Dreamer's Sanctuary

The best part of a Backstreet birthday mid-week update is that you only have to wait two days for me to resolve the cliffhanger I left you on in the last chapter, instead of a whole week.  Chapter 38 of A Heart That Isn’t Mine is up!

Still waiting on that baby name and pic.  Come on, Nick… Lauren… People… Us Weekly… somebody!  Anyone have a guess as to what her name is?  I’m pretty positive it’s not “Melissa” or any spelling of the female version of “Aaron,” LOL.  Beyond that, who knows.  Will it be a weird celebrity baby name or something “normal”?  Will they stick with a Norse mythology/Marvel character theme to complement Odin, or will it be something completely different?  Post your guesses or suggestions in the comment section!

And happy birthday (yesterday) to Baby Girl Carter!  I’m so excited for Nick and Lauren, as I’m sure we all are!  I know everyone just wanted them to have a healthy baby, regardless of gender, but it’s no secret that most of us were hoping for another Backstreet Girl.  I can’t wait to see the first pictures and find out her name!

For those of you who are reading my current story, I have to confess that I have been privately freaking out just a little bit since finding out Lauren was pregnant again because of how closely the dates aligned with my made-up timeline for her pregnancy with baby “Arya.”  Like, literally, my outline says they conceived on New Year’s Day, and I was only a week or so off.  I started writing A Heart That Isn’t Mine last July, several months before their miscarriage and way before this baby was conceived, but it did cross my mind that Lauren could become pregnant again in real life while I was still writing the story… and sure enough, she did!  I’m not particularly superstitious, but I have harbored some guilt over the stillbirth subplot.  This is the problem with writing “real person” fanfic, especially the kind of stories I write – sometimes life imitates art just a little too closely for comfort.  Killing real life Backstreet kids is the one line I will not cross in my stories, so I’m extra thrilled, relieved, and thankful that this one finally made her way safely into the world.  Congratulations, Nick and Lauren!

In celebration of this wonderful day in the fandom, I’m updating early!  Chapter 37 of A Heart That Isn’t Mine has been posted.  I will probably still post another chapter this weekend, so stay tuned for more soon!

Take a deep breath and hold on tight, guys, ’cause here it goes!  Chapter 36 of A Heart That Isn’t Mine is up.  We’ve reached the climax of the story, but it’s a looooooong way down…

via GIPHY

…So far, in fact, that I’m past Chapter 40 and still not finished.  So much for my plan to wrap it up nicely and neatly in four, ten-chapter parts.  That will not be happening.  I haven’t changed anything in my outline; it’s just taking more words than I anticipated to write what I planned.  Typical.  There will be a Part V, but it probably won’t be a full ten chapters… although I’m only on 41, so who knows at this point!  I always seem to underestimate just how wordy I am.  I hope you’ll enjoy having more chapters to look forward to.  Thanks for reading and commenting – your feedback is what I look forward to after updating.

Wow, what a wild week it’s been for our fandom.  My heart hurts for Nick, Lauren, and Angel, yet I can’t wait to welcome the newest little Carter into the world.  The Boys’ iHeartRadio performance last night was another bright spot in an otherwise dark week.  The picture Nick posted last night of himself and Lauren made me think of my favorite line from one of my favorite of his songs:

“Don’t let your heart bleed out; just let the sunshine in.
Let silver line your clouds; I’m on my wave again.
No, you can’t knock me down; I’ve got my second wind.
Don’t let your heart bleed out; Just let the sunshine in.”

Wishing you nothing but sunshine, Nick!

In light of the recent drama, I questioned whether it was appropriate to post the next chapter of my crazy fanfic, but I decided to go ahead and update.  I’m not gonna let Nick’s mentally ill family member affect my favorite hobby, and obviously, I know my readers can separate fiction from reality.  All that said, A Heart That Isn’t Mine has been updated with Chapter 35.  Sorry, Nick, for everything.

…then do it to A Heart That Isn’t Mine.

I’m back with Chapter 34 of the aforementioned story, and it’s a doozy.  I learned a long time ago that any idea that immediately makes me recoil and go “OMG, that is sick; I can’t write that!” absolutely deserves to be written.  My willingness to go there, to write about things that make me uncomfortable (and may also make my readers uncomfortable), is the only thing that got stories like Broken, Sick as My Secrets, and this one off the ground.  This chapter in particular represents everything that made me nervous to start posting this story in the first place.  The kind feedback I’ve received from readers has helped me get past that, so thank you!  Thank you to everyone who has been reading, commenting, and embracing the true, twisted nature of this novel.  Enjoy the new chapter!