Natalie and I agreed not to mention our crappy wake-up call to Keith when we met him for breakfast later that morning. I also swore Dawn to secrecy.
“Please don’t tell anyone… especially Brian,” I begged her. “He has a big mouth, and if the other fellas find out, they’ll never let me live it down.” Nick would have a field day with it, knowing full well he could get away with making fun of me because he had helped clean up my messes in the past. In his mind, that probably meant he’d earned the right to joke about it.
“Don’t worry,” Dawn assured me. “My lips are sealed.”
That afternoon, we loaded all our luggage into an accessible taxi to head back to the airport. Since Natalie would be driving herself separately, we said our goodbyes in the hotel lobby. “I may not see you again until you get on the plane, and by then, I’ll be on duty, so we’ll have to act like we’re not dating,” she warned me. “That means no PDA.”
“What?!” I pretended to be shocked. “You mean I can’t pinch your ass in that sexy red dress of yours?”
“Haha.” She rolled her eyes and smirked at me. “As if you could pinch my ass, period!”
Looking down at my limp, nonfunctional fingers, I laughed. “Good point. But you are gonna wear the red dress, right?” She didn’t have to be at the airport as early as the rest of us, so she wasn’t in uniform yet.
“I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.” She waggled her eyebrows, her lips curving into a seductive smile.
“I’m gonna miss you so much,” I admitted as I gazed up at her. God, she was gorgeous.
She nodded, moving to stand next to my chair. “I know.” She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and hugged me from the side, bending down to bring her face closer to mine. “I’m gonna miss you, too,” she murmured in my ear. Her warm breath tickled my neck as she nuzzled it, sending tingles of pleasure zipping down my spine.
Slipping my arm around her waist, I turned my head toward her and tipped my chin to catch her mouth in a kiss. She kissed me back, knocking the white UK cap off my head in her exuberance. Her lips moved against mine as her hand clawed across my chest, staying close to my collarbones where she knew I could feel.
“Ahem.” From a few feet away, I heard Dawn clear her throat. “Not to interrupt you two lovebirds, but we should probably get going, Kevin.”
I had almost forgotten she and Keith were still standing there, waiting for me to finish saying goodbye to Natalie and get into the taxi. Dawn was a nervous traveler, always wanting to get to the airport extra early. “I know,” I said, nodding at her before I looked back at Natalie. “See you on the plane?”
“I’ll be there!” she replied, beaming as she put the baseball cap back on my head.
I saw Dawn and Keith exchange grins as I rolled up the ramp into the back of the taxi. “What?” I asked, looking between them.
“Nothing. It’s just nice to see you happy again, man,” said Keith, clapping my shoulder. Next to him, Dawn nodded in agreement.
I smiled. “Thanks.”
The ride to the airport was uneventful. When we arrived, we checked our luggage, went through security, and made our way to the first class lounge closest to our gate. Brian met up with us there a while later. “Hey, y’all!” he called, walking over with a big grin on his face. “How’s it goin’?”
“All good, man,” I said, giving him a hug as he bent down to my level. “Dawn’s impressed by the Delta Sky Club.”
“I had no idea this was how the other half lived until I started working for you,” she chimed in, shaking her head in disbelief. “All my life, I’d only flown coach, never knowing what luxury awaited on the other side of these walls.”
Brian laughed. “Yeah, it’s not like you can get those just anywhere,” he said with a pointed look at the bag of plain Lay’s potato chips in her hand.
Dawn grinned good-naturedly. “You know what I mean. Free food, free drinks, free Wi-Fi, comfy seats… heck, they even have showers here!”
“We were impressed the first time we flew first class, too, weren’t we, cuz?” I said, glancing at Brian.
He nodded. “Remember our first trip overseas?”
“Yup. Stockholm.” I smiled. “We rang in the new year there… 1995. That was our first time meeting Max and Denniz and recording at Cheiron Studios. We were so green, we just went along with whatever they asked us to do.”
“Worked out pretty well for us, though, didn’t it?” Brian replied, grinning back at me. “You ready to go back to work?”
“I hope so,” I said with a nervous chuckle. “How are you feeling about everything?” I kept the question intentionally vague in case he didn’t want to discuss his vocal condition in front of Dawn and Keith.
He shrugged. “I dunno yet. Ask me in a few days.” He flashed another grin, but this one didn’t quite meet his eyes. “I’m gonna go grab a drink and a bite to eat. Anyone need anything?”
“Nah, I’m good, but thanks anyway.” Watching his back as he walked away, I knew I wasn’t the only one who was nervous about getting back in the studio.
I was actually a lot less apprehensive about the long flight to London than I had been the last time. At least, this time, I had Dawn with me to make sure my catheter was on tight and take care of any other problems I had during the trip. Knowing Natalie would be on the plane as well put me at ease.
We left the lounge and went to our gate before pre-boarding began. When it was time to get on the plane, Keith helped the airport attendants transfer me to the aisle chair while Dawn and Brian tore down my manual chair.
Natalie was waiting with the rest of the cabin crew just inside the door when they wheeled me onto the plane. “Welcome aboard,” she said with a smile and a wink.
“Thanks.” I grinned back, noticing she was wearing the red dress. “Nice dress,” I whispered as I went past her.
I’d reserved seats in the first two rows, so the attendants didn’t have far to take me. With Keith and Dawn’s help, they transferred me into the window seat, for Dawn had made it clear she didn’t want to climb over me every time she had to use the bathroom, and I doubted Brian would want to sit beside me after what had happened last time. He took the seat behind me instead. Keith sat in the aisle seat next to him while Dawn sat next to me.
Once we were all settled in our seats, Natalie came over to see us, accompanied by two of her fellow flight attendants. Before she could say anything, I heard Brian say, “Nice to see you again, Natalie.” I could tell by the tone of his voice that he was smiling.
Smiling back, she replied, “Nice to see you too, Mr. Littrell… Brian.” She cleared her throat. “I’ll be taking care of y’all on this flight, but I wanted to introduce a couple of my colleagues. This is my friend, Jana-” She put her arm around a petite older woman whose auburn hair was pulled back in an elegant French twist. “-and this is Jared.” She paused, pointing to a slim young man who was grinning unabashedly as his eyes darted between me and Brian in the seat behind me. “He’s a huge BSB fan,” Natalie added in a stage whisper.
“Hey, great to meet you both,” I said, extending my hand across Dawn for a fist bump. Behind me, I heard Brian echo the same sentiments as he shook Jared’s hand.
“Thanks for making my girl Natalie so happy these last few months,” Jared said, giving her shoulders a squeeze.
“Yes, we’ve heard a lot about you lately,” added Jana, winking at me. “We’ve both been looking forward to meeting you.”
Next to her, Natalie was blushing. “Well, the rest of the passengers should be boarding soon, so y’all better be ready,” she said pointedly. When Jana and Jared walked back into the galley, she shook her head. “Sorry about them. I swear, I really haven’t talked that much about you.”
I laughed. “It’s okay. You don’t have to keep our relationship a secret from your co-workers – unless Delta has rules about flight attendants dating passengers or something.”
She shook her head. “Not officially. Obviously, we have to behave professionally when we’re in uniform, but once we’re off duty, we’re free to do whatever we want.”
“Like have drinks in the hotel bar or go out to dinner with one of the passengers?”
“Uh-huh.” She flashed me a flirtatious smile. “That’s totally fine.”
“Well, good. I’m glad you haven’t been breaking rules this whole time. I wouldn’t wanna get you in trouble at work,” I said, winking at her.
“Speaking of work, I should probably get back to it,” she said with a sigh. “Would you like a glass of bourbon before takeoff?”
“You remembered.” I smiled, impressed.
“Mind like a steel trap,” she replied, tapping her temple.
“I only ordered that last time because I was nervous about the long flight,” I admitted. “I’m not nervous this time.”
“Well, I am, so how ‘bout you bring us both a bourbon?” Dawn inserted, making everyone laugh.
Despite Dawn’s nerves, the flight went off without a hitch. We received plenty of personal attention from the pretty flight attendant and the rest of her crew. Natalie made a point to stop by our row as often as she could under the pretense of refilling our drinks, bringing us snacks, or checking to see if we needed anything. I enjoyed watching her work, although I didn’t envy her having to stay up all night while most of the passengers went to sleep on the plane.
“This is so weird,” Dawn whispered as we watched the sun rise over the ocean outside our window. “It’s only one a.m. our time, and it’s already light out.” Like Natalie, she hadn’t slept all night, but it wasn’t because she was working. “I’m too excited to sleep,” she’d told me when I woke to find her sitting up, still wide awake.
“I know,” I said, nodding as I looked out my window. I’d decided I was done sleeping, too, at least until we landed in London, where I was sure we would all take a nice, long nap later that day.
The cabin lights came on as the crew wheeled their carts up and down the aisles, serving coffee and breakfast to trick the passengers’ bodies into believing it was actually morning.
“How y’all doin’?” Natalie asked as she handed my plate to Dawn, who put it on my tray and promptly started taking off lids and opening packages for me.
“Pretty good. At least my pants are dry this time,” I said, looking down at my lap before glancing back up at Natalie with a grin.
She laughed. “Glad to hear it.”
“How are you doing?” I asked as she put Dawn’s breakfast plate down on her tray.
“Tired,” she admitted, hiding a yawn with her hand. “I’ll be happy to get to the hotel and crash in a couple hours.”
“It’s been a long day,” I said sympathetically, remembering how early it had started because of me. “I bet you’re looking forward to having a bed all to yourself after sleeping with me for the last four nights.”
She shrugged. “Yes and no. I mean, I do love to sprawl, but I’ll miss you.”
“Bet you won’t miss being kicked in the middle of the night by my spazzing legs.” Or waking up to find the sheets covered in shit, I thought, giving her a grim smile. I didn’t say that last part out loud, remembering that we were on a plane full of people and that Keith and Brian were sitting in the row right behind me.
“Not so much,” she said, smiling back at me. “Hey, will you do me a favor?”
“Sure – what?”
She handed me a cocktail napkin and held up a black Sharpie. “Could you and Brian sign this for my friend Jared?”
I chuckled. “Sure. Fair warning, though: my new autograph looks nothing like the old one.”
“That’s okay.” She shrugged. “Most autographs are illegible anyway.”
Dawn took the marker from her and uncapped it before placing it in my left hand, closing my fingers around it so I could hold onto it. She picked up my breakfast plate and put the napkin on my tray. Clumsily, I scrawled “Kev” and attempted to draw my signature peace sign. My wobbly handwriting was worse than my five-year-old son’s. “Sorry,” I said as Dawn handed the napkin back to Natalie. “I have a tool that helps me hold a pen so I can write a little better than that, but it’s packed away in one of my bags.”
“No problem.” Natalie smiled as she looked at it. “He’ll be thrilled. Thank you so much!” After Brian had signed the napkin, she said, “Well, I’d better keep moving. Enjoy your breakfast.” She continued down the aisle, passing out meals.
By the time I finished eating my breakfast, we had begun our descent into London. Natalie came back to collect my plate, and I pushed my tray back into its upright and locked position.
“It’s so green,” Dawn said, leaning over to look out my window as we flew over the English countryside. “Almost looks like home.”
“At least it won’t feel like home.” I was looking forward to spending the rest of July in London, where the temperature was forecast to stay in the sixties for the next week. “I won’t have to worry about dying of heat stroke here.”
Dawn laughed. “That’s true.”
When the plane landed, we stayed put in our seats, letting all the other passengers disembark before us. Then a pair of airport attendants brought an aisle chair on board to help me get off.
As they wheeled me past the flight attendants at the front of the plane, Natalie’s friend Jared flashed a toothy grin. “Thanks for flying with us! And thanks for this!” he added, holding up the napkin Brian and I had signed.
I chuckled. “You’re welcome. Thank you; it was nice to meet y’all.”
“Enjoy your time in London!” chirped the older woman, Jana.
Natalie caught my eye and grinned. “I’ll call you tonight,” she whispered as I went past her. I nodded and winked before they wheeled me around the corner and out the plane door.
My wheelchair was waiting for me at the top of the jet bridge. Dawn and Brian had hurried ahead to put it back together. “Everything look okay?” I asked anxiously as the attendants parked the aisle chair next to it.
Dawn nodded. “Looks fine to me.” Keith handed her my seat cushion, which I’d sat on in the plane, and she velcroed it in place before they transferred me back to my chair. My stiff legs spasmed as Dawn bent down to strap my feet to the foot plates. I saw her stifle a yawn as she straightened back up.
“Been a long day, huh?” I said, catching her eye.
She nodded. “I don’t even know what day it is. Feels like the longest day ever, but technically, it’s already tomorrow here, isn’t it?” She paused, frowning. “Does that even make sense?”
I chuckled. “I know what you mean. Jet lag’s a bitch.”
Brian slung his backpack over his shoulders. “Should we get going? The sooner we get to the house, the sooner we can all take a nap.”
I nodded. “Yup. Let’s go.”
Wheeling myself through Heathrow Airport while the others trudged behind me helped wake me up, but my shoulders were burning by the time we made it to baggage claim. We collected our luggage and loaded it into the back of the accessible van our management team had arranged to meet us at the airport.
Dawn perked right up again during the ride to the house they had rented for us. “Wow,” she kept saying as she stared out the window. “I can’t believe I’m really in London!”
The van exited the motorway and turned onto a four-lane road, taking us past a series of Tudor-style apartment buildings, closely-spaced detached houses, and quaint brick terraced houses that were probably built before my farmhouse. “Doesn’t look like home now, does it?” I replied with a smile, watching as one of the famous red double-decker buses crossed the busy intersection in front of us.
Dawn shook her head. “Definitely not.”
Our driver turned right as the road forked, navigating the wide van down a narrower street with relative ease until we reached the three-story townhouse we would call home for the next three weeks.
“Gorgeous,” I said as I gazed up at it, admiring the intricate architectural details of the white stucco facade while simultaneously wondering if there was an elevator inside.
Howie and Q had already arrived, having flown in from Orlando. They came out to meet us at the front door, accompanied by a small camera crew from the company we’d hired to film the documentary. “Well, ‘ello, mateys!” Howie called in a bad British accent as I rolled up the sidewalk, uncomfortably aware of the cameras recording my every move. We exchanged hugs and hellos as Q and Keith helped the driver unload our luggage from the van. Then Howie introduced everyone to the crew. Brian and I had spoken to the producer, Mia, on a conference crew, but I appreciated being able to put a face with her name. We also met the director of photography, James, and his camera operators.
“Nice to meet y’all,” I said, trying to commit each crew member’s name to memory. “Thanks for being here.” I still wasn’t thrilled about being filmed, but I wanted to be polite and establish a respectful working relationship with people behind the cameras.
“We want this to feel as real and organic as possible, so just pretend we aren’t here and act natural,” Mia told us. “Can we get some shots of you going into the house?”
“I’m gonna need some help getting inside,” I said, noticing that there was one small step leading into the entryway. I probably could have popped a wheelie to clear it, if not for the anti-tip bars on the back of my chair that prevented it from falling over backwards. Instead, Brian and Dawn lifted my chair up the step. “What’s up?” I asked Howie as we went inside. “Did you guys already put your claim down on rooms? Did you get the damn master suite?”
Howie shook his head. “I left it open,” he said, smiling as he held up his hands. “Actually, I left it for you. It’s the only bedroom downstairs.”
“Lemme guess,” I said, looking at the wooden staircase to the left. “There’s no elevator, is there?”
His smile faded. “Unfortunately, no. But everything you need – kitchen, dining room, rec room, bathroom – is on the first floor.”
“There better at least be a roll-in shower in my bathroom.” I didn’t bother to hide my annoyance at the lack of accessibility. I knew it must have been a challenge for our management team in L.A. to find a house in the heart of London that was both fully accessible and big enough for eight people, but Jenn had assured me that this one checked every box on our list. It was a huge disappointment to discover that I would only have access to one of the three levels. I couldn’t help feeling left out as I watched Brian and Keith run upstairs with Q to claim their rooms. Dawn stayed downstairs with me.
Howie cleared his throat. “Your room’s this way, Kev,” he said, motioning for me to follow him as he took us on a tour of the first floor. The front half of the house contained a dining room and a modern kitchen with white cabinets and gleaming black countertops. It was sparsely decorated with a few random pieces of artwork hanging on the otherwise plain white walls, but at least it looked clean. The floors were hardwood, which made up for the narrow doorways.
An annex had been built onto the back of the original house. To get to it, we passed through a sunny game room with a pool table and a wall of floor-to-ceiling windows, which looked out onto a courtyard patio with a large seating area.
The annex contained a den with a couch, an armchair, and a TV. Some exercise equipment was tucked into a small alcove. “Is this the living room?” I asked, frowning as I looked around. “It’s kinda small.”
“There’s a bigger living room upstairs,” Howie said, shifting his weight awkwardly.
“Oh.” I tried to focus on the positives, not wanting him to feel bad. It wasn’t his fault that over half of the house was inaccessible to me. “Well, hey, at least we can work out while we’re here.” I wasn’t sure if I would be able to use any of the equipment myself, but I knew Nick and Brian would appreciate having a home gym.
“Yeah. And, look, there’s a laundry room in here.” Howie led me into a utility room, which had a washer and dryer. It was a tight squeeze for me in my wheelchair; I felt slightly claustrophobic as I followed Howie around a corner and through a second door, trying not to scrape my knuckles or ram my feet into a wall.
As it turned out, I had to go through the utility room to get to my own room, which wasn’t a master suite so much as a studio apartment. It had its own private entrance off the courtyard, as well as a kitchenette and sitting area. I got the impression that it hadn’t always been used as a bedroom; the bed set up on one side of the large room looked out of place with the kitchen sink and stove in the background.
“There’s a loft bedroom upstairs,” Howie said, pointing to a staircase. “I thought maybe you’d want that one, Dawn, so you can be close to Kevin in case he needs something in the night.”
She nodded. “Sounds good to me.” Howie helped her carry her suitcase up to her room while I waited downstairs.
As I rolled around my room, taking a closer look at everything, I suddenly realized it was missing something. “Hey, where’s the bathroom?” I called upstairs, hoping Howie could hear me.
“It’s at the end of the main hall!” he shouted back. “Go back out through the den and hang a left!”
What the fuck? It’s not even connected to my bedroom? I thought, frowning as I followed his directions. Carefully, I wove my wheelchair through the narrow utility room and out the den door, mumbling curse words under my breath each time I bumped into one of the walls or door frames. Pushing me this far in my portable shower chair was going to be a pain in the ass for Dawn. As I rounded the corner and rolled down the hall, I prayed that the bathroom would work for me. Otherwise, I didn’t know what we were going to do. I sure as hell didn’t want Dawn giving me sponge baths in bed for the next three weeks like I was back in the hospital.
To my relief, the bathroom had both a roll-in shower and a sauna, along with a separate water closet that contained a sink and toilet. It wasn’t as big as what I was used to back home, but it would do. I felt a little better after seeing it.
Howie helped me unpack and put away my clothes while the others settled in. “Does it bother you that you can’t go upstairs with the other guys?” one of the cameramen asked as he filmed us.
I shrugged. “It’s not ideal, but I’ll make do.” I chose my words carefully, not wanting to complain on camera. “At least I’ve got the pool table down here,” I added, pasting a grin onto my face.
He raised an eyebrow. “Do you play pool, then?”
“Not since my injury, but there’s a first time for everything,” I said cheerfully, still forcing a smile. I had no idea if I was even capable of holding a pool cue, and at that moment, I didn’t care. All I knew was that I wasn’t going to play the part of the victim in this film. I wanted to be portrayed as the professional musician and multifaceted person I was, not just some poor crippled guy the audience was supposed to feel sorry for.
Hoping to change the subject, I picked up my newest Kentucky Wildcats shirt from the pile in my suitcase and held it up for the camera. “That’s my home state. National championship in basketball this year.” I laid the gray t-shirt out on the bed and pulled two more out of my bag. “Workout clothes,” I said, handing them to Howie to put in the closet for me. “Pretty boring stuff.”
“What kind of workouts do you do?” the cameraman asked curiously.
“Kickboxing – without the kicking,” I replied with a grin. “I got a punching bag at home that I like to hit. I do a lot of stretching and some strength training, too.” I was going to miss my weekly physical therapy sessions, but Corey had given me some exercises I could do with Dawn to maintain my range of motion while I was here.
“Cool. Maybe we could film you doing that sometime.”
“Maybe.” I continued unpacking, wishing he would leave me alone.
After about half an hour, I heard Brian’s voice call, “Yo, cuz, where you at?”
“In here!” I called back.
“Hey, this is pretty cool!” Brian exclaimed when he walked into my room with a cup of coffee, a wide smile spreading across his face as he looked around. “You’ve even got your own kitchen!”
I nodded, forcing a smile back. “How’s the upstairs?” I asked him.
He shrugged. “Not bad. Each bedroom has its own bathroom, but there’s only four of them, so some of us will have to share. I think Dawn should get her own room since she’s the only woman.”
“She’s got one,” I said, tipping my head toward the stairs. “Right above mine.”
“Oh, sweet! I haven’t seen that one yet. Well, that helps the bedroom situation. Keith said he’d crash with Q on the second floor. I took the biggest room with the best view, but it’s all the way up on the third floor and has two beds, so I guess I’m gonna have to share it with someone. I figured D would want the room next to mine.” He nodded at Howie. “It has the most closet space.”
Howie grinned. “You know me well, bro.”
“We’ll let Frack and Bone duke it out over the last room when they get here. Whoever loses can be my roommate,” said Brian with a shrug. I was surprised he was willing to share a room when he could have claimed one all to himself, but maybe he was worried he would be lonely without his wife around. My cousin had always been a bit codependent, and marriage had only seemed to make it worse.
I couldn’t blame him, though. I was going to miss Mason – and Natalie, too. I was glad Dawn was with me, but in a way, I wished I was sharing a room with one of the guys. Living in the same house was supposed to be a bonding experience for the five of us, but Nick and AJ hadn’t even arrived yet and, already, I felt like the odd man out.
Of course you’re the odd man out, I told myself later as I sat outside in the courtyard with a cup of coffee, taking in some sunlight and fresh air while I tried to avoid the cameras. Did you really expect to be able to come back and pick up where you left off like no time has passed and nothing has changed? Dude, everything has changed!
Remembering my conversation with Jerald during dinner at our mom’s house the other day, I realized how naive I had been to think that my relationship with the boys wouldn’t be different now. Not only was I a different person, but they were as well. In the six years since I’d walked away from the group, the other guys had grown up a lot. Howie had started a family. AJ had gotten married and would be a father in a few months. Nick had finally straightened his life out and found happiness with a woman who was actually good for him. He’d been making movies and writing a book while Brian helped his wife grow her small business. All four of them had taken control of their careers and released solo albums on top of the two the group had recorded without me. Despite their support and encouragement, I knew I couldn’t just waltz back in and expect the dynamic between us to be exactly the same as before. It was going to take some time for us to redefine our working relationship and rebuild the bond we had, not just as brothers but as bandmates.
Nick and AJ’s flight landed later that morning. When they pulled up in front of the house, we all went back outside to meet them so the camera crew could film the five of us reuniting. I waited in the entryway for them to come up the front walk, not wanting to worry about the step again until I absolutely had to. We repeated another round of hugs, hellos, and introductions as Nick and AJ made their way into the house. The cameras recorded them playing Rock Paper Scissors to decide who got his own room and who had to share with Brian. AJ won, so Nick had to haul his luggage all the way up to the third floor.
“This is great,” Nick said sarcastically as he started up the stairs, holding his guitar case in one hand while he dragged his heavy suitcase with the other. “I get to share with my BFF.”
“Aww… Frick and Frack rooming together again. Just like old times!” I called from the bottom of the staircase, watching him trudge up two flights of stairs as one of the cameramen followed him. Finally, he reached the top and disappeared from view. A few minutes later, I heard strains of guitar music drifting down from the third floor. Leave it to Nickolas to start strumming chords before he even unpacks, I thought, shaking my head with a smile.
Once the camera crew had captured enough footage of our arrival at the house, they left for the day, promising to meet us at the studio the following morning. It was a relief to have them gone; I felt like I could finally relax without them following me around with cameras in my face.
We spent the rest of the day recovering from our long flights. Late that afternoon, I had Dawn help me transfer to my bed so I could lie down for a little while, which felt great after sitting up for so many hours. “I think I’ll take a nap, too,” she said as she turned to go back up to her room, not bothering to hide her yawn this time. “Call me if you need anything.”
“Okay. Just don’t let yourself sleep too long,” I warned her, laying my baseball cap down beside me on the bed. “It’ll only make the jet lag worse.”
Once I was alone, I sent Natalie a text: “You awake?” She didn’t text back right away, so I assumed she was napping, too. I had already called my mom to let her and Mason know we’d made it to London safely, so I scrolled through my social media for a few minutes until I felt my fatigue setting in. The screen began to blur before my eyes as my eyelids grew heavy. When my phone fell out of my hand and landed on my face, I finally admitted defeat and allowed myself to drift off to sleep.
I slept longer than I’d wanted to. When I woke up, it was dark in my room. Looking around the unfamiliar space, I felt groggy and disoriented. My head was pounding, and my face was dripping with sweat, which I attributed to having a full bladder.
“Dawn?” I croaked, my voice cracking. A light went on upstairs, filtering down from the staircase. I heard the creak of footsteps overhead as Dawn climbed out of bed and came downstairs, turning on more lights along the way.
“Hey,” she said as she came over to my bed, looking like she’d just woken up herself. There were dark circles under her eyes, and her frizzy curls were matted on one side of her head. “Sorry; I hope you weren’t calling for long. I was conked out up there! You okay?”
I nodded, feeling better now that I knew where I was. “I just need to use the bathroom,” I said. “You must have slept well.”
“Sure did,” she replied, rubbing the side of her face. I could see red streaks where the creases of her pillowcase had pressed against her cheek. “As soon as I lay down, I was out like a light.”
“Same,” I said with a hoarse chuckle.
Hearing the telltale rattle of phlegm in my throat, Dawn did an assisted cough, pushing down on my abdomen to help me clear my airway. “I should have come down to turn you, like, two hours ago,” she said, frowning as she rolled me over to check my back side for redness.
I groaned, remembering that, without the alternating pressure mattress pad I had at home, I would have to be turned every few hours while we were here. “So much for a full night of uninterrupted sleep,” I said with a sigh.
“Hey, it beats having pressure sores.” Dawn never complained. “I’ll set an alarm next time,” she promised, continuing to poke and prod at parts of my body I couldn’t feel.
Once she was satisfied that no damage had been done, she transferred me back to my chair so I could make the long trek to the bathroom to empty my bladder. When I was done, I splashed some cold water on my face to wash away the sweat. I felt better afterward, more awake and energized.
As I wheeled myself out of the water closet, AJ, Q, and Keith came down the stairs. “Oh, hey, Kevy Kev,” AJ said with a smile when he saw me in the hallway. “We just woke up. Thought we’d grab the other guys and go get some food before it gets to be too late. Sunday night in London, you know – everything closes early.”
“Sounds good,” I said, nodding. My headache had faded by the time I finished cathing, but I felt slightly light-headed. I hadn’t eaten since breakfast on the plane, so I was probably hungry. “I’ll tell Dawn.”
“We’ll find Rok, Nick, and D and meet you out front in a few minutes.”
I went back to my room, chugged a glass of water, and put my Kentucky cap back on before I went out the courtyard door with Dawn. AJ was in the front garden with Brian, who was filming him on his phone. “Whatcha doing?” I asked when AJ put the phone back in his pocket.
“SocialCam, baby! I’m trying to get to a million followers!”
“Don’t ask,” said Howie, shaking his head as he came out of the house with Nick, Keith, and Q. “He’s obsessed with making these stupid bomb videos.”
“Okay,” I said with a shrug, not sure what that meant. “So, where we goin’ to get dinner?”
“Rok found a pizza place down the street that’s open till midnight,” AJ replied.
“Pizza?” I cringed and made a face at Dawn, the memory of waking up to a mess in my bed the morning after eating pizza with Natalie still fresh in my mind.
“I know – not exactly healthy, but probably the best we can do at this time of night,” said AJ, misinterpreting my reaction.
“True. Pizza it is then,” I said, deciding not to be difficult. I made a mental note to ask Dawn to put down the absorbent pad we used for bowel programs before I went to bed that night, just in case.
The pizza place turned out to be a tiny take-away restaurant located a couple blocks from our house. It only took us a few minutes to walk there. I enjoyed getting a feel for the neighborhood as I wheeled myself down the sidewalk. There was a large cemetery across the street, which Nick thought was cool but Q said creeped him out. Further down the road was a Tesco grocery store, a gym, and several other restaurants, all of which were closed.
“We should have gotten groceries earlier so we’d have some healthier options for breakfast tomorrow,” I said, glancing at the darkened windows of the Tesco as we went past.
“Eh, we can go out for breakfast on the way to the studio and get groceries on the way back,” Brian replied.
Back at the house, we gathered around the dining room table, which was big enough for all eight of us to eat at the same time. “This place is pretty perfect,” AJ said happily as he picked up a piece of pizza. “The artwork’s fucking weird, though.”
Everyone laughed except for me. “What do you mean?” I asked.
“Dude, I forgot you haven’t been upstairs. Look at this painting!” He pulled out his phone and showed me a picture he’d snapped of a naked man reclining, his dick on full display. “Is that supposed to inspire us or something??”
“Lemme see that!” said Dawn, craning her neck to look over my shoulder.
“Hey, it inspired Dawn,” Brian joked. I joined in the laughter that time.
“No… it definitely did not inspire Dawn,” she replied, wrinkling her nose as AJ turned the phone toward her. “Never mind.”
“You know, Kev, we could probably carry you up the stairs if you wanna see the rest of the house,” Keith offered. “The living room’s, like, double the size of this one, and it’s got this big ass red leather couch.”
“Thanks, but that’s okay. I’ll be fine down here as long as y’all come hang out with me from time to time. Just don’t forget about me,” I said, flashing a smile around the table.
“Aww, Kevy Kev!” AJ cried. “Like we could ever forget about you.”
“We’re glad you’re here with us, bro,” Howie added, smiling back at me. “The Backstreet Boys are finally back to normal. It feels almost like old times again.”
“Almost,” I echoed. The word hung in the air, carrying with it a tone of melancholy I couldn’t quite explain. I was happy to be there with them, but at that same time, I had that feeling again, the feeling that I didn’t quite belong.
“Understandable,” said Natalie when I told her how I was feeling later that night as I lay in bed, talking to her on the phone. “It’s normal to feel a little insecure when you’re doing something for the first time – or the first time in a long time. I’m sure it’ll go away once you get back into your groove.”
“I hope so,” I said with a sigh. “Otherwise, it’s gonna be a long three weeks.”
“Give it time. You haven’t even gotten into the studio yet. Plus, you’re probably exhausted. Jet lag messes with your head. I bet everything will seem better tomorrow.”
“You’re probably right,” I admitted. “Thanks for listening.”
“Anytime! Thanks for confiding in me.”
“Thanks for being someone I can confide in,” I said, smiling. A siren wailed by outside my window, interrupting the silence inside the house. I wondered if Natalie could hear it from her hotel. Probably not, I decided. She was staying somewhere a few miles south of us – too far away from here. I pictured her alone in her hotel room and wished she was lying next to me instead.
It was already starting to get light outside my windows. Looking at the time on my phone, I saw that it was after four a.m. “Listen, I better let you go and try to get some more sleep before the early birds say it’s time to head to the studio,” I said, heaving a sigh. Nick and Howie had decided that we should try to get to the studio by noon. For me, that meant getting up by nine at the latest so I had time to stretch, do my bowel program, take a shower, and get dressed before we went to get breakfast. My morning routine took about two hours on a normal day, but it would probably take even longer the first time in a new place. “What time do you wanna meet up with Dawn tomorrow? I mean, today.”
Since Natalie had the day off, she’d offered to take Dawn sightseeing while the guys and I went to work. “Whenever,” she replied casually. “Why don’t you have her call me when y’all wake up, and we’ll go from there?”
“Sounds good. Hopefully I’ll see you later then.”
“Sleep well,” she said. “Goodnight, Kevin.”
I clutched the phone closer to my ear, smiling at the sweet sound of her soft, Southern drawl. “‘Night, Natalie.”
***