Chapter 64

“Hey, Dawn!” Sitting by the warmth of the fireplace, I arranged my face into a smile as hers appeared on the phone screen in front of me.

“Hey! Looks like you made it!” Dawn said, smiling back.

Glancing up from my phone, I gazed briefly out one of the large windows, which offered a gorgeous view of the sun setting behind the snow-covered mountains. “Yup. Looks like you did, too.” I didn’t recognize the wooden headboard behind her, but it clearly didn’t belong to a hospital bed.

She nodded. “Yup. I was discharged this afternoon, and Mom and Dad drove me back to Glasgow. It’s gonna be weird sleeping here in my childhood bedroom again, but I guess it beats the hospital.”

I’d met Dawn’s parents the previous day at the hospital, where they were in the process of planning for her discharge. Her mom and dad didn’t like the idea of her spending her first few days out of the hospital alone, so they had convinced her to go home with them. She would spend a week recuperating her in her hometown before returning to Lexington. I was relieved to know she would be with family while Natalie, Mason, and I were in Aspen. “Hey, at least you’ll finally be able to get a good night’s rest, right?” I replied.

She chuckled. “We’ll see. This mattress is probably about as old as Natalie, so I’m not sure how comfortable it’ll be.” I could hear the box springs creaking beneath her as she bounced on the bed. “But it’s nice to be free of all the tubes and wires – especially that friggin’ catheter.”

I smiled. “I’m sure it is.”

“But enough about me,” said Dawn, clearing her throat. “Let’s see this fancy suite of yours!”

“It’s not that fancy.”

“It has a fireplace! I’ve never stayed in a hotel room that had its own fireplace.”

I laughed. “Okay, fine.” Raising my voice, I called, “Mason, c’mere!”

Mason came running out of the master bedroom, where he’d been helping Natalie assemble my travel commode.

“I’m talking to Dawn on FaceTime,” I told him.

His whole face lit up. “Dawn!” he shouted, running around behind my chair so she could see his face over my shoulder. “Hi, Dawn!”

“Hey there, kiddo! How was your flight to Aspen?”

“Fine,” Mason said with a shrug. I smiled to myself. At five years old, he was already such a seasoned traveler that air travel no longer impressed him.

“Dawn wants to see our suite,” I said. “Will you push me around while I hold up the phone to show her?”

“Sure!” Mason did just what I asked as, together, we took Dawn on a virtual tour of our accommodations at the ski resort.

“So, this is the living area, which also doubles as Mason’s room.” I held the phone up to show her the couch and loveseat arranged around a coffee table. “He’s gonna crash here on the sleeper sofa – right, buddy?”

“Uh-huh,” said Mason, but I knew there was a high probability of him ending up in bed with me and Natalie before the night was over.

“And here’s the dining room and kitchen,” I continued, rotating the phone so that Dawn could see the wooden table and chairs.

“It has a full kitchen?” she said, sounding impressed. “Nice!”

“Yup – not that we’ll need it, unless Lauren feels like cooking. This is her and Nick’s room,” I added as we went down the short hallway. Nick’s door was closed; he and Lauren had wanted to unpack and freshen up before dinner. “They just got here about half an hour ago.”

“I’m glad they were up for a last-minute ski trip,” said Dawn.

“Me too. It’s nice knowing Nick is here to help Natalie if she needs it – and she probably will. I mean, look at this,” I said as Mason pushed me into the master bedroom, where Natalie was kneeling on the floor, in the process of putting the final pieces of my commode together. “See how high the bed is?” I pointed my phone at the king-sized bed behind her. “Even with the sliding board, I’ll never be able to transfer myself onto it. I’m not sure Nat can lift me up there by herself either – even though she’s stronger than she looks,” I added, winking Natalie’s way.

She glanced up at me with a smile. “Is that Dawn on the phone?”

I nodded. “Uh-huh. She just got home from the hospital.”

“Oh, good. Hi, Dawn!” Natalie called, waving at my phone. “How ya doin’?”

“Not too bad. Better, anyway,” Dawn replied. “Is that Kevin’s shower chair you’re putting together?”

Natalie nodded. “I’m getting faster at it. It only takes me about fifteen minutes to fully assemble it now.”

“Good for you,” said Dawn, smiling. I hoped she was genuinely happy and not jealous over Natalie stepping into her role and taking on more of her responsibilities.

“Yeah, but you gotta see this supposedly ‘roll-in’ shower,” I said, motioning for Mason to move me into the master bathroom. I aimed my phone at the spacious shower.

“It looks huge!” Dawn exclaimed.

“Uh-huh. But look down.” I lowered the phone, focusing it on the tiled platform upon which the shower had been built. “It’s a roll-in shower, all right… once you step up onto this little ledge.”

“Oh… I see.” She rolled her eyes. “The architects clearly didn’t bother to consult with any actual wheelchair-users when designing a hotel room for them, huh?”

“Oh, but look – it has bars and a seat!” I said sarcastically, shifting the camera to the built-in seat, which was on the opposite end of the shower head and handle – completely out of reach for someone like me, who couldn’t get up and walk across the shower. “I guess they figured that’d be good enough.”

“Pathetic,” said Dawn, shaking her head.

“I know. So, anyway, I’m glad Nick’s here to help Nat bump me up and down this step. Otherwise, I’d probably have to resort to sponge baths all weekend.”

Dawn sighed. “Speaking of sponge baths… I can’t wait to take a real shower tonight!”

“After four days in the hospital? I’ll bet,” I replied, knowing just how she felt. “Well, I’d better let you go now, so you can get showered and ready for bed. I know it’s two hours later there.”

“It’s only seven,” she said, laughing. “I know my medicine cabinet might look like an elderly person’s with all the new heart pills I’ve been prescribed, but please don’t start treating me like one.”

I chuckled. “You’re preaching to the choir here, Dawn,” I said as my eyes swept across the pill case sitting next to a box of catheters on the countertop. “Sorry… I just figured you’d be tired.”

“I am,” she admitted with a sheepish grin. “And y’all are probably getting hungry, unless you already had dinner?”

“Nah… we’re gonna go check out one of the restaurants at the resort as soon as Nick and Lauren are ready.”

“Well, then, I should let you go,” she replied. “Hope y’all have fun on the slopes tomorrow! I can’t wait to hear how skiing went.”

“We’ll tell you all about it tomorrow night,” I promised. “Goodnight, Dawn.”

“Goodnight, Dawn!” Mason echoed over my shoulder.

“‘Night, boys!” Dawn ended the call before I could. Despite her cheerful tone, I knew she must have felt at least a little bit left out of the fun, which made me feel guilty for going on the ski trip without her.

But I tried not to let my reservations ruin the weekend for Mason, Natalie, Nick, and Lauren. After a nice dinner at one of the resort’s restaurants, the five of us spent another hour sitting in front of the fireplace in our suite before we turned in for the night, knowing we had to be up early in the morning to make our first ski lesson.

Natalie and I woke up at the crack of dawn the next morning, wanting to give ourselves plenty of time to get through my morning routine in an unfamiliar place. It was a good thing we did because it took nearly half an hour just to get me dressed in my winter gear.

“I’m not sure I’m gonna fit in my chair,” I said as Natalie, sweating, tugged the new snow pants she’d bought me for Christmas on over my thick, fleece sweatpants, which I wore over a pair of long johns for extra warmth. Not knowing how well my body would handle being outside in cold weather for a few hours at a time, I’d put on as many layers as possible.

“We’ll make you fit,” Natalie promised as she pulled me up into a sitting position on the bed. It was a tight squeeze, but we managed to transfer me to my wheelchair and wedge me into the seat.

“I feel like Ralphie’s little brother in A Christmas Story,” I joked, raising both arms out to my sides and letting them fall as far as they would go in my puffy parka. “‘I can’t put my arms down!’”

Natalie laughed as she knelt down to put on my snow boots over the thick, wool socks I wore over a pair of compression stockings. “Lord, Kevin, your feet weigh a ton in these things!” she exclaimed as she hoisted them onto my foot plates and strapped them in place.

“I know – I had to buy a bigger size ‘cause Dawn couldn’t get my old ones on anymore. Pretty ridiculous to pay for a brand new pair of boots that I won’t walk a single step in, right?” I replied with a chuckle. “But hopefully they’ll keep my feet warm.”

“They do look plenty warm. Just don’t go overheating while I finish getting myself ready,” she warned as she stood up and crossed the room to retrieve her own winter gear from the closet.

“You hear that?” I said, looking down at my lower half. “No overheating now. Nat needs time to get ready.” After a pause, I glanced back up at her. “You better hurry up, babe. I don’t think my body’s listening to me. It never does these days.”

Natalie smiled as she stepped into a pair of pink and silver snow pants. “It’s nice to see you in a good mood again,” she said, swishing over to give me a peck on the cheek. “I’m glad we could still come on this trip.”

“Me too,” I agreed. “I just wish Dawn were here with us.”

“Aww, I know. Next time!” Natalie said brightly, reaching for her matching coat. But I knew there may not be a next time.

All the more reason to make the most out of this trip, I told myself, using my teeth to tighten my push gloves before I rolled out of the bedroom.

I went out to the living area of our suite, where I found Nick and Lauren waiting with Mason, who was in the process of putting on his own snow pants. Nick helped him buckle the suspenders and zip up his coat while Lauren looped a scarf around his neck.

Once everyone was ready, we left the resort and made our way down to the base village plaza, where we would pick up the rest of our equipment and meet our instructor for the private ski lesson we had reserved. Despite the fact that the footpaths were flat and paved, I found it surprisingly difficult to propel my wheelchair forward. The many layers of thick, winter clothing I wore limited my range of motion, making my arms feel stiff and confined, and I couldn’t seem to catch my breath in the cold, thin mountain air. “I probably should have brought my power chair,” I panted, leaning forward to push myself through the plaza. My breath formed small clouds in front of my face as I huffed and puffed.

“You want a push, babe?” Natalie offered as she walked next to me, carrying her rented skis over one shoulder.

“If you don’t mind, that’d be great – thanks,” I accepted, finally admitting defeat. I realized I might have to sacrifice some of my independence in order to save my stamina for the slopes.

“No problem. Here – you can hold these.” She lay her skis across my lap.

“You okay, Kev?” Nick called when he looked back and saw that Natalie and I had fallen behind.

I nodded. “Yup! Coming!” I called back as we hurried to catch up to him and Lauren, who led the way to the meeting point with Mason in tow.

We were greeted by a tall, trim man, half my age, with light brown hair and a stubble of beard, who waved us over enthusiastically. “Hey there! I’m Thad,” he said, giving me a fist bump without hesitation, “and this is Heather.” He motioned to the young, blonde woman who stood beside him. Both were wearing black snow pants and bright orange parkas. “You guys ready to hit the slopes?”

After a round of introductions and a series of questions, Thad and Heather led us across the paved plaza to a flat patch of snow at the bottom of the ski lift, where the first part of our lesson would take place. There, Heather showed Mason and Natalie how to put on their skis and safety gear while Thad and Nick transferred me from my wheelchair to a bi-ski, a bucket seat mounted to a pair of skis. Nick helped me put on my helmet while Thad strapped me into the padded seat. “How’s that feel, Kevin?” he asked as he fastened a strap around my feet, securing them to the footplate.

“Fine, thanks,” I said with a shrug. Of course, I couldn’t feel my feet, but the seat was comfortable enough. I couldn’t wait to try it out on a slope, wondering how it would feel compared to skiing on my own two legs. More like sledding than skiing, I imagined – but hopefully still fun.

“That looks cool!” Mason announced as he shuffled over on his kid-size skis. “Can I try it?”

“Not right now. You get to learn how to ski standing up.”

“Just like peeing!” Mason replied proudly.

Nick snorted. “Who taught him that, you or Dawn?” he asked me in an undertone.

“I did!” I said indignantly, resenting the implication that, because I was disabled, I was incapable of teaching my boy how to use the bathroom like most able-bodied, American men. “You think I’d send my son to school not knowing how to use a urinal? I talked him through it. What would Dawn know about that, anyway?”

Nick shrugged. “I dunno. She had a son, too, right? So I just figured…” He stopped mid-sentence and shook his head. “Never mind. Good for you, man,” he said instead, clamping his hand down on my shoulder.

“Can we move on, please?” I muttered, shaking it off. “This is a lesson, not a locker room. There are ladies present.”

He laughed. “Look, I dunno about your lady, but it takes a lot more than that to gross out mine,” he said, glancing over at Lauren, who stood near Heather and Natalie.

I followed his gaze. “Oh, Nat can handle bathroom stuff, too, trust me. But we don’t need to talk about it in front of total strangers,” I said, shifting my eyes toward Thad.

“Oh, that’s okay, man; I don’t mind,” the ski instructor said good-naturedly. “But, hey, while we’re on the subject, if anybody needs to use the bathroom before we get on the chairlift, you better go now ‘cause the facilities are pretty limited further up the mountain.”

“Lauren made Mason go pee before he put on his snow pants,” Nick said, looking at me, “and the rest of us should be good for a few hours. I’ll just piss in the snow if I need to.”

“Keep it classy, Nick!” Lauren called, overhearing his comment.

But my mind was fixated on something else Thad had said. “How am I gonna get on the chairlift in this thing?” I asked him.

“No worries, man. I can raise your seat with the push of a button and slide you right on – easy peasy!” said Thad, showing me how my seat position could be adjusted. “But before we go to the top, lemme give you a few pointers while we’re on flat land.” He fitted a pair of outriggers – short ski poles with ski tips on the ends – onto my forearms and showed me how to use them to assist with staying balanced, stopping, and turning. “But don’t worry – I’ll be right behind you the whole time to help steer,” he added as he patted the handle behind my seat. “We’re gonna take it slow, take it easy, make sure everybody has a good time. Ready to try it?”

I nodded. “Let’s do it.”

Thad took me straight across the flat terrain, pushing from behind while my skis glided slowly but smoothly over the snow. We practiced picking up speed, braking, and stopping. Then he taught me how to initiate a turn by leaning to the left or right. “It doesn’t take much,” he told me. “Just tipping your head and shoulders to one side can change your center of gravity enough to put the skis on edge and make them turn.”

Having skied plenty of times before my injury, I understood the mechanics of turning, although doing it with my disabled body in a bi-ski felt different than doing it on traditional skis. But I caught on quickly, and, soon, Thad and I were skiing circles around Natalie and Mason, who was still learning the basics from Heather.

“Pizza… french fries… pizza… french fries,” I heard Mason repeat as he practiced changing the position of his skis to adjust his speed, angling the tips toward each other in a triangular “pizza” shape in order to slow down, then straightening them into a parallel “french fry” position to go faster.

“That’s right, little dude!” Thad said encouragingly to him as we slowed to a stop. “Keep practicing! And remember to look straight ahead when you ski. If you look down, you’re gonna fall, gonna have a bad time.”

“Your kid’s a natural, Kev,” Nick said with a grin, gliding over on his snowboard.

“I know. Way to go, Mase!” I cheered, watching my son wistfully. “You know, I wish we’d gotten the chance to take him skiing before I got hurt… when Kristin was still alive. I wish he could have seen us the way we were then.”

“Hey, you’re here making memories with him now,” Nick replied gently. “That’s what matters to him.”

I nodded. Nick was right, of course. I needed to focus on the present, not the past – on what was rather than what could have been.

My gaze drifted from Mason to Natalie, who seemed to be getting the hang of it, too. Her yoga workouts and years of walking up and down airplane aisles in heels had given her a good sense of balance, which served her well on skis. “Looking good, babe!” I called out to her as she glided across the flat ground.

Turning to grin at me, Natalie promptly lost her balance, toppled backward, and landed on her butt. “You spoke too soon,” she said, laughing. “I told you I’d be terrible at this!”

“You okay?” I asked as Heather hurried over to help her up.

Natalie nodded. “I’m fine. Just bruised my pride a little,” she replied good-naturedly, brushing snow off her backside.

Once everyone had learned the basic movements, we lined up to take the chairlift to the top of the mountain. Thad showed Nick how to adjust my seat to make it fit over the chair. When it was my turn to get on, he had the operator stop the lift, so he and Nick could load me in my bi-ski. It didn’t take long, a minute at most, but I could still feel the stares of the other riders around me and the annoyance of those further up the mountain, who must have wondered why they’d stopped moving. Probably some newbie who doesn’t know how to get on the lift, I imagined them muttering to each other as Thad lowered the safety bar over our heads.

Meanwhile, Natalie and Mason – the actual newbies – had made it onto the chair ahead of me with no trouble. My anxiety intensified as I watched their chair rise away from the ground. Mason was so small that I could barely see his helmet over the back of the seat. What if he slipped out from under the safety bar and fell? I wished I was riding with him, but I knew he was probably safer sandwiched between Natalie and Heather, who would both be able to hold onto him better than I could. I just had to trust them to take care of my boy.

“Whoa… this is cool!” Mason called out, his little legs swinging back and forth. Clearly, he had no fear of heights. “Hey, Dad!” He twisted around, sticking his hand through the gap between the seat back and bottom to wave at me. “Isn’t this cool?”

“Face forward and sit still, Mason!” I barked back at him.

I heard Nick chuckle from the chair behind mine. “Chill out, Kev!” he called. “Check out this view!”

I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with the frigid mountain air, and let it out slowly as I looked around at my surroundings. The pale gray clouds hung so low over the snow-capped mountains that, had it not been for the evergreen trees dotting the horizon, it would have been hard to tell where the land ended and the sky began. I wished the sun would come out to warm me up and make the snow sparkle, but even without it, the view was beautiful – a real winter wonderland. I tried to relax and enjoy the rest of the ride up the mountain.

When we reached the top, Heather was waiting to help Thad slide me off the chair. They guided Natalie, Mason, and me to the bunny slope where the rest of our lesson would take place.

“Don’t feel like you have to stay here with us the whole time,” I told Nick as he glided next to me on his snowboard. “You and Lauren already know what you’re doing, so if you wanna try one of the harder runs while we finish our lesson…”

“I don’t mind hanging out with you here,” he replied. “It’s cool to see you back on the slopes – and cute watching your kid learn how to ski. I’m kind of enjoying it, to be honest.”

“Suit yourself,” I said with a shrug, but, deep down, I was pleased that he wanted to hang out with Mason and me.

At the top of the bunny slope, we reviewed the basics before we tried skiing downhill. “Remember, lean to the right or left when you wanna turn,” Thad told me. “I’ll be right behind you to help guide. Ready to give it a try?”

I nodded. “Let’s go.”

I took a deep breath as Thad took his place behind the bi-ski. He pushed off from the ground, shuffling forward until we gained enough momentum to glide smoothly over the snow. As we headed downhill, we gradually picked up speed. I felt the bi-ski wobble slightly beneath me as Thad let go of the handle in the back and transitioned to the tethers, two long straps that were tied to the back like a pair of reins, but my outriggers helped me stay balanced. My breath caught in my throat as an icy wind whipped across the uncovered part of my face. But, in spite of the cold, I felt exhilarated. The sensation of racing down the slope was almost the same as it had been in my old body. True, I could no longer feel my legs beneath me, but I could still feel the pressure in my arms as I pushed my poles into the snow, the cold spray of snow blowing into my face, and the warm rush of adrenaline pumping through my veins. It was just as invigorating as it had been before my injury.

“Looking good, Kev!” Nick gave me a thumbs up as he sailed past me on his snowboard with Lauren following in his wake.

Tugging on the tethers, Thad slowed me to a stop and turned me around, so I could watch Mason and Natalie come down the hill with Heather. Natalie, looking a little hesitant, skied slowly and tentatively, pointing the tips of her skis toward each other to prevent herself from picking up too much speed. But Mason, five and fearless, kept his skies parallel as he accelerated down the hill, moving faster and faster until he finally lost his balance and fell over.

“You okay, buddy?” I called out to him, digging my outriggers into the snow in an effort to drag myself toward my son. Thad pushed from behind, guiding the bi-ski over to where Mason lay.

“Yeah,” he grunted as he struggled to get up.

Thad gave him a hand, pulling him back to his feet. “Nice run, little dude!” the instructor exclaimed, slapping him a high five. “Now, don’t forget the feet positions you practiced with Heather back there. When you wanna slow down, you wedge your skis together like a slice of pizza. You french fried when you should have pizza’d. You french fry when you pizza, you’re gonna have a bad time.”

Natalie finally skidded to a stop a few feet from us. “Phew! It’s a lot scarier going downhill than it was skiing on flat ground,” she admitted, letting out a shaky laugh.

“It’s more fun if you let yourself go a little faster.” I flashed her a teasing grin.

She shook her head. “I’d rather not fall flat on my butt again, thanks. I’m fine with going nice and slow for now.”

“But you are having fun, right?” I asked hopefully.

“Sure… I guess so,” Natalie said unconvincingly. “How about you? Are you having fun?”

I nodded. “I’m having a blast. I never thought I’d be able to ski again. It feels great to get back on the slopes.”

She smiled. “I’m glad you’re having a good time, babe,” she said, bending over to give me a peck on the cheek. “That makes the trip worth it for me.”

We worked our way down to the bottom of the bunny slope, making it back to the base village by the end of our three-hour lesson. My body had begun to spasm, making it difficult for Thad and Nick to transfer me from the bi-ski back to my wheelchair. “Sorry,” I kept apologizing as Thad tried to get a good grip on my trembling legs without taking a boot to the shin. “It’s probably just from the cold.” Or a full bladder, I added internally, knowing I was due for a bathroom break. I couldn’t wait to get to the lodge, where I would be able to warm up and relieve myself.

Once I had done both, I felt much better. We shed our outer layers of clothing and ate lunch in the lodge. A cup of warm tomato soup with a grilled cheese sandwich was just what I needed to refuel my body after a full morning of skiing.

After lunch, Nick and Lauren went back out on the slopes while Natalie and I explored the village with Mason. We wandered through a few of the shops before venturing back outside, where the skating rink caught Mason’s eye. “Can we go ice skating, Dad? Please?” he begged, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Natalie answered before I could. “That sounds like fun, Mason, but it wouldn’t be much fun for your dad. I don’t know if they let wheelchairs go out on the ice.”

“Even if they did, I probably wouldn’t be able to get enough traction to push myself,” I said doubtfully. “But I don’t mind if you two go skating. You should!” Locking eyes with Natalie, I gave her an extra little nod of encouragement to let her know I really didn’t mind if they did.

“Are you sure?” she asked hesitantly, looking back at me with knitted brows. “We don’t wanna leave you out… right, Mason?”

With a sinking feeling, I watched my son’s face fall, his hopeful smile fading away, and wished with all my heart that my girlfriend hadn’t just said what she’d said. “Yes, I’m sure!” I hissed through gritted teeth.

Natalie flinched, visibly taken aback by my sharp tone.

“Can I talk to you over here a minute?” I muttered, wheeling myself a few feet away from Mason.

She followed me. “Kevin, what’s-?”

“Can you not do that, please?” I said, shaking her hand off my shoulder.

Her eyes widened as she recoiled from me again. “Do what? Touch you?” she replied incredulously, her voice rising.

I resisted the urge to snap at her, keeping my own voice low instead so that Mason wouldn’t hear me. “No. I mean, don’t try to guilt-trip my son into feeling bad for wanting to have fun. I want him to have fun, too – even if it’s without me.” I saw Natalie’s confused expression transform into one of sympathy as I explained: “It’s hard enough for him already, having a dad who can’t do a lot of the typical father-son activities. Thankfully, for as long as he can remember, he’s had Dawn around to fill in for me when it comes to the really physical stuff. But now that she’s sick, I don’t know if she’ll be able to do as much with him as she used to… and that’s gonna be even harder for him to deal with.”

“I’m sorry,” Natalie said, her voice softening. “I didn’t mean to upset you. I just didn’t want to exclude you.”

“I know… and I appreciate that, but, honestly, babe, I’m used to sitting on the sidelines by now. Sometimes it sucks, but there’s no point in getting upset about it. It is what it is,” I said with a shrug. “I’d be more upset by the thought of my son missing out on something he really wants to do because of my disability. So, please, just take him ice skating. This trip is as much about Mason as it is me. After the week we’ve had, I really want him to have a good time and make some happy memories. I’ll enjoy watching the two of you do that. Honest.”

Natalie nodded. “All right. If you’re sure.”

“I told you I was. Go on. And good luck,” I added, forcing my face into a grin. “Mason’s never been skating before. He’ll probably be like Bambi on ice.”

She laughed. “Well, I’m no Michelle Kwan either, trust me,” she replied as we made our way back to the railing at the edge of the rink, where we’d left Mason standing. “We’ll both take it nice and slow.”

“Does that mean we can go skating?” Mason asked eagerly as we approached.

I nodded. “Yup! Natalie’s gonna take you. I’ll wait right here and watch. Sound good?”

“Yeah!” His million-watt grin warmed me right up. He grabbed Natalie’s hand, and they raced off to rent their skates.

Watching the two of them together, I couldn’t help feeling slightly envious. It wasn’t that I really wanted to go ice skating. It was just that I wanted to share the experience with my son. I wanted to be the one to hold his hand and help him lace up his skates. I wanted to be the one to teach him how to glide across the ice. Instead, I sat at the edge of the rink and watched Natalie do all of those things. But that was nothing new; I’d been watching other people step up and step into my parental role for the past five years. I appreciated them for it, and I usually pretended it didn’t bother me, even though, deep down, it did. But, at the end of the day, Mason was my main priority, and nothing mattered more to me than his happiness.

He had a big smile on his face as he shuffled across the ice, clinging to a training walker like a lot of the other little kids were using. Natalie skated slowly behind him, her arms floating at her sides for balance. I imagined myself skating next to her, hand in hand, the same way Kristin and I had skated together in the rink at Rockefeller Center when we were dating. In another life, it would have been Kristin and me taking our son ice skating for the first time.

A hard lump of longing rose in my throat at this realization, but I swallowed it back down, refusing to let my depressing thoughts ruin what had otherwise been a pleasant day. Of course, there would always be a wistful part of me that wished for the life I could have had with Kristin, but in that life, there would be no Natalie. Either way, I would be missing out on something – or someone.

Mason and Natalie skated a few laps around the rink. “Looking good, y’all!” I called as they approached me. “You ready to try it without the walker, Mase?”

“Uh… I dunno… maybe?” he replied, giving Natalie an apprehensive glance.

“C’mon, you can do it!” she said encouragingly as she extended her hand to him. “Here. Hold onto my hand. I won’t let you fall.”

“You’ve got this, buddy,” I added as Mason wobbled out from behind the training walker. “That’s it. Now push off from your back foot and slide your front foot forward.” It was funny – I could no longer feel my legs, but I still remembered what it felt like to skate on them, even though I hadn’t done so in many years. Muscle memory never forgets.

Following my advice, Mason took a few tentative steps without the walker, and within a few minutes, he and Natalie had left it behind. I watched with a smile as they made their way slowly around the rink. Mason kept one hand wrapped around hers while the other held onto the railing. But, gradually, as he gained confidence, he began to go faster and ventured further away from the wall.

It was as he and Natalie were rounding the far end of the rink that Mason lost his balance. I saw him fighting to stay on his feet, his free arm pinwheeling wildly while the other hung onto Natalie’s hand. For her part, she tried to keep him upright but ultimately couldn’t compete with the force of gravity. Mason’s feet shot right out from under him, and he went down hard, taking her with him.

“Oof.” I winced as I watched them both hit the ice. Mason landed on his butt while Natalie fell onto her right side. “Y’all okay?” I called anxiously across the ice as Mason crawled on his hands and knees to the wall, where he clung to the railing to help himself climb back to his feet.

Natalie was slower to get up. She pushed herself into a sitting position, but the second she tried to stand, she cried out in pain and crumpled back to the ice.

My breath caught in my throat. “Shit,” I hissed as I hurriedly wheeled myself up the ramp to reach the other side of the rink. “Hang on! I’m coming!” I knew there wasn’t much I could physically do to help Natalie if she was really hurt, but I at least wanted – no, I needed – to be there for her, both physically and emotionally.

By the time I made it to the top of the ramp, another man had helped Natalie up. He slung her arm around his shoulders and supported her weight as she hobbled off the ice, leaning heavily on him and favoring her left foot. “Here,” I heard him say as he helped her to a bench, holding her tight around the waist. “Have a seat.”

“I’m here, babe,” I said, feeling distinctly territorial as I rolled over to them. “What happened? You all right?”

Natalie shook her head. “I wrenched my right ankle,” she said, turning sideways so she could stretch her injured leg out on the bench. “It hurts to move it.”

The man who had helped her gave me a curious glance. “Are you her husband?” He was tall, dark, and handsome – exactly Natalie’s type.

“Uh-huh,” I replied, not bothering to correct him. “Thanks for your help, but I think I can take it from here.”

Natalie narrowed her eyes at me but said nothing until the man asked, “Are you sure? What if she can’t walk?”

“Hasn’t stopped me yet.” Smirking at him, I patted the tops of my thighs. “I’ve got a seat for her right here if she needs a ride back to our room.”

The man’s face reddened. “All right then.” He raised both hands and took a step backwards, seeming to understand that I wanted him to leave. “Best of luck to you, ma’am,” he said, nodding to Natalie. “I hope nothing’s broken.”

“Thank you,” she told him sincerely. Once he’d walked away, she turned and glared at me. “He was just trying to help! Why’d you have to act like a jerk?”

“I didn’t like the way he was touching you,” I admitted.

“Well, considering I can only put weight on one leg, I’d probably still be lying on the ice if it wasn’t for him,” she replied frostily. “Jealousy isn’t a good look, Kevin.”

With a rush of deja vu, I recalled saying the same thing to her at Disneyland, the day she’d gotten upset over Dawn helping onto the rides. Hearing my own words thrown back in my face made me realize that my reaction to seeing someone else come to her aid must have seemed just as ridiculous as hers had then. “Sorry,” I said. “You’re right. I overreacted.”

“Are you okay, Natalie?” Mason clomped over, walking awkwardly on the blades of his skates.

She took a shaky breath. “I’m not sure. My ankle really hurts. Lemme get this skate off, so I can take a look at it.”

“Why don’t you take yours off, too, Mase? I think we’re done skating for today.”

Mason’s disappointment was evident, but he didn’t argue. He plopped down on the ground and started fumbling with one of his skates. “Dad? Can you help me?” he asked after a few seconds. “I can’t get these undone.”

I looked down at his laces, which Natalie had double-knotted for him, knowing full well that my fingers wouldn’t be able to untie the knots any better than his would. “Keep working at ‘em, buddy,” I tried to encourage him.

“Here, Mason,” said Natalie, patting a bare spot on the bench. “Put your foot up here for me.” Mason propped his skate on the edge of the bench, and in no time at all, Natalie’s nimble fingers had untied the knots.

“Thanks!” he said as he lowered his foot. He tugged on the skate, managing to slide it and his sock off at the same time. “Whoops.”

We shared a chuckle over that. While Mason was busy putting his socks back on, Natalie finished unlacing her own skate, loosening it as much as possible before she attempted to take it off. She still let out a little whimper of pain as she pried the boot off her foot. “Ow… ow, ow, ow!” She hissed in a sharp breath through her gritted teeth as she hitched up her pant leg and pulled down her thick sock to expose her bare ankle. It was already starting to swell. She gently prodded the pink, puffy skin with her fingertips, wincing each time she touched it.

“That doesn’t look good,” I said, swallowing hard. “C’mon, let’s get you inside. There’s gotta be a first aid area somewhere around here. You can sit on my lap.”

She gave me a dubious look. “Won’t that make it even harder for you to wheel yourself around?”

I knew she was probably remembering how she’d had to push me through the plaza that morning, but I tried to forget that part. “We won’t go far. It’ll be fine,” I insisted, wanting to be her big, strong hero for once. “Hop on up.”

Hesitantly, she climbed onto my lap, crossing her right foot over her left knee to keep it elevated. I wheeled us awkwardly over to the skate rental stand to return the skates and pick up their shoes before heading back to the lodge. By the time we made it into the building, I was breathing hard, my shoulders burning from the effort of pushing both of us, but I didn’t stop until we’d found the first aid clinic.

A nurse examined Natalie’s ankle. “It’s probably just a sprain, but I can’t promise you don’t have a fracture or torn ligament,” he told her as he palpated her lower leg. “You really should have it X-rayed. I can wrap it for you to stabilize it until you can get to the emergency room. Aspen Valley Hospital’s just about eight miles away.”

Natalie nodded. “That would help a lot. Thanks.”

He wrapped an Ace bandage around her ankle, starting from her calf and going all the way down her foot. “How’s that feel?” he asked when he was finished.

“A little better,” said Natalie, lowering her foot to the floor.

“I wouldn’t put weight on it yet if I were you,” he warned her. “We’ve got a pair of crutches you can rent to get you through the rest of the weekend. Just be careful – I don’t want you to take another spill on the ice.”

“That guy must think we’re the most accident-prone couple ever,” I muttered as we left the clinic a short while later. My arms felt like two limp noodles, so I let Mason push my wheelchair while Natalie hobbled next to us on her crutches.

She laughed. “Just my luck – I can’t believe I made it down a mountain on skis, only to fall and bust my ankle on the skating rink at the bottom.”

“Coming from the guy who fell off a bed and cracked his head open after horseback riding… I can believe it.” I flashed her a sheepish grin as I recalled how our first date in Kentucky had ended.

“Oh, Lord. I’d rather not relive that night.” Natalie shuddered and shook her head, her face flushing pink. “Maybe we are the most accident-prone couple ever.”

“If we are, it’s only because of me. I mean, you weren’t even there the night I broke my foot by dropping a damn bowling ball on it. Or the time I rolled over a bag of trash on the sidewalk and tipped my chair over,” I replied, wincing at the memory of my most recent fall. “I’ve seen the inside of more emergency rooms than I’d like to admit – and they all look exactly the same. But don’t think I’ve ever been to the ER in two different states within the same week – that’ll be a new record for me.”

At Natalie’s insistence, however, we ended up heading back to our hotel instead of the hospital. “Let me ice it and elevate it for a few hours and see how it feels then,” she said, rubbing her ankle as we waited for the free shuttle, which, thankfully, had a wheelchair lift. “If I just twisted it, it’ll be fine. But if it’s not any better by tonight, I’ll go get X-rays.”

We spent the rest of the afternoon hanging out in the hotel room. Natalie lay on the loveseat with her foot propped up on a pile of pillows while Mason and I brought her ice packs, ibuprofen, and anything else she needed. “Now this is my kind of vacation,” she joked as Mason refilled her water bottle for her.

But, by that evening, Natalie’s ankle had turned a nasty shade of black and blue, and the swelling did not seem to have gone down much at all. “It looks worse than it did before,” she admitted when she unwrapped it to show Nick and Lauren, who had just returned to the room after a full day on the slopes.

“Natalie!” gasped Lauren, leaning over to take a closer look at her lower leg. “You need to get that checked out, girl.”

Natalie sighed. “I know. I should probably have it X-rayed, huh?”

Lauren nodded. “I’ll go with you,” she offered. “Nick can stay here and help with Kevin.”

Help with Kevin. I hated the way her words made me sound like an unmanageable child. Clearing my throat as loudly as I could, I said, “Thanks, Lauren, but you don’t have to do that. She’s my girlfriend; I can go with her, as long as you two wouldn’t mind keeping an eye on Mason for me.”

I saw Lauren exchange glances with Nick before she looked back at me. “Of course we can watch Mason, but… how are you going to get to the hospital?”

Truth be told, I hadn’t thought that far ahead yet. “I’m sure they have at least one accessible taxi in this town,” I answered with a confidence I didn’t feel. “I’ll call down to the concierge desk and ask them to find one that can take us there.”

“Kevin,” Natalie said gently, giving me a look. “I love you, babe, but that could take forever. It’ll be a lot faster and easier if Lauren comes with me, so we can just ride in a regular cab.”

I suddenly wondered if this was the real reason she had delayed going to the emergency room. Had she been waiting for Nick and Lauren to come back, worried it would be too much of a hassle for me to accompany her there?

I wanted to keep arguing, but I resisted the urge, knowing it would do no good. Natalie was right. Swallowing my pride, I sighed and said, “Fine. You ladies go. We’ll hold down the fort here.”

“Guys night in,” Nick said with a grin, giving Mason and me both fist bumps. “Sounds good to me.” I could tell he was just trying to ease the tension – and avoid taking sides.

I forced a smile back at him. “Hey, Nick, will you help me move to the couch, please? I should probably put my feet up for a while.”

“Sure, Kev.” He waited while I positioned my chair as close to the couch as possible, put on my brakes, and unbuckled my seatbelt. Then he crouched down in front of me to slide my feet off the footplates and plant them on the floor. “Ready?” he asked, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me forward to the edge of my seat cushion. “One… two… three.” On the count of three, he hoisted me up out of my chair and over to the couch.

As we waited for my legs to stop spasming, I said, “Now I want you to take Nat down to the lobby in my wheelchair. That way, she won’t have to hobble through the whole hotel on crutches.”

“What? Babe, no, I don’t need your chair,” Natalie protested, struggling to get up from the loveseat without putting weight on her right foot.

Lauren helped pull her into a standing position, then hurried to retrieve her crutches. “Here, hon,” she said as she tucked them under Natalie’s arms.

“Thanks,” replied Natalie, leaning heavily on them.

Looking up at her, I said, “I know you don’t need it, but I want you to use it. After everything you’ve done for me, at least let me do this one little thing for you. Please.”

She flashed me a tender smile. “Well, all right. If you insist.” Limping over to my wheelchair, she lowered herself into it and laid her crutches across her lap. “Wow… this is actually really comfy!” she exclaimed with a tone of surprise as she sank into my custom seat cushion, which contained both memory foam and gel to protect against pressure sores.

“Don’t get too attached to it,” I teased her. “I want it back when you’re done.”

“Hmm, I dunno about that, babe. I may just wanna keep it for myself. It’s kinda fun!” she replied, wheeling herself awkwardly across the room.

It was weird seeing her in a wheelchair. For just a moment, I could almost imagine that our roles were reversed. It made me wonder what life would be like if I were able-bodied and my girlfriend was the one with the disability. Would I have even wanted to date a woman in a wheelchair? I honestly wasn’t sure.

But it didn’t matter – because the moment Nick bent down to lift my legs up onto the couch, I was brought back to reality and reminded that I was the one whose lower extremities no longer worked. Natalie’s injury was only temporary; she would be back on both feet again in no time. But mine was permanent. I would never walk on my own two feet again.

“Thanks, man,” I muttered, reclining against the arm rest as Nick stretched my legs out in front of me. “I hope you know how much I appreciate you being here this weekend. I dunno what we would’ve done without you and Lauren.”

“No problem, bro,” Nick replied, using the couch cushions to prop me up into a semi-recumbent position. “You know I don’t mind helping.” Once he’d made sure I was comfortable, he went downstairs with Natalie and Lauren to wait for their taxi.

Left alone in the suite, I sighed and looked at Mason. “Well, buddy… should we call Dawn and tell her how our first day of skiing went?”

“Yeah!” Mason fetched my phone from the coffee table and climbed up onto the couch, settling himself between my legs. He was familiar with FaceTime, having watched me use the app to call people plenty of times before, and could read well enough to find Dawn’s name on my list of contacts, so I let him place the call. “Hi, Dawn!” he said when her face popped up on the screen, waving with one hand while he held up my phone with the other.

“Well, hey, guys!” Dawn beamed, looking delighted to hear from us. “How’s it goin’?”

“Good,” Mason replied nonchalantly, leaving out the fact that Natalie was on her way to the emergency room.

“Mase and I are good,” I amended. “Natalie, not so much. She hurt her ankle ice skating this afternoon. Lauren’s taking her to the ER to get X-rays.”

“Oh no!” said Dawn, her smile fading. “I hope nothing’s broken.”

“Me too. The last thing we need is another gimp in the house,” I said with a grin.

Dawn shook her head. “How was adaptive skiing?” she wanted to know.

“It was actually a lot of fun – way more of a thrill than I thought it would be,” I admitted. “I can’t wait to try it again tomorrow.”

“Aww, I’m happy to hear that! And how about you, Mason? Did you have fun skiing?”

“Yeah!” Mason proceeded to tell Dawn every detail of our day as I smiled and nodded over his shoulder. He was still talking her ear off when Nick returned to the room, pushing my empty wheelchair.

“The cab came and picked up the girls,” he announced, parking my chair in the corner. “Who are you guys talking to? Is that Dawn?”

I nodded. “Mason’s been telling her all about skiing this morning.”

Nick flopped down onto the loveseat and leaned over far enough to get his face in the camera frame. “Hey, Dawn!” he called. “How ya doing?”

“Hi, Nick! I’m okay, thanks. How have you been?”

“Honestly, I’ve never been better,” Nick said, a broad smile stretching across his face. “Hey, sorry to hijack your conversation with Kev and Mason, but you mind if I take the phone and talk to you for a minute?”

Dawn looked a little surprised, but she smiled back and said, “Of course not. I’d love to chat.”

I had a feeling I knew what Nick wanted to discuss with her. “Hand him the phone, Mase,” I told my son, who reluctantly obeyed. “Why don’t you go to my room and play with the toys you brought or watch TV for a while?”

“Why?” Mason asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

“So the grown-ups can talk about grown-up stuff. Go on now,” I said, giving him a stern look. Thankfully, that was all it took to send him stomping off to the master bedroom.

“So, I’m sure Kevin told you I was also diagnosed with cardiomyopathy almost five years ago,” Nick was saying when I turned my attention back to the phone conversation. Dawn nodded. “The circumstances may be different, but I just wanted to say that I’ve been where you are before, and I know how scary it is to get that diagnosis. It felt like a death sentence at first.”

My mind flashed back to the day he had gotten his diagnosis. I had been in the hospital room to hear his doctor deliver the bad news and witness Nick’s reaction, just as I had with Dawn. I remembered his eyes filling with tears, his voice shaking as he asked, “Am I gonna die from this?” Afterward, I had given him a pep talk, trying to reassure him that he would be all right and that I would support him in his recovery, the same way he had supported me in mine.

“But it wasn’t,” Nick went on. “I followed my doctor’s advice and adopted a healthier lifestyle – stopped drinking and doing drugs, started eating better and working out more – and lemme tell you something: diet and exercise actually worked wonders for me. I lost like sixty-five pounds, and my symptoms went away. When I went back to the cardiologist a year later, my doctor could no longer see any signs of inflammation in my heart.”

“Wow… that’s incredible!” said Dawn. “I’m happy to hear you’re doing so well. It gives me hope that my heart can get better, too.”

“Of course it can. You’ve got this!” Nick encouraged her. “It’ll help having Kevin in your corner. I couldn’t have done it without him. He held me accountable, helped me stay clean and stick to my diet… and I know he’ll do the same for you, whether you want him to or not.”

Dawn laughed. “Oh, I don’t doubt that.”

Listening to the two of them talk, I felt my heart swell with a flurry of emotions: pride, gratitude, and hope. It filled my throat, preventing me from speaking, and made the softly flickering flames blur before my burning eyes as I stared into the fireplace. If losing Kristin had taught me one thing, it was not to take the people in my life for granted. I knew how lucky I was to be surrounded by such a good support system, and I appreciated the opportunity to pay it forward and take care of the people I loved – if not physically, then emotionally, financially, and any other way that I could.

“Love you, brother,” I said, swallowing hard. “You too, Big Mac. And Nick’s right, ya know – in another year, this could all be behind you. We’ll go skiing again when you get better.”

Dawn smiled and swiped at her eyes. “I’d like that,” she said, nodding.

“You say that now, but just wait until you fall and bust your ass like Natalie.” Nick laughed. “You may not like it so much then.”

“Hey, man, quit making fun of my girlfriend,” I said, reaching back to smack him. But when I pictured how Natalie and I must have looked as we’d made our way back to the hotel earlier – her on crutches and me in a wheelchair, the world’s most accident-prone couple – I couldn’t help laughing along with him.

***