Nick
April turned to May, and before I knew it, I had been living with Kevin for almost two months. Now that we had settled into a routine, I had no more regrets about agreeing to move in with him. Kevin needed me, and I was happy to help out. But I missed my old life. I missed my other friends. I missed my house in Tennessee. Most of all, I missed touring.
“Do you think we’re actually gonna go back on the road this summer?” I asked AJ one Friday morning as we sat at the kitchen table, sipping coffee while Mason ate breakfast. The North American tour was set to kick off at the end of July, which was just a couple months away.
“I hope so,” said AJ, but he looked uncertain. “I guess it depends on what’s going on with Howie’s dad.”
“Yeah… I wonder how he’s doing.” I hadn’t really talked to Howie since he’d left town after our anniversary party.
AJ picked up his phone. “Let’s call him and find out.” He put it on speakerphone so I could hear it ring on Howie’s end.
I had to hand it to him: AJ had always been the best at staying connected. He kept in touch with the rest of us when we weren’t working together, whereas Howie, Brian, and I tended to disappear and do our own thing during breaks. Kevin had been known to go off the grid completely. Back in the day, he used to rent a cabin in some remote location near a lake or mountains, somewhere he could retreat with Kristin and spend time together away from the rest of the world.
Not anymore, I thought with a sinking feeling, realizing Kevin would probably never be able to escape that way again. Even if he managed to find somewhere in the wilderness that was actually wheelchair-accessible, he would always need a caregiver to go with him. Not quite as romantic as a getaway with his wife or girlfriend.
“Hey, AJ!” Howie’s voice crackled through the phone’s speaker, snapping me back to the present conversation. “What’s up?”
“Not much, bro. Just hanging out in Kevin’s kitchen, drinking coffee with Nick. We were just wondering how things are going with you. How’s your dad doing?”
“Not too bad. He’s been in good spirits, anyway.” Howie sounded upbeat, but I could hear a hint of sadness in his voice. “He’s hoping to make it to his high school class reunion in Georgia next month. We might try to arrange a little family reunion for the same week. Mom wants to rent an RV so we can take a road trip up there all together.”
“That sounds nice,” I said. “Who gets to drive the RV?”
“Johnny and I will probably take turns.”
“You gonna be able to see over the dashboard?” I grinned at AJ, who snickered as he set down his coffee mug. “Those things are big!”
“I may need a booster seat,” Howie played along good-naturedly, then promptly changed the subject. “Is Kevin there with you guys?”
“Nah, he’s still upstairs with Greg, his caregiver,” replied AJ. “It takes him like two hours to get ready in the morning.”
“Damn,” Howie said softly. “How’s he doing?”
“Better lately,” AJ answered. I nodded in agreement as he glanced across the table at me. “His new custom wheelchair finally came in a couple weeks ago. It’s a lot better-looking and less bulky than the one he was using before, so he was happy about that. He’s been getting out more and actually going places besides doctor’s appointments and the rehab center for therapy. We’ve gone out for lunch a few times and taken Mason to play at the park. We even went grocery shopping together the other day.”
“Well, that’s good. I’m glad to hear that.”
As Howie spoke, I heard footsteps on the stairs. Leaving AJ to continue the conversation, I stood up from the kitchen table, cut through the dining room, and poked my head into the foyer just as Greg was about to open the front door.
“Are you done already?” I asked, looking around in confusion. He had only arrived half an hour ago, and Kevin was nowhere to be found.
Greg jumped. His head whipped toward me, his eyes widening. “Oh, jeez… I didn’t see you there, Nick,” he said with a nervous chuckle, putting his hand over his heart.
“Sorry… didn’t mean to startle you,” I said, taking a step toward him. “I just wondered what you were doing down here so early.”
“Oh, no, not done yet – Kevin’s still on the commode. I was just going out to my car to grab my blood pressure cuff,” said Greg, his hand still clutching the doorknob.
My heart skipped a beat. “Why? Is something wrong?”
“I hope not.” He finally let go of the door handle and turned toward me, folding his arms across his chest. “Kevin’s been having bouts of AD whenever we do his bowel program lately, so I want to check his BP and make sure it’s not too high.”
“Oh… yeah, no, that doesn’t sound good.” I nodded like I knew what he was talking about, but I didn’t really understand. “Do whatever you need to do, man. Sorry again for scaring you.” I reached out to give him a friendly pat on the shoulder before I turned to go back to the kitchen, but I felt his body stiffen when I touched him. A second later, something fell out from under his baggy Dodgers hoodie and hit the floor.
We both looked down. I frowned when I realized what he’d dropped: a small, pink clutch purse. Why was Greg carrying a woman’s purse under his clothes?
I bent down to pick it up before he could grab it. “What’s this?”
“Wait!” cried Greg as I opened it.
I ignored him and peered inside. With shaking hands, I pulled out a string of pearls, a pair of diamond earrings, and a gold Tiffany bracelet. But that wasn’t all. Beneath the expensive jewelry, a pile of loose pills had been scattered across the bottom of the handbag. My stomach dropped as I recognized many of the medications I put in Kevin’s pill organizer each week, including round yellow Valium tablets, oblong green Prozac capsules, and the pale blue Percocet pills Greg had warned me about weeks ago.
I looked up at him, my heart pounding. “You’re stealing?” I hissed. “From your employer? A guy in a wheelchair and his dead wife?!” My voice rose right along with my own blood pressure. I could feel my face getting red.
Meanwhile, all the color had drained from Greg’s face. I stared at it, hardly recognizing him as the friendly, good-natured nurse who had come to the house five days a week for the past two months to help Kevin get ready in the morning. He had always been the reliable one, the caregiver we could count on to show up on time and fulfill his job responsibilities without complaint. I never could have imagined he would betray Kevin this way.
“Please… let me explain,” Greg pleaded, holding up his hand. “I… I have a problem.”
My own hands had clenched into fists. “No shit!” I exploded. “You’re a fucking thief! And you’re fired!”
“Please, just let me talk to Kevin first. I really need this job…”
I couldn’t believe he thought there was a chance Kevin would let him keep his job after this. “Are you fucking kidding me, man? You should have thought of that before you stole from him!”
“I-”
“Shut the fuck up!” I snapped and punched him square in the face. Greg stumbled backward, tripped, and fell to the floor. “Get up!” I cried, kicking him in the side. “Get the fuck out of this house, and don’t you ever come back here again!” Greg moaned pathetically and curled up into a ball, covering his face with his hands. I grabbed him by the collar of his sweatshirt, pulling him back up into a sitting position. “Get up, you pussy!”
“Nick!” I heard AJ’s voice cry from somewhere far away as I continued to berate Greg, slapping him upside the head. “Nick, stop!” The words were drowned out by a frantic buzzing in my brain as, driven by rage, I drew back my hand to hit him again. Before I could, I felt AJ grab my arms from behind.
“Let go of me!” I howled, trying to twist out of his grip as he hauled me backward, away from Greg.
AJ spun me around and slammed me up against the wall. “Damn it, Nick! What the fuck is going on here?” he demanded as he held me there, both hands pressed against my heaving chest.
As the buzzing in my brain subsided, I looked past him to see Greg slowly lower his hands from his face. They were streaked with blood from his gushing nose. His left eye looked shiny and swollen.
I didn’t feel sorry for him or for what I’d done. “Take a look!” I shouted, flinging my hand toward the pink purse, which I must have dropped at some point. It lay on its side, its contents strewn across the hardwood floor. “I caught this asshole stealing Kristin’s stuff! And Kevin’s medication!”
AJ’s jaw dropped as he stared down at the pieces of jewelry and colorful pills. Then he looked at Greg. “You better get out of here,” he growled in a low voice. “Before I let Nick hit you again.”
Greg nodded. “No… I’ll go now,” he muttered, scrambling to his feet. He started to turn toward the bench where Kevin had left his weekly paycheck, but hesitated when he saw the furious glare I gave him. He reached instead for the doorknob and left the house empty-handed, slamming the door shut behind him.
The sudden silence was broken by the sound of Mason crying in the kitchen. With a sigh, AJ finally let go of me and said, “We better make sure we pick up every last one of these pills before we let the baby crawl around on the floor. God forbid he finds one and eats it.” He dropped to his knees and started scooping the pills into a pile.
“Guys??” I heard Kevin’s voice drift down the stairs. “What the hell is going on down there?!”
AJ and I looked at each other. “Go,” he told me. “I’ll get this cleaned up and calm down Mason. You talk to Kevin.”
You mean take care of Kevin, I thought, rolling my eyes as I walked away without another word. Despite AJ’s best intentions, I knew he really didn’t want to do the rest of Kevin’s morning routine by himself. He couldn’t handle it the way I could. “Coming, Kev!” I called. I snatched the purse, stuffed the jewelry back into it, and carried it upstairs.
I was still breathing hard by the time I finished climbing the stairs. I stood outside Kevin’s bedroom door for a few seconds, trying to calm myself down before I went inside.
I found Kevin sitting on his commode chair over the toilet, wearing nothing except a towel draped over his waist. He had his phone in his hand, and despite what Greg had said about his blood pressure, he seemed perfectly fine to me. When I walked into the bathroom, hiding the purse behind my back, he looked up at me with a worried expression. “What happened? I heard shouting.”
I sucked in a deep breath, but Kevin cut me off before I could answer.
“Are you okay? Why are you breathing so heavy?” He kept hurling questions at me as I exhaled with a sigh. “Where’s Greg?”
“Gone,” I said finally in a flat voice. “He won’t be back.”
“Why??”
“He was stealing from you. I caught him trying to smuggle this out to his car.” I held out the purse in front of me. “Is it Kristin’s?”
For a few seconds, Kevin just stared at it, blinking silently. I watched the color drain from his face and his eyes fill with tears. Finally, he nodded. “I gave it to her for Christmas,” he said hoarsely. “She never even got to carry it. It’s just been sitting in the closet.”
“And these?” I asked, pulling out the pearls… the bracelet… and the earrings.
Kevin nodded as I showed him each piece of jewelry. “All hers.” He hung his head, tears falling onto his towel.
“He had a bunch of pills, too. Percocet… Valium… Prozac.”
“The kind of drugs people abuse…” Kevin trailed off, shaking his head. “I can’t believe it.” He glanced back up at me. “Do you think he was going to sell them, or does he have a drug problem himself?”
“I didn’t ask. Quite frankly, I don’t fucking care. He’s a thief either way.” Even as the words left my lips, I felt like a hypocrite. My eyes drifted to Kevin’s medicine cabinet as I remembered the time I had taken two of his Valium tablets. Who was I to judge Greg when I was guilty of doing the same damn thing?
You only took two pills, I told myself. He stole dozens of them.
Doesn’t matter, my conscience argued with me. It was still wrong.
Yet, despite my feelings of guilt, there was a part of me that was glad I would never get caught. Now it didn’t matter if Kevin ran out of medication early and realized his pills were missing because he would just blame it on Greg. I could have taken a lot more, and he never would have known.
“He could have been doing this the whole time he’s worked for you,” I added. “Have you noticed anything missing?”
Kevin shook his head slowly. “No, but how would I even know? I hardly ever go inside my own closet; Greg and Sam get my clothes for me in the morning, and you guys throw them in the hamper at night. I’ve never had to organize my own meds either. Y’all have always done it for me.” Tears trickled down his cheeks as he sat hunched over the toilet, naked and vulnerable.
“It’s not your fault, Kev,” I said softly, putting my hand on his bare shoulder. “No one expects you to do all that by yourself. How would you even open the pill bottles? Let alone put the right pills into each little compartment of your box…”
“No, but I need to learn how to be more independent and in control of my own life. I hate relying on other people.” He sighed. “I can’t let something like this happen again.”
“It won’t,” I said firmly. “You don’t even have to worry about firing Greg. I did that for you. I, uh… may have beat him up a little bit, too.”
Kevin frowned. “A little bit? You’re bleeding!”
“What?” I looked down at my throbbing right hand, surprised to see blood beading from a series of small cuts over my swollen knuckles. “Oh… whoops. I should probably practice my technique on your punching bag, huh?” I grinned.
“That looks like it hurts,” said Kevin, still frowning. “You better put some ice on it.”
“I will later.”
“At least run it under some cold water and rinse the blood off.”
“Okay, Dad…” I went to the sink and turned on the tap.
“Nick…” Kevin shook his head as he watched me wash the blood off my hand. “You really need to learn to control your temper. I hope you didn’t hurt him too bad. What if he presses charges?”
“He better hope you don’t press charges for felony theft!” I fired back, wrapping my hand in a towel. “I mean, all this stuff together is worth way more than a thousand bucks, right? You could put him in jail!”
“I don’t wanna do that. I’ve already got one lawsuit to deal with,” he said with another sigh.
I had almost forgotten about the wrongful death suit Kristin’s dad had filed against the girl who had caused the car accident. “Yeah, what’s the latest with that, anyway?”
“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Kevin muttered. “Can you give me some privacy, please? I’ve gotta call Sam and see if she can come over and get me off the damn toilet.”
I frowned. “What? Why? I’m right here; I can do it.”
Kevin gave me a look. “Nick… c’mon. I appreciate you offering, but I know you don’t really wanna wipe my ass – nor do I really want you wiping my ass.”
I shrugged. “No, I don’t, but it’s not like I haven’t done it before,” I replied honestly. Kevin’s face turned red as we both thought back to the awful morning after Jenn’s birthday party. “I may not want to, but I’ll do whatever needs to be done. I’m not just gonna leave you sitting naked on the damn commode. That does not look comfortable.”
“It’s not,” he finally admitted. “I’m freezing cold.”
“Then lemme help you. Besides, doesn’t Sam go to school on weekdays? She’s probably in class right now.”
He sighed again. “Good point. I guess I’d better let you help me, huh? If you’re sure…”
I nodded, pasting a smile onto my face, pretending it was no big deal. “We got this, bro.”
“There’s gloves in my bin there,” he said, motioning to the plastic tub full of medical supplies that Greg had left sitting on the counter. “You might want some.”
I found the box of latex gloves and put on a pair. “Are you, uh… all done going?” I asked awkwardly. The smell in the bathroom suggested he was, but I wanted to make sure before I got started. I definitely didn’t want to have to do this twice in one day.
“I think so. It’s not like I can really tell, but I’ve been sitting here long enough,” said Kevin with a shrug.
“That’s reassuring,” I replied, forcing a laugh as he leaned forward to give me more room to work. I wrapped a liberal wad of toilet paper around my gloved hand and held my breath as I got down to business. “That wasn’t so bad,” I tried to reassure him as I flushed the toilet with relief.
Kevin rolled his eyes. “You didn’t have to lay the groundwork,” he said, grimacing. “That’s the worst part.”
I didn’t know what he meant by that, but decided I probably didn’t want to know. “What comes next?” I asked. “Shower?”
“If you’re willing… otherwise, we can skip the shower for today. Tomorrow’s Saturday, so Sam will be here to help. I dunno what I’m gonna do next week, though…” He released another sigh, raising his hand to his hair. “You think Sam would be able to come over on weekdays if I worked around her class schedule?”
I considered that for a moment. “Honestly? I think asking her to come seven days a week while she’s going to school and working a second job is insane.”
He nodded. “I know. You’re right. I’m gonna have to hire someone else. I guess I’ll ask around at the rehab center today and see if anyone knows somebody who might be able to start Monday.”
It sounded like a good plan, but I could hear the hint of panic and desperation in his voice. What if he couldn’t line up a new caregiver before Monday? After all the trouble he’d had with the last two, I didn’t have much faith that he would be able to find one who was trustworthy and dependable in such a short time frame.
“Dude, don’t worry about it,” I blurted, feeling bad for him. “I’ll do it – at least until you have time to find somebody decent.”
Kevin shook his head. “That’s too much to ask of you, Nick. I never meant for you or AJ to have to help me with this kind of stuff,” he said, motioning vaguely around the bathroom.
“Well, you’re not asking. I’m offering,” I said, surprised by my own adamance. Maybe it was my guilt talking, as if taking over Kevin’s morning routine would make up for my past mistakes. “I can handle it, okay?
He looked at me for a long time, until his eyes welled up with a fresh layer of tears. “Have I told you lately how much I love and appreciate you?” he asked hoarsely. He was being serious, but I laughed it off.
“Love you, too, bro. I wouldn’t wipe just anyone’s ass, you know.”
He smiled through the tears. “I’d give you a hug if I weren’t naked right now.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, I’ll take a rain check on that. C’mon, let’s get you in the shower. You don’t wanna go to therapy smelling like ass.”
Kevin raised an eyebrow. “You saying I smell like ass right now?”
“Yep,” I replied matter-of-factly. “Literal ass.” I laughed as I turned on the shower. Bad smells and bodily functions didn’t bother me the way they did AJ. Growing up with four younger siblings and sharing rooms and tour buses with four older guys who had gone through puberty before I did, I guess I’d just gotten used to that stuff. It took a lot to truly gross me out.
Once the water warmed up, I wheeled him into the shower and helped him wash his hair and body. Then we went back into the bedroom to get him dressed and transferred to his shiny new wheelchair.
By the time he was finally ready for the day, my right hand was throbbing worse than ever. Bruises had formed on my red, swollen knuckles. “Damn, Nick, that looks bad!” AJ exclaimed when he saw the back of my hand. “Do you think you should get it X-rayed? What if you broke something?”
“Nothing I haven’t done before,” I muttered, remembering how I’d broken my hand right before AJ went to rehab back in 2001. I didn’t want to deal with another cast, which would make it harder for me to help Kevin. “It’ll be fine. You can take Kev to therapy today, though.”
“Okay,” AJ agreed. “Then you can stay here and watch Mason.”
“Fair enough,” I said with a shrug.
But my hand hurt more than I wanted to let on. My mind kept wandering back to Kevin’s bathroom, where there was a bottle of Percocet that would take the pain away. Kevin would never notice another pill gone, not after what Greg had done.
I waited until he and AJ left, then went back up to his bathroom. I brought Mason with me, knowing I couldn’t leave him alone downstairs now that he was so mobile. He had been crawling for a few months, but his latest feat was pulling himself into a standing position so he could walk while holding onto the furniture. I always worried he was going to pull something over onto himself.
“Don’t tell your dad,” I whispered, putting a finger to my lips as I opened the medicine cabinet and took out the orange prescription bottle. I was relieved to find there were still a handful of pills inside. Under Mason’s watchful stare, I popped one of the painkillers into my mouth and washed it down with a swig of water from the faucet. “There,” I said, swallowing my guilt as well. “That should help Uncle Nicky’s boo-boos feel better.”
Favoring my left hand, I scooped the baby up and went back downstairs to wait for my pain to fade away.
***