Kevin
“So, how was the party?” Sam asked on Saturday morning as she helped me stretch.
I lay flat on my back in bed, staring at the ceiling as she raised my right leg in the air. “Not bad,” I replied honestly. Six days had passed since the anniversary party, which had given me plenty of time to process the experience. “It was actually pretty good. I had fun performing in front of people with the guys again. It feels a little different now, but so does everything else in my life.”
I watched her work out my ankle joint by rotating my foot in slow circles with one hand while she cupped my heel with her other. Of course, I couldn’t feel any of it.
“That makes sense,” she said, nodding as she bent my foot forward and back, forcing my toes to point and flex. “I’m glad you went and even happier to hear you had a good time.”
I smiled at her. “Thanks again for the encouragement.” I was also glad I had gone. Even though I was uncomfortable at times, it still felt good to get out and see old friends again.
Over the past week, I had made more of an effort to go places besides the rehab center for therapy. With Nick and AJ’s help, I took Mason to the park on Tuesday. While I envied the other parents I saw running around with their children, I found that I could still push Mason in a baby swing if I parked my chair right in front of the swing set. It was actually a good way to work out my arms and build more strength in my weakened hands. Some of the smaller kids stared as I powered around the playground with Mason in my lap. It made me feel self-conscious at first, until I heard one of them remark, “I wish I could ride on that,” and realized it was because they thought my electric wheelchair was cool.
On Thursday, we all piled into the van and drove up the coast with the windows down, enjoying the warm spring air. We picked up lunch from a cute little café close to the beach and had a picnic in the parking lot overlooking the ocean. The original plan was to have the picnic on the beach, but we quickly discovered my wheelchair didn’t do so well in sand. After we ate, I stayed by the van with AJ while Nick took Mason down to the water. Wistfully, I watched the way Nick waded through the waves with my son in his arms, dipping Mason’s toes in the surf as they hunted for seashells. It hurt to know I would never be able to walk on the beach or feel the sand between my toes again, but it made me happy to hear my little boy’s squeals of laughter. From now on, I would have to settle for living vicariously through him.
By that weekend, the weather had warmed up so much, it felt more like summer than spring. “What do you want to wear today?” Sam asked after my shower when she wheeled me back into the bedroom to get dressed. “It was already in the eighties when I left my apartment this morning.”
“Wow. Gonna be another hot one, huh?” I said, glancing out the windows. The sun was shining brightly, and the sky was clear blue. It looked like a perfect day to spend floating in the pool. “I guess shorts and a t-shirt would be great then.”
“Any particular shirt?”
I shrugged. “You pick.”
She went into my walk-in closet and came out a couple minutes later carrying a neon orange Under Armour shirt and black athletic shorts. “How about this?” she asked, holding them up.
I couldn’t help but smile – of course Sam, in her rainbow tie-dye scrubs, had picked the brightest colored piece of clothing I owned. I used to wear that shirt when I was out walking or riding my bike on the road so I would be seen by passing cars, but I supposed it would work for sitting around in my wheelchair, too. “Sure, that’s fine.”
She helped me transfer back onto the bed so she could put the clothes on me, a process that required a lot of rolling and pulling. It reminded me of how I used to struggle to get Mason dressed in the morning as he squirmed on his changing table, flailing his legs around while I fought to cram his feet into his tiny socks and pull his pants up over his bulky diaper. In contrast, I just lay there like a corpse as Sam dressed my lower half, but it was probably even harder for her because I was a lot bigger and heavier. By the time she got me back in my chair, she was sweating.
“So, what’s on the rest of your agenda for today?” I asked her conversationally as we took the elevator downstairs. It was already eleven o’clock. I hated how long it took me to get ready in the morning, especially on days when I had to do my bowel program. It was almost lunchtime, yet it felt like my day had just begun. “Are you working at the bookstore this afternoon?”
“No, I actually got the weekend off so I can study. I have finals coming up next week.”
“Finals? For med school?” I made a face. “That sounds stressful.”
“Tell me about it,” she replied, following me into the kitchen.
“What sounds stressful?” asked AJ, who was fixing Mason’s lunch. He had cut slices of ham, cheese, and bread into tiny pieces, making my son sort of a deconstructed ham and cheese sandwich.
Mason sat in his high chair, smacking his hands against the empty tray. He looked up and grinned when he saw me come in. I immediately went over to give him a good morning kiss.
“Med school exams,” Sam replied as she picked up the coffee pot off the counter. It was almost empty. She poured the rest of the coffee into a travel mug with a handle, securing the lid on top before she placed it in my hands.
“Thanks,” I said. “Would you like a cup? AJ can make more.” As he glanced back at me, I shot him a grin. If there was one perk to being disabled, it was that no one expected me to do things like brew coffee anymore. We all knew I would just end up making a mess, which AJ or Nick would have to clean up, so it was easier if one of them did it themselves.
“Oh no, that’s okay,” said Sam. “I already had some earlier. If I drink another cup now, I’ll be too jittery to concentrate.”
“What kind of tests do you have to take?” AJ asked as he arranged the pieces of food on Mason’s plate.
Sam leaned back against the counter. “Well, Monday I have a computer exam. That one shouldn’t be too bad since it’s multiple choice. Tuesday’s the one I’m most nervous about: the anatomy practical. That’s when I have to go to the anatomy lab and identify structures in dissected cadavers, X-rays, and that sort of thing,” she explained.
“Cadavers?” AJ repeated, making a disgusted face as he looked down at the bits of ham in front of him. “Does that mean you have to cut up dead bodies?”
“Not yet. I’m only in my first year, so we’ve mostly just watched our instructors do it or worked on specimens that have already been dissected.” Sam laughed when she saw the look on his face. “Sorry – not the best conversation to have right before lunch, huh? But you did ask…”
“Now I kinda wish I hadn’t,” AJ said with a shudder, setting Mason’s plate on the tray in front of him. “That sounds intense.”
Sam shrugged. “It is, but it’s also really interesting. You get used to it, I guess.”
“She has a strong stomach,” I told AJ. “A lot stronger than yours.” It was true. Despite his best intentions, AJ still couldn’t change a poopy diaper without gagging; there was no way he would be able to handle some of the stuff I’d hired her to help me with.
“I believe you,” he said, chuckling. “I don’t do well with bad smells and… bodily fluids…”
“Uhh… do I even wanna know what kind of conversation I just walked in on?” asked Nick, looking bewildered as he wandered into the kitchen with his hair still wet from his shower.
Sam laughed. “Probably not.” To AJ, she replied, “You get used to that part, too… I hope. It’s not like I’ve had many real clinical experiences yet. That’s part of the reason I took this job, so I could get more practice before my clinical rotations begin. At least I’ll go in already knowing how to put in a Foley catheter.” She winked my way.
I gave her a sheepish grin in return. “Glad to be your guinea pig.”
“I’m grateful – seriously,” said Sam. “The last part of my exams is clinical integration, where I have to take everything I’ve learned and apply it to a patient scenario – like a ‘What would you do in this situation?’ sort of assessment. That’s where having any kind of actual experience to draw on comes in handy.”
Nick grabbed a can of Diet Mountain Dew from the fridge and popped the tab. “So, pop quiz…” He paused to take a sip. “What would you do with a patient who had, say, heart palpitations and chest pain?”
Sam smiled, playing along. “Well… I would start by taking a history and doing a physical exam. We call that an ‘H and P.’ Then I’d order labs, a chest X-ray, and an EKG to look for the cause and try to rule out a heart attack. Depending on the results, I might have to consult with a cardiologist, who would probably want to run more tests, like an angiogram and an echocardiogram…” She trailed off. “Does that sound right so far, Professor Carter?”
Nick put on a pompous face and nodded, pretending to know what she was talking about. “Yes, I concur, Doctor… sorry, I don’t know your last name.”
She laughed. “It’s Torres.”
“Ah, yes. Very good, Dr. Torres.” I couldn’t tell if he was flirting with her or just trying to be funny. It never occurred to me that the scenario he’d come up with was anything but hypothetical.
“So, what have you guys got going on today?” Sam asked, changing the subject.
I looked from Nick to AJ and shrugged. “Not much.” It was a Saturday, so I didn’t have any therapy sessions scheduled. “I thought maybe we’d get in the pool this afternoon, if these guys are up for it.” I hated being dependent on the two of them to help me in and out of the water and watch to make sure I didn’t drown. I missed the days when I could just jump into the pool whenever I wanted without a second thought.
“Yeah, sounds good, man,” Nick said right away. At least I could usually count on him to be up for a pool day. He loved the water.
Remembering that Sam did as well, I added, “You’re welcome to stay and swim with us, too, if you want.”
She smiled. “Aww, that sounds wonderful, but I didn’t bring a suit.”
“We don’t mind if you skinny dip.” AJ shot her a devilish grin.
I gave him a look. “Dude! Don’t be creepy.”
“What? She’s seen you naked, hasn’t she?”
I just glared at him before glancing back at Sam. “You could wear one of Kristin’s.” I figured she had already noticed my wife’s clothes still hanging in our closet. I didn’t have the heart – or the capability – to clean it out.
Sam met my eye, giving me a meaningful look. “Are you sure?”
In all honesty, I hadn’t really expected her to take me up on my offer. I just wanted to be polite. But it would be rude to take it back now, so I nodded and replied, “Yeah, sure. She’s got plenty to pick from. It’s not like she’s using them anymore.”
“That’s sweet of you,” Sam said, smiling. “I probably shouldn’t stay, but it’s such a gorgeous day… and I’ve got the rest of the weekend to study, right?”
AJ grinned. “Damn right! Sit down, girl; lemme get you some lunch. I make a mean ham and cheese sandwich – ain’t that right, Mason?” He ruffled my son’s hair before swaggering over to the refrigerator. I rolled my eyes behind his back.
After we ate, I went upstairs with Sam to change. She helped me transfer onto my bed to take off my clothes, put on my swim trunks, and slather my body in sunscreen, then back into my chair. The whole process took a long time, but finally, I was ready for the pool.
“Now let’s find something for you to wear.” She followed me as I wheeled into the closet. Kristin’s clothes, shoes, and accessories filled three-fourths of it. A lump rose in my throat as I looked at the racks of dresses and rows of high heels and designer handbags, remembering how much my wife had loved getting glammed up to go out on dates with me. Yet she also enjoyed cozy nights at home spent cuddling on the couch in a comfy pair of sweats. I missed those moments more than anything. Fighting back tears, I found the drawer where Kristin kept her swimsuits. “Help yourself,” I told Sam. As I turned around to leave the closet, my eyes landed on a pale pink Coach purse I’d bought Kristin for Christmas. I felt another rush of grief and regret when I realized she had never even gotten to carry it. Swallowing hard, I rolled back into the bedroom to wait while Sam tried on suits.
She emerged from the closet a few minutes later wearing a red string bikini. My breath caught in my throat as I remembered how hot Kristin had looked sunbathing by the pool in that suit.
“Sorry,” Sam said awkwardly, tugging at the bottom as she tried to readjust it. “I swear I wasn’t going for the skimpiest swimsuit, but it was the only one that would fit me. Your wife was tiny!”
I laughed because I’d never thought of Kristin that way. She was five foot nine, just a few inches shorter than me, but more slender than Sam, who was barely five feet tall but with a curvier build.
“Does it look okay?” Sam asked, turning in a circle so I could see her from all angles. I noticed a large purple octopus tattooed on her lower back, its long tentacles hugging the lines of her hips. “Or am I foaming out of it too much?”
The bikini left little to the imagination, which I had always liked when Kristin wore it. It looked even smaller on Sam, but not in a bad way. I knew Nick and AJ would love it. “It’s fine,” I assured her. “You wear it well.”
She smiled, self-consciously tucking the ends of her short blue hair behind her ears. “Thanks.”
We took the elevator back downstairs and went out to the patio, where Nick and AJ were waiting with Mason. They were all wearing their swim trunks, too.
Nick let out a low whistle when Sam walked out of the house. “Damn, girl! You are rockin’ that red suit!” he exclaimed, his eyes roaming up and down her body. “You look like a bomb pop. I kinda wanna lick you.”
“Don’t be gross, Nick,” I said, wrinkling my nose.
“What? It was a compliment!”
“Trust me, no one wants your nasty tongue touching their body.”
Nick gave me a skeptical look. “Now, we both know that’s not true. I bet lots of fans would love it if I-”
“Nick! Enough!”
“I dunno about that,” said Sam, raising her eyebrows, “but I could go for a bomb pop right about now. It’s hot out here.” She plopped down on the edge of the pool, letting her legs dangle into the water.
“Yeah, it is.” Nick was now watching her from behind, his eyes lingering on her octopus tattoo. “I got a bomb pop in my pants she can suck on,” he muttered under his breath to AJ, who snickered.
I shook my head, embarrassed by Nick’s behavior. How could someone who was sensitive enough to offer to rub my feet when they were hurting act like such an ass around the opposite sex.
But if Sam heard him, she pretended not to. “Wow, this is nice and warm – like bath water!” she said as she pushed herself off the edge and slid into the pool.
I nodded. “That’s the way I like it. Otherwise, I get too cold.” I glanced up at AJ and Nick, who were watching Sam wade out to the center of the pool. Their eyes followed her, seeming to focus more on her cleavage than her face. I cleared my throat as loudly as I could. “Y’all gonna help me in or what?”
Nick finally stopped staring at Sam long enough to focus his attention on me. “Yeah, bro. You want noodles or a float?”
“I’ll do a float first.”
While Nick fetched a float for me, AJ put Mason in his Pack ‘n’ Play to keep him corralled while they got me into the pool. Working together, they lifted me out of my chair like they had before and carried me into the shallow end, where Sam waited with the inflatable raft ready to go. She held it steady while they lowered me onto it.
“How’s that?” AJ asked once I was lying on the float. “You comfortable?”
“Yeah. It feels good.” The raft had mesh cutouts between the inflatable parts that went behind my head and knees, which put my body lower in the water. I leaned back against the headrest and hung my arms over the sides, letting the water lap over them.
“I’ll grab Mason,” Nick offered. He climbed out of the pool and came back carrying Mason with one arm. Looped over his other arm was the baby float I’d bought online, which looked like a sea turtle.
I watched with envy as he lowered Mason into the seat, waiting to see how my son would react to the water. He liked baths, but it was his first time being in the pool – he had been too little to go swimming last summer. A lump of regret rose in my throat as I realized I had missed out on my chance to introduce him to it myself. I would never be able to teach him to swim or dive like my dad had taught me as a kid. For the rest of his childhood, I would have to rely on others to help Mason learn the skills I could no longer model myself, like tying his shoe or riding a bike. I already mourned the future milestones I would watch from the back seat, the father/son moments I would miss out on.
Swallowing hard, I forced a smile onto my face as Nick finished securing Mason in the float and brought him over to me. “What do you think, buddy?” Mason looked unsure at first, but after a few minutes, he seemed to adjust to the water. “Are you having fun?” I asked him as he floated a few feet away from me. Nick stayed nearby, keeping a watchful eye over both of us while AJ drifted into the deep end.
Mason didn’t answer, but Sam said, “I am!” She smiled as she leaned over a noodle, sinking lower into the water. “This feels so nice. Sure beats studying for my anatomy final.”
“Anatomy?” Nick asked, raising an eyebrow.
She nodded. “Yeah… we’re studying the musculoskeletal system in this block, so there’s a lot of muscles, bones, tendons, and ligaments to learn. It’s one thing to memorize names and locations on a labeled diagram, but being able to identify them on a real life specimen is a different story. I always worry I’m gonna get everything mixed up.”
Nick smirked. “Hey, if you need any help studying, you can always check out my muscles,” he said, making a fist and flexing his bicep.
Sam burst out laughing as I shook my head in disbelief at his awkward attempts to flirt with her. How the hell had Nick become the most popular Backstreet Boy? He was really bad at this!
“Dude, y’all need to quit hitting on my caregiver,” I told him, only half joking. “It was hard enough to find good help in the first place; I don’t wanna have to hire someone else because my damn roommates won’t stop harassing her.”
Nick’s face flushed bright red. “No one’s harassing her! I was just trying to be funny. You know that, right, Sam?” He looked apologetically at her. “I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable or anything.”
“It’s fine,” she replied nonchalantly, waving her hand at him. “I grew up in a house full of guys. I can handle it.”
“Still, you shouldn’t have to put up with that kind of crap here,” I said firmly, fixing Nick with a stare.
He finally stopped with the stupid pick-up lines. But later, when Sam left the pool area to use the bathroom, he looked at me and said, “Damn, Kev! I didn’t realize how hot she was until I saw her in that sexy swimsuit. Tell me again why you didn’t hire her in the first place!”
I rolled my eyes. “I’ll be lucky if she doesn’t quit after the way you’ve been acting around her today.”
Nick made a face, poking his tongue between his teeth. “Does that mean you’d be mad if I asked her out?”
Across the pool, AJ started laughing. “Nick, there’s no way that girl would ever agree to go out with you.”
Nick’s frown deepened. “What’s that supposed to mean? Chicks dig me!”
“Not this one,” said AJ, shaking his head. “Trust me, dude – you’re not her type.”
“Oh, yeah? And, what, you think you are?” Nick shot back. “Just ‘cause she has crazy-colored hair doesn’t mean she’s into dudes who wear nail polish and guyliner.”
AJ just smirked. “Nick, I’ll bet you a hundred bucks she turns you down if you ask her out when she comes back.”
Nick could never turn down a challenge. “You’re on!” he agreed without hesitation.
I shook my head at his stupidity. Clearly, AJ knew something Nick didn’t. I hadn’t heard Sam mention a boyfriend, but she must not be single.
When she came back from the bathroom, Nick wasted no time in approaching her. “Hey,” he said casually, sidling up next to her as she stood with her back pressed up against the wall of the pool. “How’s it going?”
Sam looked at him in amusement, a little smile playing on her lips. “It’s going… How about you?”
“All good here,” he replied, leaning back and stretching his long arms out across the rim.
As I drifted lazily in the water, I continued to watch their interaction out of the corner of my eye while pretending not to pay attention. I could tell by the look of concentration on AJ’s face that he was listening closely, too.
“So, hey, I was thinking…” Nick said after another minute. “I know you must be pretty busy with med school and whatnot, but if you ever need a break from studying, maybe you’d wanna go out with me sometime.”
“Oh!” Sam’s eyes widened with surprise. “Um… well… yeah, I’d be up for doing something as friends, but I’m not really interested in dating anyone new right now.”
I glanced over at AJ, who grinned and lowered his sunglasses to wink at me. He was about to be a hundred dollars richer.
“I just recently got out of a relationship,” Sam went on apologetically before Nick could respond. She paused, then added, “With a woman.”
Ah-ha! I bit down on my bottom lip to avoid bursting into laughter. So that was why AJ was so sure she wouldn’t want to go out with Nick. He must have known, somehow.
“O-oh!” Nick stammered, his face turning beet red again. “I see. Sorry… I didn’t realize.”
“It’s okay,” said Sam, smiling at him. “I’m flattered you would want to go out with me. Sorry I don’t swing that way.”
Nick refused to look at AJ for at least an hour after that. But later that afternoon, once Sam had left and we’d gotten out of the pool, he rounded on him. “Dude… how did you know she was a lesbian?”
AJ snickered. “I asked her out like two weeks ago when she gave me her number and got the same answer. In hindsight, I guess the rainbow scrubs should have been my first clue.”
“A lot of girls like rainbows!” Nick argued, glaring at him. “You should have told me instead of letting me hit on her like an idiot.”
AJ shrugged. “Hey, man, I tried to tell you she wouldn’t be into you without outing her, but you didn’t believe me. Besides…” He grinned. “It was way too much fun to watch you make an ass of yourself. Right, Kev?”
“Yep,” I agreed without hesitation. “Sorry, Nick, but you brought that on yourself.” Secretly, I was relieved it hadn’t worked out for either one of them. The idea of Nick or AJ having a romantic relationship with the girl who helped me get ready in the morning was just weird. I didn’t want to imagine one of them sleeping with someone I paid to wipe my butt.
“Pay up, Nicky Nick!” AJ said gloatingly, holding his hand out palm up.
Nick rolled his eyes as he grudgingly reached for his wallet.
***