I woke to the sound of someone whispering my name. “Kevin… Kevin, wake up.” A warm hand shook my shoulder.
“Wha-?” I opened my eyes to find Natalie standing next to the bed. The hotel room was still dark except for the glow of a single lamp, but with the window blocked by heavy blackout drapes, that didn’t mean much. “Is it time to get up?” I asked groggily, still half-asleep.
She shook her head. “It’s only five a.m.” Then, gently, she added, “Babe, I think you had an accident.”
Her words woke me up the rest of the way. That was when the smell hit me. The moment the noxious odor wafted up my nostrils, I wanted to sit bolt upright in bed, but, of course, I couldn’t. I couldn’t even roll over to see just how much of a mess I’d made. Not that I needed to – the stench alone was enough to fill my head with a horrifying mental image of what the mattress beneath me must look like.
“Oh, god,” I groaned, feeling my face heat up as humiliation set in. “I’m sorry…” I didn’t even know what else to say. My worst nightmare had just become a reality.
“It’s not your fault,” Natalie said, shaking her head. “I know you can’t help it.”
“How bad is it?”
“Um…” She folded her arms over her chest, shifting her weight awkwardly from one foot to the other. “I don’t think I can go back to bed,” she said apologetically. Despite how understanding she was being, I could tell by the way her nose wrinkled that the smell was bothering her.
“Go get Dawn,” I said flatly. “She’s right next door. You can hang out in her room while she cleans up. I don’t want you to have to deal with this.”
Natalie hesitated, looking torn.
“Go!” I repeated, more forcefully this time. “Get out of here!”
Without another word, she turned and hurried away from the bed. I heard the door open and close, followed by the faint sound of her knocking on the next door a few seconds later. As I lay there listening to the muffled noises, my eyes filled with tears. I imagined Dawn waking from a dead sleep and dragging herself out of bed to answer the door, where Natalie would be waiting to awkwardly explain what was going on, and I felt ashamed. It wasn’t the first time this had happened, and it probably wouldn’t be the last, but it was the only time I had shit my bed while someone else was in it. I’m sure it was a first for Natalie, too. The more I thought about what she must have gone through after waking up to that, the worse I felt.
Thankfully, Dawn came quickly, using her key card to enter my room. “Hey,” she croaked, her voice gravelly from sleep. She was still in her pajamas, her wild curls sticking out everywhere. “Natalie told me what happened.”
“It was probably the pizza,” I said with a sigh. “It had everything on it, and I ate more than I should’ve. It must have upset my stomach. I’m sorry…”
“You don’t have to apologize.” Dawn moved around the room, turning on lights. “Shit happens.”
I managed a snort of laughter through my tears, sending snot shooting out my nose. “Jesus,” I said, wiping it away with disgust. “I’m a damn mess.”
“Yeah, you are,” she replied matter-of-factly, making a face as she pulled back my covers. “But that’s what I’m here for.”
I let out another sigh. “How much damage did I do?”
“Well… let’s just say you’re gonna wanna leave a good tip for housekeeping. I’ll clean up as much as I can, but someone’s gonna have to wash and sanitize these sheets and the mattress underneath.”
I groaned again, burying my face in the pillow. “God… kill me now and put me out of my misery.”
“Oh, don’t be so dramatic.” Dawn opened one of my suitcases and took out a container of wet wipes. “If I killed you, then they’d have to clean up after a dead body, too.” When I didn’t laugh at her attempt at humor, she added, “C’mon, Kevin. You know the hotel staff has probably seen worse.”
“What about Natalie?”
“Well, she deals with plenty of travelers, too,” Dawn pointed out, putting on a pair of latex gloves. “I’m sure she’s seen her share of accidents.”
I remembered Natalie telling me as much once before, but that didn’t make me feel any better about what had happened. “She shouldn’t have to deal with this shit on her day off.”
“She’s not. I am,” replied Dawn, rolling me onto my stomach so she could wipe my backside. “She said you shouted at her and told her to leave.”
“Well, yeah… I didn’t want her to see me like this. Was she upset?”
“She seemed a little shaken. I told her she could take a shower and watch TV in my room until we finished here.”
“Thanks, Dawn,” I mumbled, embarrassed but grateful for her help. I couldn’t imagine what I would have done without her.
“We should probably just go ahead and do the rest of your bowel program right now, don’t you think?” she said. “Might as well get you good and cleaned out before you board that plane later.”
I nodded in agreement. By that point, I didn’t care what happened next. The damage had already been done.
Dawn cleaned me up the best she could, using a towel to cover the soiled mattress until she transferred me to my commode chair and took me into the bathroom. While I sat over the toilet, waiting for nature to take its course, she bustled in and out, stripping the bed and washing the soiled sheets with soap and hot water in the shower.
Watching her work, I desperately wished I would wake up to find this was nothing but a bad dream. I wondered what Natalie was doing on the other side of the wall. What would I say to her when I saw her again?
I didn’t have any answers.
By the time I was done evacuating my bowels, Dawn had rinsed and wrung out the sheets, which she wadded up and stuffed into the large plastic laundry bag the hotel had provided. “I don’t know if they’ll disinfect them or just dispose of them, but at least the housekeeper won’t have to touch them with her own hands,” she said, shrugging. “I’ll try to scrub the mattress while you’re in the shower.”
“You don’t have to do that,” I replied miserably. “I’ll leave a large tip and offer to pay to have it replaced.”
“It’s all right,” Dawn insisted with a dismissive wave of her hand. “I’ve dealt with worse.” With her past experience as both a CNA and the mother of a disabled child, I knew she wasn’t lying, but I still felt bad. Even though I paid her well to take care of me, I hated it when she had to clean up my messes.
Better her than Natalie, I thought as she wheeled me into the shower. She left me alone for a few minutes, supplying me with a soapy washcloth so I could wash my top half while she went to work on the mattress. But I just sat under the warm water, letting it wash away the stink from my body and the tears from my face. A part of me wished I could stay there all day and never have to face Natalie again.
I knew I was probably overreacting and making a much bigger deal out of this than Natalie was. After all, I’d literally pissed my pants on the plane the day I met her, and she went out with me anyway. But this was so much worse than that. I worried she wouldn’t be able to get past it, that she would never want to sleep with me again. I wouldn’t blame her. Who would want to fall asleep next to someone, knowing they might wake up covered in shit? I didn’t have accidents often these days, but even once with a woman in my bed was one time too many. I felt disgusting, and no amount of hot water would wash away my humiliation.
“How’s the mattress looking?” I asked Dawn dully when she came back to help me wash my bottom half.
“Well, it’s still gonna need some stain removal, but it looks better than before.” She used the handheld shower head to hose me down. “I did the best I could with what I had.”
“Thanks again. I owe you big time. Too bad I’ll never be able to make it up to you.”
“What is this, a pity party?” she replied. “Did you forget you’re taking me on an all-expenses-paid trip to London? You owe me nothing, Kevin. I’m just doing my job.”
That made me feel a little better. But I still dreaded facing Natalie.
After my shower, Dawn helped me get dressed and ready for the day, carefully avoiding the big wet spot on one side of the king-size bed as she rolled me back and forth. It was barely seven a.m. when we finished. Our flight didn’t leave until later that afternoon, but there was no way I was going to get any more sleep before we boarded. I was glad I had gone to bed early the night before, although I wished I’d had more time with Natalie that morning. I had envisioned the two of us ordering room service for breakfast and lazing around in bed together until it was time to start my morning routine. Reality was cruel compared to my fantasy.
“Well,” Dawn said with a sigh when she finished transferring me to my wheelchair, “I guess I might as well go back to my room and get myself ready now. Then I’ll go down to the front desk and tell them what happened so they can give housekeeping a heads up.”
“Thanks, Dawn,” I said gratefully, glad that I’d booked the block of hotel rooms in her name and not mine. I didn’t want news of my embarrassing mishap making it to the tabloids. I just hoped the front desk clerk wouldn’t look too closely at the credit card that had been used to reserve the room.
“Is it all right if I send your girlfriend over? She probably wants to get dressed, too.”
I wasn’t ready to see Natalie yet, but I nodded anyway, knowing there was nowhere else for her to go. Her bag was still lying on the floor between the bed and the wall where she’d left it. I fought the urge to wheel myself down the hall to Keith’s room and hide out there for a few hours, reminding myself that I was an adult and that communication was an important part of being in a relationship. I knew if Natalie and I couldn’t find a way to move on from this, we weren’t going to make it as a couple.
After Dawn left, I waited in the room until I heard a quiet knock. “Coming!” I called, rolling over to the door. Taking a deep breath, I opened it to find Natalie standing in the hallway in a white hotel robe. Her hair was wet, so she must have taken Dawn up on her offer to use the shower in her room.
“Can I come in?” she asked, offering me a tentative smile.
“Of course.” I wheeled backward so she could enter and let the door close behind her. “Sorry if it still stinks in here,” I said, following her into the wider part of the room. “Dawn did the best she could to clean up.”
Natalie turned around to look at me. “Are you okay?” she asked in a sympathetic tone, her voice higher pitched than usual.
Although I knew her heart was in the right place, I hated hearing her talk to me the same way I spoke to my son when he was sick. I didn’t want her pity. All I wanted was for her to forget the whole thing had ever happened. “I’m fine,” I said shortly, nodding. “Last night’s pizza must not have agreed with me, but I seem to be all right now.”
She gave me another crooked smile. “I’m glad your stomach’s better, but that’s not really what I meant. I’m asking, are you okay?”
“Well, I didn’t die of embarrassment even though I kinda wanted to, so yeah,” I replied more aggressively than I meant to, “I guess I’m okay.”
Natalie bristled, her smile fading. “You don’t have to get snarky with me,” she said sharply, losing her compassionate tone. “And, for the record, I didn’t appreciate you yelling at me and kicking me out of the room earlier.”
I sighed, realizing I was taking my own insecurity out on her. “I’m really sorry, Natalie. When I realized what happened, I was mortified, and that’s how I reacted. I didn’t mean to yell at you; I just didn’t want you to see me that way.”
“What way? As a human being?” Her expression softened. “Kevin, that could have happened to anyone, myself included. I know it may be more likely to happen to you because you can’t necessarily feel or control certain parts of your body, but it’s not something you need to be embarrassed about, especially around me.”
“Really?” I said, raising my eyebrows at her. “How many times have you shat the bed in a hotel room?”
Natalie blushed. “Well… never,” she admitted, “but that doesn’t mean it will never happen. Without getting too graphic, I’ve had stomach bugs before that have wreaked havoc on my digestive system. I’ve gotten food poisoning from eating out in so many different places. My first time in Mexico, I ended up with Montezuma’s revenge. It wasn’t pretty.”
“You got the water butt, huh?” I managed to crack a smile. “Been there. Not fun.”
She made a face. “Well, that’s one way of putting it. And, no, it’s most certainly not. But I couldn’t help it anymore than you could help what happened this morning. We’re both human, and we’re bound to have some embarrassing moments in front of each other.”
“Funny how they only seem to happen to me, though,” I said, shaking my head. “In the three months we’ve known each other, I’ve pissed my pants on a plane, cracked my head open and bled all over your hotel room, and shit myself in the bed we were sharing, but I haven’t even heard you fart in front of me yet.”
It was Natalie’s turn to raise her eyebrows. “You wanna hear me fart? Fine. Here you go.” Before I could reply, she turned around, popped her booty, and let rip the biggest fart I had ever heard from a woman.
I couldn’t help it; I burst out laughing. “Holy shit!” I exclaimed, struggling to catch my breath. “How did that thing come out of your body?”
Natalie gave me a sheepish grin as she turned back around, her face bright red. “I’ve been holdin’ it for a bit,” she confessed. “Didn’t wanna stink up Dawn’s hotel room. I don’t think that pizza agreed with me either.”
“Should’ve gone with the pineapple and anchovies,” I said, grinning back at her. “You didn’t shart yourself, did you?”
She laughed. “I don’t think so. But if I did, would it make us even?”
I shook my head “Not even close. But nice try. I appreciate your effort.”
“Please don’t ever tell my momma I did that,” Natalie said, covering her face with her hands. “She would say that wasn’t very ladylike. I can just hear her now: ‘Natalie Ann! I taught you better than that!’” Her Georgia accent thickened as she imitated her mother. “She doesn’t even like to fart in front of my daddy, and they’ve been married for thirty-five years.”
I smiled. “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.” But I was struck by something else she had said. “I didn’t know your middle name was Ann. That’s my momma’s name.”
She nodded. “I know. I met her, remember? It’s a nice name.”
“Yeah… it is.” I studied her, struck by how pretty she was at that moment, standing there in a robe with her hair wet and stringy, her cheeks bright pink, and not a speck of makeup on. I had always preferred a natural beauty to a woman who wore too much makeup and tried too hard to look like she belonged on a magazine cover. The fact that Natalie was willing to embarrass herself in front of me just to make me feel better made her more than perfect in my eyes.
Natalie must have caught me staring because the corners of her mouth suddenly turned downward. “What?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest self-consciously. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Just thinking about what a beautiful person you are,” I replied honestly.
“Oh, please.” She rolled her eyes, her smile returning.
“No, really,” I insisted. “Not many women would have been okay with what happened this morning after only three months of dating. Thank you for not freaking out about it and making me feel worse.”
“I would never,” she said, her eyes widening as she looked at me seriously. “I know I’m not Dawn, and I don’t have the strongest stomach when it comes to blood and guts, but I can handle bathroom stuff. It’s not a dealbreaker for me. Now come here.” She bent down and hugged me, pulling me forward in my chair so she could wrap her arms all the way around me. “It’s okay,” she whispered, rubbing my back. This time, her nurturing tone didn’t bother me at all.
As I clung to her like a drowning man to a buoy, it occurred to me that this was a defining moment in our relationship. If Natalie could handle waking up to a mess in the bed with as much grace as she had and still want to hug me afterward, I knew she could handle almost anything that came along with my disability. After all, it didn’t get much worse than that.
“Thank you,” I whispered back, wishing I could find the words to express what I was feeling. But at that moment, I was too overwhelmed with emotion to say anything else. Tears of relief and gratitude welled in my eyes. Despite my best efforts to hold them back, the floodgates opened and washed my shame away.
***