“I can’t eat another bite,” said Natalie with a sigh as she pushed away her dessert plate. “That was delicious, but I’m stuffed.” She leaned back in her chair, patting her stomach through the black and white striped sundress she’d put on over her hot pink bikini.
“It was good,” I agreed, setting my fork down next to my half-eaten slice of cheesecake. Seeing as how I rarely finished my dinner, I normally didn’t even bother ordering dessert. But, since it was our first night at the all-inclusive resort, I’d decided to splurge along with Natalie. I hoped I wouldn’t regret it later.
“May I take your plate, Miss Crawford?” A man in a black tuxedo and white gloves walked up to our tiny bistro table, carrying his usual silver tray.
“Yes, please,” Natalie replied as she handed him her plate. “Thank you.”
“And how about you, Mr. Richardson? Still working on that cheesecake?”
“No, I’m full, too. Thanks, Winston,” I said as he picked up my plate, promising to wash my adaptive fork for me and bring it right back. Across the table, I saw Natalie bite her lip to keep herself from laughing.
“Can I get you anything else? Another glass of wine, perhaps?” Winston offered.
“No, thanks,” I said, knowing I would need to cath soon anyway.
Natalie held up her half-empty glass. “You can top me off, Winston – thanks!” she added brightly as he refilled it, finishing off the bottle of sauvignon blanc. When he walked away, she let out the giggle she’d been holding back. “I still can’t believe we have our own private butler.”
“Only the best for you, babe,” I said with a grin. “But, like I said before, he came with the room.” I wanted Natalie to know I wasn’t just trying to impress her by reserving one of the most extravagant suites at the resort. It was the only option that had everything I needed for a comfortable stay: a flat entrance on the first floor, extra wide doors, and a fully-accessible bathroom with a roll-in shower. The fact that it also included a personal butler to attend to our every need was just an added perk, albeit one that Natalie and I were already starting to find a bit much.
“Do you think Winston is his real name?” she asked, her eyes twinkling above the rim of her glass as she took a sip of wine. “Or does he just go by that to sound more ‘butlerish’?”
I chuckled. “I dunno… maybe. Why don’t you call him on the but-phone and ask him?” I suggested, referring to the cell phone Winston had left in our room so we could reach him whenever we needed something.
“The but-phone!” Natalie burst into laughter. She had grown more and more giggly with each glass of wine she’d consumed, but I didn’t care. I loved the sound of her laugh.
“It is nice being able to have a romantic dinner right here outside our room, though, huh?” I asked as I looked around our patio, which led directly into a semi-private pool. So far, that was my favorite part of the luxury resort experience: being able to get in the water with my girlfriend and enjoy a meal together without anyone gawking at me. I knew there were other suites on either side of ours, but the lush, tropical plants that surrounded the patio had been strategically placed to block them from our view, providing us with some semblance of privacy.
Natalie nodded. “I would like to check out one of the restaurants tomorrow night, though.”
“Don’t worry – I already had Winston make us a reservation at the fancy French place,” I replied. “We’re gonna dress up nice and go out for New Year’s Eve.”
She grinned, looking relieved. “Sounds great!”
It had been five years since I’d done anything special to ring in the new year, and for good reason: the last time I had, a drunk driver had destroyed my life by taking my wife from me and leaving me permanently disabled. But, despite the trauma I associated with the anniversary of my accident, I found myself looking forward to the following evening, to making new memories with Natalie that might help me to leave the ones I had of that horrific night in the past. I knew there would be plenty of drunk people around the resort – I planned to be one of them – but at least they would be on foot, not behind the wheel of a car. It seemed like a pretty safe place for the two of us to celebrate.
“This whole week is gonna be so wonderful,” Natalie added with a happy sigh as she swirled her wine around in its glass. “It’s weird to think that, just a few days ago, I was freezing my butt off in Bavaria, and now I’m here in Jamaica, where it’s still eighty degrees at night. You’d think I would be used to drastically different climates by now, but it still messes with my head sometimes.”
“I get it,” I replied knowingly. “The boys and I once flew around the world in one hundred hours, from New York to Stockholm to Tokyo, then Sydney, Cape Town, Rio, and back to New York again. Talk about drastically different climates.”
“Wow!” She blinked in disbelief. “Talk about jet lag! That’s crazy.”
“We were young – and definitely crazy,” I added with a grin as I shook my head. “I couldn’t do it now.”
“Neither could I. But I’m happy to be here with you,” she said, smiling back at me. “Thank you again for planning this trip. I know it probably seems like I travel all the time – which, obviously, I do – but, more often than not, it’s for work, not pleasure. Delta definitely doesn’t put us up in places like this.”
I chuckled. “Our tour buses were never this nice either, trust me.”
“Hm… I’ll take your word for it, but hopefully I can see for myself someday. You are gonna invite me to go on tour with you, aren’t you?” she asked, arching an eyebrow.
“Of course… if you wanna come, that is.”
Natalie nodded eagerly. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world! You’ll have to let me know as soon as y’all finalize the dates so I can work around them when I put my bids in.”
“I will. We just gotta finish the damn album first.”
“But it’s almost done, right?”
I shrugged. “We’re almost done recording, but we still have to decide which tracks go on the album… choose a first single… make a music video… do a photo shoot for the cover. You know, there’s a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff that goes into releasing an album. But I do think we’ll be able to get it out there sometime next year.”
“I can’t wait to hear what you’ve been working on.”
“I can’t wait to play it for you,” I replied with a smile, thinking of the song I’d written about her in London.
Winston returned with my fork, which was spotlessly clean. While I put it back in my bag with the rest of my utensils, he went into our room to begin turndown service. Natalie and I watched through the patio doors as he bustled efficiently around the suite, folding back the comforter on the four-poster bed, dimming the lights, and drawing the curtains.
“The mini-bar is stocked with an assortment of beer, wine, and spirits, and you’ll find bottled water, juice, and soda in the refrigerator,” he told us when he finished. “I made sure there are plenty of clean towels in the bathroom and extra pillows on the bed, as you requested. Is there anything else I can bring you before I go?”
“No, I don’t think so. Thanks, Winston.” When he’d wished us a good night and walked away, I turned to Natalie. “Are you about ready to go inside, babe? I’m starting to get chilly.” The temperature had hovered around eighty degrees for several hours after sundown, but now that it was finally beginning to drop, I could feel goosebumps erupting on my bare arms. I was still wearing my swim trunks beneath the t-shirt I’d put on after we’d gotten out of the pool earlier. I couldn’t wait to take a hot shower and wash the chlorine off my skin.
Natalie nodded. “Yeah. Let’s go christen the honeymoon suite,” she said, shooting me a devilish grin as she got up from the table.
I laughed, remembering her reaction when we’d first arrived at the resort. “I think you booked us the honeymoon suite, babe,” she’d said, raising her eyebrows as she looked around our luxurious room with its king-size bed, whirlpool tub, and table for two. The fresh flower arrangements and candles on almost every surface added to the romantic atmosphere.
“You may be right,” I’d replied, feeling my face redden. I hoped she hadn’t gotten the wrong idea about my reasons for bringing her to Jamaica. If she expected me to propose to her while we were there, she was going to be disappointed. While the thought had certainly crossed my mind, I didn’t think either of us were ready to get engaged yet. We hadn’t even been dating for a whole year. Natalie was still splitting her time between Atlanta and L.A., paying rent on her apartment while living part-time in my new house. While her reasoning for wanting to keep a crash pad in Atlanta made sense from a logistical standpoint, I couldn’t help but worry that her reluctance to move in with me full-time demonstrated a lack of commitment to me, a lack of faith in our relationship, or maybe a little bit of both. Perhaps that was why I hadn’t even looked at engagement rings, let alone picked one out. Even if I had, I would never pop the question without asking for her parents’ blessing first.
But, clearly, she was just kidding with her latest “honeymoon suite” comment. It was quickly becoming a running joke, something we’d be able to look back and laugh at later, I realized as I followed her inside.
Natalie shut and locked the patio doors, drawing a pair of heavy drapes across them. “So Winston can’t watch us sleep,” she said with a grimace as she closed the gap between them.
I chuckled as I pictured the poor butler lurking outside in the dark, just waiting for his phone to ring with another request to fulfill. “Oh, come on now. He’s already done so much for us. The least we could do is provide him with some free porn.”
“Ew, stop!” she giggled, giving me a playful smack on the shoulder.
She helped me onto the bed to take my clothes off. Then she transferred me to my travel shower chair and wheeled me into the bathroom, where I emptied my bladder, brushed my teeth, and swallowed one of my little blue pills along with the rest of my evening medication. I wanted to give it plenty of time to work before we went to bed.
We took a steamy shower together, washing away all the chlorine, sunscreen, and bug spray that had accumulated on our skin. It felt good to get clean and warm again. After a long day of traveling, I couldn’t wait to lie down between the fresh linens on our four-poster.
When we got out of the shower, Natalie wrapped herself in one of the plush, white robes that had been left there for us. She draped the other one over me like a blanket while she wheeled me back into the bedroom, then took it off while she helped me transfer onto the bed. “How’s that feel?” she asked as she fussed with my pillows, making sure my feet were elevated and properly padded for pressure relief.
“Fine.” On second thought, I added, “Actually, could you prop me up a little more so I’m not staring at the ceiling? I wanna be able to see your pretty face.”
“Of course.” She adjusted the pillows behind my back so I could recline in a comfortable position. “Better?”
I nodded. “Thanks, babe. I almost forgot,” I said, clearing my throat. “I have one more present for you. It’s in my big suitcase, underneath my clothes.”
Natalie’s eyes lit up, a curious smile creeping across her face. She hurried over to the luggage rack where we’d left my suitcase and started digging through it, searching for her present.
It’s not a ring, I wanted to warn her, hoping I hadn’t given her the wrong impression again. But I held my tongue, waiting for her to find the gift box at the bottom of my bag.
“Hm… what do we have here?” she asked in a sing-song voice as she brought the box over to the bed.
“Something I didn’t feel comfortable giving you in front of your family,” I said with a snicker.
“Oh, Lord, Kevin…” She lifted the lid and peeled back the layers of tissue paper. I watched, holding my breath as I waited for her reaction to what I’d picked out for her. I wasn’t sure whether it would make her smile or cringe. But, to my relief, Natalie burst out laughing when she saw what was inside. “You did not!” she cried, clapping her hand over her mouth.
“I thought you might wanna try some roleplaying, like we talked about in Nashville. You know… spice things up a little while we’re here,” I said, wiggling my eyebrows at her.
“I can’t tell if you’re kidding or not,” Natalie said as she held up the gauzy white lingerie. It looked like a sexy nurse costume, with a red cross on each cup of the bra top and a ruffled skirt that would leave little to the imagination once she put it on. “I mean, do you really want me to wear this? Or will it be too… triggering for you?” She bit her lip, looking uncertain.
I shot her a reassuring smile. “You don’t have to wear it… but if you do wanna try it, it’s all right with me. Trust me – the real nurses who took care of me in the hospital didn’t dress like this.”
Natalie laughed again. “Well… all right,” she reluctantly agreed. “Give me a few minutes to get ready.”
She retreated to the bathroom while I waited on the bed, hoping I hadn’t turned her off by getting her such a tacky gift. I didn’t want to make things weird; I’d only meant to give her a laugh, have a little fun, and help her feel more confident with the caregiving duties she would be taking on while we were on vacation. But the longer she stayed in the bathroom, the more my mind raced, starting to second-guess my decision.
Then I heard the door open with a click and looked up as she walked out, wearing the white lingerie. “Dear god,” I groaned with delight, my jaw dropping. I stared thirstily at her, my eyes open wide to drink in every detail. Both garments fit her body like a glove, flattering her figure. The tiny bra top showed plenty of cleavage, managing to make her small breasts look bigger, while the skimpy bottom hugged the curves of her hips, the ruffled skirt drawing my attention right to her ass as she did a seductive little turn and looked back at me over her shoulder.
“So, how do you like Nurse Natalie?”
My eyes ran down the rest of her body, admiring the way her shapely legs looked in the sheer white stockings, held up by garter belts, which had come with the lingerie set. She had even put on a pair of heels, giving her an extra couple inches of height. “Hottest nurse I’ve ever seen,” I replied without hesitation. “And I’ve seen a lot of them.”
She smiled, her cheeks turning pink as she twisted around to face me again. I noticed she had applied some red lipstick and maybe a bit of mascara – not a full face of makeup but just enough to accentuate her appearance. She had also taken her hair out of the messy bun she’d been wearing it in all day, letting it fall over her shoulders in loose waves under the little white nurse cap that was perched on top of her head.
“Be honest, though: How long did you stand in front of the bathroom mirror, messing around with that hat to get it to sit at just the right angle?” I asked her, grinning back.
Natalie laughed. “A long time!” she admitted, her eyes twinkling.
“I knew it. No wonder you were in there so long. But, seriously, you look amazing, babe,” I added sincerely. “You ‘bout took my breath away. Better come here and give me some mouth-to-mouth, stat.”
She giggled as she climbed on top of me, kissing me until my lips were probably bright red, too. “I’ve got another Christmas gift for you, too,” she said after we’d made out for a few minutes.
I raised my eyebrows. “Something you didn’t feel comfortable giving me in front of your family?”
Natalie nodded. “Uh-huh… Wait here,” she said, sliding off the bed.
“Not like I have much of a choice,” I replied, chuckling as I watched her rifle through her luggage.
She retrieved a white box from her bag and set it down on the bed, saying, “Sorry I didn’t wrap it.”
I looked at the picture on the box and read the label aloud. “Magic Wand Personal Massager… What is this exactly?” I asked her, raising an eyebrow. “A neck massager or a vibrator?”
She grinned. “It’s both! See, I’ve been doing my research, babe, trying to find a solution for our little problem… you know, not being able to finish in the bedroom.”
“My problem, you mean,” I said dryly, looking down at the massager in disgust. “You can finish just fine with the right stimulation.”
“No, our problem. We’re partners,” she replied, fixing me with a direct stare. “We’re in this together. So I’ve been on a quest to find the right stimulation for you, too.”
I felt my fade redden as both eyebrows rose even higher on my forehead. “So, this is for me? Or is it really for you?”
“Well, that’s the best part: It can be for both of us!” she said brightly. “But I bought it for you. According to the internet, this thing works as well as, if not better than, medical-grade vibrators that cost ten times more. I thought maybe we could try it tonight and see if it works for you. What do you think?”
Watching as her hopeful smile began to fade away, I felt bad. Clearly, I wasn’t reacting with as much enthusiasm as she had expected. But, to me, it was more embarrassing than exciting. This was just like the ill-fated penis pump: another tool that would probably trigger my AD and make me feel like even less of a man as it tried to replace the natural function I had lost. But I didn’t want to disappoint Natalie, so I forced myself to smile back and say, “Sure… let’s give it a shot.”
She took the magic wand out of its box, plugged it in, and turned it on. It let out a low hum as the round head began to vibrate. “It may take some trial and error to figure out exactly where and how it works best,” said Natalie as she turned it off again, “and we’re not supposed to use it for more than twenty minutes at a time. We should also check your blood pressure to make sure it’s not causing AD.”
“Sexy,” I said sarcastically. But, since autonomic dysreflexia was one of my concerns as well, I allowed Natalie to dig the blood pressure monitor out of my bag.
“I really feel like a nurse now,” she joked as she wrapped the cuff around my arm.
I said nothing, just lay there in silence while the cuff inflated.
“93 over 71.” Natalie read the numbers that appeared on the screen. “That’s good, right?”
I shrugged. “It’s normal for me. We just need to make sure the top number doesn’t go up by more than forty while we’re doing this.”
Natalie nodded. She crawled carefully onto the bed and settled herself between my legs, sitting on her knees with her own legs tucked neatly underneath her. “All right. You ready?” she asked, brandishing the magic wand again.
“I guess,” I replied indifferently. “Go for it.”
She turned it back on and placed the round end under the head of my penis. I watched as she slowly moved the wand up and down, alternating its pressure and position. Five years ago, it probably would have felt amazing – or possibly painful – but, that night, I felt absolutely nothing.
“How about now?” Natalie kept asking whenever she tried a new technique. “Do you feel any different?”
I shook my head. “No… sorry.” I wasn’t sure why I felt the need to apologize. Natalie knew as well as I did that it wasn’t my fault I had no sensation or function below the belt. But I still felt bad, like I’d let her down somehow.
“It’s all right,” she assured me. “We’ll keep trying. It may take more time to work. Just tell me if you want me to stop.”
“No, you can keep going. I’m okay.” I had my doubts, but I wasn’t ready to give up yet. I looked away from the vibrator and fixed my gaze on her chest, following the line of her cleavage and the curves of her breasts beneath her red and white bra. My hope was that, by focusing my attention on her body instead of mine, I could fool myself into feeling something resembling an orgasm.
The sight of Natalie looking like a pinup model in her naughty nurse lingerie certainly turned me on, but, at first, I couldn’t tell whether the warm, tingly feeling I had was from arousal or the start of autonomic dysreflexia. When the faint buzzing in my brain intensified into a pounding headache, I knew without a doubt that it was the latter. The vigorous stimulation of a sensitive part of my body I could no longer feel had probably caused my blood pressure to skyrocket. I was just about to tell Natalie it was time to take a break when I heard her sharp intake of breath.
“Kevin… look.” Her voice drew my attention back downward. She was still holding the magic wand with her right hand, but her left hand had drifted upward to my lower abdomen. “Look at your stomach. Do you see what it’s doing?”
My belly had begun to twitch beneath her fingertips, the soft flesh rippling in tiny waves. “Must be muscle spasms,” I said, temporarily forgetting about the throbbing inside my head as I watched with fascination. Of course, I couldn’t feel anything that far down, but the sight of her hand resting on my quivering stomach suddenly reminded me of relaxing in bed with Kristin when she was pregnant with Mason. She would pull up her pajama top and press the palm of my hand to her belly, so I could feel the baby kick. At first, it felt like a faint vibration coming from deep inside her, but, toward the end of her pregnancy, I could actually see her stomach twitch and stretch as our son moved around inside her. It was a strange feeling… and an even stranger sight. “It looks like he’s about to pop right out of you… like that chestburster scene in Alien,” I remembered teasing her one night.
“Don’t tell me that! That’s terrifying!” she had replied with a shudder. But, in spite of the fear she’d felt about giving birth for the first time, Kristin had gone through labor and delivery like a champ, making it look almost easy.
“Could that mean you’re getting close?” Natalie’s question snapped me back to the present moment. I felt a rush of red hot blood flood my cheeks as I reoriented myself, trying to bury the flashback in the depths of my mind. I wondered what she would say if she knew I’d been thinking about my dead wife during intimacy. Anxious thoughts filled my head, replacing my arousal with a sense of doom and gloom. I didn’t know whether it was from guilt, grief, AD, or a combination of all three.
I took a deep breath, trying to clear my mind before I answered her question. “Maybe… or it might just mean my seafood dinner didn’t agree with me,” I said with a shrug. “I probably shouldn’t have had that piece of cheesecake for dessert.”
Natalie glanced up, her eyes narrowing as they met mine. I hoped she wouldn’t be able to read the jumbled mix of emotions written across my flushed face. “Do you feel all right? Your face is bright red… and sweaty,” she added, frowning as she removed her hand from my stomach and reached up to stroke my forehead. “We should stop.”
I was about to agree with her. But, then, I saw that my legs had begun to spasm, too, my toes twitching and curling at the foot of the bed. “No, wait!” I gasped before she could turn off the magic wand, wrapping both hands around her wrist to help her hold it in place. “Keep it right there. I think I am getting close.” My breath caught in my chest as the abdominal spasms intensified, my weakened core muscles contracting with such force that my hips lifted off the mattress in a series of rhythmic pelvic thrusts I couldn’t have performed on my own. I closed my eyes and pictured myself as a mountain climber who was nearing the summit. Just one more push – one more minute – and I would reach my peak.
“Don’t do anything stupid.” Dawn’s words of warning echoed through my head, but I ignored them. At that moment, I felt so desperate to climax for the first time in five years that I didn’t care what it cost me.
“Kevin…” I could hear the concern in Natalie’s voice, but I clutched her wrist as tightly as I could and refused to let go.
And then, all of a sudden, I went into a sort of full-body spasm, trembling violently from head to toe.
“Kevin!” Natalie cried, tugging her hand out of my weak grip. She turned off the vibrator and tossed it aside as she climbed on top of me, straddling my bucking hips and bracing me with her hands and knees to keep me from falling off the bed.
It lasted for only fifteen seconds or so. Then, as suddenly as it had started, the shaking stopped. My whole body went limp as I slumped back against my pillows, feeling weak and exhausted.
“Kevin? Are you okay?” Natalie asked, staring down at me with wide eyes.
Sweat was pouring down my face, and my head was still pounding. But the anxiety I’d felt before had vanished right along with the spasms, leaving me feeling utterly relaxed, like I could close my eyes and fall asleep in an instant. “I’m all right,” I murmured, nodding.
“You scared me. I thought you were having a seizure or something,” she said, biting down on her bottom lip. “What was that? Was that it?”
“I think so.” It felt nothing like the orgasms I’d had in my old body, but I did feel a sense of relief that defied any other explanation. “You did it, baby,” I said, smiling up at her. “You made it happen.”
She smiled back uncertainly. “How was it?”
I shrugged. “To be honest, I didn’t really feel it, aside from the crazy spasms… but I do feel more relaxed than before. Now, if I could just get rid of this headache…”
Her smile faded. She wiped the sweat off my brow with the edge of the top sheet before she leaned in to kiss my forehead. “We should check your blood pressure,” she whispered as she pulled away.
I snorted. “You need to work on your pillow talk.”
Natalie ignored this comment, and I didn’t protest as she climbed carefully off of me, knowing she was right. Standing next to the bed, she made sure the blood pressure cuff was still placed properly around my arm before she pushed the start button on my monitor. We both waited in silence while it pumped up the cuff, which tightened painfully against my bicep. I lay perfectly still and listened to the sound of my own heartbeat as it pounded like a timpani inside my head, slow and heavy.
When the cuff finished deflating, the monitor beeped to indicate that it was done. “How high?” I asked Natalie as she checked the numbers.
“220 over 128?!” Her eyes bugged out of their sockets as she stared at the screen. “That can’t be right, can it? The top number’s more than double what it was before!” she cried, turning back to me in disbelief. “We’d better check it again. Maybe I put the cuff on too tight…”
“Wait.” My heart had skipped a beat upon hearing how high my blood pressure had climbed, but I took a deep breath, trying to stay calm for both our sakes. “It’s probably not wrong, babe. AD can have that effect.”
She stared at me, tears starting to well up in her wide eyes. “You said we shouldn’t let it go up by more than forty. It went up, like, three times that!”
“Don’t panic. I’ll be all right,” I tried to reassure her. “Just help me sit up straight. That should bring it down some. We can check it again in a few minutes.”
Natalie followed my directions, readjusting my pillows so I was propped up against the headboard at a ninety degree angle. “Your pillowcase is soaked!” she said, making a face as she pulled back her hand. “I’m gonna grab some towels and a wet washcloth to get you cleaned up. I’ll be right back.”
As she ran off to the bathroom, I looked down at myself, noticing the blotchy red patches that dotted the top part of my chest like hives. Despite the fact that I could feel heat radiating from my face and sweat dripping down the back of my neck, my arms were covered in goosebumps. But, further down, below my level of injury, the skin on the rest of my body appeared pale, cool, and dry.
Bracing myself with one hand, I leaned forward to examine my dick, hoping the vibrator hadn’t caused any skin breakdown that could be contributing to my dangerously high blood pressure. That was when I saw the small, wet stain on the white sheets. Despite the throbbing pain in my head, the sight of that pale yellowish discoloration brought a smile to my face.
“I did it,” I told Natalie triumphantly when she reappeared with a towel and a wet washcloth.
“Did what?” she asked blankly as she began wiping down my flushed face, neck, and shoulders.
“‘Finished,’” I said with a smirk, using her word for it. I pointed out the spot. “I haven’t come in five years. I didn’t know if I could still come… but I did. Looks like your solution worked, babe.”
“It’s not much of a solution if it’s only going to cause you more problems.” Natalie shook her head, her voice shrill. “I can’t believe it made your blood pressure shoot up that high!”
“It’ll come back down. Just give it time. Trust me.”
Indeed, when we checked my blood pressure again a few minutes later, it had already dropped by almost eighty points. It only took another ten for it to return to its baseline. “Thank the Lord.” Natalie breathed a sigh of relief as she unwrapped the cuff from my arm. “I was worried we were gonna have to call 911.”
“We’re in Jamaica, babe,” I reminded her. “We can’t call 911.”
“I know! That made me even more worried.” She wiped off the magic wand and put it back in the box. “We won’t be using this thing again until we’re back home and have talked to your doctor about it.”
“That’s okay. To be honest, I’d probably enjoy it more if you used it on my head. This head,” I added quickly in response to her raised eyebrow, rapping my knuckles against the side of my skull. “You know, the one I can actually feel.”
“So, use it as a neck massager, not a vibrator. Noted.” She seemed annoyed, although I wasn’t sure whether it was with me or herself.
“We could still use it as a vibrator on you…” I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively, trying to bring back the sexy, fun Natalie from half an hour earlier.
But she barely cracked a smile. “Not tonight. I’m tired. I just wanna go to bed.”
I nodded, feeling defeated in spite of my small victory. “Me too. Should we get on the but-phone and call Winston to change the sheets first?”
Natalie looked down at the small stain between my legs, then back up at me. “I am not answering the door in this,” she said, gesturing to her sexy nurse outfit. “We’ll make do for tonight. We can have housekeeping change them tomorrow.”
“I was just kidding about calling Winston… just trying to make you laugh.”
“Well, I don’t feel much like laughing right now.” Natalie was quiet as she helped me lie down again, repositioning the extra pillows we’d requested under my knees and ankles. I was glad we’d gotten to the point where she could carry out my night routine without needing me to give her directions, but, in light of what had just happened, the silence felt awkward.
“Thanks, babe,” I said as she finished hooking up my catheter, hanging the collection bag over the bed frame.
“You’re welcome.” She pulled up the covers on my side of the bed and walked around to hers. “I hope you won’t be offended if I don’t sleep in this thing,” she said, reaching behind her back to undo her bra top. “It has an underwire.”
“Of course not. I want you to be comfortable,” I replied, watching as she swapped the sexy nurse getup with her silky, lavender nightgown. “Sorry… I didn’t think about that.”
Natalie climbed into bed and cuddled up close to me, laying her head on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, too,” she said softly, stroking my chest. “I didn’t know the wand was gonna affect you that bad.”
I wrapped my arm around her. “Don’t apologize. You couldn’t have known until we tried it. And I’m glad we did – because now we know. And now we also know that, with the right kind of help, I can still get the job done… which will come in handy someday if I – or we – ever decide to try for more kids.” I smiled down at her.
Glancing up, she offered me a tiny smile in return.
***