When I first opened my eyes the next morning, I was surprised to find a woman sleeping beside me. She was curled up on her left side with her back to me, the covers pulled up almost over her head, so I couldn’t see her face, just the curved outline of her body beneath the comforter. I was still half asleep myself, and for one heartstopping fraction of a second, I forgot everything that had happened in the last five years and mistook her for my wife.
Of course, in the next instant, it all came back to me in a crushing blow. She couldn’t be Kristin; Kristin was dead. Besides, the brown hair poking out from under the covers was too dark to be Kristin’s. Aside from the fact that they both had brown eyes, she and Natalie looked nothing alike.
Now fully awake, I pushed the comforter down a few inches to uncover the back of Natalie’s head and neck. As I brushed the hair off her bare shoulder with my thumb, the black crow tattooed on her back caught my eye. A lump rose in my throat as I lay there looking at it, wondering what Kristin would say if she could see me sharing my bed with another woman. I hoped she would be okay with me trying to move on.
Natalie stirred at my touch, letting out a soft sigh as she slowly rolled over to face me. “Hi,” she whispered with a sleepy smile.
“Hi,” I echoed, smiling back. “How’d you sleep?” I hoped I hadn’t accidentally kicked her in the night. Sometimes, I woke up with my legs in weird positions because of spasms.
“Like a baby. You?”
“Like a rock,” I replied, relieved.
She laughed. “How long have you been awake?”
“Just a few minutes.”
“Were you watching me sleep?” she asked, smirking at me with one eyebrow raised.
“Nah… just trying to figure out if I was awake or dreaming. It’s been a long time since I’ve woken up to find a beautiful woman in my bed.”
She beamed. “Well, it’s been awhile since I’ve slept with such an attractive man.”
I snorted. “Please.”
“Don’t put yourself down,” she said, frowning as she reached out to cup the side of my face with her hand. “In case no one’s told you lately, you’re gorgeous. You’ve got beautiful eyes… sexy eyebrows… amazing bone structure… and a great head of hair.”
“You’re too kind,” I said, smiling at her. Of course, personality was more important than appearance, but it made me feel good to know she found me physically attractive, in spite of my disability. She was a dream come true, a woman I wasn’t sure existed in the real world.
I would have been content to lie in bed with her all morning, but before long, my phone buzzed with a text from Dawn:
“Mason and I are making breakfast downstairs. Let me know when/if you want help with your morning routine. I noticed Natalie wasn’t in her room, so I’m assuming she’s with you. Hope it went well last night! 😉”
I smiled to myself as I read her message, remembering Natalie’s moans of pleasure. Maybe it hadn’t been perfect, but I felt pretty good about how the night had gone. Glancing back at Natalie, I said, “We should probably get up soon. Dawn said she’s making breakfast.”
“Breakfast sounds good,” Natalie said, nodding.
My stomach let out a loud growl in response, making us both laugh. “Yeah… I guess I’m ready to eat,” I agreed. “I’m gonna need some help getting up and dressed, though. Why don’t you head back to your room and put some clothes on, and I’ll call Dawn to come up and start my morning routine.”
Natalie sat up, clutching the covers to her chest. “You don’t have to call Dawn. I can help you,” she said, looking down at me with a shy smile. “Just tell me what to do.”
I thought about her offer for a few seconds before answering, taking into consideration what day it was and what we would have to do. Thankfully, it wasn’t a bowel program day, and since I’d already showered the night before, I wouldn’t need to wash before getting dressed. On the other hand, I hadn’t stretched, which meant my body would be even stiffer than usual that morning, making it harder for me to transfer. Despite Natalie’s best intentions, she wasn’t as strong as Dawn and didn’t have much experience with assisting me. The last thing I wanted was to end up on the floor again – or, worse, in the ER.
“Thanks; I appreciate that,” I said, returning her smile. “How about I have her show you what to do? That would probably be better for both of us.”
“Okay,” she said with a shrug. “I’ll go get dressed and meet you back here in a few minutes.” She slid out of bed and bent down to pick up the t-shirt I’d left lying on the bedroom floor. “Mind if I borrow this for a few minutes?”
“Not at all.” I watched as she pulled my shirt over her head, tugging at the bottom hem to make sure it covered her bare butt. It was just long enough, landing at mid-thigh level but leaving little to the imagination. “Sexy,” I said, letting out a low whistle as she walked away.
She glanced back over her shoulder, giving me a tantalizing grin before she slunk into the bathroom to gather the clothes I’d taken off her the night before. While she went down the hall to change, I called Dawn.
“Morning, stud muffin!” she answered brightly, making me simultaneously laugh and cringe. I could hear Mason giggling in the background; he must have found the phrase “stud muffin” funny even without knowing what it meant.
“Morning, Big Mac,” I replied, giving it right back to her. “I’m ready whenever you are.”
“Be up in a minute.”
I set the phone aside and stared at the rumpled sheets where Natalie had slept, wishing we had lain in bed together for just a little while longer. I enjoyed those rare moments when we were on the same level, when my wheelchair wasn’t in the way, when my disability didn’t make it more difficult for me to keep up with her, when I could just feel “normal” again.
My thoughts were interrupted by a knock on my bedroom door. “Come in!” I called.
Dawn opened the door. “Just wanted to make sure everybody was decent before I barged in,” she said with a wink as she walked over to my bed. “Wasn’t sure if you’d be alone or not.”
“Natalie just left to get changed, but she’s coming back. She wants to help with my morning routine. I thought maybe you could show her the ropes.”
“Sure.” Dawn smiled. “So, I take it things went well this time?”
I nodded. “Not perfect, but better than last time. I took your advice,” I added, smiling back sheepishly. “That definitely helped.”
“Told ya!” she said, snickering. “Glad it did the trick.”
“What are y’all laughing at?” Natalie asked as she walked in, wearing a star-spangled tank top with denim shorts.
Dawn didn’t miss a beat. “Just this picture I took of Mason this morning,” she replied smoothly, pulling her phone out of the pocket of her pajama bottoms to show Natalie something on the screen. “He’s such a goofball.”
Natalie smiled. “He’s so stinkin’ cute! Looks just like his daddy, but with lighter hair,” she said, raising her gaze to meet mine.
“He got his momma’s hair.” Another painful lump rose in my throat as I remembered how beautiful Kristin’s blonde locks had looked in the bright morning sunlight – like molten gold. What I wouldn’t give to find one more strand of her hair clinging to the pillowcase, I thought, swallowing hard. “Lemme see that picture again, Dawn.”
She turned her phone screen toward me. I chuckled at the photo of Mason standing on a stepstool in front of the kitchen sink, grinning as he waved at the camera with a raspberry stuck on the end of each finger.
“Yup… he got his momma’s sense of humor, too,” I said, shaking my head. “Crazy kid.”
Dawn put her phone back in her pocket and pulled down my covers. “C’mon, let’s get you up and at ‘em.” She showed Natalie how she disconnected the drainage bag from my condom catheter and took it into the bathroom to empty and clean it. Then she came back with a damp washcloth to wipe off the adhesive that helped hold my catheter in place so she could remove it.
Lying naked on the bed, looking at the two women as they leaned over me, listening to them talk through the process and knowing they were touching my penis even though I couldn’t feel it, I felt more exposed and vulnerable than I had in a long time. It was one thing to let Natalie undress and wash my body the night before, assuming it would lead to getting laid. It was another to have her hook up my catheter so Dawn wouldn’t have to come in right after the act, when we were both naked and carefree. But, the morning after, it felt much more awkward for me. I suddenly wished I hadn’t agreed to let Natalie learn my morning routine, but it was too late to take it back.
“How ya doin’?” I asked Natalie as Dawn went to dispose of the used catheter. “I hope that wasn’t too weird for you.”
Her cheeks appeared slightly pink, but she smiled and shook her head. “No worse than changing my nephew’s diaper,” she assured me with a shrug. “And not nearly as bad as changing a poopy one.”
I forced out a laugh, but inwardly, I cringed at being compared to a baby. I decided right then and there that it would be a cold day in Hell before I let her help with my bowel program. But once Dawn came back and put a pair of clean underwear on me, I felt a little better. At least the most embarrassing part was over.
Next, Dawn walked Natalie through the stretching regimen I did twice daily to maintain my range of motion and prevent my muscles from developing contractures. “You’re tight today,” Dawn commented as she bent my right knee toward my chest.
I nodded. “I know. We didn’t do this last night. I did get a nice massage, though,” I said, smiling at Natalie as I remembered how amazing her hands had felt moving over my head, neck, and shoulders in the shower. I loved that we had both found a way to physically please each other.
“Maybe you’ll get another one tonight,” Natalie said, returning my smile. She followed Dawn’s lead, repeating each of the stretches on my left side after Dawn had done them on the right.
When the women finished stretching me, they worked together to dress me from the waist down, rolling me from side to side to pull up my shorts and raising each leg to put on my socks and shoes. Then they sat me up so I could put on my blue and white plaid shirt by myself. Natalie buttoned it for me, her manicured fingers moving nimbly down the front. I paired it with a white UK cap to hide my bedhead, which was worse than usual from going to bed with wet hair the night before.
Once I was dressed and ready for the day, I went downstairs, where Mason was waiting for us to join him for breakfast. Dawn had made batter for Belgian waffles, which we cooked one at a time in the waffle iron and topped with a red, white, and blue blend of raspberries, blueberries, and whipped cream.
“This looks delicious,” said Natalie as she dug into her waffle. “Do you like to cook, Dawn?”
“I don’t mind it,” Dawn replied, cutting my waffle into pieces before she pushed my plate across the table to me. “What about you?”
Natalie shook her head, her mouth full of food.
“It’s hard when you have to be away from home so much, huh?” I said while we waited for her to finish chewing. “Can’t keep many fresh ingredients in the house, or they’ll just go bad. Makes it hard to cook a decent meal.”
Natalie nodded as she swallowed her first bite. “True, but also, I’m a terrible cook. My momma would be ashamed to hear me tell people that, but it’s the truth. She tried to teach me; I just never put enough time in to get any good at it. I can do basic things like boil water and heat stuff in the microwave, but that’s about it,” she said, laughing.
“Oh.” I laughed along with her. “Well, you may not wanna admit that in front of my mom. She’s an amazing cook, as she thinks every good Southern girl should be.”
“She sounds a lot like my mom,” Natalie said. “Somehow, that makes me even more nervous about meeting her.”
“Aw, you don’t have to be nervous. She can’t wait to meet you,” I assured her.
My mom had been curious about Natalie ever since she’d found out about her, just before her second trip to Lexington in June. “And when do I get to meet this young lady?” she’d asked when I’d called to ask her about keeping Mason overnight.
“I dunno, Ma – not until I’ve introduced her to Mason,” I had replied. “I really like her, but I wanna make sure things are going well before I start bringing her around the family.”
Less than a month had passed since that conversation, but in the last two weeks, my relationship with Natalie had progressed to the point where I was ready to introduce her to the rest of my family. My brothers were both coming to the barbecue Mom was hosting to celebrate Independence Day and Mason’s birthday, so it was the perfect opportunity for her to meet everyone.
But I couldn’t blame Natalie for being nervous. When we pulled up in front of my mom’s house that afternoon, I felt slightly anxious myself. It had been twenty years since I’d brought a new girlfriend to a family gathering. I knew my family would welcome Natalie and treat her with typical Southern hospitality, but I hoped they would also accept her as they had Kristin.
Both of my brothers’ vehicles were already in the driveway. As I parked my truck next to Jerald’s car and turned off the ignition, I couldn’t feel the butterflies in my stomach, but in the brief silence that followed, I became more aware of the frenetic buzzing in my brain.
“What a beautiful house,” Natalie said, looking out the windshield at the brick ranch my mom had moved into after my dad died. It was a nice place, perfect for an aging widow, but it would never feel like home to me the way the cabin at Cathedral Domain had. “Is this where you used to live?”
I shook my head. “No, the last place I lived with my parents was a log cabin at the church camp my father ran.”
“A log cabin? Really?” she replied, laughing.
“For real. I just took Mason up there a couple weeks ago – remember, buddy?”
“Yup!” Mason confirmed from the back seat.
“Wow,” Natalie said as she reached for her door handle. “My boyfriend’s a real backwoodsman!”
I chuckled. “Not so much anymore,” I said, pushing the button for my lift to lower me to the pavement. As I rolled across the driveway to the ramp that led to the front porch, I felt a pair of hands pushing my chair from behind. I didn’t even have to glance back to know who they belonged to.
“It’s nice your mom had this built for you,” Natalie said as she pushed me up the ramp, oblivious to how much I hated being “helped” without being asked first. I needed to talk to her about that, but now wasn’t the time.
Biting my tongue to hold back a sharp reply, I shrugged and said instead, “She knew it was the only way I’d be able to visit her. My power chair was way too heavy to carry up the steps.”
“Oh.” Natalie let out a nervous laugh. “Well, sure, that makes sense.”
My niece Olivia was waiting for us just inside the door. “Hi, Uncle Kevin!” she called, stepping barefoot out onto the porch to hold the door open for us as we entered the house.
“Hey, sweetheart! Thanks,” I said, pushing myself over the threshold. Natalie, Mason, and Dawn followed me inside.
We found my mom and Tracy working in the kitchen. “Is that the birthday boy I hear?” Mom asked, wiping her hands on a towel as she turned away from the sink. When she saw Mason, her weathered face split into a wide grin. “Why, there he is! C’mere and give Mammaw a hug!” She opened her arms as Mason barreled into them, nearly knocking her back against the counter. “Gosh, you’re gettin’ big!” she exclaimed as she squeezed him. “I swear, you must’ve grown a few inches overnight!”
“That’s ‘cause I’m five now,” Mason replied proudly.
“I know! I just can’t believe it. But, boy, are we gonna celebrate today!” She gave him another squeeze and a kiss on the top of his head before releasing him. Then she turned her attention to the rest of us. “Hi, honey!” She hurried over to hug me, too. “And this must be Natalie!”
Natalie smiled and nodded. “It’s so nice to meet you, Mrs. Richardson.”
“Oh, please, call me Ann,” my mom replied, pulling her into another one of her rib-crushing hugs. “I’ve been lookin’ forward to meetin’ ya ever since Kevin let it slip that he’d started seeing someone. I couldn’t be more thrilled for the both of you. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him this happy.”
“Thank you,” said Natalie, blushing as my mom released her. “He makes me happy, too.”
I cleared my throat before my mom could say anything else embarrassing. “Natalie, this is my sister-in-law, Tracy, and my niece, Olivia.”
They exchanged hugs and hellos as my mom greeted Dawn, gushing over the strawberry pretzel salad she had made.
While the women were preoccupied, I leaned over to Natalie and whispered, “I bet my brothers are out back. This way.” I wheeled myself over to the French doors that opened out to a wooden deck.
Just as I’d suspected, Jerald and Tim were both outside, drinking beer while they supervised the grill. They looked up as Natalie followed me onto the deck. “Hey, Kev!”
My nephew Will was busy setting up a pair of cornhole boards in the backyard. “Hi, Uncle Kevin!” he called, tossing the bean bags aside as he trotted over to me.
“Hey, fellas. I want y’all to meet my girlfriend, Natalie,” I said, slinging my arm around her waist as I introduced everyone.
“Welcome, Natalie,” Tim said. “We’re happy to have you here. Want a beer?”
“She’s more of a wine drinker,” I started to say at the same time Natalie replied, “I’d love one. Thanks!”
I looked at her in surprise as Tim handed her a can from the cooler sitting beside him. “What?” said Natalie, smiling as she popped the tab on top and took a sip.
“Nothing. I thought you said you didn’t like beer.”
She shrugged. “I don’t really, but you know me – I’m not one to turn down a free drink,” she said with a wink.
I smiled. “I do love that about you.” Turning back to Tim, who was taking a second beer out of the cooler, I added, “That’s how the two of us got together. I offered to buy her a drink, she accepted, and the rest is history.”
“Good thing I’ve already got myself a woman.” Chuckling, he put the can in a koozie and cracked it open before passing it to me. “I’m proud of you, bro. It was about time you put yourself back out there.”
A lump rose in my throat as I thought of Kristin, but I washed it back down with a long swig of cold beer.
“Y’all wanna play cornhole with me?” Will asked eagerly.
“Sure, bud.” I looked at Natalie, who nodded.
“Uncle Jerald! Wanna be on my team?”
“Oh, I see how it is,” I said jokingly as Jerald set down his beer. “You don’t want the handicapped uncle for a teammate, huh?”
Will’s eyes widened as he shook his head. “No, no, I just thought you’d wanna be with Nat-”
“I know, buddy; I’m just messing with you.” I grinned, reaching up to ruffle his hair. “It’s all good. Natalie will be on my team – won’t you, babe?”
Natalie heaved an exaggerated sigh. “I guess,” she replied without enthusiasm, then winked to show she was kidding. “Then again, you may decide you don’t want me on your team once you see me play. I’m terrible at this game.”
“Y’all are pretty good at the psychological game,” Tim observed. “I see what you’re doing: Set the expectations low. Make yourselves look like the underdogs. Then go out there and kick the other team’s butt.”
“Yeah, we’re not buying it for a second, are we, Will?” added Jerald. “We’ve seen you play cornhole, Kev. You don’t suck.”
I chuckled. “We’ll see.”
The deck had no ramp, so my brothers had to lift my chair down the three steps that led to the patio below. After that, it was a bumpy ride across the grass to get to the area where Will had put the angled cornhole boards. I stayed by one of the boards while Natalie went to the other.
“What color do you wanna be, Uncle Kevin?” Will asked as he walked over to my side.
I glanced down at the beanbags lying in the grass. “Blue.”
“All right. We’ll be red. You wanna go first?”
“Sure.” He placed one of the blue beanbags in my hand. Turning my chair to face the other board, which lay about eight yards in front of me, I tossed the bag toward it, aiming for the hole at the top. The bag hit the board but bounced off into the grass.
“Good try!” I heard Natalie call out encouragingly.
Will went next, lobbing one of the red bags at the board. He underthrew it, landing short of the board.
My second bag landed squarely on the board, scoring a point for Natalie and me. One point turned into three when Will’s next bag skidded across the board, knocking mine into the hole. “Hey, thanks,” I said, grinning as he groaned.
We continued taking turns until we’d both tossed our four beanbags. Jerald totaled our scores as he picked up the beanbags. “Seven points for Kevin… and four for Will,” he announced, handing Natalie the blue bags. “Y’all are up by three.”
As they took their turns, we quickly discovered that Natalie hadn’t been bluffing about being bad at cornhole. Only one of her four bags landed on the board, and none went into the hole. By the end of the first round, Will and Jerald were leading by two points.
The rest of the game went much the same way, with me pulling us ahead and Natalie proceeding to blow our lead. Jerald and Will ended up beating us twenty-one to seventeen. “Good game,” Will said, giving me a fist bump before he ran over to high five his other uncle.
Natalie looked sheepish as she walked over to me. “Sorry for sucking so bad,” she said with a shrug. “I tried to warn you.”
I laughed. “Yeah, you weren’t lying. You really are pretty terrible at this.”
“I know!” she moaned, giggling as she hid her face in her hands. “You’re the only reason it was even remotely close. You totally made up for my lack of skills.”
“Not too shabby for a quad, huh?” I grinned.
“No, you were great!”
“I’ve always been a pretty good athlete. This is one of the few games I can still play about the same way as before,” I replied, shrugging.
“Well, I’m impressed.” She bent down and gave me a quick peck on the lips. “Hey, are you getting too hot?” she asked as she straightened up. “Your face is all sweaty.”
I nodded. Now that the game was over, the heat felt more oppressive. Beads of sweat were dripping down the sides of my flushed face and the back of my neck. “Yeah… it’s probably time for me to head back inside and cool off in the air conditioning,” I admitted. I hated being so delicate, but I knew I would overheat if I didn’t take the appropriate precautions to keep my body temperature down.
“I’ll go with you,” Natalie said, pushing me back to the patio.
By the time I made it into the house, I had a pounding headache. I parked my chair next to one of the vents in the living room floor so I could feel the blast of cool air flowing out of it. Natalie wet a washcloth to wipe me down while my mom filled a cup with ice cold lemonade for me. Dawn found a bag of frozen peas and put it on the back of my neck. “How’s that feel?” she asked as I flinched, cold chills running up and down my spine.
I nodded. “That’s helpful. Thanks.” I felt like some kind of pampered prince, sitting on my throne while the three women fussed over me like a trio of mother hens. I half-expected them to start fanning me with palm fronds next. But, despite the absurdity of the situation, I appreciated them looking out for me. The last thing I wanted was to end up in the hospital with heat stroke.
Since the temperature outside had climbed into the mid-nineties, my mom suggested we eat inside. She didn’t say it was because of me, but I knew it was. My family had always been outdoorsy. When I was a kid, we went camping in the dog days of summer and never complained about the heat. But life for me was different now, and despite my mom’s and brothers’ best efforts to treat me the same way as before, my disability had changed the way we did things.
Tim and Jerald brought in platters of hot dogs and hamburgers, hot off the grill, and added them to the spread of food my mom and Tracy had set out buffet-style on the kitchen counters. “Can I fix you a plate?” Natalie offered as people started forming a line to fill their plates.
“Sure, that would be great – thanks.” I followed her through the line, telling her what to put on my plate while she dished it up for me.
“Do you want a hot dog or a hamburger?” I could hear Dawn asking Mason behind us as she did the same for him.
The ten of us gathered around the dining room table to eat. “So, Kev, you excited for your trip?” Jerald asked as I took a bite of my burger.
I nodded, my mouth too full to answer him right away.
“I can’t speak for Kevin, but I’m sure excited!” Dawn chimed in as I chewed. “I’ve never been out of the country before.”
“Really? Well, I bet you’re gonna love London.”
“I can’t wait. I’m gonna try to do a little sightseeing each day while Kevin’s at work with the Boys. Hopefully the Londoners won’t laugh at a hick from Kentucky trying to find her way around their city.”
“I can show you around some when I’m there, Dawn,” Natalie offered, spearing a piece of watermelon with her fork. “My flight crew’s a lot of fun, but it’d be nice to have someone else to hang out with.”
“I would love that – thanks!” Dawn replied, raising a forkful of potato salad to her mouth.
“So you’re going to London, too?” Jerald asked, looking at Natalie.
She nodded. “I go there a lot for work anyway, but I may have purposely put in a bid for the flight I knew Kevin was going to be on,” she explained, winking at me. “I’ll only be there for the first couple days, and since Kevin made it clear that significant others are not welcome on this work trip, I’ll have my own hotel room and everything. I’m not sure how much we’ll even see each other once we get there.”
“Hey, that was Nick’s rule – not mine,” I said after swallowing. “I may not have been so quick to agree to it if I’d known I was gonna meet you.”
She grinned at me. “It’s okay. We’ve made this long-distance relationship work for three months already. We can go three weeks without seeing each other. And we’ll still be able to talk on the phone, right? I know you’re filming for a documentary, but it won’t be like one of those reality shows where they cut off all communication to the outside world.”
I laughed. “No, we can still talk on the phone. Just not while I’m working. Gotta set a good example for the younger guys, you know?”
Jerald glanced up from his food. “Is it gonna feel weird for you to go back in the studio with the boys after this long of a break? What’s it been, like six years?”
Swallowing a sip of lemonade, I nodded. “Yeah, it may be a little weird at first. I mean, a lot’s changed in six years. They did two albums and three tours without me, and I… well, I’m on wheels now. But I think it’ll be fine once I get back into the groove of writing and recording. I’m not worried about the fellas – they’ve been nothing but supportive. I wouldn’t be doing this if they weren’t. We’ve always had the kind of relationship where we can take a break and then pick right back up where we left off as if no time has passed.”
“Well, I’m happy for you, bro,” he said, smiling at me. “I hope it goes well.”
“Thanks. Me too.”
After we ate, we watched Mason open birthday gifts from his grandmother, uncles, and cousins. Will and Olivia gave him a Super Soaker, which he was eager to try out. They had brought an arsenal of squirt guns from home so the whole family could have a water fight. “Will you come play with us, too, Dad?” Mason asked, tugging on my arm while Olivia filled her water gun at the kitchen sink.
“It’s still awfully hot out there for your dad, honey,” my mom answered him before I could. “Why don’t we wait until closer to sundown when it cools off a little?”
“I’ll be fine, Ma,” I insisted, frowning at her before turning back to Mason. “I won’t be able to pull the trigger on a squirt gun, but I can still come watch. If I get too hot, you can hose me down with that Super Soaker, okay?”
Mason grinned, his eyes lighting up. “Okay!”
“We brought something for you too, Uncle Kevin!” Will came into the kitchen, carrying a large bucket. I could tell it was heavy by the way he was walking. “Water balloons!”
“Wow… y’all really thought of everything!” I smiled as I looked into the bucket and saw a heap of colorful balloons, filled with just enough water to fit easily in my hand. “Thanks, bud.”
We went outside, where I set up a base on the deck so I could lob water balloons over the railing as people ran past. My mom sat with me, handing me fresh ammo from the bucket and hiding behind my chair whenever someone aimed their squirt gun at me. “Way to use me as a human shield there, Ma,” I said, laughing as Dawn hit me right in the chest with a blast from her water bazooka. I hurled a balloon back at her, but she ducked just in time for it to sail over her head.
“Ha, nice try!” I heard her shout as she disappeared behind a tree trunk.
I was drenched, but I didn’t really care. The water would help me stay cool, and for the most part, I couldn’t feel it anyway.
“Watch it, son,” I warned Mason when I saw him shoot Natalie with a faceful of water right in front of me. “Don’t aim for people’s eyes! You do that again, and you’re done.”
“Sorry!” Mason said, now chasing after Olivia.
“You okay?” I asked Natalie as she wandered over, wiping the water from her face.
She nodded. “Fine. A little water never hurt anyone.” She looked like a drowned racoon with mascara running down her face in black rivulets. Her tank top was so soaked, I could clearly see her bright red bra through the wet fabric as it clung to her body.
“Good,” I said, grinning as I pelted her with a water balloon at point blank range.
“Kevin!” my mom scolded as Natalie shrieked and ran away. “That’s no way to treat a lady.”
“Aw, you heard her, Ma – ‘a little water never hurt anyone.’ Plus, now she’s got permission to get me back.”
As it turned out, Natalie played just as dirty as I did. She must have gone around the house and slipped in through the front door so she could sneak up on me from behind while I was distracted by watching everyone in the backyard. All of a sudden, I felt a blast of cold water on the back of my head. As chills shot down my spine, I yanked my chair around to find her standing behind me with her water gun in hand and a big grin on her face. “Gotcha!” she said, giggling.
“I surrender!” I said, raising both hands in the air as I smiled back. “I may have deserved that.”
“Uh, you definitely deserved that. I guess this makes you my prisoner now,” she replied, pushing my arms down and pinning me to the back of my chair.
“Oh no…” I looked up at her, pretending to cower with fear as she leaned over me. “What are you going to do to me?”
“Nothing while your mom’s watching,” she whispered in my ear as she nuzzled my neck. “But just wait until tonight…”
I smiled with anticipation.
After the water fight, we dried ourselves off and ate birthday cake and ice cream while the sun went down. Once it was dark, we finished the evening with an impressive fireworks show put on by Jerald and Tim, whom our father had taught everything he knew about pyrotechnics. While they set off the fireworks in the yard, the rest of us watched from the safety of the deck.
Dawn helped me transfer to a chaise lounge so I could recline and look up at the sky without straining my neck. Natalie lay between my legs, leaning back against my chest. I wrapped my arms around her and rested my chin on the top of her head, which was still damp from the water fight. Lying there with her warm weight on my chest, I felt completely content in a way I hadn’t for more than four years. For the first time since I’d lost Kristin, I could actually see myself spending the rest of my life with another woman.
“Thanks for spending the day with my family,” I told Natalie later that night as we lay in bed together, basking in the afterglow of our own private “fireworks” show. “I hope you had a good time.”
“Are you kidding? I had an amazing time!” she replied, rolling over to face me. “Your family is so much fun – way more fun than mine.”
“Well, you fit right in with them,” I said, smiling at her. “Will I get to meet your family on Friday?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so. My folks live over two hours away from Atlanta, and I don’t feel like driving that far just for the day. But you can meet my roommate, Sarah.”
“And Colby Jack?”
“Well, of course! Don’t be surprised if he acts a little jealous, though. He didn’t like Derek. I always thought it was just because he was used to having me all to himself, but now I wonder if my cat’s a better judge of character than I am.”
I chuckled. “What if he doesn’t approve of me?”
Natalie pursed her lips. “Then I’ll have some hard decisions to make, huh?” She kept such a straight face that, at first, I couldn’t tell whether she was kidding or not. But then she smiled. “He’s just gonna have to deal with it, I guess. If I have to share you with another woman, it’s only fair that he learns to share, too.”
“Wait, what other woman?” I asked, laughing. “Are you talking about Kristin, or do you mean Dawn?”
“I meant Dawn,” she said, her smile fading, “but now you’ve got me thinking I might also be competing with a ghost.”
“Competing?” I still wasn’t sure if she was being serious. “Kristin’s dead. You’re alive. Where’s the competition?”
Natalie sighed and sat up, clutching the covers to her chest. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just, I’ve never dated a… a widower before. It hit me when we were at your mom’s house how weird it must have been for the rest of your family to see you with another woman.”
“Why?” I asked, frowning. “Did someone say something to you?”
She shook her head. “No, everyone was really welcoming.”
“Then what are you worried about? You heard them; they’re happy we’re together! No one wants me to be alone for the rest of my life.”
“I know… but our relationship is still so new, and you and Kristin were together how long?”
“Fifteen years, give or take.” Kristin and I had broken up for about a year-and-a-half when the Backstreet Boys first blew up in Europe, but I didn’t like to think about the time we’d wasted apart. What I wouldn’t give to have that time back…
“That’s a long time,” Natalie said softly. “Half my life. And your mom still has pictures of her hanging on the walls. I noticed when I went to the bathroom.”
It was my turn to sigh as I pictured the gallery wall of family photos my mom had put up in her hallway. “So? I have pictures of her here, too. Do you expect me to take those down?”
“No, of course not. I would never ask that of you.”
“Then what’s your point?” I wondered, starting to get annoyed. “Do you have a problem with my mom displaying a few pictures from our wedding and Mason’s newborn photoshoot? Those were important events in my family’s history, and Kristin will always be a part of that, even though she’s gone. It’s a way to honor her memory – that’s all.”
“I know. And I don’t have a problem with that. They’re beautiful pictures. They just made me feel sorta insecure… like y’all put her on this pedestal that I’ll never live up to, even if… if our relationship gets to the next level,” Natalie said uncertainly.
“Natalie, no one expects you to be just like Kristin,” I tried to reassure her. “You’re two different people. You may not be perfect, but neither was she. Our relationship wasn’t perfect either, no matter what it looked like in the professional photos you saw. We had our ups and downs, like every couple does.”
“But you loved her. You still do.”
I nodded, a lump swelling in my throat. “I’ll always love her,” I admitted, swallowing hard. “And, for a long time, I thought I would never be able to love another woman the same way. But then I met you. And the last three months have made me realize that there may still be room left in my heart to let someone else in.” I reached out to her, stroking her bare shoulder with my knuckles. “You know what my momma used to say when my brothers and I would fight as kids and accuse her of loving one of us more than the others? She always told us her love didn’t have to be divided between us because it had multiplied when each of us was born. And if a mother’s love can grow that way, why can’t a man’s love?”
Natalie sighed again. “I get what you’re saying, but I want you to understand where I’m coming from and why I’m so insecure when it comes to other women. There was another woman in my last relationship, too. My ex-fiancé had been cheating on me with her for months before I found out, so forgive me for having some trust issues.”
“I’m sorry you went through that, but I don’t see what it has to do with me or Kristin – or Dawn, for that matter,” I said, suddenly recalling how this whole conversation had started. “I thought you were kidding when you said that about having to ‘share’ me with another woman. Were you really talking about Dawn? Because you know my relationship with her is completely platonic, right? We’re just friends. Technically, she’s my employee.”
“Yeah, well, the woman Derek was sleeping with was technically his employee, too,” Natalie muttered, looking away.
“I thought you said she was his coworker.”
She shrugged. “Same difference. My point was, she worked closely with him. And Dawn works closely with you. Not only that, but she lives with you. She sees you naked. She touches you in some pretty intimate places.”
I remembered lying in the exact same position earlier that day as Dawn led Natalie through my morning routine, and I realized what had really triggered her insecurity. “That’s what you’re worried about? Why, do you think it turns her on to take off my catheter and empty my piss bag? Or do you think it turns me on? Because it doesn’t,” I said flatly. “Trust me – there’s nothing remotely sexy or romantic about what Dawn does for me.”
“I… I didn’t mean it like that,” Natalie stammered, blushing as she looked back at me. “I know it’s not ‘sexy,’ but it is intimate.”
“I wish it wasn’t. You think I like having someone help me shower and get dressed every day like I’m a baby? Believe me – I would give almost anything to get my old body back or at least be fully independent in the body I have. I’ve come a long way in the last four years, but I’ve also learned to accept the reality that I’ll probably always need a caregiver to help with some parts of my life.” Looking her in the eye, I added, “I know this is all still pretty new for you, but if you can’t accept that, too, this relationship isn’t gonna work.”
Natalie nodded. “Then I’ll learn to accept it, too. I… I care a lot about you, Kevin, and I don’t wanna lose you. Please forgive me for bringing it up; I didn’t mean to start an argument.”
“I’ve always heard you’re not a real couple until you’ve had your first fight,” I replied, flashing her a reassuring smile. “It’s all right. But while we’re being open and honest with each other, can I talk to you about something that’s been bothering me?”
“Of course,” she said, lying back down beside me. She turned her body toward mine, propping herself up on one elbow. “What is it?”
I cleared my throat, stalling for time while I tried to collect my thoughts. I chose my words carefully, wanting to get my point across without sounding ungrateful. “Well, first of all, let me just say that I appreciate your eagerness to help me, whether it’s getting me a wet washcloth when I’m overheated or filling my plate for dinner. The fact that you’re willing to learn how to do transfers and stretches and all that stuff means a lot to me.”
“But?” Natalie prompted with a puzzled expression.
I sighed. “Okay, so, look: like I said, I know there are certain things I’ll probably always need help with. But I’ve worked really hard to get to the point where I can be independent with most other things – like pushing my own chair.” I paused, taking a deep breath. “I used to be in a power chair full time. At first, when I was in the rehab hospital right after my accident, I could only use a sip-and-puff chair, the kind you control with your mouth, because I was paralyzed from the neck down.”
“That must have been horrible,” she said softly, looking at me with sympathy.
“Yes and no. It was better than being confined to a bed, but it wasn’t the way I wanted to get around. Thankfully, by the time I went home, I had regained enough movement in my arms to use a joystick instead. But, still, I was stuck in this big, bulky chair that made me look even more disabled than I wanted to believe I was,” I said with a grimace. “Don’t get me wrong – I was grateful for the freedom it gave me, but I also resented having to rely on it to get around. So one of my goals in therapy was to strengthen my arms enough to graduate to a manual chair. It took me more than three years, but I finally convinced my doctor to have me evaluated for one.” I flung my hand backward, waving it vaguely toward my wheelchair, which was parked next to the bed. “A lot of quads at my level of injury stick with power chairs, but I prefer to push myself around. Sometimes my arms get tired; I don’t have triceps, so it takes a lot out of my biceps and shoulders. But if I need a break or want a push, I’ll let you know. I’d love it if you would ask before pushing my chair.”
“Wait, that’s what all this is about?” Natalie asked, her eyes widening. “You don’t want me to push you? Why didn’t you just say that?”
“I wanted you to understand why. It’s not that I don’t appreciate you wanting to help me; it’s just that it means a lot to me to be able to do things for myself,” I explained. “I’ve always been kind of a control freak – you can ask any of the guys – and there’s so much in my life I can’t control that I cling to what I can. Does that make sense?”
She nodded. “Of course, it does. I’m sorry. I never meant to take away your independence – especially not on Independence Day.” Deep furrows appeared in her forehead as her face fell. “I was just trying to help.”
“I know,” I said, flashing her a reassuring smile. “That’s why I didn’t say something sooner.”
“I wish you would have,” she said, shaking her head. “Now I feel like an idiot for not knowing better.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t wanna cause any drama or seem more high-maintenance than I already am. But you’re right – I should have talked to you about it before tonight. Communication is key.”
“So is consent.” Her lips curved into a crooked smile. “Next time, I’ll ask before I touch.”
“Thank you.
I sank my head deeper into my pillow with a sense of relief, feeling like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Next to me, Natalie pulled her elbow out from under her and rolled onto her back. For a few seconds, we both lay in silence, staring at the ceiling. Then I heard her soft voice ask, “Are we okay?”
“Of course.” I looked over at her. “I don’t even know if this counts as our first fight.”
Pausing to consider it, she replied, “I say it does. That way, we know we’re a real couple.”
After hearing that logic, I couldn’t help but agree.
***