But they can’t touch me ’cause I got you. 😊
It was so nice seeing Nick and a few of my Backstreet besties last Saturday! It was just what my fangirl heart needed after a stressful start to the school year. And after a fun-but-busy weekend and a long week of work, I’ve been looking forward to doing as little as possible this weekend. Writing doesn’t count, of course. I’ve been craving a good, long, productive writing session for the past few weeks, so I enjoyed sleeping in and then spending a few hours writing in bed today. My favorite way to spend a Saturday morning!
I have to say, it’s interesting going to Nick events now that I’m not writing a Nick story. For years, whenever I would go to a Nick or BSB concert, I was writing some tragic fanfic wherein Nick went through some sort of trauma or turmoil. The first time I saw Nick solo was in July 2003, when I was about halfway through Broken. The second time was in February 2012, a few months after I finished Curtain Call. I was writing Sick as My Secrets when I went to the Nick & Knight tour in 2014 and the All American tour in 2016. And I saw two DNA shows in the midst of writing the most disturbing section of A Heart That Isn’t Mine.
As much as I try to separate the fictional versions of the Boys in my stories from the real life versions, there are times when my mind can’t help but connect the two. Music makes it harder because I’ve come to associate certain songs with stories. When Nick sang “I Got You” as the music video played on the big screen in the background, I thought of Broken because I watched that video so many times during the writing of that story. “It’s funny how life can take new meaning… You came and changed what I believe in.” When he sang his cover of “Lovesong” by The Cure at soundcheck, I thought of By My Side because that was one of the songs on the Nick and Claire playlist I made and listened to for inspiration while I was writing that story. “Whenever I’m alone with you… you make me feel like I am whole again.” When he sang “Just Want You to Know,” I thought of Curtain Call and how I used Cary’s performance of that song in the first and last chapter to bookend everything that came in between. “I just want you to know… that I’ve been fighting to let you go. Some days I make it through… and then there’s nights that never end. I wish that I could believe… that there’s a day you’ll come back to me. But still I have to say… I would do it all again… Just want you to know.” And when he sang “Quit Playing Games With My Heart,” I thought of A Heart That Isn’t Mine because of how that song is referenced in that story. “Even in my heart… I see that you’re not being true to me.” (If you know, you know.)
Since I write so much angst and whump, these moments usually make me feel guilty. But watching Nick shine on stage this past Saturday, I just felt grateful. Grateful because my stories are fictional. Grateful because Nick is happy, healthy, and whole. Grateful because he continues to fight and triumph over the demons he’s faced in the past and the trolls who are still trying to take him down. Grateful because he’s still making music, touring, and performing. Grateful because he and the Boys are still such a big part of my life over a quarter of a century after I became a BSB fan. Many musicians are not so successful, and many fans are not so lucky. We are truly blessed!
Seeing BSB live usually makes it harder to write about them because of the whole guilt complex I mentioned in the previous paragraph, but since I’m not currently writing a Nick story, that was not the case this week. Chapter 62 of The World Will Be Waiting is up! I enjoyed writing this chapter because it has some good hurt/comfort content, which you know I can never get enough of. I was even able to work in another one of the songs from my old Nick and Claire playlist. I hope you’ll enjoy reading it!
And, finally, I want to wish Kevin a happy belated birthday! I’m beyond grateful for you, too! 💙
