AJ pressed.

I shrugged, the nylon fabric of my parka swishing as my shoulders shifted. “Not that she’d ever admit. To her credit, she hasn’t shied away from helping with my care when we’re together. She handled everything by herself in Jamaica and did just fine. But I can’t help wondering if that’s part of the reason why she’s been reluctant to move to Lexington. She claims it’s because of the inconvenience of having to commute to work, which I get, but it could also be that she secretly likes the long-distance aspect of our relationship. Right now, she’s only tied down to me for a few days at a time. If she were living here, I’d be a full-time commitment.”

There was a long pause. Then AJ asked awkwardly, “You don’t think she’s, like, cheating on you, do you?” I could picture the frown on his face by the tone of his voice.

“No, I don’t think so,” I replied right away. “Nat’s never given me a reason not to trust her.” But, even as the words left my mouth, the doubts began creeping into my head. Natalie could easily be hooking up with other men in other countries to satisfy her sexual needs, needs I couldn’t fulfill. The thought had certainly crossed my mind before, but I’d always managed to cast it aside by telling myself that a woman who had been cheated on before would never hurt someone else that way. Still, hearing the same concern voiced by someone else shook my confidence in her.

“That’s good,” said AJ. “Then you’ll just have to make her miss you. Take advantage of your time apart. Call her, tease her, give her just a little taste of you, then leave her wanting more. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?”

“Are you suggesting we have phone sex?” I asked with a snort of laughter, relieved that I had no neighbors who lived near enough to overhear my conversation. “Believe me, we’ve tried it before… but I’m not sure that would work. It might even have the opposite effect. I wouldn’t be surprised if Natalie preferred fantasizing with me over the phone to fucking me in real life. I mean, I can do more with my voice than I can with my dick these days.”

“Well, you do have a very sexy voice, Kevy Kev,” AJ said in a feminine lisp. “But I’m not just talking about phone sex. You might have to play hard to get for a while. Take a step back from the relationship and wait for her to come to you.”

“Yeah, maybe,” I replied, unconvinced. I wasn’t sure AJ was the best person to be taking advice from when it came to romance. Sure, he may have been a happily married man now, but his path to finding wedded bliss with Rochelle was littered with the ruins of plenty of past failed relationships.

So, rather than following his advice and playing hard to get, I followed my heart and continued to make plans with Natalie. We compared our calendars to find opportunities to spend time together and counted down the days until we could see each other again. “Looks like I’ll be in L.A. on the twenty-second for a work meeting with the guys,” I told her during one of our daily phone calls. “Will you be around that week?”

“I leave for Sydney that day, but I’m off the weekend before,” Natalie replied brightly. “Wanna fly out a few days early?”

“Yeah, that would actually work out well. That Monday is Martin Luther King Day, so Mason has a three-day weekend. Would you mind if he came with me?”

“Of course not! We could watch the NFC championship game together.” Having won their division with a 13-3 record in the regular season, her Atlanta Falcons were the number one seed in the NFL playoffs, which put them just two wins away from making it to the Super Bowl.

“Sounds good,” I agreed. Since I couldn’t watch my team play in the big game – and, seeing as how the Chiefs had only won two games the entire season, that seemed unlikely to happen anytime soon – I was happy to root for hers. I looked forward to spending the weekend with her and Mason at the L.A. house, watching football and eating junk food.

But fate had other plans in store for us.

It started the third week in January, when Mason came home from school with what we thought was a simple cold. His symptoms were mild – a sore throat, stuffy nose, cough, and low-grade fever – and ran their course quickly. After a couple days at home on the couch, he was feeling better and ready to go back to kindergarten.

I was not so lucky. Despite my best efforts to keep my distance, I came down with it a few days after Mason. At first, it didn’t seem like a big deal. I had a slight headache, a scratchy throat, and some nasal congestion, which was the worst part, considering I couldn’t blow my nose without assistance. Whenever she heard me sniffling, Dawn would bring over a tissue and hold it up to my nose.  “Blow,” she’d say as she put her other hand on my belly and pushed, helping me exhale with enough force to clear my nasal passages. When that didn’t work to alleviate the stuffiness, she would use a bulb syringe to suction the snot out of my nose, just like I had for Mason when he was an infant. I absolutely hated being treated like a baby, but at least I could breathe better afterwards.

By the second day, however, my fever was up to a hundred and one, and I felt miserable. “You know you’re not flying to L.A. today, right?” Dawn said that Saturday morning when she showed me the reading on the thermometer. “Not like this. You’re gonna have to call Natalie and tell her you’re not coming.”

It was a sign of how bad I felt that I didn’t bother arguing. My head was pounding, and my body was racked by chills. The thought of spending the day being dragged through a series of crowded airport terminals and strapped into cold, cramped airplane seats was such an unpleasant one that I couldn’t even protest. As much as I wanted to see Natalie, I knew I would be better off spending the weekend in bed.

“I’m sorry, babe,” I apologized when I called to break the bad news to her. “I wish I could be there to watch the game with you tomorrow, but it wouldn’t be wise for me to go anywhere like this. I feel awful.”

“You poor baby!” Natalie sounded more concerned than disappointed. “How about I come to you? I could probably catch a flight to Kentucky. I’ll even bring the naughty nurse costume you gave me in Jamaica, so I look the part as I’m nursing you back to health.”

I let out a weak chuckle, feeling my face flush as I looked up at Dawn. She raised her eyebrows at me, biting her bottom lip to stop herself from laughing. I suddenly wished I hadn’t put Natalie on speaker phone without telling her Dawn was in my room. “No, you’d better not, babe,” I replied awkwardly. “I don’t wanna get you sick, too. Don’t worry – Dawn’s taking good care of me.”

“Yes, I’m sure she is.” I could hear the jealousy in Natalie’s voice. But if Dawn noticed her sharp tone, too, she didn’t acknowledge it.

“I love you,” I told Natalie. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” she said with a sigh. “I love you, too. Feel better, babe.”

By the time I ended the call, my face was burning. “Naughty nurse costume, huh?” Dawn said, flashing me a teasing grin. “So that’s what was in that mysterious gift box you made me pack but wouldn’t let me open.”

“Yeah,” I admitted, forcing a laugh. “I just got it to lighten the mood and make her less nervous about doing all my care while we were down there, but it didn’t go over too well. Then again, neither did her gift to me.”

“Why, what did she get you?” Dawn asked curiously.

I shook my head, wishing I hadn’t said anything. “Never mind. You don’t really wanna know.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Dawn said with a smirk. She went into the bathroom, wet a washcloth, and used it to wipe the perspiration off my flushed face. It felt amazingly cool and refreshing.

“Thanks,” I whispered as she mopped my forehead.

“You’re welcome. Do you wanna get up and shower today, or would you rather stay in bed? I could give you a quick sponge bath once we finish doing your program,” she offered.

I groaned. I’d almost forgotten that it was a long day, which meant we had to do my full morning routine. I could skip the shower, but not my bowel program – and I wasn’t about to do the latter while lying in my bed, no matter how bad I felt. “Thanks, but I’ll get up,” I told Dawn.

But when it came time to transfer to my commode chair, I found that I could barely sit on the side of the bed without feeling light-headed. I braced myself with both hands and tried not to lean too far over, afraid I would fall. Standing in front of me, Dawn seemed to notice my struggle to stay balanced. “You sure you’re okay?” she asked as she wedged my sliding board underneath me. “You seem super wobbly this morning.”

Besides being weak and dizzy, I was freezing cold without my clothes, but she must have mistaken my shivers for spasms. “I’ll be fine,” I replied, putting on a brave face. But there was no point in trying to mask my symptoms – Dawn saw right through it.

“I think you’d better lie back down before you end up on the floor,” she said with a frown, putting a steadying hand on my shoulder. “Come on… we can finish this in bed.”

I felt too awful to fight her on it. “Fine,” I said, letting out a sigh of defeat. I flopped over onto my pile of pillows and allowed her to lift my legs back onto the bed. Lying on my left side, curled up in the fetal position, I closed my eyes and listened to the floorboards creak beneath Dawn’s feet as she bustled around the room, covering the trembling top half of my body with a blanket, tucking towels and absorbent pads around the bottom half. I couldn’t help feeling sorry for myself. I had been looking forward to spending time with Natalie in L.A., where it was supposed to be sunny and warm all week. Instead, I would be spending the weekend alone in bed, battling a raging cold.

“You should have taken Natalie up on her offer to come out here,” Dawn said later as she washed my back. “I’m sure you’d rather have her do this, especially if she was going to dress up for you. Unfortunately, I’m fresh out of naughty nurse outfits – not that anyone would want to see me in one anyway.”

I forced a laugh, knowing Natalie would hate the idea of Dawn giving me a bed bath, which somehow seemed more intimate than helping me in the shower. I wasn’t any happier about having to be bathed that way; it made me feel helpless and reminded me of the hospital. But, in spite of the emotional trauma it triggered in me, I had to admit that, physically, it felt amazing. My body tingled with pleasure each time Dawn ran her warm, wet washcloth over the parts of it I could feel. She dragged it down the back of my neck and over my shoulder blades in long strokes, wiping away the layer of cold sweat that clung to my clammy skin and leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake. The skin above my level of injury seemed extra sensitive whenever I was sick.

Of course, I mentioned none of that to Natalie the next day, when she called to check on me. “How are you feeling?” she asked.

“Not great,” I answered honestly. “I’ve been taking Tylenol to keep my fever down, but I just have no energy. I can hardly sit up in bed without getting dizzy, let alone transfer to my chair.” Much like the previous day, I had spent the morning lying down, relying on Dawn to reposition me every few hours so I wouldn’t develop pressure sores.

“You poor thing.” Natalie sounded both sympathetic and concerned. “Do you think you need to see a doctor?”

“I dunno…” Dawn had asked me the same question earlier. Deep down, I knew I probably should call Dr. Collins, but I was worried he would want to admit me to the hospital for closer monitoring – which was the last thing I wanted. I could practically hear him warning me about the risks an upper respiratory infection carried for people with cervical spinal cord injuries. Since I couldn’t cough effectively enough to clear my lungs, even a simple cold could turn into something more serious, such as pneumonia, which was the leading cause of death among quadriplegics.

Of course, Dawn knew this, too. That was why, whenever she came in to reposition me in bed, she would roll me onto my belly first and pound my back with the palms of her hands to loosen the mucus that had collected in my lungs while I was lying flat. Then she would flip me over again to perform an assisted cough, pushing on my abdomen as I exhaled to help me expel the phlegm from my airway. “There you go,” she would say reassuringly as I sputtered and gagged. “Get it all up.” I turned my head to the side, trying not to cough in her face, but we both knew it was only a matter of time before she got sick, too.

“If I’m not feeling any better by tomorrow, I’ll make an appointment,” I promised Natalie, which seemed to put her concerns to rest. We watched the NFC championship game together over FaceTime that afternoon, cheering every time her team scored. Unfortunately, the Falcons lost by four points, falling one game short of the Super Bowl.

“Well, I guess I’d better let you go now, babe,” a dejected Natalie said after we’d finished debriefing over everything the coaches and players could have done differently. “Get some rest. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

By Monday morning, most of the congestion had moved from my head down into my chest. I could hear the phlegm rattling around in my lungs every time I took a deep breath, which was more difficult to do than usual.

“I don’t like the sound of your breathing,” Dawn said with a frown after she’d helped me cough up as much as I could. “I know you’re not gonna wanna hear it, Kevin, but we need to take this seriously. If it turns out you have bronchitis or pneumonia, that’s nothing to mess around with. Trust me.” She sat down on the edge of my bed and turned to face me, looking me directly in the eye. “I’m not trying to scare you here, but that’s what took Michael. It wasn’t the muscular dystrophy, at least not directly. It was a chest infection. He developed pneumonia and spent his final days on a ventilator in the ICU, slowly drowning in his own mucus. He died of respiratory failure.”

I winced, recalling vividly the nightmarish week I’d spent intubated in the intensive care unit after my accident. It was not an experience I was eager to repeat, yet Dawn’s story filled me with a sense of deja vu. “That must have been horrible,” I said hoarsely and swallowed hard. “I’m so sorry, Dawn.”

Blinking back tears, she shook her head. “I didn’t tell you that for sympathy. I told you because I don’t wanna watch the same thing happen to someone else I… I care about,” she finished, her voice faltering.

Whether she’d meant to freak me out or not, her scare tactics worked. While she went downstairs to fix breakfast for Mason, I called Dr. Collins’ office. He didn’t have any openings that day, but I was able to speak with one of his nurses, who urged me to go to urgent care instead. So, after breakfast, Dawn bundled up both me and Mason and strapped us into the back of my van. Since Mason had the day off school for Martin Luther King Day, we dropped him off at my brother Tim’s house, so he could play with his cousins while Dawn took me to the nearest walk-in clinic.

“Do you want me to wait out here or come back with you?” Dawn asked when the nurse called my name.

“You can come along,” I told her with a shrug, trying to seem casual as I wheeled myself across the crowded waiting room. “I may need your help if they make me take off my clothes or transfer out of my chair.” I usually had Dawn accompany me to doctor’s appointments for this very reason, preferring to rely on her for assistance over nurses who weren’t accustomed to treating quadriplegic patients. But this time was different. Her dire warning about Michael had worried me more than I was willing to admit. I didn’t want to be alone.

“First room on the right,” the nurse said, holding the door open for me. My arms shook as I pushed myself slowly down the hallway. I felt feverish and weak. It took every bit of upper body strength I had just to make it into the exam room.

Fortunately, the room had an accessible exam table that could be lowered far enough to allow for a level transfer from my wheelchair. Not every doctor’s office did. Still, I had to lean heavily on Dawn as she helped me slide over to the table; my arms were like wet noodles, too weak to support my weight.

Once I was reclining comfortably against the raised head of the padded table, Dawn sat down in a chair pushed up against one wall while the nurse checked my vital signs and asked about my symptoms. “How long have you had a fever?” she wanted to know after taking my temperature.

“I dunno… off and on for a couple days? I think it started on Saturday,” I replied. “I’ve been taking Tylenol to lower it, but I haven’t taken any yet today.”

The nurse nodded, making a note on my chart. “Are you on any other medications?”

I chuckled, picturing the handfuls of pills I had to swallow daily. “Yup…” I started listing my prescriptions, struggling to recall the correct names and dosages of all the different drugs.

Thankfully, Dawn had come prepared. Digging through her purse, she pulled out a folded piece of paper. “Here,” she said, handing it to the nurse. “This is everything he takes daily.”

The nurse showed me the list Dawn had made of all of my medications and supplements, the names and dosages neatly printed in her rounded handwriting. “Does this look right to you, Mr. Richardson?”

Scanning it briefly, I nodded. “Yeah… that’s right. Thanks.” I gave Dawn a grateful look, glad to have her in the room with me.

“The doctor will be in to see you soon,” the nurse promised when she’d finished her preliminary exam.

Once we were alone, I glanced over at Dawn. “I guess I’m not gonna make my meeting in L.A. tomorrow, huh?”

“Probably not,” she replied. “Couldn’t it just be a conference call? Seems silly to make you fly all the way across the country for a meeting in the first place.”

I nodded. I was more disappointed about missing out on a weekend with Natalie than missing my meeting with the guys.

Right on cue, my phone rang. “Will you check that for me?” I asked Dawn, tipping my head toward my wheelchair, which was tucked into one corner of the room.

“Sure.” She hurried across the room, reached into the pouch on the side of my chair, and retrieved my phone. “It’s Natalie,” she said, showing me the screen. “Want me to answer it?”

“Yeah.”

Dawn swiped to accept the call. “Hey, Nat, it’s Dawn,” she said, raising the phone to her ear. “Kevin’s right here with me. He was really congested and running a fever again this morning, so I convinced him to go to urgent care. We’re just waiting for the doctor to come in and see him. Here, I’ll put him on.” She handed me the phone, helping me thread my fingers through the loop on my case, so I could hold onto it.

“Hey, baby,” I said in a low voice as I raised the phone to my ear.

“Hi… You sound terrible!” Natalie replied, her voice rising.

“I feel terrible,” I admitted.

“Well, I feel like a terrible girlfriend, packing for a trip to Australia when I should be going to Kentucky.”

“I told you, I don’t want you getting sick, too. Besides, it’s not like you’re taking a vacation. You have to work.”

“Yes, but I could trade trips with someone or take time off if…”

“You don’t need to do that,” I interrupted her. “I’ll be fine, babe. Don’t worry about me.”

Natalie’s next words were drowned out by a knock on the door, which swung open as a woman in a white coat walked into the room. She hardly looked old enough to be a doctor, her youthful appearance accentuated by her short stature, round face, and stick-straight, shoulder-length, black hair. But, given the name badge clipped to the front of her lab coat and the stethoscope draped around her neck, I assumed she was one.

“Hey, I’ve gotta go now; the doctor just came in. I’ll call you later,” I promised before hanging up and handing the phone back to Dawn.

The young woman helped herself to a pump of hand sanitizer from the wall dispenser next to the door. “Good morning, Mr. Richardson. I’m Dr. Li,” she introduced herself as she rubbed her hands together. “I understand you’re not feeling too well today?”

Nodding, I repeated what I’d told the nurse, describing the gradually worsening symptoms I had experienced over the past few days. “My five-year-old son was sick with the same thing last week, but he’s better now,” I said as Dr. Li listened, nodding seriously. “We thought it was just a cold.”

“Flu cases have been on the rise lately.” Snapping on a pair of latex gloves, the doctor pulled a penlight out of the breast pocket of her lab coat to begin her physical exam. “Of course, strep has also been going around the local schools,” she added as she looked at the back of my sore throat. Then, with a click, she pocketed her penlight and felt along my jawline, her gloved fingers gently palpating both sides of my neck. “Your lymph nodes are swollen, so you definitely have an infection of some sort. We’ll swab you and run some rapid tests to try and determine what it is you’re dealing with.”

Collecting samples to test required her to stick long cotton swabs up my nose and down my throat, which caused me to gag and sputter without bringing anything up. Eyes streaming, nose and throat burning, I lay back against the table and took ragged breaths as Dr. Li lifted my shirt to listen to my lungs. “Deep breath in… and out,” she said, pursing her lips as she pressed the end of her stethoscope to my chest. “Can you cough for me, please?”

I forced out a feeble cough, which made me sound more like a kid faking sick in order to stay home from school than a full-grown man. “Sorry… that’s as good as it gets,” I said, explaining how the muscles in my rib cage and abdomen had been paralyzed as a result of my spinal cord injury. “My attendant, Dawn, has been doing assisted coughs to help me clear my lungs, but I’m still pretty congested.”

“I do hear some wheezing when you inhale and exhale,” the doctor said as she slid her stethoscope to the other side of my chest. “I want to get a chest X-ray to rule out pneumonia. We can do it right here at the clinic.”

“Okay,” I agreed hoarsely, my mouth going dry. I avoided eye contact with Dawn as the doctor finished her exam and lowered my shirt, not wanting to see the “I told you so” look on her face.

But, when Dr. Li left the room, all Dawn said was, “Is it just me, or are doctors getting younger and younger these days? She looks barely old enough to be out of high school, let alone medical school!”

Forcing a laugh, I replied, “I know, right? These young whippersnappers…” I didn’t even have to try to speak in an old man’s wheeze; it came out naturally as the phlegm clogged my airway.

As I struggled to clear my throat, Dawn stood up, frowning in concern. “Need to cough again?”

I nodded miserably.

She came over to the table, handing me a tissue from the box on the counter to cover my mouth. I held it to my face as she helped me cough, digging the heels of her hands into my diaphragm each time I exhaled. “Better?” she asked after the third abdominal thrust.

“Yeah… thanks,” I whispered, my eyes watering. I used a corner of the tissue to wipe away the moisture before Dawn took it and tossed it into the trash can. “Sounds like you were right to be concerned.”

Dawn shrugged as she sat back down. “Like I said, this isn’t my first rodeo. But let’s wait and see what the doctor says before we worry about it, all right?” she replied reassuringly.

I nodded, appreciating her use of the word “we.” It reminded me that I wasn’t alone. “I just hope she doesn’t send me to the hospital. I never wanna have to spend another night in one of those places.”

“I know,” she said, flashing me a sympathetic smile. “But hopefully it won’t come to that.”

Dawn was allowed to accompany me down the hall for my chest X-ray, so she could help the technician transfer and position me on the table. She waited outside the room while he took the X-rays. Afterward, I was taken back to the exam room to wait for my test results.

When Dr. Li returned, she didn’t beat around the bush. “Well, Mr. Richardson, I have good news and bad news,” she said, perching on the wheeled stool in front of me with an iPad in her lap. “The bad news is that you tested positive for Influenza A, which has been the most common strain of flu this season – but also the most severe.”

I nodded, not the least bit surprised by the diagnosis. By that point, there was no doubt in my mind that I was dealing with something worse than the common cold.

“I’ll write you a prescription for Tamifu, which should help you to feel better faster. Most people see their symptoms improve within a few days,” the doctor continued. “However, as you probably already know, being paralyzed does put you at an increased risk of developing complications, particularly pneumonia. The good news is that, as of right now, you don’t have pneumonia. But your chest X-ray does show evidence of mucus beginning to collect in your lungs.” She showed me a picture of the X-ray on her iPad, pointing to one of the wispy white patches that clouded the black area inside my lungs. “That’s why you’ve been wheezing. With your cough as weak as it is, I’m concerned about your ability to keep your airway clear. If this were to develop into full-blown pneumonia, it would become much more difficult for you to breathe.”

My throat tightened painfully. I knew where she was going with this; it was exactly as I’d feared. “I don’t wanna be admitted to the hospital,” I interjected firmly, “if that’s what you’re about to suggest. I’d rather recover at home.”

Dr. Li blinked, obviously taken aback by my bluntness. “Well, of course, I can’t hospitalize you against your will. But you really should be monitored under close medical supervision to make sure your condition doesn’t worsen and become life-threatening.”

“I can monitor him at home,” Dawn said suddenly. Climbing to her feet, she took two steps across the room and placed her hand protectively on my shoulder. “I have some medical training; I’m a certified nursing assistant. I know that’s not the same as a registered nurse, but before I began working for Mr. Richardson, I was the primary caregiver for my son, who had muscular dystrophy and required a ventilator. I have plenty of experience with taking vitals, assisting coughs, and administering breathing treatments.”

Dr. Li stood up as well. Even at her full height, she barely reached Dawn’s shoulder and had to look up to meet her eye. “Do you have a pulse oximeter at home?” she asked.

“No, but we can pick one up on our way,” Dawn replied, patting my shoulder. I didn’t protest – I was willing to do whatever it took to stay out of the hospital.

The doctor nodded. “Keep a close eye on his oxygen level. If it drops below ninety percent or you notice symptoms of respiratory distress, you need to take him straight to the ER.”

“Of course,” said Dawn, giving me a serious look. I nodded in agreement.

“I can also prescribe a nebulizer treatment,” Dr. Li added, turning back to me. “That should help to open up your airway and thin and loosen the mucus in your lungs, so it’s easier to cough up.”

“That sounds good. Thanks,” I told her. “I appreciate it.”

But when we left the clinic and made our way out to the parking lot, I realized Dawn was the one to whom I really owed a debt of gratitude.

“Hey… thanks for having my back in there,” I said as she bent down to buckle me into the back of the van.

“You’re welcome.” Dawn finished securing the straps from the floor to the frame of my chair and straightened up, stifling a cough. “Anything to avoid the hospital, right? I get it. I wouldn’t wanna go there either.” She pulled the seatbelt across my chest and fastened it with a click. “C’mon,” she said, patting my shoulder again. “Let’s get you home.”

First, we went to the pharmacy to fill my prescriptions and pick up the pulse oxygen monitor Dawn had promised the doctor we would get. I waited in the van while she went inside, leaving the doors locked and the engine running so I would stay warm.

I knew I should call Natalie with an update on what the doctor had said, but I felt too tired to talk on the phone. I settled for sending her a text instead, using my phone’s speech-to-text feature to dictate what I wanted to say.

“Hey, babe, I’m headed back from the doctor’s office. Turns out I have the flu. She wrote me a prescription for Tamiflu and a nebulizer treatment, so hopefully I’ll feel better in a few days. I’ll probably go straight back to bed when I get home, so if I don’t talk to you before you leave for Sydney, have a safe flight. I love you.”

I felt a surge of guilt as I sent the text, knowing Natalie would rather hear my voice, no matter how hoarse it sounded. But, as I rested my feverish head against the cool window glass and closed my eyes, I remembered the advice AJ had given me: “Then you’ll just have to make her miss you. Take advantage of your time apart… Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right?” I hoped I was doing the right thing in keeping Natalie at bay, not only for her health but for the health of our relationship.

Only time would tell.

***